


Decisions, decisions

by bleedingrose0688



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-02-18 14:52:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 115,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13102497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleedingrose0688/pseuds/bleedingrose0688
Summary: Something unexplainable always led him to her no matter how far she ran. He thought The Hilltop would serve as a temporary home since his escape from The Sanctuary, he never intended on finding her there living in servitude among the others. She's now been hired to track him down and bring him back.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Believe it or not I actually had a life before the world went to shit. I had a job, a family, a roof over my head and much to my own surprise was married very briefly. We had the usual arguments that most couples had: which bills were going to get paid that month, what can we stretch to make the food last for another week, which car is going to get gas. But mostly we argued about his brother. It seemed like the day we say ‘I do’ his brother moved in with us and has been sleeping on our couch ever since. The drinking was one thing, I could handle that. Coming from a family where most everyone was an alcoholic I knew which lines to cross and which ones not to. The drugs were another, when his brother first moved in he raided our medicine cabinet and robbed me of all the medications I needed that were essential to my everyday life.

The final straw that ended our marriage was the day he came home screaming at the top of his lungs about how he saw me getting into some guy’s truck and the two of us driving off. He went off about how after witnessing that he went straight down to the courthouse and filed the papers to get me served. It hit me like a ton of bricks when the sheriff came to my work one day with a summons in hand; reality had started to set in and after about 6 months of court ordered marriage counseling, and a rather lengthy report from the marriage counselor, the judge finally granted the divorce decree.

The day our divorce was finalized, he had his truck backed up to the front porch and he, along with his brother, was loading boxes into the bed. I had tried to tell him over the course of those six months that although what he saw did happen he didn’t know the whole story. He let his brother plant ideas into his head that I was out screwing around behind his back, that I could never really love him or care about him as much as his own flesh and blood did. The truth of the matter was that the person I hitched a ride from was my cousin and I had been telling him for about two weeks that he was going to be picking me up from work that day and we were going to lunch to catch up on things.

That was almost five years ago and I honestly never thought I’d see him again. His hair was much longer, covering his eyes and he had definitely gained quite a bit of muscle. Had it not been for the gravel in his voice as he questioningly spoke my name I would’ve probably dismissed him as another survivor searching for others not knowing whether or not their intentions were to harm or help if they were brought into a group.

I gave him a quick once over before turning my back on him to go on my way. I had work to do and him being here was not going to stop me from getting done what needed to get done. Simon was coming today for Negan’s monthly tribute and the last thing any of us needed was any of those fucking Saviors breathing down our necks and eliciting a mix of fear and panic when they find out that we didn’t meet our quota. We’ve lost too many people recently because we missed our quotas for the last two months. The first month they took three of our men back to The Sanctuary with them and last month they took two of our women. Negan was with them last month and hand-picked the women he chose to “save;” gave them a choice of being his wife or work for him to pay back what was owed. Naturally they chose the former and who could honestly blame them? It’s a step up from back breaking labor.

“Hey-”

“Back the fuck off Dixon, I ain’t got time for your shit, not today.”

It never mattered how far away I was that man somehow always managed to find me. Some may attribute it to the fact that he was a tracker (and a damn good one at that.) But from the day we met there’s always been some kind of unseen force that inevitably brings us back together. How the fuck he managed to get to me all the way in Virginia was beyond me and I just didn’t have the ability to comprehend that he was here, right now actually saying a single word to me after five long fucking years apart.

That fight or flight instinct started to kick in and as much as I wanted to scream at him and bring up dead memories the urge to run was stronger. A brief reminder that Simon was probably on his way sent me running towards the fields to get the final items on our list checked off. Even though I was not in charge over anything in this place I hated to lose people, especially innocent victims who had no control over the situation.

As I reached the fields, I felt around in my pocket to ensure that my list was safely tucked away. All we needed were about another 50 tomatoes, 35 potatoes, and 75 apples out of the orchard. It was always better if I worked alone to get the produce on the list checked off, I was able to work faster if I wasn’t being hindered. Funny how old habits from the old world somehow manage to make their way to the surface in this new one.

I had no idea how long it had been but I knew it must’ve been close to noon or a little after; the sun was beating down on my neck, burning my skin to the color of a beet. A shadow appeared in front of me as I was hunched down pulling potatoes out of the ground. I only had 10 left to pull before I could move on to the apples in the orchard. The tomatoes were in a basket next to the vines, waiting to be loaded onto the flatbed cart. Time was running out fast and if I wanted to meet our quota whoever it was behind me was going to have to wait.

“Take a break, you’re gonna end up with heat stroke.”

I said nothing as I continued pulling the remaining potatoes out and tossing them into the basket with the others. As the last one got thrown in, I pulled the list from my pocket checking off the box next to the item listed then made a beeline to the orchard to get the apples picked. Maybe if I got the apples done early I could add a few dozen pears for an added measure. Maybe Negan would see it as an effort to make up for the last two months.

The tree I stood under seemed to have a lot of apples on it, but I know those fucking squirrels have been running around all over the damn place and been eating away at what was growing. Walking around a bit, I chose a spot where it seemed like the apples were coming in pretty good. Once the basket was in place under the branch I kicked my shoes off and started climbing up the tree to get at the fruits that would make the difference between achievement and disappointment.

“Woman, get your ass out of that damn tree. You’re gonna end up falling out of it like last time. Now take a break or-”

“Or what? What the fuck are you gonna do about it Dixon? Huh? Where the fuck was the concern you’re showing now when this goddamn shit storm started two years ago, huh? We’re not married anymore Daryl, you don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot do! You lost that fucking right the day the judge finalized our divorce!”

In a fit of anger the apple I had in my hand was released and hurled toward the ground hitting him in the shoulder as he flinched to try and avoid the object as it flew at him. My fury was reaching a boiling point; the only thing I could do was work faster to get the job done even if it ended with me having a heat stroke and falling out of the tree.

“What the fuck do you want anyway? You sure as shit weren’t the least bit worried about me when the dead started walking so why bother to start now while I’m up a tree trying to save more of my group from getting taken?”

“Brought ya some water.”

“Oh great, you bring water as a peace offering after not saying a goddamn word to me in five years. Just get the fuck out of here and go bother someone else who gives a rat’s ass. Why don’t you find that worthless brother of yours and-”

“Merle’s dead.”

Well, certainly wasn’t expecting those words to come out of his mouth. Then again I have no idea what I would’ve expected after bringing up Merle’s name but dead was definitely not the word I was expecting. Again I fell into silence as I quietly counted out the total number of apples I needed for this month. Daryl stood at the base of the tree chewing thoughtfully on his thumb. I always did hate it when he did that, he was nervous about something that much was apparent.

Throwing the last apple into the basket I climbed down, being mindful of the branches that were slightly sharper than some of the others. My feet touched the ground just as the sound of the trucks were pulling up to the gates. Slipping my shoes back on and picking the basket up I made my way forward, completely ignoring Daryl as he stayed behind. If I were him I’d be nervous too, especially if he hadn’t had the chance to meet Negan, Simon, or any of the Saviors yet.

This time around I was smart enough to bring a cart with me to lug the produce up to the gates. One thing that our group prides itself on is the amount of produce we can grow, which is why Negan’s tribute always cut into what were allowed to keep. Hopefully this’ll be enough to make him happy this month and we can recoup our losses a little bit. The last four or five months have been hard on us since Negan’s list contains more fruits and vegetables than it does meat, weapons, or medical supplies.

“Well, well, well look who’s decided to quit hiding under a fucking rock and hand deliver our fucking payment. Ya know a man could get used to that.”

“Shove it up your ass Simon, ain’t got time for your shit today.”

I had pulled the cart up directly to Simon’s feet, turning on my heel to go about my day when a strong hand reached out for my arm, pulling me back.

“Little lady, I’m not finished with you. You’ve got just the right amount of sass that the boss man likes, don’t see why you choose to stay here when you could be living the good life.”

“Fuck you. I’d rather get bit then spend a minute anywhere near that animal.”

Simon’s demeanor changed almost immediately after that. His crew was loading our items into the truck as he glanced behind him, giving a curt nod to someone sitting in the lead car with blacked out windows. I should’ve known that Negan wasn’t far behind. I had been expecting him to show up this month to ensure that everything was accounted for but held out a small bit of hope that he would stay put this time around.

The door opened and a black boot stepped out of the passenger side followed by the rest of him. That bat wrapped in barbed wire slung over his shoulder like an old baseball pro stepping up to the plate. He was sauntering over to where Simon and I stood, a grin plastered on his face like he just won the lottery. Most everyone around us had dropped to their knees as he made his way forward but it was something that I had refused to do. I was forced to my knees at gunpoint when this son of a bitch took over our community but after that one time I never gave in again. I would remain defiant until my dying breath and greet death like an old friend when my time comes.

“How ya doin’ sweet cheeks? Long time no see. Oh come on, don’t look at me like that, you know just as well as I do that you’re just putting on a show for everyone. Hell we all have to keep up appearances if we want to get our point across. Have I told you lately how much I would love to have you as one my wives? I don’t have any fiery redheads waiting for me back home.”

I was still seething with anger from knowing that Daryl was here so my hand involuntarily coming up to meet Negan’s cheek seemed like a good alternative to killing the bastard right now. Everyone around us watched in a stunned silence, waiting to see what would happen next. A sadistic grin started forming across his features as he brought his hand up to rub at the spot in which my hand connected his face.

“Sweetheart, you just bought yourself a trip straight home with us. Simon, load her up; maybe a few days-”

I cut him off with a slap to the other cheek before a Savior came up from behind me, trapping my arms across my chest as he went about carrying out Negan’s order to put me in the lead car. I managed to spit in the man’s face before a fist was thrown into my line of vision. Fuck that shit hurt! Daryl, and Merle for that matter, were both abusive towards me but neither of them ever laid so much as a finger on me. Up until just this moment, everything I had endured had all been verbal and emotional. The last two years I’ve been on my own, always moving around too much to stay in one place. I was never part of a group until Jesus found me and brought me back to the Hilltop.

Struggling to put up a fight with my captor was useless; the more I fought the more Saviors gathered round until I was finally subdued. I was laying across the backseat of the car Negan arrived in with a rag stuffed into my mouth and my hands and feet bound. It’s funny that Daryl was concerned enough about me getting heat stroke that he brought a bottle of water but yet when the real danger presents itself he’s nowhere to be found. Figures, just typical Dixon behavior in my books.

As I lay across the seats trying to figure a way out of my current situation, the front passenger side door opened; I had the perfect view of Negan climbing in still wearing creepy grin on his features. His precious bat was lain lovingly across his lap as the door slammed shut and the driver crossed in front of the car to be Negan’s personal chauffer.

“That really was uncalled for. I get that you’re probably pissed about something but there are better ways of releasing it. The next time you get a wild hair up your ass and you so much as lay a fucking finger on me, Lucille here is gonna give ya a little kiss. I don’t like killing women, but let me make it clear for you since you didn’t hear me the last time. I will shut that shit down.”

The car was in motion as Negan turned around in his seat, propping his leather clad feet on the dash. Holding up a finger on his left hand as if suddenly he remembered something he spoke:

“One of my prisoners escaped a few days ago, goes by the name Daryl. Don’t suppose you’ve seen him around have you?”

Turning in his seat once more, he reached back pulling the gag from my mouth allowing me the opportunity to speak.

“What makes you think I would know anyone with a hick name like Daryl?”

“Wasn’t asking if you knew anyone with the name, was asking if you saw him. I know you’re a decent tracker, hell not a single one of my men have the skill set that you do.”

“What do you want from me? You’ll never have me as one of your wives, so what do you want?”

“I always did love a woman who knows how to get straight down to business. Since you’re not in the mood for jerking me around, I’ll be direct. I need you to track this piece of shit down for me. He killed one of my men, stole one of my guns, and stole one of my bikes. He needs to pay for what’s been taken.”

“What’s in it for me if I agree? Will you let me leave, go out on my own again? Will you let me live out the rest of my life as I have been before I came here?”

“If that’s really what you want, I can make it happen. It’d be a shame to lose such a fiery spirit, but I am a man of my word and my word is the law of the new world order. So what do you say? Have we got a deal?”

So that’s why Daryl stayed in the fields when the Saviors pulled up. Do I sell out my ex-husband for a chance at freedom or do I say nothing and continue to live in servitude until this tyrant is exterminated?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've posted this on FF.net but also decided to post here as well (if any of this seems familiar, that's why); I'm hoping to have a post done each week and since this is currently an unfinished work I will post as each chapter is written. Feel free to drop a line or two on the way out.


	2. Chapter 2

** Chapter 2 **

“And if I refuse?”

The chuckle that reached my ears sent shivers down my spine. I had an idea of what he was capable of, hell I was given a preview the night he took over The Hilltop after witnessing one of our own getting their skulls crushed to smithereens with that bat.  What I wouldn’t give to have the pleasure of turning the tables and giving him a sweet kiss from Lucille.  That was what he named his bat; I never understood the fascination men had with naming objects after women.  I mean honestly, what’s the appeal?

“Then I’m sure the boys will have a good time breaking you in. Shit, Dwight was having himself a fucking ball breaking Daryl in before he escaped.  You may not know what all goes on in the cells, how we break ‘em in all depends on who’s doing the breaking.  This redneck, backwoods piece of shit, well, Dwight was giving him some pretty special treatment.  Stripped him naked as the day he was born, dog food sandwiches, and that God awful “Easy Street” song on constant repeat.  Gotta hand it to the boy though, he’s a tough as shit motherfucker.”

Yeah, he’s a tough as shit motherfucker alright. I wasn’t going to say it out loud but if you wanna break a Dixon it’s gonna take more than “Easy Street” and dog food sandwiches to achieve the end goal.  If there is any part of Daryl that has remained from the old world I would hope that he was able to lock himself away inside the deepest corners of his mind to escape all of that.  He told me once that before his dad died, the fucker beat him so badly he ended up in the hospital and told the cops he couldn’t remember what happened.  Said that at some point he just locked himself up inside his head until he couldn’t feel anything anymore.

“So pussy cat, do we have a deal or not? Are you gonna track this fucker down and bring him back?  Are you gonna buy yourself your freedom?  Or are you gonna face the consequences if you refuse?”

“I have yet to hear of any consequence-”

“You mean to tell me that my guys having their way with you doesn’t scare you?” he asked incredulously, turning around in his seat to stare at me with his brows raised.

“It’ll take more than idle threats to scare me. I’ve been beaten, raped, drugged, and held captive since this all started.  You’ll have to do better than that if you wanna-”

I was quickly silenced as he produced a six-shooter, pressing the barrel to the tip of my nose and pulling the hammer back until it clicked. Swallowing thickly I glanced at the end of the gun and back at Negan as he showed his delight.

“A simple ‘yes’ will do just fine.”

Glowering down the barrel of the gun, I kept my silence as I struggled against the temptation to give in.

“Don’t make me ask you again. Are you gonna find this fucker or not?”

I could see his finger slowly squeezing back on the trigger and quickly made my mind up.

“Deal. But if you want this asshole found we do things _my_ way.  Dead or alive, after he’s found I want out.  None of you fucking Saviors follow me; I wanna be nothing more than a drifter.  You give me six weapons of _my_ choice with enough ammo, food, and medical supplies to last me a month.  That’s my price.  Have _we_ got a deal?”

"Sweetheart, you’ve got yourself a deal. See, that wasn’t so hard now was it?  We can be adults, we can be mature.  There’s no need to put up such a fight. 

The car came to a stop just as Negan un-cocked the gun, tucking it away inside his jacket. The passenger door on the driver’s side swung open and I was roughly pulled from the vehicle, landing on my back with a thud and dragged along the gravel until I was inside.  I was thrown against a wall, my head smacking hard on the metal as I fought once more with those who brought me further into the depths of hell.

As Negan pulled up the rear of our convoy I caught sight of a man with a severe burn to the side of his face carrying a bow of some sort across his front, an arrow already set and pointing downward, ready to be brought up to eye level at a moment’s notice. He wore a plaid shirt with a leather vest over it, a pair of dingy jeans, and worn boots.  He was coming up a staircase, his boots echoing off the metal as the room around us fell silent.

“Negan, you know I’m more than capable of tracking him down. I brought that asshole back a few weeks ago who thought he could sneak out at night and get away with your shit.”

Oh great, another whiner. Just what we need more of in this new world.

He glanced over at me with disgust and mistrust in his eyes. I can’t really say that I blame him though, bringing in a complete stranger to do a job you think you can do better with more skill and in less time.

“I know ya did and ya did good with that one. You’ve earned your pay around here and what you’ve done with Daryl? _Man_ , that’s some good shit.  But, I can’t ignore that he got away while under _your_ watch.”

I listened intently as Negan’s voice dropped, changing just as the air around us seemed to have grown colder, darker even as he stepped towards this mystery man.

“I gave you until yesterday to bring this fucker back and you have failed. I don’t like failures, Dwight.  This…charming…little pussy cat has so graciously agreed to help bring him back.” He paused for a moment, glancing over his shoulder at me still wearing an ear to ear grin.  “I want her cleaned up and in the lounge in ten minutes.”

He passed by Dwight, the bat still hanging over his shoulder and made his way down the staircase until he disappeared out of sight. I was roughly grabbed by the arm, yanked up from the floor, and hauled off to some foreign part of The Sanctuary.  As we walked through the corridors, I was able to observe just how big of an operation Negan had here.  People were doing laundry, tending the gardens, still others dropped to their knee as we passed taking pause from mopping the floors.

It’s not very hard to put two and two together, if Daryl was able to successfully escape from here he must’ve taken note of names, faces, occupations, and the like. Before we got married, he took me on a weekend hunting trip.  He had me memorizing different animal tracks for weeks and just about anything he thought would be useful in a cataclysmic event.  Daryl was ever the doomsday prepper, even if he never admitted it.  That weekend trip served two purposes: a learning experience for me and a hunting trip for him.  He’d go out hunting in the morning and after he came back in the afternoon we’d have lunch before going out again (with me in tow) for some real world experience.

I never thought that what he taught me over the course of those 8 months would result in _me_ being asked to track _him_ down.  If Daryl doesn’t want these fuckers to find him he’ll do everything he can think of to stay hidden.  Daryl was a quiet person, not just socially but his skills as a tracker and hunter have taught him to remain quiet as well as observant.  Remembering the minor details was something that attracted me to him in the first place.  My hope was that on his way out he paid extra close attention to where Negan’s preferred hangouts were so one of us could slit his fucking throat as he dropped his guard.

Being this deep in the belly of the beast, I started counting my steps; how many it took to get to the showers, how many staircases I passed before peering into a room where smoke encircled a table and its players as they shouted over each other during a game of poker.

“You got five minutes to clean up.”

The bindings were cut from my wrists and I was shoved forward towards one of the stalls. The only bit of privacy between me and four sets of leering eyes was a plastic curtain.  Turning the faucets on to allow the water to come to temperature, I stripped out of the sweaty jeans and tank top I was wearing.  The spray from the shower head was cooling considering that Daryl was probably right (again) that I had started developing the early on-sets of heat stroke.

I had just finished washing the soap off when I was grabbed by my arm once more and pulled from the confines of the shower. My nakedness completely on display as I was thrown to the ground much to the delight of my on-lookers.  The wolf whistles that followed as I scrambled to find anything to cover myself with made the beating of my heart sound out even louder.  Blinded by a towel thrown at my face I was quick to cover up but not quick enough for Dwight when I attempted to stand because he yanked me by the hair to my feet.

He watched as I re-dressed in the sweat stained clothes I came in wearing with his arms folded across his chest, keeping a careful eye on me to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid. It’d be hard to do something stupid or foolish in this place with so many people around but I guess incidents do occur.

Dwight pushed me in front of him, his hand remaining between my shoulder blades as he led me through the labyrinth of winding corridors. We stopped just inside of a room where several women, including the two Negan took from us last month, wore black dresses and looking as if this world had never affected them.  I guess the word to best describe it would be a harem.  A bowl of fresh fruit was laid out on the table for them, one was drinking a glass of amber liquid at the bar.  It really did seem like a paradise compared to what The Hilltop was.

“Sit down and don’t touch anything.”

I was shoved back onto the couch as Dwight took his post in the doorway, his bow at ease and his eyes looking around the room, coming to rest on one woman in particular. A look of sorrow mixed with something I can’t place seemed to have appeared across his features.  Perhaps it was longing or…

“At least you smell better than you did, pussy cat. Ladies, if you will excuse us we have some business to discuss.”

They filed out of the room with their heads hung a little low; Negan stopped the last one from leaving the room, whispering something unintelligible in her ear. For a brief second she picked her head up and looked at Dwight before shaking her head in the negative.  The door closed behind her and I was left alone with Negan and Dwight as a guard.

Crossing the room, Negan stood at the bar pulling a pair of tumblers from underneath and a decanter of the same amber liquid one of them had been drinking when I came in. The light perfume of whiskey reaching my nostrils had me recalling the day I met Daryl.

“Dwight, why don’t you give my little pussy here a bit of background on this fucker that she’s gonna be bringing back for me.”

“Save your breath, the less I know the better. But know this, since we’re doing this operation my way I have a few rules.”

“Oh, so _now_ you’re gonna start setting rules.  And just what might those rules be, sweetheart?”

The grin he wore so well remained as he returned his attention to pouring drinks. Replacing the top on the decanter, he made his way over to the couch stretching his hand out for me to take the glass he was offering.  I remained cautious as I took it, unsure if perhaps he might’ve slipped something in when his back was to me.  He’s reminded me on more than one occasion that he didn’t like to kill women but that didn’t mean he wasn’t above drugging them and throwing them to the wolves.

Setting the glass on the table, I turned to face Negan. Being this up close and personal with the man sent a chill down my spine but I had to suck it up if I wanted a fighting chance at freedom.  Maybe if I played my cards right, when this was all over, Daryl wouldn’t have to live in hiding anymore.

“ _You_ have that _same_ pissed off look Daryl did when his buddy’s kid showed up at my doorstep and machine gunned my men down.  He even had the _balls_ -”

Being married to Daryl, a few things may have rubbed off.

“Let’s just get down to business. I don’t give a fuck what he had the balls to do; if he had enough of them to get out this place, there’s no telling what he may do next.  A man like him is unpredictable and unpredictability is a trait that he will use to his advantage, you can mark my words.  Rule number one, I do this on my own; _none_ of your men follow me.  The quieter it is out there, the better.  I don’t need half a dozen men muddying up the ground and stepping all over his tracks and bringing a herd of walkers down on us.

“Rule number two, I’ll be back when I get back. It’ll take longer than a couple of days to find him and even if I do it’ll be a fight to get him back here.”

“I don’t care if he’s turned by the time you _do_ bring his ass back.  He’s stolen from _Dwight_ , he’s stolen from _me_ , and more importantly he _killed_ Fat Joey.  Fat Joey was a good soldier, had ourselves quite a laugh about oral sex when he brought Lucille up after a moment of negligence on my part.  Simon tells me that after a high and low search of Alexandria that he wasn’t there.  I’ll be _damned_ I was almost certain that piece of shit would’ve run home.”

I couldn’t help the snort that escaped as I tried to hide the smile that started forming across my face.

“You find something funny about all this, pussy cat?”

Negan set his glass down on the table next to mine, leaning into my space until my back was nearly flattened against the arm of the couch. His eyes narrowing as an unspoken threat loomed in the air.

“Actually, I do,” figuring the truth would be better than a lie, “you think of this Daryl as a modern day Forrest Gump but apparently he’s a hell of a lot smarter than what you’ve given him credit for. He was able to sneak out of his cell far enough to steal from your boy over there, kill one of your men, and get away on a bike.  Do you _really_ think he’s gonna be stupid enough to go all the way home?”

He stared at me for a moment, searching my face for some hint that I already knew his whereabouts.

“I suppose you’re right,” an exaggerated sigh escaping past his lips, “but I had to make sure. You know, eliminate all the obvious hiding places before sending someone in to search in the rabbit holes.  Any other rules you got that I need to know about before I send you out there looking for my prisoner?”

“Just one more.”

Leaning back towards his end of the couch, allowing me a bit of breathing room, he waited with one brow raised.

“I’m gonna need everything he had on him when he was brought in. By everything I mean _everything_ ; clothes, weapons, everything.”

“That’s not really a rule, pussy cat.”

“It is a rule, actually. Having possession of his things gives me a better idea of the potential dangers I could encounter out there.  Gives me a chance to get inside his head a bit.”

He sat staring at me for a few minutes before lifting his hand, his fingers curling into a ‘come here’ gesture. Peering over my shoulder, Dwight appeared in my peripheral; the crossbow still pointed towards the ground, still ready to be fired at a moment’s notice.

“You heard the woman, gonna need ya to hand his shit over.”

Truth be told I didn’t think they would be so…willing…to give me his things at the starting line. Seeing Daryl this morning without his crossbow though was like seeing a cowboy without his hat.  He looked lost and almost naked without it; his hands were itching to be doing something, anything that could be useful or at least keep him entertained for a few hours.

An exasperated sigh filled the room as Dwight dropped the loaded crossbow on the table with a loud clatter. He muttered under his breath that he’d be back in a few.  My stomach started churning a little at the thought that this scrawny piece of burnt shit had possession not only of the crossbow that I had given Daryl as a wedding gift but was also wearing his clothes?

Dwight returned to the room several minutes later, throwing Daryl’s clothes in my face before taking up his post once more. Simon entered the room behind Dwight carrying a backpack over his shoulder, slinging it down on the floor next to the table.

“The sooner you find this asshole pussy cat, the sooner you’ll be free from all of this. I know the boys and I will be sad to see ya go.  You sure you can’t just spare a _few_ minutes before ya leave?  A lot of these guys haven’t had the chance to pet a new pussy in a _long_ time, if you catch my meaning.”

Simon’s grin was nothing short of creepy, it was far creepier than any of the toothy grins Negan sent me during the duration of our talk.

“Give me the keys to something and let me get on with my job.”

“Dwight, the pussy cat did say she wanted _all_ of his things; you gotta hand his bike over too.  You do know how to ride, right pussy cat?”

The double meaning wasn’t lost on me. Snatching the keys from Simon’s outstretched hand, I followed Dwight back outside to the back lot where all the bikes were kept.  I would’ve expected to see Merle’s bike parked among the ones I saw, not something that’s been built from the ground up.  I guess he has kept himself busy the last couple of years; I chuckled a bit seeing that he even installed a mount just for his precious bow.  Placing his bow in the mount, I swung my leg over and placed the key in the ignition, listening intently for anything that may sound off.  Everything seemed to sound alright so I kicked off and made my way back up to the front gate where I was greeted once more by Negan with one final instruction.

“I will give you until the end of the month to bring this fucker in. If you fail, we will find you.  Your life will get _so_ much worse.”

‘Not before we take out half your army, asshole.’ I thought to myself as I returned my attention to the road, taking off.


	3. Chapter 3

** Chapter 3 **

****

_“Dad! Got another interview here for ya!  Have a seat, he’ll be out to get ya in a few.”_

__Walking back to the office I could feel his eyes on my ass. His eyes were a deep blue, the kind of blue any woman could get lost in.  I had finally convinced my dad to put an ad out to hire another mechanic for the shop, preferably one that had knowledge of both cars and motorcycles.  My dad wasn’t as young as he used to be, he’s pushing near 60 and still bending over backwards to fix cars.  Over the last year or so we’ve had to turn away several people because my dad didn’t work on motorcycles.  He was a bike enthusiast and even taught me to ride after I turned 16 and got my driver’s license._ _

_Much to my dad’s protest about the ad being put out we had about 30 people apply for the job. We agreed that these interviews would be a two-part process.  My dad would do part one which would consist of properly diagnosing a problem and fixing it with one hundred percent accuracy, ensuring that the check engine light was reset and did not come back on either with the same code or another one.  So far only four guys out of the 29 we’ve interviewed have passed.  Our final applicant was sitting in a chair just outside my office door waiting for my dad to come and get him._

__Part two of the interview process dealt with taking care of all of the office duties in my absence. I had a full-time job working for a law firm so I was only able to come into the shop and help my dad out one or two days a week.  My dad has had me running his office since I turned 18 and in the last almost fifteen years not a single piece of paper has ever been misplaced.  Some may call it OCD but whoever we decide to hire has to learn my filing system, they have to learn where all the bills to be paid go, they have to know how much cash is actually kept in the draw, and above all they have to know that Merle Dixon is a sneaky motherfucker who’s always looking to make a quick buck.  Give that man a list of parts and he’ll go out to the junkyard and be back in less than two hours.  Of course he’d use the money to buy his next round of drugs but there wasn’t anything illegal about paying the guy to get what we needed, especially when I couldn’t tell one part from another and my dad was busy ripping the engine block apart._ _

_I watched from behind the glass as my dad appeared from the garage, wiping his hands off on his grease-stained rag, shaking the hand of our final applicant. The two disappeared into the garage and I went back to filling out the parts form for a 1997 Chevy Trailblazer that had its transmission fall out in the middle of the highway a few days ago.  Despite my dad telling the owner that it wasn’t worth the time or money it was going to cost to put a new one in, the owner insisted that the truck needed to be fixed; that it was their only means of transportation and they’d be taking out a loan to pay for the repairs._

__The bell above the door distracted me from working on another set of forms and the voice of Merle Dixon sounding out had me realizing that until he was gone, getting any more work done would be impossible. The man looked like he just got out of jail again and looking for a quick dollar.  Then again, he always looked that way the day after he went on a bender so really there was no telling what his visit today was for._ _

___“Hey girly! How’s about a hug for ole Merle, huh?”_ _ _

_“You remember what happened the last time ‘ole Merle’ asked for a hug, right? You try to cop a feel on me again it’ll take more than a pair of cops to keep my dad from shooting you dead right here._

__“I was just being friendly that’s all! There was no need to get your daddy involved.”_ _

_“What do you want? Need to make another dollar?”_

__“Nah, just wanted to find out if my baby brother ever came by for that job ya’ll posted in the paper.”_ _

___“You hoping your brother gets the job so you can steal from him and not have to come to me anymore for small jobs?”_ _ _

____“You really ought to quit teasing me, girly; you’re gonna make ole Merle start to love ya.”_ _ _ _

_____“What’s your brother’s name? Only thing I’ll be able to tell you is when he came in, anything beyond that you’ll have to ask him yourself."_ _ _ _ _

_“Daryl.”_

__“What the fuck are you doing here?"_ _

_Well, this should be interesting._

__Merle whipped around at the sound of the voice, exclaiming “baby brother!” in excitement; his arms held wide as if asking for a hug but the younger man shrunk away, confusion and disgust plastered across his features._ _

__"You two know each other?” my dad asked, looking between the two._ _

_" _Billy, that there’s my little brother Daryl. I was just dropping by to see if he man’d up and came in or if he pussy’d out like he done on all the other jobs I tried to get him.”__

___“Well guys, it’s getting late. Dad and I have to lock the shop up in here a few minutes.  Merle, get your nosey ass out.  You wanted to know if he came in and you have your answer.  Daryl, my dad will let me know how you did; if everything checks out you can expect a call from me sometime after 10 o’clock tomorrow morning.”_ _ _

_I shooed the two of them out the door as they started bickering, their voices steadily rising until they were nearly shouting over each other. Locking the front door, I watched as Merle climbed onto his bike, turning in the loose gravel and heading back down the road he came up.  Daryl stood at the back of his truck for a few minutes, fishing a cigarette from behind his ear and lighting it up.  The smoke ring disappeared as he brought his head to rest down into the heel of his hand._

__“How’d he do?” I asked, lowering the blinds on the front door and switching the ‘open’ sign off._ _

_“Out of the other four who’ve pass the test, he’s the best I’ve seen. He doesn’t have any kind of degree from a tech school but he’s damn good at figuring out a problem.  Now that I know he’s Merle Dixon’s little brother I am more than hesitant to move him forward onto your round of testing.”_

__“Dad, just because he’s Merle’s little brother doesn’t mean he’s gonna go around acting like his brother. Yes the name Dixon is synonymous with drinking, drugs, and a slew of other things but maybe this Dixon is different.  I’m still gonna phone in for a full background check in the morning but I have a pretty good feeling about this one.  I think that if we hire him, give him all the tools he needs to actually get certified as a licensed mechanic that virtually nothing can stop him.  You could take him on as an apprentice while he’s in school.”_ _

___“Do the background check in the morning and then we’ll talk. You finish up the books for tonight and I’ll get the shop cleaned up, then we’ll leave.  Your mom is making meatloaf if you wanna come over for dinner.”_ _ _

____I declined as I headed back to my office, I had leftover chili in the fridge._ _ _ _

_Under normal circumstances my dad would wait until I could get my car started before taking off toward home, but tonight he was in a bit of a rush. He had been expecting a new tree stand to be delivered at the house earlier in the day and he was more than excited to go home and put his new toy together.  Lately I’ve been having trouble getting the car started and tonight was no exception.  My dad was already half way down the road and my car was still refusing to turn over.  The only comfort I had was that the car was already here so all I would need to do is tape a sign someplace obvious letting my dad know it wouldn’t start._

_How I was getting home and to work the next day were beyond me. I always kept extra clothes in the car for when it got cold out so why didn’t I ever keep my tennis shoes in there too?  I guess a ten mile walk home in sandals was in store for tonight; at least I was getting my exercise in._

__Sliding the note under the wiper and placing my car key on the hook inside my office, I locked the shop up once more, double checking that I had my pepper spray on me. It wasn’t going to be much help but it was better than nothing.  I had just made it to the first major intersection, waiting for the crosswalk to change from a red hand to a person when a horn sounded off to my left.  I ignored it, thinking it was some John looking to pick up a hooker a little ways down the street.  Once I had the right of way signal to cross, I made a mad dash across the road since there were cars trying to get into the intersection as well.  My favorite watering hole was just a few blocks ahead and as much as I needed a drink right now, I resisted temptation knowing that the money I would spend there was better put towards whatever I needed to get the car up and running again._ _

___As I passed by the bar, I spotted Merle’s bike parked out front; definitely not going in there tonight. I almost felt bad for the poor girl he’s about take home and fuck; he was gonna rob her blind before she even knew what hit her._ _ _

_The horn I heard earlier sounded again as I started walking across the parking lot entrance of the bar. Pulling my pepper spray from my pocket, I stopped in my tracks and peered over my shoulder to see a dark colored truck pull up next to me; the windows were still rolled up and the identity of the driver remained a mystery.  It sat idling for a moment before the window slowly started coming down, a head of dark hair barely visible as the inside of the truck poured out smoke._

__“Get in, I’ll take ya home.”_ _

_“I can walk, my feet work just fine. Thanks for the offer though, Daryl.”_

__“Ain’t safe for anyone to be out this late by themselves.”_ _

_“Daryl-”_

__I was cut off at the sight of flashing blue lights and a single siren going off. How the fuck does this shit even happen?  I practically work two jobs, how the hell does this get misinterpreted as someone picking up a prostitute?  The car was twice occupied, the driver going up to the truck and the passenger waving me back further onto the sidewalk._ _

___“Ma’am do you know you’re being stopped this evening?"_ _ _

_Why do they always ask the obvious question? Not everyone is guilty of a crime._

__“No…”_ _

_“Do you know him?”_

_“I know his name is Daryl, he applied for a job at my dad’s shop, and he was offering me a ride home."_

__“You’re not out here working, are you?”_ _

_“The fuck is wrong with you? You think every woman walking down the street is a fucking whore?  My car wouldn’t start and I live about nine miles down the road.  If Daryl hadn’t stopped to offer me a ride I’d still be walking and my feet would be bleeding.”_

_Just as I had finished defending myself a commotion coming from the bar caught everyone’s attention. Some guy went flying backwards and there was Merle coming out through the front door like a bull seeing red.  The cops quickly forgot about the two of us and I climbed into the truck, slamming the door shut as Daryl put the car back in gear, taking off down the road._

__“Thanks for the lift.”_ _

_I watched cautiously from the corner of my eye as I rolled the window up, unsure of what Daryl was going to do with his right hand as it remained in the middle of the seat._

__He grunted a bit and I couldn’t help but flinch a little as he raised it off the seat, grasping the steering wheel as he retrieved the cigarette from his mouth in his left. The silence was stifling, the air conditioning was doing very little to create enough noise to distract my mind from thinking that I had just accepted a ride from a Dixon and I knew absolutely nothing about him aside from the fact that he was Merle’s brother.  His family’s reputation was well known around town and even if he hasn’t done anything wrong, he was still seen as guilty by association._ _

___“You can let me out here, I don’t live that much farther.”_ _ _

_____“Ain’t gonna let ya walk home the rest of the way. Just gimme the address and I’ll drop you off.”_ _ _ _ _

_______Glancing over, it became apparent that he was taking my silence for mistrust. Pulling the truck over under a street lamp, he put it into park before turning to face me.  Cautiously I reached next to me to grab the door handle should I need to quickly jump out, in the other hand I kept my can of pepper spray at the ready._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Merle’s my brother and our name is Dixon, but that don’t mean I gotta act like douchebag like the rest of ‘em. Heard what ya told your dad in the shop, about me_ maybe _being different than the rest of ‘em. I ain’t my brother, I ain’t gonna try and do nothing to ya.  It ain’t breaking the law offering someone a ride when their car breaks down.  I ain’t gonna go around stalking ya if ya tell me where you live, ain’t gonna let Merle bother ya either.  You don’t have to tell nobody that I gave ya a ride home.”__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“How’d you know I’d be needing a ride home tonight?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I didn’t, but something just told me not to go too far tonight. Merle tried to get me to go to the bar with him tonight; you saw how well that went.  You ain’t got no reason to be scared of me, I don’t put my hands on women; I ain’t my brother and I sure as fuck ain’t my old man.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“Go down about two blocks, my complex is the last one on the right.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Daryl nodded, putting the car back in drive and pulling away from the curb. A few minutes later, the truck pulled into the crowded parking lot of the building I lived in, backing up into an empty space as he waited for me to climb out so he could go home as well.  Just as I was about to slam the door shut I had a thought strike me out of nowhere._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“Do you wanna come upstairs and have dinner? It’s not charity or any bullshit like that.  Just a thank you for the ride home.  You look like you haven’t eaten in a while.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________“Nah, I’m good. I ain’t got nothing better to do in the mornings, if you want I can give you a ride to work.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________“I don’t work at the shop, I’m only there on Thursdays and Fridays to do the paperwork.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________“That’s fine, what time do you need me to be here?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________“The ass of crack of dawn? I’m up at 6 and I have to be out the door by 6:45.  If it’s too early for you, I can always use my phone a friend.  He owes me after I got a few parts for his car on discount.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________Before Daryl could answer he reached into his pocket, pulling his phone out; the look on his face changed from indifference to anger. Knowing that Merle started another fight earlier, it was probably him on the phone asking for bail money.  It was none of my business how their conversation went so I slammed the door of the truck shut and walked towards my building, mentally preparing myself for the three flights of stairs it took to get to my apartment.  My friends and I jokingly called it the Stairmaster.  It really did give you a good workout, especially when I tried to carry groceries inside._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________Once I got the mail out of my mailbox, I begrudgingly made my way up the stairs. My feet were still sore from walking that first mile and a half, then again it was my own fucking fault for wearing sandals instead of tennis shoes.  Pulling my keys from my pocket, I double-checked to make sure no one had followed me up the stairs.  Chalk it up to paranoia and having lived on my own the last 3 years with a few incidents, I’ve learned to start taking in my surroundings a little more closely.  The second to last stair of the second flight has a tendency to creak under any type of pressure; upon hearing it I quickly rushed inside, slamming the door shut behind me and throwing the chain in place as I dashed to the kitchen to pull a knife from the block on the counter._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________A quiet knock sounded on the door caused me to jump at least half a foot in the air. I did my best to approach the door with silent footfalls, completely unsure of who would be bothering me at 8 o’clock at night.  Hell no one ever comes over here unless they want something.  My attempt at being quiet though failed as my foot wound up getting in the jacket I had dropped on the floor the other day causing me to trip and fall face first into the door; my dumbass also dropped the knife as I was propelled forward, the tip embedding itself on the top of my foot._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________I know, I’m so graceful!_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________The once quiet knocks turned to frantic fists pounding at my door, the hinges rattling inside the doorframe._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________“Hold your fucking horses!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________________Getting up from the floor, I hobbled the few steps it took to get to the door, the knife still in my foot. Peering through the peephole, I sighed and placed my head against the door.  I was probably just being stupid for thinking that Daryl was capable of keeping up the bad boy attitude that his brother was infamous for; stupid for thinking that he was probably feeding me some line saying that he may be a Dixon but he wasn’t his father._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________"You come for dinner or did I forget something in the truck?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________The door was only partially opened, the chain remained in place until he either left or decided he was hungry enough to wanna come inside._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________________He chewed on his thumb for a few seconds, then started nibbling on the interior of his lip. Daryl never did look at me but my best guess would be because when he was a kid his father would beat him just for looking at him.  It was no secret that their father beat the holy hell out of his boys and it was no secret that they were more than delighted when he finally kicked the bucket but the damage had been done.  Daryl was about 10 years old than me and pretty much kept to himself.  Before tonight I had only seen him in the grocery store once or twice and neither of us had spoken a word to each other._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________________________“Both.” His response was so jumbled that I had to ask him to repeat himself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________________Shutting the door in his face for a brief second, I unchained the door and invited him in, requesting that he at least take his boots off before stepping further inside._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________________“Heard ya howling, what the hell happened?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________________________Rather than answer, I pointed down to my foot in embarrassment saying that I was going to the bathroom to pull it out. However Daryl did something that was beyond unexpected: he followed me into the bathroom and offered to help wrap my foot up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________________________________“How the fuck did ya manage that one?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________________________“Heard someone coming up the stairs; thought that you had already gone home and someone followed me inside after you left. It wouldn’t have been the first time it happened.  Heard the knocking on the door and I panicked; grabbed a knife and in a moment of graceful movement, tripped over my own fucking jacket, smacked my head against the door, and the knife landed in my foot.  You can go ahead and laugh if you want, wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done something this stupid before.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________________________As Daryl pulled the tip of the knife from my foot, a calm seemed to have passed over him; like he was in his element or something. His fingers were working quick to assess if any major damage had been done, although I don’t think I was capable of pulling off such a feat even if I tried.  Despite his rough appearance though, his hands on my foot were more than gentle, carefully holding it steady as the other ran a soapy washcloth over the top to clean the blood off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________________________________For a moment I became enthralled with what he was doing; no one except my mom had ever done anything like this for me. I didn’t mean to be staring as he fixed the hole in foot but I’m sure he was more than aware that I was watching him.  He paused for a second, glancing up at me and in that second I had never seen eyes as blue as his.  Eyes that held so much emotion, so much pain; and I knew I wanted to know more of what laid behind those eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The sun was already starting to set by the time I made it back to The Hilltop. It was about a six mile ride from the Sanctuary, however I had to make it look like that I was keeping up the bargain that I struck with Negan.  The only people who were going to know that I planned on playing both sides of the fence were Daryl and Jesus.  Daryl needed to know that he was wanted and Jesus was just about the only person I could trust to keep Daryl hidden from the Saviors while I was out “searching.”

Jesus greeted me at the gate as I rode in, the doors closing behind me as a small group gathered round, shocked that I was even back in one piece.

“He’s not here.”

“Where is he? He needs to know-”

“I can’t tell you where he is. Trust me, he knows that the Saviors are after him.”

“Does he know Negan wants me to hunt him down? Does he know-”

“He knows, trust me he knows. He knew Negan took you without having to be there to see it; even if he was still in the cells he said he knew you were close.”

“Paul, where’s Daryl?”

“You already know where he is, so why ask me?”

“I need to hear it from you. I need to know that he’s someplace safer than here.”

“We took him to The Kingdom right after you got taken. Ezekiel has walls that’ll keep him safe and even _if_ the Saviors got past the walls they’d have to get past Shiva.  How did you get those?”

“Made up some bullshit rule about how having his things would help me learn more about the man. He looked naked without his bow so I was really only trying to get that back; I think he’ll be happy to be getting his bike back too.  I’m gonna go see if I can’t get the smell of Saviors out these clothes though.  That scrawny ass bitch with the burn on his face was wearing ‘em.”

A shudder ran down my spine as the image of Dwight wearing Daryl’s clothes crept into my brain.

“So what’s your plan? Are you gonna bring him back?”

“I’ll tell you about it when we get to the Kingdom.”


	4. Chapter 4

** Chapter 4 **

****

“It’s past sunset, why don’t you just wait until morning? We both know how dangerous it gets out there after dark.”

“Tomorrow may be too late. Daryl’s the kind of person who always has to be doing something; he has to keep himself busy otherwise he just starts getting agitated.  I’m gonna get these clothes washed real quick and then I’m on my way.  Jesus, I’m sorry but this cannot wait until tomorrow.”

Walking off to the washtubs I wished for my old washer and dryer. I was able to block out most of the whispered chatter from the others until my focus was broken by Gregory.  Some would call him a decent leader, yet others like myself thought of him as nothing more than a thumbtack stuck on our asses.  He didn’t do jack shit around this place except make deals with the Devil and sit in his mansion all day with his brandy.  The deal he struck with Negan all those months ago had us scavenging almost daily just to survive.  Then some cowboy and his band of misfits come riding into town and the son of a bitch strikes another deal.  Thanks to Gregory, we have almost nothing.

“Before you even say one word to me Gregory, I have a deal of my own with Negan. I’ll be out of your hair by the end of the month and there’ll be one less mouth to feed.  Get the fuck out of my way, I have shit I need to do.  Make yourself useful and go sit back in your office; staying out of the way is the only thing you’re good at these days.”

Wringing out the flannel shirt until most of the water was out, I worked on the jeans next scrubbing away at the heavy blood stains on the knees and cuffs. What the hell could Daryl have been doing the last few years that would cause his clothes to get _this_ filthy?  He was never really the type of person to care all that much about personal hygiene but he’d at least shower a few days a week and he had clean clothes.  From the looks of it though he seems to have been enjoying himself until recently.

“Gregory, I thought I told you to fucking get lost.”

The sun had fully set and a small group of people were making their rounds lighting the torches. The fires were burning bright from the forges; the sound of hammers hitting molten metals was the calm I needed after today’s events.  Getting up from my spot at the washtubs, I made my way to the forges.  The heat was intense but it was the only way these clothes were gonna get dry now that the light was gone.  I still had a decent ride ahead of me to get The Kingdom if I wanted a chance of catching Daryl before he took off.

“The deal you made, it has something to do with this Darren, right?”

“His name is Daryl. My deal with Negan is none of your fucking business.”

I laid the clothes out close enough to the fire that the heat would dry them quick but not too close to where I would risk burning myself if something popped out.

“Oh come on now, you know as well as I do that Margie and her group are planning to go after Negan. You could be the lynch pin that could be their undoing.  Tell Negan what they’re up to and maybe things could go our way just this once.”

“How the fuck can you get names so jumbled up? Honestly, their names are not _that_ difficult to remember. _Maggie_ and her group are thinking about _everyone_ that’s under Negan’s thumb.  They want to be free like the rest of us; the difference though between them and us is that they are _doing_ something about it while we sit on our fucking hands and kneel before a tyrant.  If you wanna be a fucking snitch be my guest but know this: if you go through with it you’ll be the first to die in this war.  Cowards have no place in this world.”

Kneeling down to feel the cloth next to the fire, I thought that they were dry enough. I could tie them off on the bike and let the wind dry them the rest of the way.  It’s probably the first time since this all started that Daryl’s had clean clothes.  The bike wasn’t too far from the gates and my bag that Simon had given me was sitting carelessly on the ground.  My paranoia struck me suddenly as I realized that I had accepted a pre-packed bag from someone and failed to check the contents of the bag.  Tracking devices would be pretty useless these days but battery operated digital recorders and long range radios were still in working order.

Rather than fucking with it tonight I left the bag on the ground where I left it. If there was anything in there that one of the Saviors packed as a means of trying to track Daryl down then it was best it stayed here.  Maybe in the morning, after I found Daryl, I could come back and go through it; find out what’s in there.  If there’s anything in there the Saviors could use against us maybe I’d have a chance to destroy it before they came back.  The extreme side of my brain started trying to rationalize that perhaps it was rigged with a bomb to go off at some predetermined time.  I think it’s more than safe to say that my paranoia has taken over quite a bit since this all started.

The possibilities of what was inside the bag were running rampant through my mind. The more I thought about it the more I found it was going to wear on me until it was opened.  Picking it up off the ground, I slung a strap over my shoulder and made way over to the trailers where Maggie and Sasha were staying.  Stopping just short of the door, knocking hesitantly I waited for one of them to answer.  I wasn’t here when Gregory struck the deal with Maggie and the rest of her group but when they all showed up the other day I could hear Gregory telling them their deal was null and void.

“You’re back?” Maggie’s question brought me out of my memories.

“In the flesh. Simon gave me this bag before I left and I just didn’t feel comfortable opening it on my own.  Since being here my paranoia’s ratcheted up more than a few notches.  Something keeps eating away at me thinking they put something in there that’ll tell them where Daryl is if I don’t bring him back.”

Maggie seemed to nod in understanding, opening the door further to allow me entrance. Sasha was standing next to her, taking the bag from my shoulder and carefully setting it down on the table.  The tension that filled the tiny room was stifling as the three of us sat around the table under the glow of a lantern.

“Maggie, maybe you shouldn’t be here; ya know, just in case it happens to be a bomb or some kind of other explosive. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for you and your baby dying if…”  I cut myself off, shaking my head slightly, “maybe I should just take this with me and open it somewhere between here and there.  At least if there are explosives in there I’ll be the only one risking it; maybe I’ll take a few walkers out with me.”

“And just where do you think _you’re_ going at this time of night?  With Daryl’s things no less?”  Sasha questioned, raising a brow.  She was more than wary of me already, saying what I just did seemed to have raised her suspicions further.

“Let’s find out first what’s in here then I’ll tell you. If there’s any kind of recording device or long range radio the Saviors could use I want to get rid it now before they can use it against us.”

Cautiously Sasha grabbed the bag, dragging it across the table until it sat in front her. Grabbing the zipper at the top we collectively held our breaths as the zipper slowly moved down its track.  As it reached the end of its track we carefully exhaled as nothing had happened; though that didn’t mean we were finished just yet.  I tentatively reached a hand out to snag one of the straps and dragged the bag over until it was in front of me.  Releasing another breath I carefully lifted the top of the bag until the mouth was fully opened.  Maggie stood, bringing the lantern over so we could see what was inside the darkened bag.

“It’s nothing but some canned food, a couple guns, a change of clothes, and some toiletries.”

Leaning back in our chairs Sasha and I glanced at each other, both of us letting out a small nervous laugh.

“That doesn’t mean there can’t be something in one of the other compartments.” I stated, carefully pulling the clothes from the bag.

“Good point, but if they want Daryl back and are wanting you to do it I don’t think they’d kill you just yet.”

“Sasha, you weren’t there at the Sanctuary. You and the rest of Alexandria have only been under Negan’s rule for less than a month; you have no idea what he and the Saviors are capable of.  No one has ever escaped from the Sanctuary and not come back changed.  They are either a shadow of their former selves or walkers.”

“How do you even know this? Today was the first time you’ve ever been, right?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Let’s finish going through this bag; I’ve gotta get going and the longer I stay here the more time I’m wasting.”

We continued to search the bag, emptying out the contents onto the table and even feeling around the lining to see if there were any devices that could’ve been sewn in. But we found nothing.  Once the bag was re-packed I sat in my chair shaking my head in perplexed thought.  Simon’s sneer passed before my face as he handed the bag over.  Something just didn’t seem right; something was off.  Daryl’s clothes were free of any small device that could be hidden inside the pockets.  I would’ve shocked the shit out of myself when they hit the water if there was something electronic hidden somewhere.

“I’m giving this to Jesus and I’ll ask him to get rid of it. Once it’s outside of this trailer I’ll tell you where it is I’m going.”

Getting up from my chair, I walked towards the door crossing the threshold to find the man I was about to go seek standing before me. He took the bag from my hand with a knowing look and replaced it with another, whispering in my ear that this new bag had everything I’d need plus a little extra.  I gave him a small smiling in thanks as he turned to go on his way.  Shutting the door I scrubbed my hands over my face thinking of the best way to let Sasha and Maggie in on my plan without making them think that I’m taking Gregory’s suggestion under advisement.

“Negan wants me to bring Daryl back. I know you brought him to the Kingdom after I was taken.  I was gonna head over there and see if I could catch him before he got a wild hair up his ass and left.  If Daryl has retained anything about himself from the old world it would’ve been that he can’t sit still for the life of him.  Gregory wanted me to rat ya’ll out to Negan; about how you’re trying to get everyone to rise up against him.  I’m not gonna do that, but what I _am_ gonna do is get Daryl and bring him back here.  Once I get him enough supplies I’m gonna send him out in the woods until your group is ready to attack.  He’ll be able to track and observe their movements from the safety of the woods while you formulate a plan.”

“Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to help Daryl, help us?  You have every opportunity in the world to take Gregory up on his suggestion but you’re not.”

It was a damn good question that Maggie posed, one that I hadn’t fully thought out. Truthfully I didn’t know why I was doing this but there was just something about the way Daryl looked when I saw him his morning that resonated with me.

“No one should be a slave to a tyrant. When this all started I promised myself that if I ever found some place I could live that I wouldn’t live in slavery.  Negan came and made us like this just after I got here.  Gregory let him without so much as a fight.  I believe that you and your people are right; we have to fight and we have to take back what’s ours.  But I’m not a fighter, I just...I…I don’t know what I am, but I’m not a fighter.  I’m not strong enough to take down a Savior let alone a group of them; I’m not strong enough to stand next to either of you and fight for my freedom or someone else’s.  I told Negan that I’d bring Daryl back and then I’m gone.  I never told him that I was bringing you with me to beat down his front door.”

They looked at me for a moment before Maggie opened her mouth, carefully searching for the words, making sure she fully understood what it was I was saying.

“You’re going to bring Daryl back to the Sanctuary and you want us to follow, right? Bring the war right to his door, catch him off guard.  What happens to you, you just disappear with your tail tucked between your legs?”

“If you want to see me as a coward go ahead. I don’t like confrontation for good reason.  I need to get going.  If you see Daryl before I get to the Kingdom let him know what’s going on.”

“Did you know Daryl before all of this?”

Sasha’s question hit me out of left field. My hand froze on the door knob as I struggled with whether or not to tell them the truth.

Ultimately I decided to keep my silence up and let them think what they will about me. If they wanted answers they could ask Daryl after I brought him back.  My steps turned to strides as I all but ran towards the gates where the bike remained parked.

Climbing onto the bike and switching the lone headlight on, I squeezed through the opening of the gate that was just wide enough to let me out without letting the walkers in. No doubt that the noise this thing made would attract them in a heartbeat but at least it had some get up and go to it.

_“So…”_

_I started, unsure of where to start exactly. Daryl fixed the small hole in my foot and had a band aid over it yet we were both kind of frozen in place, unsure of what could be said to break the rising tension in the small bathroom._

_“You said I left something in the truck?”_

_He looked up at me for a second before bringing his eyes back down and nodding in response. Standing, he reached into his back pocket, producing the small can of pepper spray that I had on me earlier.  He set the container on the sink next to me before returning his hand to his mouth to chew on his thumb once more.  Daryl had almost a child-like quality to him the way he carried himself; perhaps it wasn’t his fault though.  Given the stories that I heard around town I can’t say that I really blame him for remaining in that kind of state._

_“You said you also came up here for dinner. I made some spaghetti for dinner last night and was gonna have leftovers tonight, if you’re interested.  It’s not the best in the world but at least it’s better than nothing.  Also have some garlic bread if you want some of that too.”_

_Again Daryl glanced up and quickly back down, nodding in response as he traded one thumb for the other._

_“Why don’t you go sit on the couch and make yourself comfortable while I go get dinner? It’s Thursday night so there’s really nothing on t.v. at this time of night, I do have a decent movie collection though if you wanna go through that.”_

_Once again I was given the silent treatment but he reluctantly followed me out of the bathroom like a lost puppy with his head still hanging low. We went our separate ways with Daryl sitting on the couch and myself going into the kitchen to pull the leftover spaghetti out of the fridge.  The sounds from the t.v. reached my ears as I was pulling a pair of plates from one of the cabinets; furrowing my brows in curiosity I peeked into the living room to see Daryl on the couch watching what was left of the 7 pm newscast.  The weatherman was on showing the prediction for the next five days.  I don’t know why we needed someone telling us about the weather though, it’s summer in Georgia afterall.  My prediction: hot as fucking hell with heat indexes hovering around hotter than the sun._

_Going back into the kitchen I doled out the spaghetti onto the plates making sure that Daryl’s plate had a bit extra. Covering the plate with some paper towels and throwing it into the microwave for the next two and a half minutes, I went back into the living room to sit on the couch next to Daryl but making sure the cushion between us remained unoccupied.  Everyone in town knew about the abuse that Merle and Daryl were subjected to when they kids and I wanted to make sure Daryl knew he had an escape if he needed it._

_“Never been in a place this clean before.”_

_“Oh hell, this place is a pig-sty; the cats have got their toys all over the damn place and tore their boxes to shreds.”_

_“If you wanna see a pig-sty you should see...” He stopped himself short of completing his thoughts, looking down in shame._

_Before I could press him to finish, the microwave started going off. Excusing myself from the room I scurried into the kitchen to throw a couple of pieces of garlic bread onto Daryl’s plate.  Setting the timer for another 15 seconds I popped my head into the living room asking if he wanted anything to drink with dinner.  I had a few bottles of beer left in the fridge along with some tea, water, and lemonade.  Once more Daryl’s answer was muffled and I had to ask him to repeat himself.  This was something he was really gonna have to break if he ended up getting the job at my dad’s shop.  He’s gonna have to learn to put some lung power into what he was saying over the roar of an engine._

_With the final dings of the microwave I pulled the plate out, setting it on the counter as I grabbed the beer he requested from the fridge. As I walked the items into the living room I found Daryl flipping through the channels to find something better on as the news had just ended.  He settled on some reality show that displayed images of a home in complete shambles; mountains of things piled on top of other things, threatening to topple over at any second.  They were interviewing (I’m assuming) the homeowner who was trying to rationalize that they kept their things because their kids may need it one day._

_“Entertaining?” I asked, handing the plate and beer over._

_“Not really but that’s what a real pig-sty looks like. What ya got here is the cleanest I’ve ever seen let alone been in.”_

_At the realization of his words his eyes widened slightly as he dropped his head, playing with the fork he held in his hand. I could only think that wherever he lived could be similar to the images shown on t.v. and it was more likely than not due to Merle.  I said nothing as I went back into the kitchen to get my dinner in the microwave.  As I waited for mine to heat up I couldn’t help but wonder how true the rumors around town were about Merle and Daryl.  Yes, they had reputations but that was mainly because their father was a bastard.  Just in the short time that Daryl’s been here he’s been extremely shy and has barely said much of anything._

_The timer on the microwave going off brought me out of my thoughts; I’ve got to quit zoning out like this. Grabbing my plate I walked back into the living room to take up residence where I was before, ensuring that the cushion between us remained unoccupied.  We sat quietly watching the show that Daryl had turned on until a therapist they were interviewing for another segment was trying to deduce that the person’s habits were due in part to some type of trauma that occurred during childhood.  Having missed the first half of the show it seemed likely that one could draw a link between a hoard that overtook the house to some type of traumatic childhood experience but who knows, I’m not a therapist. Once the therapist started talking about traumatic childhoods Daryl quickly picked the remote up from the couch and muted the t.v. set, frantically trying to find something different on._

_“What? Ya got something ya wanna say to me?”  Daryl glanced over at me the anger clearly painted across his features; his eyes taking on a menacing appearance as opposed to the relaxed nature they had only moments ago._

_“No. Your business is none of mine.  Not my place to pry, if you want to tell me I won’t think any less of you.  I don’t know what to think of you now but with all the rumors that fly around town about you and Merle who really knows what the truth is anymore?  I mean other than you two.”_

_Setting my plate on the empty cushion between us I got up from the couch and made my way over to the tiny entertainment center that contained all of my movies. It wasn’t the largest collection on the planet but it was decent.  I had not the slightest clue what kind of movies Daryl liked or if he even watched any for that matter.  Glancing over my shoulder as I seated myself on the floor I eyed Daryl for a moment before opening the cabinets to pick a movie out._

_“What’d ya put in?”_

_I watched with careful scrutiny as Daryl set his plate on the couch next to mine before picking his beer up off the floor. His temper was all over the place right now and truthfully I was a bit fearful of how he’d react to the movie title if I told him._

_“Patton.  I’m not trying to draw lines between things that aren’t there.  I just thought it might be something you’d enjoy watching.  I know you probably don’t wanna hear it, especially from the likes of someone like me but I know your father was a heartless bastard and I’m sorry you and Merle both had to endure that.  I thought that maybe putting this movie on might make you relax a little bit.  You seem to enjoy picking fights at the bar, yeah I’ve been down at the watering hole on Friday nights when you’d go on a bender and beat some guy up for saying something against ya.  Patton would get in trouble for the way he did things; this kinda thing seemed to be right up your alley.  If you don’t like it, shut it off and find something different to watch.  Either that or you can go home.  Your choice.”_

_He grunted a bit, lifting a thumb to his mouth to chew on once again. Getting up from the floor I picked the plates up from the couch and walked them into the kitchen, dropping them off in the sink and running a bit of water over them.  I returned to the living room a minute or so later with a pair of beers in hand, offering one to Daryl just as Patton had finished his speech to the troops in the opening scene of the movie._

_About fifteen minutes in, Daryl turned to me asking if I knew what the official title of three-star general was. My head twisted faster than I thought it did with my brows furrowed in confusion.  Frowning and shaking my head I turned towards Daryl giving him my full attention.  He explained that Merle had been in the military for a brief time before he got booted out; that he was in long enough to learn a little bit about ranks and weapons._

_“Three-star is known as lieutenant general; two-star is a major general.”_

_Guess you do learn something new every day._

_“What else did Merle teach you?”_

_“Merle didn’t teach me shit; most everything I know I had to learn for myself.”_

_“Like what?”_

_“You don’t wanna hear about, you’re just asking to be nice.” Taking a swig from his bottle, he stuffed it between the cushion as he resumed watching Patton shoot at a pair of German planes with a revolver.  The smirk on his face and the way his eyes lit up was something to behold._

_“When I was little my dad took me camping once, he was trying to teach me to fend for myself in the event that anything ever happened to him or my mom. One thing that I’ll never forget is when I slipped and fell down off a ridge and ended up in the lake below.  My grandparents on my mom’s side owned a farm about 20-30 miles outside of Atlanta; we were out there camping when it happened.  My dad made me climb from the bottom of the ridge all the way back up.  I was about ten when it happened; was pretty banged up by the time I finally made it back up but I did it.  My grandma threw a fit when she saw me all bloody and bruised but my dad was the happiest he’d ever been.”_

_Daryl sat there contemplating what I had just told him, debating whether or not he should say something in return._

_“ My old man was off on a bender with some waitress. Merle was doing another stint in juvie. Didn’t even know I was gone. I made my way back though. Went straight into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. No worse for wear. Except my ass itched something awful.”_

_“You get lost or something?”_

_“Nine days in the woods eating berries, wiping my ass with poison oak.”_

_Chocking on the mouthful of beer I was trying to swallow I couldn’t help the snort that escaped as the grin started to spread across my face. This kind of interaction is something I’m almost certain Daryl has never dealt with before.  Everything around him seems to be centered around anger and violence._

_“That’s what ya get for laughing at my itchy ass.”_

_We fell into a comfortable silence afterwards until the movie was over. The longer the movie went on the more relaxed Daryl seemed to have become.  It was nearly 10:00 by the time the movie was over and Daryl was starting to fall asleep on my couch.  His head was tilting back while his eyes began drooping shut._

_“Why don’t you go on home? You seem pretty worn out; I’ll call you around 11:00 tomorrow morning and let you know what’s gonna happen as far as your application at the shop.”_

_Daryl nodded in agreement, heaving himself off the couch as he trudged his way to the door._

_“I’ll be here at 6:45 to give ya that lift to work.”_

_Shutting the door behind him and throwing the chain in place I couldn’t help but think about what he told me. One the one hand the fact that their old man was too busy fucking a waitress to even care that his youngest boy was lost in the woods for nine days was infuriating.  No child should ever have to go through that.  But on the other he did make it back home from the sounds of it with nothing more than poison oak on his ass.  Hell, the thought of that was making my ass itch._

_As I turned from the door to head to the bedroom another thought started taking hold of my mind: was there really more to Daryl Dixon under that tough exterior shell? Was there any tiny shred of him that remained untouched from all of the abuse he endured as a kid?  Could the scars be healed?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to do a triple posting to make up for what I did not post last week and also because I will not be able to post next week. Hope you all enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

** Chapter 5 **

****

“Hi Diane.”

I stood on the open road watching as a woman on horseback came riding over a small dip in the road wearing a vest with a long bow in her hand and a quiver of arrows on her back.

“Who dares to come at this hour?”

I always did hate when they spoke to us like that; it sounded so…dramatic…given the way we are forced to live nowadays.

“Drop the act, Diane. I know Jesus and the Alexandrians dropped Daryl off this morning.  I need to see both him and Ezekiel now.”

“The King has retired for the evening, but he may see you in the morrow. You are most welcome to stay the night if you wish.”

Oh for fuck’s sake…

“This cannot wait until morning. Wake his royal ass otherwise I’m gonna do it my damn self.”

“Very well, but the King will be most displeased with this.”

“Don’t care, wake him up and make sure to bring Daryl.”

Striding past Diane I made my way through the darkness up the road and to the gates; the sound of hooves clicking against the cracked pavement bringing up the rear. The gates opened just enough to allow us both entry before shutting again, a large piece of lumber put back in place to keep the doors secured for the remainder of the night, people above us keeping watch on the perimeter in case a walker happens to be passing by.

“I’ll be in the auditorium waiting. Don’t forget, bring Daryl; I don’t care if you have to drag him kicking and screaming, just bring him.”

Diane and I separated; she dismounting her horse, walking it to the stables while I headed to where Ezekiel took audience with his “subjects.” While I fully agree that Ezekiel is a wonderful leader, I don’t think I’ll ever understand why he calls himself a king.  When I first met him, I was a bit flabbergasted with what I was seeing: a man sitting on a thrown, another man holding an axe to his right, a tiger to his left.  He spoke eloquently, determined to make sure those who stood before him understood his laws of the land.  Ezekiel was a man who enjoyed peace and did not like confrontation.  He sought council from those who agreed with him but listened with a careful ear to those who believed that sometimes fights and wars with the living were necessary.

I took a seat somewhere near the front of the stage as I waited for both Daryl and Ezekiel, taking in the scenery around me. It all looked so…empty…without seeing the trio on the stage; the quiet was overwhelming, I just…

“Negan wants you to bring me back, that why you’re here? To take me back?”

The quiet of Daryl’s voice startling me out of my thoughts.

“Wait for Ezekiel, I’ll explain everything when he gets here. Have a seat, take a load off.”

Propping my feet up on the chair in front of me, leaning back to make myself a bit more comfortable I listened intently to the sounds of Daryl’s breathing. He was nervous, bitter, angry, wary, dare I say a bit scared.  I heard him move around a bit, walking down the ramp towards the front of the stage where I was seated.  Feeling his eyes on me, I turned my head to find him standing next me chewing on his fingers, shifting his weight from one foot to the other regarding me carefully.  His eyes looked at me with suspicion though the rest of his features wanted to believe that I was here for another purpose.  I watched as he chose a seat in the same row I was seated in, leaving about two or three spaces between us.

“I ain’t going back there. I ain’t gonna bend, ain’t gonna kneel, ain’t gonna call myself Negan.  Should’ve known you were on his side the moment I laid eyes on ya this morning.”

“You’re talking out of your ass again.”

Daryl scoffed and moved around in his seat. I listened to the seat Daryl was in squeak as he tried to make himself a bit more comfortable while we waited for Ezekiel.

“You’re a real fucking piece of work, ya know that? Playing both sides of the fucking field and for what?  To prove that you’re one of them?”

“So I can live the rest of my life in peace with a clear conscious. So you or anyone else never have to ever live like that again.  I told Negan that I would bring you back by the month’s end; never told him that I was bringing an army with me.  We will all get to be free from Negan; you get to go back to being a standoffish, angry bastard like your old man was and I get to go back to being alone.  We’re not good for each other, Daryl.  We can’t say one word to each other without saying a bunch of fucked up shit, we can’t look at each other without seeing hurt and anger reflected in the other’s face.  What we had _never_ should have happened.  We _never_ should’ve let things get as far as they did.”

“You say that like you regret everything we had.”

“I regret all of it,” I paused looking down the row to see Daryl a bit better in the dim lighting, “I regret getting in the truck with you when my car broke down the day you had your interview, I regret letting you eat dinner in my home, I regret telling my dad that maybe you could be more than your family’s reputation. I regret _everything_ that has _ever_ happened to us.”

If I wanted to cut the man down I guess this could be considered a victory. I had only one goal in mind: kill Negan and move on.  Whatever happened after that I didn’t care about; I needed to be out on my own again.  The hurt was evident in his face as he stared at me, almost shocked that I had allowed myself to grow this cold.

Movement on the stage returned our attention forward as Ezekiel, dressed in a fine looking robe, appeared from behind a curtain with his right hand man following close behind; Diane and another one of his favorite soldiers, Richard, brought up the rear walking down the small flight of stairs to the right of the stage and taking their posts, weapons at the ready should they need to use them.

“Who has disturbed the King’s slumber?”

Shutting my eyes and shaking my head briefly I released a breath before opening my mouth to speak.

“Your Highness, I apologize deeply for disturbing you at this hour of the evening however it was imperative that I speak with you in regards to a very important matter concerning Daryl. As I’m sure you were made aware earlier today, he is wanted by Negan and the Saviors.  They came to Hilltop this morning for their monthly tribute and took me with them.  They threatened me before I agreed to their request to bring him back.  I implore you to keep him here, keep him safe until I can bring him back to Hilltop.  His people, the Alexandrians, are making plans to attack the Saviors but if Daryl is found out everything will fall apart before anything can be done.”

“I ain’t stayin’ here, I’m going back to Hilltop in the morning. _He_ wants to sit on his fucking throne and do nothing; we need to get ready for war.”

“Daryl, you _have_ to stay here; I wouldn’t be here practically begging if I knew things could turn out differently.  Negan knows you have an Achilles’s heel and he knows that it’s your people in Alexandria.  Negan knows that you’re loyal to Rick and the rest of ‘em, he knows you consider ‘em to be your family.  He chose to take you back to the Sanctuary for a reason and you defying him the way that you are is like one big fucking game to him; he’s _enjoying_ what’s happening to you.  He gets a sick pleasure out of watching you turn in on yourself.  He wants you back so he can keep breaking you down and once he’s satisfied he’s going to bash your fucking skull in because you’re out here and not locked up in your little broom closet like Harry fucking Potter.”

“Madame, if Daryl wishes to leave it is his choice; I cannot force him to stay. That is not the way we live here.”

Plunging my hands into my hair, tugging at the strands I shut my eyes once more taking in a breath and releasing it. Why can’t you just lock him in a fucking cage until I’m ready for him?!  Time for Plan B.

“I lied and told Maggie and Sasha that I was bringing you back to Hilltop with me in the morning. There’s a cabin in the woods halfway between here and there, the roads are patrolled by the Saviors heavily.  I was gonna have you hole up there and watch them; learn their habits, their patterns-” I was cut off as Daryl spoke, the alarm in his voice shaking me slightly.

“How’d you know I went through all that? Today’s the first time we saw each other-”

“In five fucking years, I know. Did you forget that we’ve _always_ known what was happening to each other?  Did you forget that I _always knew_ when you were close by?”

Daryl’s glance started to waiver, his eyes being cast down as his foot tapped rhythmically on the floor.

“We need to talk…alone…now.”

Standing, reaching across the seats that separated us Daryl grasped my hand, pulling me to my feet and dragging me behind him. We silently made our way up the ramp leaving Ezekiel and his council to talk amongst themselves.  I could feel the anger pouring out of him and it made its presence known as he pushed the door to the auditorium open, slamming it hard against the brick, startling those within earshot.  Ignoring them completely we wound our way through the darkness until we reached another building that I assumed was housing for the Kingdom’s residents.  I followed close behind Daryl as he dropped my hand, dashing up the stairs to the second story veering off to the left until he stood within the frame of an open door waiting for me.  Grabbing my wrist, I was pulled inside with the door slamming shut behind me.

Before I could open my mouth to utter a single syllable my back hit the door, bouncing off for a brief second as I tried to figure out what the hell was going on. My body was blanketed with a familiar heat that I had not felt in years.  It took a long while for me to register that Daryl had me pinned against the door, his fingers tangled in my hair, his body flush with mine, his lips crushing mine in a bruising kiss.

As quickly as he was on me he pulled back, his eyes searching for some semblance of my former self. His chest was heaving slightly, his breath coming in short bursts across my face.  But all I could do was stand frozen in place.  I was beyond confused as to what the hell was going on.  Usually Daryl was a pretty easy person to read, shit he’d let you know what was on his mind and he’d have no problem telling you how he saw things.  But this right here?  This was something completely foreign to me; Daryl never showed me any type of affection during our brief marriage; never took the initiative, never kissed me so soundly that it left me speechless like now.

“Say something.”

“I’m not the woman I used to be, that person is dead and gone.”

“Bullshit. I know you as well as you know me, something from the old world is still there, you just have to dig deep and find her again.  You wouldn’t be here trying to get me to stay if your old self was completely dead.  You wouldn’t be trying to talk me into staying in a cabin to watch those fucking Saviors if your old self was completely dead.  I don’t like that you’re on both sides of the field playing a dangerous fucking game like this one.”  He paused, regarding me carefully with that look he always held in his eyes when he was sizing someone or something up.  “I’ll stay in the cabin, I’ll watch and keep my distance.  Anything happens to you or anyone else back home I’m coming and I’m bringing hell with me.  Only reason I’m agreeing to this is I know you’ve got a plan.  That’s part of the old you that I still see, your old self ain’t dead, it’s just buried.”

I continued to keep my silence unsure whether or not I should be relieved or pissed at the fact that Daryl can still read me just as easily as I can read him. Daryl dropped his head on my shoulder, wrapping his arms around me like he used to do on occasion.  Instinctively I brought my arms up to wrap around the back of his neck, holding him like I used to when he’d come home drunk.  He spoke at length burying his face into the side of my neck, the hairs on his face tickling the skin there as my eyes drifted shut at the memory of what that feeling always did to me.

“You said in the theater that you always knew what was happening to me, that you always knew when I was close,” pushing Daryl back a bit I made my way to the bed to sit down. This was going to be a long night.  “We ended up on Maggie’s farm after being forced out the quarry we were holed up in.  It belonged to her dad, Hershel.  We were trying to make our way through a traffic snarl when the hose on the RV went out, ended up with a herd of walkers coming down on us; had to hide under the cars to keep from being spotted.”

“What’s your point?”

“Another person in our group had a daughter that got chased down through the woods by two walkers. Rick’s boy got shot, they took him to Hershel’s farm; we set up camp there until the kid was back on his feet again.  While we were waiting for that to happen I headed up the search for this woman’s daughter.  Was out one morning on horseback looking for her, calling for her when the horse got spooked and threw me.  Remember when you told me when you were ten you fell down a cliff and ended up in a lake or something?  Same thing happened when that horse threw me.  I hit the water and I felt you there, knew you were close, knew that someone was hurting you.  Wanna tell me what happened?”

Daryl lifted his head from my shoulder, his face just inches from mine. I could see the concern in his eyes; even in a dark room with no light coming through the lone window it was clearly illustrated in his features that he wanted nothing but the truth from me on this matter.

“I could feel that you were close, even before that day, I was just hoping that you would pass by and not even give me a second thought. After Atlanta fell we packed everything we could up and went to my grandparent’s farm.  They had let people onto the farm to stay as long as they agreed to pull their weight.  I took the car and went out on a run to town to get something we needed at the pharmacy, when I came back my parents were barely hanging on and my grandparents were already gone.  They took turns raping me, making my parents watch as they lay on the floor dying.”

His expression changed from concern to anger, his hands balling up into fists at his side as he struggled to keep his blind rage in check. There wasn’t anything he could do about it now so I don’t see why he was getting so worked up over it.

“Your grandma, what was her name?”

“Lou, it was short for Louise.” My voice was quiet, barely above a whisper but I knew he heard me.  “Did you ever find the little girl?”

“What was she wearing when she died?”

“It was a white dress, lace on the sleeves. It was one of her favorites to wear when it was hot out and the breeze was just right.  I remember how she’d say she could just stand out there all day and just have that wind blowing her hair back off her neck; how she could just listen to the sounds of the world fade away.”

“Hershel kept a barn full of walkers, he and Rick were coming back from the woods with two of ‘em on catch poles leading ‘em there. Another one of our group lost his shit, put about nine rounds through your grandma before capping one off in her head.”

The way he said it sounded so harsh, there was no emotion attached to it just the sound of indifference.

I shut my eyes and began seeing vivid images of my grandma in one of her favorite dresses being shot at, still breathing, still moving, still coming for flesh to feed her never ceasing hunger. A series of nine shots hitting her body and she was still coming for them, still reaching out with decaying hands and that horrible growl to catch her next meal.  A single shot ringing out in my ears as her head snapped back with the bullet that ended her suffering; a catch pole around her neck like she was some rabid animal.  For the first time in a long time a stinging sensation came to my eyes, my bottom lip trembling while my face contorted in pain trying to keep it together and failing miserably.

“What did you do with her body after?”

“Her daughter was in the barn with the rest of the walkers, was bit in the shoulder and turned. Rick did right by her momma, put her down.  All those walkers in the barn except Hershel’s family and the little girl we buried, we burned the rest.”

“You burned my grandmother’s body?! You knew I was close-by and you couldn’t even come to the house to…”

The air in my throat was choked off as I completely broke down. The images of my grandma as a walker now turned into darker images of her body being thrown onto a burning pile of corpses.  Her dress clinging to her frame as the flames consumed it completely, the smell of her hair being singed off until it reached her scalp and burning her skin, the smell of rotten, maggot-infested flesh hitting my nose as it sloshed off the bone into gruesome piles of muck until all that was left was a pile of bones and ash.

“Why are you telling me all of this?” I wanted desperately to leave the room knowing now that coming to the Kingdom had been a bad idea.

“I was so fucking pissed that the girl’s mom wouldn’t even go to her own daughter’s funeral service that I took off into the woods to try and clear my head. Stumbled across something on the ground while I was out there; they were tracks but not animal tracks and they weren’t made by walkers.  Remember that weekend I took ya out for a tracking lesson?  I told ya to go off on your own, that I’d give you a 15 minute head start and I’d find you within an hour?  You took your shoes off and went prancing through the woods barefoot.  I saw your footprints pressed into the mud when I was out there trying to get my head straight.  They were faint, probably a few days old already when I spotted ‘em; followed ‘em all the way back to your grandparent’s farm.  Managed to stay just out of sight but I saw ya sitting on the railing of the porch staring off into space.  I damn near went back to Hershel’s to pack my shit and go over to where you were.”

“What stopped you?”

“You did. Didn’t know how you’d react if I just showed up on your doorstep after not having seen each other for a few years.”

“Well, considering that I had just been raped and watched my parents die then having to be the one to put a knife through their skulls so they wouldn’t come back, you probably would’ve been a sight for sore eyes.”

We fell silent after that. I was taking the moments of quiet that I had to reflect on what Daryl was talking about.  We had been so close to each other but yet neither of us _did_ anything to close that gap.  We stumbled over the sensations we both felt knowing that the other was nearby and we were ignoring those nagging vibrations that could’ve saved us both a lot of further pain.

“I watched from my bedroom window as Hershel’s barn went up in flames, felt you leaving. What happened that night?”

“Another herd of walkers came through the woods, easily hundreds of ‘em. Rick lit the barn up, went up like a dried out matchstick.  We had to leave, lost a lot of people that night.  I was heading down the road to come get you, didn’t want you to stay there but that girl’s mom was getting chased down so I had no choice but to get her.  Didn’t feel right leaving you where you were.  Morning came and we ended up meeting back up on the highway, I still wanted to go back but Rick said we needed to stick together.”

“I heard the gunshots popping off, they were faint but I could ‘em. Walkers started coming out of the woods, there were dozens of ‘em.  I shut off all of the lights in the house, locked the doors, hid in the basement and armed myself to the teeth with anything I could.  I watched from the windows as they stumbled by, keeping to the shadows so they wouldn’t see me.  They beat the door down and made their way inside.  I had to fight my way out of there just to make it to the car, I lost the only other place I could call home.  I ended up driving around until I ran out of gas; had to abandon the car and just started walking around aimlessly.”

Daryl’s anger was diminishing, I waited until he uncurled his fists to tentatively reach for his hand, interlacing my fingers with his, pulling him towards the bed. He silently granted me my request that he sit on the bed next to me.  I always did love how we could just carry on a conversation without ever uttering a word to each other.  Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, Daryl drew me closer until I could comfortably rest my head on his shoulder.  His presence brought a sense of calm that I had not felt in years; the calmness that washed over me had my eyes drifting shut.  Even after being apart for five years, Daryl still knew all the best ways to get me to relax and finally fall asleep.

We both fell back onto the bed, the bed frame shaking and creaking under our collective weight. Sitting up we made our way to the head of the bed and took up the familiar sides we’d sleep on; my back to his chest, one arm draped across my middle and the other wrapping across my shoulders to keep me in place.  We heaved a collective sigh of relief as sleep took over.  There was no doubt in my mind that when I woke up in the morning that Daryl would already be gone and on his way to Hilltop but at least we had each other for the night.  He was probably just saying he’d stay in the cabin to pacify me for the remainder of the evening.


	6. Chapter 6

** Chapter 6 **

_Morning came as the alarm went off bright and early at 6 a.m. Groaning, I rolled over onto my side to shut the infernal piece of crap off before shoving my face back down into the pillow.  My cats, having heard the alarm, jumped onto the bed to wake me with a more pleasant greeting: one getting right in my face licking my forehead and the other walking on my back until his face was next to my ear where he proceeded to purr rather loudly._

_A knock sounding on the front door had they scampering for safety under the bed. Glancing at the clock I saw that it was only 10 after six; I know I told Daryl 6:45 if he wanted to give me a ride to work this morning and I never texted my buddy before going to bed last night so whoever was at the door had better be a cop otherwise I’m raising hell.  The knocking sounded out again after a minute or so, this time a little louder as if I didn’t hear it the first time._

_Getting up from the bed I trudged my way to the door to find out who the fuck it could be this early. At least today was Friday and it was also payday, God knows I needed it to be both.  Now if only it was 4:30 I could be on my way to the shop to finish up some paperwork and find out what the hell is wrong with my car this time causing it to not wanna start._

_“Hold your fucking horses, Jesus Christ don’t you know what fucking time it is?”_

_Opening the door I found Daryl standing on the other side chewing on his thumb again, a look of guilt in his eyes for having rousing me from my bed. The chain I threw into place after he left last night was the only thing preventing him from gaining entry._

_“Is something wrong? I thought we agreed 6:45?  Still got another half hour or so before you were supposed to be here.”_

_“Can I come in?” His voice was quiet, sad almost._

_Sighing, I shut the door so I could unchain the door to allow him inside. Remembering that last night Merle probably got himself locked up again, Daryl probably had to bail him out and sleep in his truck to prevent having to deal with him for the rest of the night._

_“I gotta go to the bathroom if you wanna have a seat in the living room. I’ll be out as soon as I can.”_

_He nodded and came inside, making his way straight to the couch. I shut and re-locked the door, making my way to the bathroom to care of what I needed to get done.  Once the toilet was flushed and my hands were washed I came out to find Daryl seated where he was last night with the news turned on; they were talking about another overnight murder._

_“You want anything to eat? I was just gonna make myself a bowl of oatmeal and some coffee.”_

_“What kinda oatmeal ya got?”_

_“Maple brown sugar or strawberries and cream.”_

_“I’ll have what you’re having, coffee too.”_

_Once the pot was on the stove it was just a waiting game for the water to come up to a boil so I had time to kill._

_“Why are you here so early?”_

_“Merle kept me up most of the night, got himself locked up again with that bar fight last night and wouldn’t stop fucking calling me asking to bail him out. Told him it was the last time I was bailing his ass out, went out to try and blow off some steam and the ungrateful fucker locks me out.  Figured I had time to kill so I went up to the shop early this morning to take a look at your car.  You need a new fuel injector, battery, fluid flush, and some new tires.”_

_“I haven’t even done your background check yet. Not to sound unappreciative or anything but you can’t be at the shop looking at the cars unless-”_

_“I get it, just needed something to do. Won’t happen again.”_

_Leaning my back into the corner of the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen I could see the hurt was evident in the way his head started to slump forward. Secretly I was hoping his background check would turn up nothing too bad because I really did want to give him this job.  I didn’t want to give it to him out of pity or anything like that, I genuinely thought that he had a chance of making something out of himself as opposed to living the same life that both his dad and Merle forced him to live._

_“Don’t take it so personally. So what’d you do break into the shop and take my key out of the office?”  He looked at me for a moment, his eyes asking me to take back the remark.  “It was a rhetorical question.”_

_“I used a hand jack until I could get underneath to take a look. Your fuel injector is shot, your battery was leaking acid, the fluids in the hoses were fucking brown and black, and you’re riding on steel.  You don’t get those tires changed soon you’ll end up catching a flat.”_

_“Did you fix it?”_

_“Ain’t no place open at this hour, not even the junkyards. Just thought you’d like to know what was wrong instead of waiting all day for your dad to get back to you on it.  Figured it was the least I could do since you did something for me last night.”_

_“Daryl I didn’t-”_

_“You did. Anyone else would’ve looked at me and turned their noses up like some snobby, uppity bitch.  Anyone else would’ve talked shit they know nothing about.  Yeah me and Merle got a bad rap because of our old man but you at least gave me a chance when no one else would.  I didn’t steal nothing out of here last night even though I had every opportunity when you’re back was turned, but I didn’t.”_

_“So you’re trying to prove me right? Showing me that you can be more than a reputation attached to a name; showing me that I’m not too terribly insane for telling my dad that you could be different?”_

_The teapot on the stove started whistling before Daryl could answer. I wanted to believe what he was telling me but we’re not even 24 hours removed from his interview with my dad yesterday.  Walking to the pantry to pull the oatmeal packets out of the box and the instant coffee off the shelf I couldn’t help thinking how he knew all this stuff was wrong with my car without having the key to be able to unlock the door and pop the hood.  Unless he took a coat hanger and used that to manipulate the lock until he got inside._

_“I’ve gotta eat quick then go and get dressed. We got about 20 minutes before we gotta be out the door.”_

_Daryl said nothing as I came back to the living room with a bowl and coffee cup in hand for him. Since I only had about twenty minutes to eat and get ready I decided to just stand in the doorway to eat my breakfast, I could throw the coffee back like a whiskey shot after I was dressed._

_“If you don’t mind, just set your dishes in the sink when you’re done and put some water in ‘em. I’ll do ‘em when I get home tonight.”_

_Kicking off the wall I made my way back into the kitchen to drop my bowl and spoon in the sink. Usually I’d have to fight my way around the cats to make it to the bedroom but with Daryl being here they were more likely than not still hiding under the bed and wouldn’t be making their appearance until after I got home from work tonight.  Rooting through the drawers to find something clean (and decent) to wear I managed to pull a wrinkle-free set of clothes out wishing that I could just wear my jeans instead._

_I was dressed in less than five minutes; I’m not the kind of person who really worries about hair, make-up, jewelry, or other shit. As long as my clothes are clean, my teeth are brushed, and my hair is pulled back off my neck then I was fine.  I was just coming from the bathroom after having just brushed my teeth and was pulling my hair back when I saw that Daryl was not on the couch where I left him.  I had just taken a step forward to retrieve my coffee from the kitchen when Daryl appeared, scaring the living shit out of me._

_“Sorry, just leaving the dishes in the sink like ya told me to.”_

_Daryl hung his head low again, like I was going to yell at him or something for scaring me. Maybe giving him this job will be a confidence booster in him; my dad has a tendency to yell but he did it to motivate, not to strike fear.  Then again he’s had his head under the hood of hundreds of cars over the span of some 40 odd years and his hearing was going._

_“It’s okay, I just need to drink my coffee and put my shoes on. I’ll be ready in just a few more minutes if you wanna just wait outside for me.”_

_Daryl nodded and rounded the corner towards the front door; I heard the chain hitting the wall as well as the front door opening and shutting. Taking the last few steps into the kitchen I stood at the counter gulping my coffee down, squatting down when I saw that one of the cats was carefully making his way out of the bedroom. Upon spotting me he trotted with his tail held high, a sigh escaping as he rubbed his face against my fingertips._

_“Mama’s gotta go baby but I’ll see you and brother tonight, okay? I’m sorry that Daryl scared you and brother earlier.  You be good, love you baby.”_

_Kissing the top of my cat’s head, I got back to my feet and dropped my empty coffee cup into the sink, filling it a little bit with water. Grabbing my t.v. dinner out of the freezer and labeling it was the only thing I had left to do other than shutting the lights off and slipping my shoes on.  Locking the front door I hurried down the three flights of stairs, pushing the front door to my building open I was greeted by a sweltering blast of heat on my face.  I easily spotted Daryl’s truck in the lot, it was parked in the same spot it was in last night.  Almost makes me wonder if he just parked the truck here last night after he was bailed Merle out._

_“Where to?”_

_“You know where the post office is off of Market Street? My office is just around the corner from there.”_

_“Need a ride home after work?”_

_“Nah, I’ll just ask my friend Katie to drop me off at the shop since it’s on her way home.”_

_The ride to work was fairly quiet with the exception of the morning radio show that was on, much to my surprise they were playing some decent songs this morning. At one point we were stopped at a red light when they started playing some Foreigner, I was singing along when I glanced out of the corner of my eye to find Daryl staring at me briefly until our light turned green.  I’m so used to doing this in my car and being the only one who can hear that I could feel my face begin to flush under Daryl’s gaze._

_“Sorry, I hear a good song playing and I can’t help but sing along to it.”_

_“No need to be sorry, if it’s something ya like to do then who am I to tell ya to stop? Which street?”_

_“Make a right here…okay now you can either make a left here or at the next entrance, they both lead into the same parking lot.”_

_The truck pulled up to a stop next to the curb just as I spotted my boss making his way to the front door. I watched from the passenger seat as he wrapped his hand around the door handle turning to glance over his shoulder at who could possibly be in the truck.  Upon seeing Daryl sitting in the driver’s seat he sneered and pulled the door open to make a quick getaway._

_“You should get inside, wouldn’t want anyone else to see ya in the truck with me.”_

_“Does that kind of thing happen often?”_

_Daryl said nothing as he leaned over to get something out of the glove box. Since he’s decided to give me the silent treatment, I grabbed my things and got out of the truck walking around the front just in case Daryl did have something he wanted to say before I went inside._

_“Hey,” my hand was on the handle of the front door ready to pull it open when I heard Daryl’s voice shouting, “that ain’t the worst that’s ever happened but it does happen a lot. If you had a brain in that head you’d be smart to not get anymore rides from me.”_

_“If you had a brain in that head of yours you’d be smart enough to realize that you’re not your old man and you’re not Merle. I’ll call ya this afternoon when I hear back on your background check.”_

_So from 7:30 to 1:00 I worked nonstop, the company that my dad hired to do the background checks had just emailed me their report on Daryl and I was anxious to read over it hoping that nothing too terrible had been turned up. Grabbing my phone and the freshly printed report off the printer I made my way to the breakroom to throw my lunch into the microwave.  Given the reputation that Merle had I was more than surprised that the entire background check comprised of only two or three pages._

_“Hey dad I just got the results on Daryl’s background check…no criminal history…no traffic tickets...I’m serious there’s nothing; he’s done absolutely nothing wrong. If he has he’s never been caught.  What do you think?  Uh-huh…well to be honest I think you need someone that’ll help you out in the shop and pull their weight.  Last night?  The car wouldn’t start so I left the key in my office and started walking home-  You had already taken off.  I started walking and when I got down to the bar Daryl pulled up and offered to give me a ride home.  Nothing happened!  He ate dinner then went home.  Yes I fed him, it was the least I could do since he gave me a ride home.  I shouldn’t be telling you this but Merle got himself locked up again last night and Daryl had to bail him out; he said he went to the shop since Merle was being a pain in the ass and used a hand jack to take a look underneath; said that there’s a lot of shit wrong with it…alright I’ll see ya tonight…love ya too, bye.”_

_The timer on the microwave was going off just as I was getting off the phone with my dad. Needless to say he was more than pissed that Daryl was looking under my car but was willing to let that slide if he got the job under the condition that it never happen again.  Getting up from my seat at the table I walked over to the microwave to pull my lunch out, being careful to not burn myself on the steam that was escaping from the slit in the film._

_“Hi Katie.”_

_“Hey, what’s this I hear that Daryl Dixon dropped you off this morning?”_

_“My car wouldn’t start last night so he gave me a ride home, offered to give me a ride here this morning. He was at the shop last night for an interview.”_

_“You shouldn’t be hanging around him-”_

_“I just did a background check on him, Katie, he’s clean. He’s never been arrested for anything, he doesn’t have any kind of violations against him.  Daryl is not his father and he’s not his brother and you can’t ask for much more in an employee.  I can talk with my dad when I get to the shop tonight and see if he wants to have either Aaron or Jose do a stake-out for a few hours but if they turn up nothing then I would just chalk this one up to as a lesson in not judging a book by its cover.”_

_“Whatever, you’re a grown woman and you make your own decisions. Do you need a ride up to the shop tonight after work?”_

_“If you don’t mind. I mean Daryl did offer to pick me up but I thought that maybe since the shop is on your way home you could just drop me off.”_

_“Yeah, I can drop you off.”_

_I finished my lunch in record time, cleaning my mess I excused myself from the table Katie and I were at so I could call Daryl to find out when he could come up for his second interview. I had another one on the schedule for tonight at 5:30 and I was not looking forward to it.  The four who had succeeded in passing their first interview were all hand-picked by my dad; he had an ulterior motive for wanting me to interview them: he wanted to play matchmaker and get me to go out with them.  The one I was interviewing tonight boasted about the degrees he received in tech school and the number of internships he had while he was finishing his final year.  This is why I was so adamant about getting Daryl hired.  What he was lacking in an actual education he made up for in problem solving skills and a brain.  Just by looking at him I had no doubt that when his old man was sober enough to teach him anything that it was probably car stuff._

_“Hey Daryl it’s me, give me a call back when you get this. I got the results from your background check a little bit ago and I wanna get you set-up on a second interview.  The shop closes at 7 tonight and I have an opening on my calendar for 6:30 if you can make it.  Bye.”_

_Sighing as I hung up the phone for the second time this afternoon, I hoped that I was not making a huge mistake by hanging my hopes up on Daryl._

I woke up to the sun shining in my face, there was an empty spot next to me when I rolled over to stretch my back a bit. Knowing Daryl he probably left at first light and snuck through the building until he was safely outside.  I laid in the bed for a bit longer rolling to my other side, grasping the pillow that Daryl slept on the night before wondering if that familiar scent would still linger even after all this time.

Inhaling deeply the smell of dirt, wood, and rain steadily rose off of the pillowcase. Instantly I regretted my choice as a flood of memories sprung forth.  The most prominent one being our weekend trip to the cabin his grandfather owned that had been passed down through the generations.  Pushing our trip from my mind I threw the blankets back, swinging my legs over the side of the bed trying to rub some of the sleep from my eyes.

“Bout time you got up.”

“Thought you would’ve been gone by now, you said you were going back to Hilltop.”

“Told ya last night I’d stay in the shack you spotted.”

Getting up from the bed I walked towards the open door paying no further attention to Daryl as the need to empty my bladder became a little more important than what we said last night. While trying to pass by, Daryl reached out grabbing my arm to halt my movements.  I kept my head down so I wouldn’t have to face him eye to eye.  I don’t think I could stand to see how these last few years have affected him.

“Ain’t finished with you.”

“I have to pee, we can finish when I get out.”

Shrugging out of his grip I walked out of the room to where the bathroom was, the floors creaking under the pressure of our combined steps. His boots sounding heavily as they moved with purpose to follow the light steps of my bare feet.

“What are you doing? Gonna watch to make sure I don’t fall in?  I don’t think Ezekiel has walkers in the toilet.”

Daryl stood with his back to the door after he followed me into the bathroom. I felt like a kid being potty-trained the way he was scrutinizing me, watching as I tried to go about my morning routine.

“Do you _really_ need to be in here?  Fucking wait outside I’ll only be a minute or two.”

“Ain’t got nothing I haven’t seen before.”

Turning his back to me I shook my head annoyed at how stubborn he was being this morning. I agree that we have some unfinished business from last night but it could at least wait until I finished up in the bathroom.  Cautiously I unbuttoned my jeans, letting them slowly drop along with my underwear completely unsure whether or not Daryl would try to sneak a peek.

“Did ya mean what ya said last night? Do ya really regret everything we had?”

_Really?_   You choose _now_ to wanna talk about last night?

Unable to concentrate I quickly pulled my jeans back up, dropping the lid on the toilet as I washed my hands. Using my shirt and jeans to dry my hands I reached for the doorknob ready to leave the confined space but once again my way was blocked.  Daryl’s hand flashed out to wrap around my wrist, his face turning to meet mine.  For the first time in years I was being forced to look him in the eye.  The sting of my words from last night was evident as he struggled to keep a range of emotions in check.  As much as he wanted to scream at me he was fighting just as hard to keep his cool.

“Let’s go back to the bedroom, little more private in there.”

Reluctantly he eased his hold on my wrist allowing me to open the door. One of Ezekiel’s people was just on the other side, his hand poised ready to knock.  He stepped to the side allowing us to pass before heading inside and shutting the door behind him.

At least we made it back to the room without anyone else stopping to stare at us.

“Can’t tell me ya didn’t feel it too.”

“About last night? What I said about regretting everything?  I meant it, but only part of it.  I was angry as a fucking wasp at seeing ya yesterday at Hilltop and I let it get to me.”

The room fell quiet. Movement outside of the room and voice from downstairs filtered through a little bit as we both thought of something to say to the other.  I brought my arms to my chest just as Daryl brought his hand up to chew on his thumb.  Looks like we’ve both resorted to old habits as nervousness started to set in.

“Were you ever at the Sanctuary before yesterday? Negan looked too comfortable around you.”

I didn’t answer right away. I was still reflecting on that kiss he’d given me last night.  I knew what he meant, I felt it just as much as he did.  Even after all these years apart we can still somehow find each other, still know when the other is close.  I had been ignoring the feeling for months before yesterday even happened.

“Hey.”

“Sorry,” I was snapped out of my trance when I saw his hand waving in front of my face, “just thinking. I was there for about a month or two, it was shortly after I got here.  A gang of ‘em on bikes stopped me while I was walking.  Took all of my stuff, said it wasn’t enough and took me and all my shit back with ‘em.  Negan met us outside the front gates, wide grin, fucking Lucille over his shoulder, told me I belonged to him.”

I brought my eyes up to meet Daryl’s face, an ugly sneer across his lips as he snorted.

“Shit, even _I_ couldn’t even get away with saying something like that to ya, you’d have whooped my ass.”

“I agreed to take your name though but you’re right I would’ve whooped your ass for that. I whooped Negan pretty good until his men jumped me and put me on my knees at gunpoint.  He threatened to kill me there on the spot but said that I had too much…spunk?  I think that’s the word he used.  Also said he didn’t like killing women or kids, that I needed to behave myself if I wanted to walk out of there on my own.”

“You never were one to play by the rules.”

“You and Merle had a hand in that.”

“What’d you do?”

My back was starting to ache from all of the standing even though it probably hadn’t been that long. Looking around the room I saw the bed figuring it’d be a good place to get comfortable in if we’re settling in for story time this early in the morning.  The sun was just starting to brighten in the eastern sky, the people inside the Kingdom beginning to come to life once again as the rays shone through the windows.

“What Dixons do best: I fought. Three of them had to carry me inside but I kept struggling to break free.  They stopped just outside of a door, cut my clothes off, and threw my naked ass onto a freezing cold concrete floor.  The door slammed shut behind me, not long after that some song started playing over the speakers.”

Daryl groaned placing his head in his hands, the greasy strings of hair swaying back and forth.

“ _Easy Street_ , right?  Dwight’s fucking wimpy ass nearly had me breaking the goddamn door down.”

“But we both know it’s hard to break a Dixon. They played that song just about every hour of every day on repeat trying to break me.  When that didn’t work they tried making me work the fences, clean up piss when Negan would burn ‘em with an iron.  Shit, one bitch tried hosing me down in cold water and making me stand outside in the snow for a half hour.  Ended up getting sick as hell after that but I refused to tell them that I was Negan.  There’s no need to say what they did or tried to do to you.  Negan says they do that to everyone who refuses to call themselves Negan.  But some things do vary.”

It grew silent again after that. My arms had fallen from my chest, I would try to catch myself from gripping the sheets as another torrent wave of gruesome images from inside the Sanctuary bubbled to the surface.  Once more the calm of Daryl’s voice shook my mind loose.

“Fed me fucking dog food sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They left the door open not long after they felt I had earned my clothes back, I tried to make a run for it.  They surrounded me out back, circled me like a bunch of fucking vultures.  Negan said that I don’t scare easy, that it was something he liked, wanted me to say I was him and join the Saviors.  Beat me to a pulp, felt like I was getting walloped by my old man again.”

That explains the black eye and the bruises on his arms.

“Growing up the way you did, you had to be tough. Fear wasn’t an option with the way your old man would go after the two of ya.”

“How’d ya get out?”

“Broke out, snuck out, whatever you wanna call it. I had a few bobby pins in my hair when I was taken, they were hidden well enough that they were never found.  Merle taught me to pick a lock so I figured if I was gonna put a lesson into practice why not now?  I waited until the footsteps stopped walking past the door and made a run for it when the halls were clear enough.  They sent a search party to look for me.”

“You track ‘em like I showed ya?”

I nodded as I continued. I took my shoes off on the side of the road and walked into the woods barefoot, throwing caution to the wind.  I’d rather be bit by a snake or spider than get captured and brought back to the Sanctuary.

“I snuck up on ‘em one by one killing all but one, he was gonna give Negan a message for me before I killed him too.”

“What was the message?”

“My name is Claire. I took a long range rifle with me when I left; it had a decent scope on it, already sighted in.  I squeezed the trigger and watched the guy’s brains shoot out of his skull, the blood covering Negan’s face.”

“Definitely one way to send a message.”

I nodded in agreement as a yawn worked its way up and out.

“Since when did you start using the cooler heads will prevail mantra?”

“Don’t know, probably after Merle got left in Atlanta and cut his own fucking hand off. Realized that being a hot head wasn’t getting me anywhere, everywhere Rick went he wanted me to go with him.  Rick was a cop before this, ‘nother story for ‘nother time.  He would always try to find the best solution to a problem, didn’t like to kill the living.”  A smirk appearing across his face, “made me realize that I wasn’t just some dumb redneck, that I could actually be useful and not everything has to end in a fight.”

“Must’ve been hard to reprogram your brain. I remember when we were still going out, it was St. Patrick’s Day some drunk had one too many and pinched my ass because I wasn’t wearing green.  Told you not worry about him, drunks weren’t worth the time but you and Merle insisted.  Cops showed up and Merle took the fall for everything so you wouldn’t end up in jail.”

“Wasn’t easy that’s for sure. It was a fun night until that asshole started in on ya, still don’t hear ya complaining about what we did after we left.”

“And you never will.”

Another yawned escaped as I turned my head to cover my mouth. Sleep was calling again, the temptation to give in was getting stronger the more my eyes began to droop shut.  Daryl walked over to the bed gently placing his hands on my shoulders, slowly forcing me back against the pillow.  His hands on my feet soon after, setting me on the bed fully.  Daryl brought the blankets up and over my body almost instantly warming my cold skin.  I fell back asleep as his lips touched my cheek, lingering there for a moment.

I woke up a few hours later to an empty bed and an empty room. A folded up piece of paper was laying on the nightstand next to the bed.

‘Gone back to Hilltop. Get ready for war.”


	7. Chapter 7

** Chapter 7 **

****

_“Here, ya look like you could use it.”_

_“Thanks."_

_Throwing the shot back and chasing it with a swig from the third beer I had ordered. I’ve been sitting at this bar almost an hour wallowing in misery.  The only other person in my department had put in his two weeks’ notice earlier this afternoon and our manager let it be known that they had no intention of replacing him.  I was now expected to do the work of three people on my own all for a measly $13.50 an hour.  I better be getting a fucking raise for taking on all this added pressure, they damn sure better let me work as much overtime as I want too._

_“You liking the job so far?”_

_I saw Daryl nod his head from the corner of my eye as the bartender laid out the appetizer sampler I had ordered. For it being Friday night and pay day I should be a little happy but with a bomb being dropped in my lap I was far from it.  I was miserable and needed greasy fried food and beer to make me feel better.  Getting laid would be better than food but my fuck buddy decided to take a trip down to Cancun to shack up with a bunch of barely legal college girls during Spring Break._

_“You weren’t kidding when you said there’s been a lot of business coming in lately. Seems like I get done with one car and I got three bikes waiting.  Dunno how your dad’s been managing all this on his own last 30 some-odd years.  Kinda missed seeing ya there today.”_

_“Is that why you’re here? My dad asking ya to keep tabs on me?”_

_“Nah, Merle’s supposed to be meeting me here in a little bit if he hasn’t done anything stupid to get himself locked up again. Saw ya over here and thought you could use some company.”_

_I was picking through my food trying to decide what I wanted to eat first. I had gotten mozzarella sticks, onion rings, and chicken strips; my appetite slowly dissipating the longer the food sat in front of me._

_“What I really need is a stiff dick.”_

_“Wanna run that by me again?”_

_“You heard me.”_

_“If that’s what ya still need when you’re ready to leave come find me.”_

_I carefully watched as Daryl left flagging down the bartender who was taking an order at the end of the bar. Their lips were moving and a thumb from one of them was pointing in my general direction.  I went back to ignoring everyone around me, ordering beers and shots as the mood struck me.  Not long after Daryl left me alone at the bar, the door opened behind me.  It grew quiet as Merle’s boisterous self came bursting through, a few friends in tow as he started telling one dirty joke after another._

_“Dixon! Now you know better than to be here, Jerry’s got that restraining order against ya and with the both of ya being here you’re in violation of the 500 foot court order.  Now you can leave on your own or we can call the cops.  Your choice.”_

_“Oh c’mon Tom! You can’t be serious with that shit?  We all know Jerry’s wife is a whore, not my fault she’ll spread ‘em for anyone willing to put his dick in there.  ‘Sides ole Jerry just walked out and I’m meeting my baby brother here.  Now, line ‘em I got some catching up to do.”_

_“Tom, just let him stay. I’m working on a migraine right now and Merle shouting across the room ain’t helping none.”_

_Reluctantly Tom allowed Merle to stay under the condition that he doesn’t start any fights and Daryl keep a close eye on his brother. With it being my voice that seconded Merle staying I was cut off for the rest of the night and told that I was now the official designated driver for both Dixons when it was time for last call and they were ready to leave._

_So from the time Merle got here at around 9:00 until closing Merle, his brother, and his buddies drank virtually non-stop. If it wasn’t beers they were throwing back it was shots of whatever they were in the mood for.  On occasion they would offer me a drink but each time Tom would remind them that I was their driver for the evening so I wasn’t allowed anymore then what I already had._

_From my seat at the bar I had a pretty good lay of the land. The Dixons and their small group parked themselves by the pool tables, hustling games left and right to those who dared to try their luck.  Jerry never came back inside, probably dealing with that wife of his spreading her legs again for another willing customer.  Tom’s voice came booming out of nowhere, the peacefulness that I was enjoying for the past four hours was broken by the crack of a pool stick.  I should’ve known that Merle couldn’t keep himself out of trouble for more than a few hours._

_“C’mon we gotta go.”_

_I wasn’t fully aware of what exactly was going on. I had only just turned around in my seat to watch the fight that Merle started when Daryl came darting through the nearly empty room, pulling me from my seat and taking me outside.  The only portion of the fight that I caught was from over my shoulder; Merle had some guy in a headlock screaming at him to “take it back.”  Must’ve been an insult against one of them or he was being accused of rigging the game.  At least that was the only thing I could think of._

_“You shouldn’t be driving.”_

_“Fucking test me, I dare ya.”_

_“Just go home Daryl. It’s late and we both know the longer we stick around the more likely it is we’ll both be going down with Merle.”_

_Walking across the parking lot to my car I climbed inside and watched, waiting for Daryl to get in his truck and go. We both knew I was right.  There was no doubt that Tom had called the cops and Merle was beating the holy hell out of that poor bastard inside.  After a minute or two of waiting Daryl passed by in his truck making a left out of the parking lot.  I started mine up not long after, making a right and going home.  I watched from the rear view mirror as the red and blue lights appeared behind me, the taillights on Daryl’s truck coming on as he pulled over to the far right side of the road to let the cops pass.  I kept going until I finally made it home, wishing I had taken Daryl up on his offer from earlier in the evening but the moment and my mood have passed.  I was too tired to think about the lack of sex that I’ve gotten.  I mean it’s only been six months, what’s another day without?_

_Parking the car for the night I trudged my sore, aching feet up the stairs; my feet feeling like lead weights had been tied onto them. From the stairs I could hear the cats jumping around, running head first into the walls and landing with heavy thuds as they leapt from the furniture.  The neighbors pounding on the walls in a useless effort to quiet the noise._

_Placing my key in the lock and turning the deadbolt the noises inside instantly quieted; I walked in to find the cat tree next to the door on the floor, the sliding doors of the coat closet wide open, three puke piles and a trail of shredded paper. All of this just in the hallway.  I sighed knowing that this was going to be a long night and that I would be up for at least another half hour if not longer getting the place looking clean again._

_About ten minutes into cleaning my apartment a knock sounded on the door. Pulling the phone from my pocket the digital numbers that flashed across the screen read 2:17 a.m.  Walking to the door I peered down through the peephole to find Daryl standing on the other side.  His head was hanging down and he was chewing on his fingers again.  Seriously, do those things taste like chicken?  Why is he always chewing on ‘em?_

_“What Daryl?”_

_“Can I come in?”_

_He didn’t look at me or in my direction when he answered. Shame was evident in his voice, he almost took on the appearance of a child who was embarrassed.  Sighing I let him in without a second thought.  Nights like this were becoming a little more frequent since he started working at the shop and that was two months ago.  There was no doubt in my mind that Merle got arrested again tonight and there was also no doubt that Merle was blowing the phone up trying to talk Daryl into bailing him out._

_“Shoes off. Merle get arrested again?”_

_Daryl toed out of his shoes following me into the kitchen as I got into the fridge to pull out a container of leftover barbequed brats, chicken, and pasta salad. My dad had made it a few months ago just before winter set in and I had it sitting in the freezer until I pulled it out to thaw yesterday._

_“Worse.”_

_“What do you mean ‘worse?’ What could be worse than Merle getting arrested for another bar fight?”_

_“Promise you won’t laugh?”_

_What reason would I have to laugh at his unfortunate situation? Dumping the meat out onto a plate and throwing it in the microwave for the next few minutes I turned around to face Daryl, promising not to laugh._

_“Got home and there was an eviction notice on the door, locks were changed and the door was padlocked. I had a payment plan set-up with the landlord to work on getting the back-rent we owed paid off; missed one fucking payment and the son of a bitch fucking locks us out.  Just when something goes right for a fucking change something always fucking happens to knock us on our fucking asses again. Fucking Merle can’t get his fucking shit together.”_

_“Keep your voice down, alright? I know you’re pissed but I got neighbors and it’s going on 3 in the morning.  Eat this.  You can stay here tonight and we’ll get something figured out after the sun comes up.”_

_Setting the plate on the table in front of him and handing over the knife and fork I took a seat across from him with a beer that I had grabbed out of the fridge. I don’t know why Daryl would think that I would find any of this funny.  It’s horrible that he’s lost the roof over his head that’s he worked hard for._

_“You mean it? I can stay the night?  You’re not gonna kick me out and tell me to sleep in the truck?”_

_“I may be a bitch but I’m not heartless. Since we’ve hired you at the shop you’ve been coming here a couple times a week to eat and I’ve never questioned it.  Honestly I saw coming; staying the night I mean.  Just didn’t think it would be this soon.  But you’re sleeping on the couch.  The only bed in this apartment is mine and I don’t like to share unless I’m getting something out of it.”_

_“You mean we’d have to fuck in order for me to sleep in the bed, huh? Just remember you were the one saying you needed a stiff dick in the bar.  Fair exchange if ya ask me; a stiff dick for a warm bed.”_

_“I think I’ll be needing a few more of these to even take that under advisement.” I told him, waving the beer bottle I was holding._

_“Well then let’s get ya started.”_

_Pushing the chair across the floor, Daryl got up from his seat and took a few steps to the fridge, pulling out and setting on the counter almost the entirety of my liquor stock. Two six packs of beer, a bottle of tequila, a bottle of whiskey, and a jar of moonshine._

_“White lighting and Jack Daniels, never pictured you as a whiskey girl.”_

_“I get that a lot but it tastes better than those fruity cocktails.”_

_I don’t know where the time had gone but the next thing I knew it was almost five in the morning, Daryl and I were still up drinking our livers to death trying to keep the noise down. I was finally ready to call it a night (or is it morning?) and started putting what was left of my alcohol away when I was roughly grabbed by the wrist and flung against the refrigerator door.  Daryl was on me in a flash, the smell of alcohol surrounding him was as strong as the smell of the cigarette smoke that rose off of him, enhancing it even._

_“Ya think about what I said?”_

_“Stiff dick for a warm bed? Can you even get it up?”_

_Grasping my hips firmly he rolled his hips against mine letting me feel what he had to offer. Admittedly he didn’t feel all that much bigger than my fuck buddy but then again his clothes were in the way._

_“Very good. What else did you learn from watching Merle’s porn stash?” I teased._

_There were so many rumors around this town. Some thought their old man had severely mutilated Daryl when he was kid, possibly cut his balls off.  Some thought that perhaps he was a virgin and didn’t know how to use his dick, that all he did was sit alone in a dark room masturbating to Merle’s pornos.  Still others thought that Merle had paid off some whores to say they slept with Daryl.  Dixons were known for getting more than their fair share of women in the sack but Daryl never boasted about any of his conquests.  Makes me wonder how true the rumors really are._

_“Depends, how do ya want it?”_

_Wow. Never been asked that question before.  It’s always been rough, a lot of skin slapping, a lot of heavy panting and primal, guttural screams and grunts._

_“Surprise me. Just no ass play.”_

_He backed away a little, regarding me as his eyes passed over me a few times, bringing his hand up to his lips to chew on his fingers once more._

_“C’mon, got an idea.”_

_“Daryl-”_

_“Don’t talk.”_

_I stood in the middle of my bedroom as Daryl shut the door, the cats were on the couch sleeping off their early morning antics. With all of the alcohol in my system I was ready to say screw it and go catch an hour or two of sleep before the asshole downstairs from me started blasting the volume on his t.v._

_“Dar-”_

_Before I could finish saying his name he came back, weaving his fingers in my hair pulling strands loose from the ponytail I was still wearing. Tilting my face up to meet his, the kiss he started began burning a hole through me, setting my nerves on fire until the only thing I felt was how soft his lips were against mine despite his rough exterior._

_I didn’t even realize that Daryl had backed us to the bed let alone pushed us onto the mattress until my head thumped against the headboard. Daryl let out a small chuckle as he sat up on his knees, his hands going for the button of my jeans, his fingers quickly working the zipper down.  The jeans quickly disappeared from my legs while I worked to get my shirt up over my head.  Both garments fell to the floor as I lay in bed in nothing but a matching bra and panty set._

_“What? Not backing out on me, are you?”_

_“Just thinkin’”_

_“Daryl, I’m only gonna say this one time so listen up: I want sex. Either fuck me senseless right now or get your ass on the couch.”_

_“Yes ma’am.”_

_Propping myself up on my elbows I waited for Daryl to make up his mind. After a few seconds with nothing happening I took matters into my own hands._

_Sitting up, I reached behind to unclasp the bra tossing the garment in his face to try and garner some kind of attention from him. I couldn’t stop the small laugh that escaped as he quickly pulled my bra away to throw it somewhere on the floor.  His cheeks were starting to turn burn a bright crimson color as he tried to avoid looking at my chest.  Leaning forward I took ahold of his wrists, falling back onto the mattress with Daryl following._

_“Touch me.”_

_Hesitation was evident but Daryl still fought with himself to keep from looking past my neckline. Resting his hands on either side of my ribs I couldn’t help but to start rubbing my own up the length of his arms, trying to encourage him.  After a few moments of tense silence Daryl started moving his hands off my sides, bringing them closer together to the center of my body.  I couldn’t help but watch his expression change from uncertain to almost fascinated while goosebumps sprang up as a result of the rough calluses on his hands passing over the soft flesh of my breasts.  My back arched off the bed as his palms came to a momentary pause over my nipples.  I could feel the back and forth struggle that Daryl was putting himself through so in an act of desperation on my part I slid my hands down his arms until they came to rest on the tops of his._

_Instinctively Daryl retracted his hands from me, sitting back on his heels. The shame he had when he came over was making its appearance once more.  Sighing, it became evident that he really had no clue of what he was doing.  I was beginning to think that the rumors of him being a virgin may be true._

_“Don’t say anything, I’ll be right back.”_

_Climbing out of the bed I went to the dresser and got a few old reliables. If he was too shy to touch me then we’ll go a different route._

_“What’cha got there?”_

_“Well, if you’re not gonna do the job yourself might as well do it myself. Now you have two choices: either watch or help.  What’s it gonna be?”_

_When I received no answer I made my way back to the bed, crawling into the center of the mattress leaving the pair of vibrators in plain sight as I slid the panties off my hips. Tossing them over Daryl’s head to land somewhere forgotten on the floor I made myself comfortable on the pillows, my legs bent at the knee and open allowing Daryl a front row seat of everything I was about to do._

_“Feel free to lend a hand or two.”_

_Switching on the pocket rocket the sound of the vibrations it emitted filled the room. Biting the inside of my lip I watched for Daryl’s reaction as I started to trace along my outer lips until it came to rest on my clit.  A groan echoed from across the room forcing me to re-focus my attention from the immense pleasure I was giving myself back to Daryl.  He was steadily palming himself through his jeans and watching him watching me get myself off was making me wetter by the minute._

_I knew all the best ways to get myself off but tonight I wanted to be a little extra greedy, I wanted more._

_“Daryl, do you still wanna sleep in this bed tonight?”_

_Rather than answering he nodded his head shyly trying to keep from looking at what I was doing too much._

_“Then you’re gonna do what I say, understand? No, you’re not gonna get away with shaking and nodding your head anymore tonight.  I want a solid yes or no.  You wanna sleep in this bed tonight or not?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Are you gonna do what I say without putting up a fuss?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Good. Take your pants off and get over here.”_

_Daryl stood on his knees, unbuckled the belt and slid it through the loop holes. Dropping it to the floor with a muffled thud he then worked the button and zipper down.  His hands were on his hips carefully sliding them past until I caught sight that he wasn’t wearing anything underneath._

_“Love a man that goes commando every once in a while.”_

_I couldn’t stop myself from laughing as he muttered “laundry day” under his breath. Once his pants were completely off his body he crawled his way up to the head of the bed, waiting for further instruction.  Thankfully he chose to lay on my left side, it was going to make things so much easier._

_“Pick up that vibrator next to your hand, twist the bottom of it until it won’t go anymore.”_

_After a quick moment of trying to figure out how to turn on the device the room filled with the sounds of the second vibrator._

_“Put it in. Slow.”_

_I could see the uncertainty and confusion in his face but Daryl did as he was told. Getting to his knees once more Daryl slid his right arm under my left leg positioning the head of the vibrator at my entrance, sliding it through my folds as slowly as possible._

_“How f-”_

_“All the way.”_

_My hips rose from bed the further Daryl pushed the vibrator in and thankfully he didn’t stop until it was fully seated inside of me. Steadily my right hand brought the end of the pocket rocket down until they were touching one another.  My mouth fell open at the sensation of two different vibrators at two different speeds working me over.  What can I say?  I’m greedy tonight, though the amount of alcohol Daryl pumped into me may have a role to play in that._

_After a moment the mattress under me started shifting a bit and soon I discovered the reason why. Daryl had readjusted himself so that he was now laying on his side, his neck straining a bit as he tried to avoid resting it on my leg._

_“You can put your head down, ya know. You’re not gonna hurt me and who knows even if you did I may like it.”_

_Tentatively, Daryl brought his head down until his cheek rested against my leg just above my knee. I was never one for beard burn or scruff but the way Daryl was unknowingly rubbing his face against me I may just be changing my tune._

_“What now?”_

_Blindly searching for Daryl’s other hand I found it comfortably tucked under his chest. Pulling it away from him I laid it across the center of my lower stomach, pressing down to force my hips back to the mattress._

_“No matter what, do not move that hand. Start moving it in and out, go slow.  I’m sure it’s not in a Dixon’s nature but you can put that mouth of yours to use as well.  Ya know, kiss, bite, nip.  Use your imagination, get a little creative.”_

_Daryl did as instructed. After a few strokes (and I was sure he was distracted enough) I reached out with my left hand to gently run my fingertips along his shaft.  I expected the hesitation but was not expecting him to keep going.  His right hand still working the vibrator and his left still forcing my hips to remain planted on the bed._

_“Wh-wh-what are ya doin’?”_

_“What’s it feel like I’m doin’? I believe in fair exchange, Daryl.  You get me off, I get you off.  You do what I say, you get to sleep in the bed.  Just keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll be fine.  Just need you to tell me what you like.”_

_“Um…”_

_“That’s not an answer. If I tell you it’s okay to show instead of tell, are you gonna stop me?”_

_In the dim light I could see how conflicted Daryl was really becoming. A part of him seemed to really want this to go until we both finished, the other part wanted to put a complete stop to this.  A tense silence started to arise between us before Daryl mumbled a response.  Guess this is something else to work on at another time._

_“No, won’t stop ya. Just that…nevermind.”_

_“Show me.”_

_“Keep them hips on the bed.”_

_“Or else what? Needs to be a punishment if I do, empty words mean nothing.”_

_“Go out with me.”_

_“Doesn’t sound like much of a punishment to me.”_

_“You don’t know me. Keep them hips down.”_

_Carefully Daryl took his hand off my stomach bringing it to wrap around my left hand. I didn’t realize how much larger Daryl’s hands were in comparison to mine until I felt the tips of his thumb and middle finger touch slightly as they constricted around my wrist.  He squeezed my hand almost painfully tight until he found the grip comfortable enough to move our hands in tandem along his length.  After the fourth stroke he wound our hands over the head, a hiss escaping as the leaking fluid covered our palms._

_Once he was comfortable with the rhythm he set Daryl let go my hand and replaced his back on my stomach. This time though he got a little bolder, this time he took two fingers and spread my lips wider giving the pocket rocket I was using a little added surface area to work in.  He introduced a third finger and lifted back the hood, exposing my clit to further assault.  Daryl had increased the speed of the vibrator’s thrust to the point that I was nearly done, just needed something extra to send me over the edge._

_“Daryl-”_

_“I got ya.”_

_Yanking the vibrator from my hand and tossing it to the end of the bed the numbing sensation the vibrator had started to cause began to wane as it was replaced with a warm finger. The movement started as a slow, purposeful stroke and quickly turned to rapid, tight circles.  Biting the inside of my lip, my brow furrowed in concentration as I was steadily brought to the edge but still unable to reach it.  I knew Daryl could feel how close I was as well, every now and then he’d try to encourage me when my hand would falter and I’d have to stop._

_With my right hand now free of any device I reached between my legs and grabbed hold of Daryl’s wrist, forcing him to take the second vibrator out. Pressing the toy against my clit as Daryl continued to work me over I finally found my release, crying out in ecstasy._

_Soon after I heard Daryl swearing up a storm telling me I needed to stop, but I couldn’t. Fair is fair; he got me off so now it was my turn to finish getting him off.  I was too numb to move from my spot but that didn’t mean I couldn’t move my other arm.  Turning to my side I brought my right hand up to cup his balls, cradling them, rolling them, massaging them; if I wasn’t so tired I’d even venture to willing put my mouth on them._

_It didn’t take long for Daryl to find his end. Just as he was ready to come he pulled my hands away, letting himself spill over my breasts and stomach.  He all but collapsed on the bed as he fought to catch his breath._

_I took whatever time I had left before sleep set in to get up and grab the towels off the bed, wiping myself off and tossing them in laundry basket to be done tomorrow._

_“I planned on getting myself off tonight anyway, always best to be prepared.” I offered as Daryl lifted his head up apparently confused._

_Throwing back the blankets I climbed into bed and got myself comfortable for the next few hours. Shuffling my pillow around a bit until I found my neck groove I was nearly asleep when Daryl’s voice abruptly broke the quiet._

_“Don’t make plans for tomorrow night, we’re going out for some real bar-b-que.”_

_“What are you talking about?” I asked, turning my head so I could see Daryl a little better._

_“Told ya keep your hips on the bed, they came off when you…ya know.”_

_“Oh. Remind me later after I’ve gotten a few hours of sleep.”_

_With one eye cracked open I watched Daryl fight to get under the blankets until he finally gave up, got up, threw the covers back and climbed back in. He carefully peeled his shirt off, laying it gingerly on the nightstand.  Seems a little strange that he didn’t do that with his pants._

_“Why did you freeze like that when you had me in my underwear? Don’t lie and tell me you were ‘just thinking’ either.”_

_“You’d laugh if I told you.”_

_“I didn’t laugh when you came over saying you got evicted, so what makes you think I’m going to laugh in this situation? Why are you so hell-bent on thinking that every time I ask you something you think I’m going to laugh at the answer you give me?”_

_“You’re the first person to treat me somewhat decent and I thought if we slept together that you’d just…I dunno…”_

_“Tell everyone in town how much of a pussy you were? Give Merle more to talk about?  Daryl, look at me,” I waited until he turned his full attention to me, “If we had slept together I wouldn’t treat you any differently than I was before.  No offense but you act like you’ve never seen a naked or nearly naked woman before in your life; like you’re a fucking plague.”_

_“You get treated like you’re the plague your whole life kinda hard to change that mindset.”_

_“Don’t raise your voice, there’s no need to get angry. I’m going to sleep, I’ll go out to dinner with you tomorrow night, but think about this: there are still good people in this world that care about others.  You are a good person Daryl Dixon, you just need to keep telling yourself that every day.  Even if you don’t believe it those around you will see it.  I do.  Good night, Daryl.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another triple posting, enjoy!


	8. Chapter 8

** Chapter 8 **

****

“Claire, a word please.”

Ezekiel’s voice came bursting through the room, commanding yet kind. I had been looking out the window of the room I had slept in the night before turning the piece of paper in my fingers that had Daryl’s chicken scratch scribbled on it.  Pushing off the sill I saw that Ezekiel wasn’t alone.

“Claire, this is Carol. She was inquiring as to Daryl’s whereabouts, I was informed that you both stayed here last night.”

I watched as a graying woman laid a hand on Ezekiel’s shoulder, muttering something to him with a suspicious looking smile on her face. She stepped into the room with me, closing the door behind her.  Probably wanted to tell me something along the lines of back the fuck off; leave it to Daryl to leave out that he’s moved on.

Fuck! I _knew_ that kiss last night would lead to nothing but trouble.

“He went back to Hilltop this morning, that’s all I can tell you.” I told her, holding out the little note as evidence.

“Daryl was never one who could sit on the sidelines when he felt he could be useful.” She mused, taking the paper from me and glancing across the sheet.

“Why are you here?”

“He paid me a visit yesterday, before you got here, I was hoping to talk to him about something but it seems like I already missed him.”

She still kept the smile on her face but her eyes were not reflecting it. Something about this woman was off, like she was putting on a façade for the world to see.  She had secrets to hide, that much I knew.

“What did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t, Ezekiel did. My name’s Carol.” She told me, handing back the paper.

I nodded as we fell into silence, neither of us knowing what to say to the other though we both knew there was at least something that needed to be said. I almost started picking up Daryl’s bad habit of chewing on my fingers when Carol spoke again.

“Benjamin said he saw you two in the bathroom earlier this morning. Glad to know Daryl finally found someone to spend a little alone time with.”

“It’s not like that, I promise. We had some old business to talk about and he just so happened to follow me into the bathroom this morning to discuss it.  He doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, trust me.”

“So you knew each other before all of this?”

“He’s my ex-husband, so yeah we know each other.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“He wanted to end it. It was probably for the best though; he’s got too much of his brother in him.”

“I met Daryl, and Merle, just after Atlanta fell; he does have a lot his brother in him but he’s done a lot of growing up since this all started. Merle got left behind in Atlanta while a few of our group went into the city on a run, Daryl was pretty upset about it however he overcame that and grew into a much better person.  He doesn’t take anyone’s life for granted anymore, he would fight and he would die to protect us.  Maybe you should start getting to know the new Daryl, you might be surprised.”

Closing my eyes I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to shake the feeling that was steadily creeping up my spine. Something wasn’t right.  The paper that became trapped between my fingers began fluttering slightly as the digits began trembling.

“I’ve gotta go.”

Shoving past Carol I flung the door open to find Ezekiel standing just outside with Shiva standing guard. Ezekiel couldn’t get a word out before Shiva screamed in pain as I accidentally stepped on her tail.  All three of them were hot on my heels shrouded in confusion, that tiny voice in my head repeatedly telling me something was wrong, something was not right.

I wasted no time in getting outside and to the doors, a person on either side pulling them open just wide enough to let me through. A few walkers were scattered but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle on my own.  Making my way down to where I had parked the bike last night I discovered that it was gone, figuring Daryl must’ve taken it with him.

Guess I’m walking back to Hilltop. At least I’m getting a fairly early start, should be able to make it there before sunset as long as there are no big hold-ups.

It’s probably been an hour or so since I started walking, every now and then I’d start singing some random song that came to mind. The song I was currently muttering to myself came to an abrupt halt as the sound of engines began reaching my ears.  The bikes were still a ways away but still close enough to warrant wanting to get the hell out of Dodge before they spotted me.

The cabin that I had mentioned to Daryl last night wasn’t too far from the abandoned highway that I stood on. Taking to the woods I found the overgrown path that led me to my destination.  But again that nagging voice sprang forth telling me that something was out of the ordinary.  Cautiously, I took my gun from the holster being mindful of the engines that roared closer to where I was.

“Shhh, get in there and stay quiet.”

I should’ve known…

Sighing, my shoulders drooping, my head hanging low, I holstered my gun and walked into the cabin. I stood just inside the door as Daryl slammed it shut, whirling around on his heel as the latch caught.

“The hell you doin’ out here anyway, huh? Already left ya a note that I was going back to Hilltop.”

“Call it a gut feeling. Something’s just not right about-”

I stopped myself short as the engines drew closer. My hope that was that they would just pass by however, having been around bikes for a number of years I knew that we were no longer safe when the roaring turned to silence.  I listened carefully as the engines sat idle.  There was no doubt that Negan had sent scouts to search for Daryl after I left the Sanctuary.  Maybe I was wrong this time and they were just stopping to take a piss while on their way to the Kingdom for their pick-up.

“Come with me.” I whispered, knowing that he’d hear me.

Walking the short distance from the door to the living room I knelt down to knock on a few of the boards trying to find the panel I had cut out about six months ago when the place got overrun with walkers. A bad storm had rolled through and a tree took out a wall in the kitchen, a herd of about thirty or forty walkers was passing through around the same time.  There would’ve been no way I could handle that many on my own so I had to hide in the storage room that I notched out under the cabin.

The hollowness confirmed that I found the right panel, pulling it back I quickly ushered Daryl inside. He knew he had to be quiet, there was no need for me to say the words or remind him.  The board was back in place just as footsteps outside and around the cabin began reaching my ears.  Taking my gun from its holster for the second time today I carefully made my way to left side of the window, trying my best to see through the overgrown trees at who was approaching.

As I was watching a Savior pass by the front window I caught sight of another one passing by the side window. Swallowing thickly I pulled the second gun that I had tucking in my waistband behind my back.  I stood with my back to the wall keeping a careful eye on both windows with my guns raised should the need arise to use them.

A shrieking scream came out of nowhere followed by cries of ‘rotters!’ One of the two that I had been watching ran in the direction of the screams, the other stuck around though I wasn’t fully sure why when it was clear that the level of danger this area presented was higher then what they thought it was.

My eyes went wide as he started turning around, possibly to get a look inside. Crouching down I knew that my current position would mean that he’d spot me easily, so I crept along the wall until I stood next to the window, just out of sight.  I watched as he lifted a hand to the side of his face peering inside.  Looking around the room I saw that nothing was out of the ordinary from how I left it last; everything was still in its place and anything of significant value was out of sight.  All of the food and water I had were under the cabin where Daryl was.

The Savior quickly turned away from the window, completely caught off guard as a pair of walkers came down on him. His shrill screams causing all manner of attention to be brought to our location.  I watched as one walker tore into his neck, a spray of blood slashing across the glass as the other bit down on his arm.  A small group of Saviors, maybe three or four, came crashing through the woods putting down the walkers and hauling their comrade off.  His cries of agony could still be heard as they made it back to the road.

He wasn’t going to make it back to the Sanctuary today.

Knowing there was one less Savior made me feel a little better until I remembered that for every one Savior they lost Negan still had an army of ‘em at his complete disposal.

I sunk down to the floor, my arms resting on my knees and my head resting against the wall as I listened to his wails of suffering pierce through trees wishing they would put him out of his misery already. Once the woods grew quiet again I stood from my spot and walked to the middle of the living room, tapping my foot on the loose floorboards letting Daryl know the coast was clear.  He came out looking dirtier than when he went in.  Cobwebs hung in his hair, dirt clung to his skin, the heavenly scent of dirt hugged his clothes.

“What was all that hollering out there?”

“Pair of walkers took a Savior out. We’re in the middle of a hot zone right now, so sad to say we’re stuck here for the next few hours.” I answered, holstering one gun and tucking the other inside my waistband behind my back.

“That why you came out here?” he asked, climbing out of the hole and replacing the panels.

“Maybe. I know you can fend for yourself but something about you being out here just didn’t sit right with me.  Gotta stay quiet though, blood on that window there is gonna have the walkers swarming us any minute.”

Just as the words left my mouth a walker came up the bloody window, flinging itself against the glass. Its putrid, black tongue licking the glass as it desperately clung to the frame to support itself.  Soon after two more walkers came pushing towards the glass, then three more on top of that.

“C’mon, let’s get upstairs. If they do manage to get inside we’ll stand a better chance of taking ‘em out on the stairs.  More narrow so only a few can get through.”  Daryl whispered, nodding towards the staircase.

In a way he was right, narrow spaces means you could take out the walkers as they packed into that tight of an area but it also meant that there were probably a dozen hands reaching for fresh flesh.

We crept to the stairs taking it one step at a time. I quietly signaled and pointed to the spots where the wood creaked rather loudly letting Daryl know to watch where he walked.  Even in work boots held together with tape and fabric strips that man could still tip-toe as quiet as a deer in a thick brush.

“You look tried, why don’t you go take a nap for a little bit? I’ll wake you in a few hours.” I offered as I once again took my gun from its holster, taking a seat on the stop stair.

From where I was perched I had a clear line of sight to the front door. If the walkers were able to beat the door down they’d be able to see me right away but at least I stood a decent chance of taking about 15 or so out before I ran out of bullets and had to rely on my six-shooter.

“Nah, I’m good.” He replied taking a seat on the stair next to me. “’Sides, told ya this morning I wasn’t done talking.  What happened after you left your grandparent’s farm?”

“Looking to hear my life’s story?”

“I was a piece of shit to treat ya the way I did, I can’t take it back but I can try and make up for it.”

Our knees touched just a hair before I pulled my leg away, letting his words sink in. _Now_ he wants to talk after five years? _Now_ he wants to listen to what I have on my mind after five years?

“Why the change of heart? You never cared to listen to what I had to say before.”

“People change; I let Merle get inside my head. Just after this all started he went with a couple people in our group into Atlanta, I went hunting.  He got left behind, by the time we got to where he was the son of a bitch cut his own hand off and got out of the city.  He was gone and I was free to be my own person for the first time ever.”

“Ever see him again?”

He sat in silence for a moment, contemplating before he spoke.

“’Bout a year later, whole time I thought he was dead but he was in a place called Woodbury. Their leader called himself the Governor, Merle was-”

“I know who Merle was to the Governor,” I cut in. Daryl looked at me perplexed, his brows knitting in confusion and concern.  “Ran into Merle after I left my grandparent’s farm.  When the car ran out of gas I pulled it off onto the side of the road, practically set up camp right there until I could figure out what to do next.  Slept in the car for a few days until I was awakened one morning.  Car was surrounded by a small group, probably four or five of ‘em with Merle as their fearless leader.”

I paused glancing over at Daryl, the confusion turned to anger as I could only imagine the thoughts that were running through his head. Me laying asleep in my car suddenly awakening to find myself surrounded with no way out and Merle’s familiar face in the window, probably with a grin plastered across his features.

“Merle didn’t do anything to me, he wouldn’t even let those in his little hunting party do anything to me either. Which is shocking considering he didn’t give two shits about what he did to me while we were married.”

“What _did_ he do?  Don’t lie to me neither.”

“Took me back to Woodbury with him. Introduced me to the Governor, kept asking about you; was wondering if I had seen ya at all.  Of course we hadn’t seen each other but I knew you were close.  You can’t say you didn’t feel it too.”

“We held up in a prison, I’d go out hunting for just about anything I could scrounge up, knew you were close didn’t think you were _that_ close.  The Governor took two of our people, didn’t see ya there when he had me and Merle fighting to the death.”

“I was already gone from Woodbury by then. The Governor gave me the creeps so I left, told Merle that I hope you two found each other.  That was the last time I ever saw him.”

“He never told me you were there; he never even brought up your name. We’d go on watch and I’d sometimes ask him if he thought you were still alive, he’d tell me to quit being such a fucking pussy I wanted out and got just what I wanted, shouldn’t give two fucks whether you were dead or alive.”

“That’s my fault, I told him if you ever found each other to just pretend he knew nothing.” We sat quietly for a minute before the question escaped, even though he wasn’t blood I still considered Merle my brother-in-law.  “How did it happen?  Merle dying, I mean.  You used to say nobody could kill Merle but Merle.”

“Don’t know, he already turned when I found him gnawing on some other dead bastard. He had a hole in his chest so that’d be my guess.  He went out his way though; at least that’s what I like to think.”

“You’re a lot like him, ya know. Not just your temper but the way you carry yourself, you emulated him a lot when we were married, you’re even more like him now.  A friend of yours came to see me this morning, think she said her name was Carol, told me how you would die to protect your family, your group.  Merle was a selfish hard-ass but he’d do anything to keep you safe and out of trouble.”

We fell silent after that.

The walkers were still clawing and clashing into the cabin, their raspy groans could be heard through the wooden walls as the sun continued on its familiar trek across the sky. My eyes were starting to grow heavy as the walkers finally started to give up.  I’m almost certain that the window had been licked clean of the fresh blood that was sprayed across the pane a few hours ago as well as the ground where the blood pooled into the dirt.

I was brought out of my semi-state of sleepiness when a broken whimper filled the room. Lifting my head off the wall I set my gun down next to my left hip.  Carefully I wrapped my arms around Daryl’s head and neck, gently resting his head on my shoulder.  He buried his face in my neck as he wound his arms around my waist, the tears wetting my skin as I just held him.

In all my life I had never seen Daryl _this_ upset but our history together dictates that even though we both know the questions I’m going to ask it was best to just let him get it out of his system now and he’ll tell me about it later.

Minutes later he lifted his face from my neck, unwrapped an arm from me and wiped his face off with the back of his hand. The pain of what he was feeling was still unmistakable; the tears were beginning to well up in his eyes again.  Picking up the bottom of shirt he brought it to his face and wiped away a few more tear tracks.

“Thanks.” He whispered, sniffling a bit. “Claire?  Do you hate me?  Not just for what I did to you and put you through, but as a person.  Do you hate me?”

I was stunned by the question. I have had the last five years to reflect on everything that Daryl and I went through both together and apart.  Every time I ever thought about us, about what we had, about what we could’ve had it always circled back to one thing: Merle.  I told myself after the divorce was finalized that if I ever saw him again I’d tear both of ‘em a new asshole.  But now that Daryl’s here I can’t bring myself to say any of the things I thought of.

“Claire? Please, I need to know, do you hate me?” Daryl was begging, pleading with me to not hate him.

“C’mon, I need to get in that bed, these stairs are really starting to hurt my back. Help an old woman up?”

Daryl let out a reluctant sigh as he stood and stretched his hand out. Taking his hand, I was rapidly pulled to my feet but as he tried to drop my hand from his grasp I wrapped my fingers around his wrist and pulled him into the bedroom, shutting the door behind us and making sure all of the locks were in place, just in case those walkers outside did manage to get inside.  Daryl stood in the middle of the room, another sniffle escaping.

“Lay down, if the walkers haven’t broken through by now then I don’t think they’re motivated enough to get us from in here.” I said, pushing Daryl backwards to the bed stopping only when the backs of his knees touched the side of the bed. “I promise I have an answer for you but you look exhausted.”

Daryl nodded, toeing out of his boots and climbing into the bed, pulling the blankets around him and adjusting the pillow as necessary. I climbed in after him and got myself as comfortable as I could.  Turning to my side to face him it became clear how badly he needed to hear that I didn’t hate him.  Daryl was always the kind of person to wear his heart on his sleeve and it always meant that he was more susceptible to becoming an emotional wreck if something around him caused him any kind of extreme pain.  This was one of those situations.  His normally clear blue eyes were becoming bloodshot, his nose was red from where he had trying to wipe the snot away, his body vibrated under the blankets as he shook from fighting back tears.

Opening my arms I watched in alarm at how quickly Daryl flew into them. His body started to relax a bit as we just laid in bed holding each other but I knew Daryl was still needing an answer.

“I hate what you did to me, but I do not hate you as a person. I told myself when the judge signed off on the order that if I ever saw you again after that day I’d rip you to shreds.  That was five years ago; I can forgive you for everything you put me through but I will never forget it.”

“As bad as I wanted to get out the Sanctuary can’t help feeling that I still belong there. People back home are dead because of me, dead because I lost my temper, dead because I didn’t listen.  They hate me, Tara hates me, Rosita hates me, Maggie especially hates me.  The ones they loved are dead because of me.  Would it be better if I just let you take me back?  Negan’ll probably kill me on sight but I’d deserve it.”

“Daryl, if you keep talking like that you’re gonna hate yourself even more, you need to stop. If your group hated you that much they would’ve lynched ya as soon as they set eyes on ya yesterday.  Probably right though, Negan would kill you on sight but not before he made you watch him torment a few others; he’d probably get ya all riled up ready to fight just before that bat came down.  Trust me, I’ve seen him do it.  We’ll get you back to Hilltop tomorrow and then we can figure something out from there.  One thing I know for certain, if you are going to war against the Saviors, you’ll need one hell of an army behind ya.”

“When this is all over, what happens next? What happens to you?”

“I already told Gregory that I’d be gone from Hilltop-”

“You’re leaving?”

There’s that trace of boyish sadness I remember.

“I meant what I said last night, we’re not good for each other.”

“I don’t want you to go.” His voice shaking as he clung tighter. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.  Had a dream last night, it was about the first time you ever let me spend the night at your place.  Landlord put up the eviction notice and changed the locks on us.  I remember when I came over you let me in without question but said I had to sleep on the couch.  Ended up sleeping in the bed after I got ya off pretty good.  I’m sure you figured it out pretty quick that I never had sex with anyone before you, but you should know I haven’t slept with anyone after you either.  You once told me that I was a good person and that even if I didn’t believe it that those around me could see it.  You saw what no one else could and it took the world ending for me to finally see it for myself.”

“What are you getting at Daryl?”

“You were the only good I had before the world went to shit, I was a fucking idiot to let ya go especially over something as petty as watching ya climb into your cousin’s car to go to lunch. Got jealous that you wanted to spend time with your family instead of me, even if it was only an hour.  I let Merle get in my head, I let him tell me that you were out fucking around behind my back.  Claire, I’m sorry.”

“Say it again?” I asked, carding my fingers through his hair.

Carefully Daryl lifted his head from the depths of the blankets bringing a section of it up to his face to wipe away more tears that had fallen and to once again wipe his already reddened nose. More unshed tears lingered but somehow he managed to pull himself together just long enough.

“Claire, I’m sorry. For everything I did to ya and all the shit I put ya through, you didn’t deserve any of that.  I’m sorry.”


	9. Chapter 9

** Chapter 9 **

****

_“They’re starin’.”_

_“Then let ‘em, you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s not every day they see a Dixon in public sober let alone hold the door open for a woman.”_

_Daryl grunted as he continued to stare at his plate. As promised, I held up my end of the deal from last night and came out for a bar-b-que dinner with Daryl.  I’ll admit that I prefer my dad’s much better than this but considering what I had fed him last night was taken out of a freezer I guess nothing beats fresh._

_“Daryl?”_

_Picking his eyes up from his plate a hardened look started passing over his features. Once again he grunted in response as I pressed on._

_“I’m glad you brought me here. You think when we’re done maybe instead of dropping me off at home we could ride around for a little bit?” I asked timidly, nibbling on the interior of my bottom lip._

_“You ain’t scared of riding around on the back of a bike? Ain’t afraid of what they’re gonna say?  Of what your dad might say?”_

_A nervous laugh erupted unexpectedly and much to my dismay Daryl started taking it the wrong way. His eyes were starting to narrow and a scowl passing across his lips._

_“I’m not laughing at you, it was more the question you asked about my dad. If you haven’t noticed I don’t live with my parents, I have my own place so anything my dad might have to say is kind of irrelevant.  What everyone else in town has to say?  Fuck ‘em, it’s my choice, my decision to be seen with you. I grew up around bikes since I was kid, shit my dad used to drop me off at school on a bike when the weather was nice.  How many kids can say their dad brought ‘em to school on a motorcycle?”_

_Slowly Daryl’s face began to soften a bit, at least that was until some asshole decided to try and bust his balls by trying to say that I had gone around sleeping with Merle and one Dixon wasn’t enough me. I had just managed to grab his wrist as he was getting up from the table reminding him that if he started a fight that he’d end up in a cell right next to his brother._

_Merle had started calling Daryl at the ass crack of dawn this morning trying to get him to bail him out but he finally put his foot down. He left my apartment around 8:00 saying he was going to the courthouse to listen to what the judge had to say.  Apparently she sentenced Merle to three days behind bars and restitution for any damages done in the bar as well as paying the guy’s medical bills that he beat the crap out of.  At least that’s what I was told when Daryl came back._

_“You ain’t…you and Merle…”_

_“Fuck no! Not even if he were the last guy on Earth and the fate of the human race rested on us fucking.  I know he’s your brother and all but…” a shudder ran down my spine at just the thought of having sex with Merle._

_Daryl let out an audible sigh of relief as he sunk back down in his chair to dig into his plate that had started getting cold. I sat comfortable across from him picking through the stack of fries that the cook had piled high in my basket._

_“Claire, why wouldn’t you let me pay? Least I could’ve done after last night.”_

_“You want the truth or a lie?”_

_Daryl seemed to be taken aback by my counter question but I was being serious. No one’s ever asked me why I do something or why I won’t let someone do something for me.  My friends and family both know when I’m lying and when I’m being honest; a complete stranger has a difficult time knowing the difference between two so why not offer them a choice?_

_“Um, truth? I guess.”_

_“Last few times I’ve gone out with someone they coincidentally left their wallets at home. Not that I would call this a date or anything but I just think it’s easier if I pay for whatever I buy and whoever I’m with pays for their own.  Last I checked I don’t have a money tree growing out of my ass and I have bills to pay.  I can’t afford to pay for someone else’s meal when I can barely afford to put food on my own table.”_

_“I guess that makes sense. Just feel…I dunno…  You wouldn’t call this a date?  What would you call it?”_

_I shrugged in reply having no answer to supply. I mean could this really be called a date?  Daryl did sorta ask if being told I broke the rules last night constituted being taken out for a bar-b-que dinner.  I was just fulfilling my end of the bargain, this can’t be called a date, could it?_

_“Would you call this a date?” I countered._

_“We should get going if you wanna ride around for a bit, gonna get dark before too long.”_

_I nodded as Daryl worked to avoid the question. Getting up from his seat he reached across the table to grab my basket but rather than throwing it away he dumped the untouched contents into his Styrofoam container and shut the lid._

_“Breakfast.” He muttered, shrugging his shoulders._

_As I got up from my chair I asked Daryl if he wouldn’t mind waiting outside for me, nature was calling and the last thing I wanted was to tell him that and have him pull over on the side of the road telling me I’d have to squat in the woods. It’s not like I haven’t done it before; every time my dad would take me fishing he’d have to pull off the highway and tell me to squat in the woods since there were no gas stations to be seen for a while.  I just don’t like coming home to find a tick trying to bury it’s head in my ass (or bury itself elsewhere…)_

_Daryl nodded, agreeing to wait outside for me while I took care of my business. I waited until the door of the restaurant fell shut behind him before I left the table and made my way to the restroom.  Not long after the door of the stall was shut the door to the restroom opened followed by a duo of voices talking in a mix of excitement and bewilderment._

_“Is she insane? Of all the people she could’ve gone out with she’s here with that filthy, grease ball of a Dixon.  Is she really trying to ruin her name by being seen with him?”_

_“The better question to ask would be if she’s trying to ruin her dad by being seen with him. I heard that he screwed her through the wall just to land that job at her dad’s shop.  That him getting that job was all part of some grand scheme Merle came up with to try and rob them blind when the right chance comes along.”_

_“Well let’s face it Claire’s choice in guys has always been questionable. Do you remember when she started going out with what’s his face in high school?  How he got her in trouble with the cops and her dad when he talked her into getting in that stolen car from King County?  Oh c’mon you remember, she was sitting shotgun and that idiot led State Patrol on a high speed chase through King all the way over to Fulton; they were just outside of Atlanta before they threw the spike strip and the car flipped like three or four times.”_

_I remember that day too. My then high school boyfriend had picked me up from work and was taking me home when we got lit up.  Instead of pulling over he floored it despite my protests to stop and let me out.  When we hit the spike strip just outside of Atlanta my head bounced off the window and the last thing I remember before blacking out was the car rolling down an embankment.  I woke up in the hospital a few days later with a neck brace, a fractured femur, and a lot of bumps and bruises.  While being interviewed by the detectives my parents made their way to my room demanding an explanation as to what in the hell I was thinking getting into a stolen car.  I didn’t know it was stolen but I learned quickly after that day what the “classic signs” of a stolen car are.  Although I had Merle Dixon to thank for that lesson; when I was finally released from the hospital he made it a point to come up to my dad’s shop and pound it into my head what to look for so I didn’t make that same mistake again._

_“I’ve been seeing him go in and out of her apartment building quite a bit lately.”_

_“Claire was never one to keep her legs closed, especially when it came to those bad boy types. My Nana says that her grandmother would probably be turning in her grave if she found out what Claire’s been up to with those Dixons.”_

_“I wonder if she’s ever let both of ‘em fuck her at the same time.”_

_Shaking my head in disgust I quickly finished so I could confront the three of them before they had a chance to leave. However as the toilet flushed I heard the door open and their footsteps quickly scurry out.  As I stood at the sink washing my hands a thought came to mind, what if they saw me come in here and waited until I was indisposed to walk in and say something?  My anger was slowly bubbling to the surface but I had to remember what my therapist had told me.  My anger is my downfall, if I let it control me then how can I expect to recover from it without letting it change me?  I’ll probably bring this whole thing up with my session on Tuesday and find out what he has to say.  All I know is that if Daryl were in here listening to all this he’d probably…_

_A thunderous voice erupted on just the other side of the door. I guess Daryl heard some of what was being said about the both of us and from the sounds of it he’s about to rip someone’s throat out._

_“The fuck does it matter to you who she decides to spend her time with? You think that just cause your daddy paid for you to have an abortion you can talk shit about something ya know nothing about?”_

_Must be referring to former cheer captain Allison Davis and her remarks about my choice in guys._

_“Who gives a rat’s ass what your fucking Nana thinks of her, she’ll be dead before too long and good riddance! That nosey old bitch must’ve passed her fucking mouth on to you, so fucking quick to talk shit but ain’t got nothing to say when you’re blowing Merle in the back room of the gas station ya fucking work at.”_

_I know that he’s talking about Olivia Fox with that one. She’s been working at the same gas station since sophomore year in high school._

_“To hell with all y’all! Me and Merle used to ya talking shit ‘bout us but just cause one person chooses to be a decent human being to us y’all think you got room to talk.  Go to church all ya want it ain’t gonna save ya from being assholes.  Claire!  Hurry your ass up woman ain’t got time to be fucking around!”_

_Squaring my shoulders back I pulled the door of the bathroom open to find Daryl standing in the middle of the restaurant blazing mad. His face was a bright shade of red, his chest heaving as he fought to catch his breath, his stance was purely defensive.  If anyone had enough balls to try and fight him at this moment he’d have ‘em on the ground in five seconds or less. The sound of the door squeaking open captured his attention; in three large strides Daryl had covered the distance from the middle of the room to the bathroom door.  Grabbing my wrist I was dragged from the establishment and into the parking lot._

_“Um, Daryl?” I started, quickly closing my mouth as he turned on his heel, the fire still burning in his eyes._

_“Shouldn’t have brought ya here, knew they’d do nothing but run their fucking mouths. Climb on, I’ll take ya home; I’ll get my shit outta your place while I’m there.”_

_“Do I get a say in any of this?”_

_Daryl stared at me for a brief moment, the grip he had on my wrist tightened as the anger in his face subsided to reluctance. Or maybe I was reading him wrong and the reluctance I thought I was seeing was in fact anticipation.  Anticipating some kind of scenario he’s played out in his head over the course of the whole day._

_“I still wanna go for a ride, I’m not ready to go back home just yet. Besides, where would you go if you packed all your stuff tonight?  I’m not gonna let you park Merle’s bike in the trailer park so you can sleep in your truck.  No offense, but what the fuck do you think people were gonna do when we walked in?  You think they were gonna roll out the welcome mat and not say nothing?  News flash Daryl, your last name is Dixon; people are gonna talk no matter what.  You can get pissed off and angry at ‘em all ya want but it ain’t gonna change nothing.”_

_Daryl continued to stare at me with a hardened look on his face, shifting back and forth on his feet, chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. But I pressed on determined to try and make him see this from a different angle._

_“You saw, or rather heard, what those two bitches were saying about me. I don’t know how much of that ya heard but had you not confronted them when you did I was gonna say something when I came out.  If the world came to a crashing halt tomorrow guess what?  Those assholes would be looking to you, Merle, and everyone else in this town that has any kind of survivalist instinct.  They’ll say how sorry they are for saying all the shit they said but in the end people like us, the ones who get our names smeared in the mud, we’re the ones who get a second chance.  People like Allison Davis and Olivia Fox are the ones who’ll be the first to bite the dust because they’ve had everything handed to them, they don’t know what it means to work for everything you have.”_

_“You’re dad gave you-”_

_“My dad didn’t give me anything. I paid for college on my own; I got my apartment on my own.  I work a job I hate six days a week to make ends meet and I work at the shop to help my dad stay on top of the paperwork.  Before we hired you my dad was having me come in on Sundays to help him re-build engines, do oil changes, and swap the cars out of the garage in between inspections.  You don’t get it do you, Daryl?  Those bitches and people like them talk about us because they think we’re easy targets; we get all riled up over the tiniest things and they use that against us just to make themselves feel better about whatever shit is going on in their lives.”_

_“Why you so damned and determined?”_

_“About what?”_

_"Make me see things different.”_

_“Because despite your name I know you’re a good person Daryl. You need a few anger management classes but even with Merle being locked up for a few days you’re not as irritated as you usually are.  Back there was a minor setback, but you are a good person.”_

_He huffed out a small laugh at that, finally releasing my wrist from his python-like grip. Crossing the parking lot he climbed onto the bike; fishing the cigarette pack from the front pocket of his flannel shirt he stuck one between his lips as he replaced the pack in the pocket replacing it with a lighter.  Blowing out a puff of smoke he leaned over the bars thinking deeply over something._

_After a few minutes he flicked the cigarette away to land somewhere on the blacktop. Waving me over I stood in front of the bike grasping the bars waiting for him to give me some semblance of an answer.  I really did wanna go for a ride, I didn’t want this to be how things ended between us for the night.  I didn’t want Daryl to pack what few things he had scattered around my apartment and leave to go sleep in his truck._

_“You sure you still wanna go for a ride?”_

_I nodded in response, hoping he’d agree._

_"You got someplace in mind ya wanna go or what?”_

_No. Just thought maybe we could ride around for a bit, see where the road takes us.”_

_He nodded as my words sunk in before reaching behind and patting the seat behind._

_“Climb on. Ain’t got much daylight left but make do with what ya got, I guess.”_

_I gave him a small smile to hide my excitement. If I knew Daryl was capable of letting out a barking laugh at my expense I would’ve knocked him off the bike and onto the boiling hot asphalt below._

_Daryl turned the key in the ignition as I was climbing onto the back. Despite what the laws were the bike was devoid of a pair of helmets.  According to Daryl, Merle never saw any point in wearing one._

_“If the good Lord meant for me to be wearing one he would’ve had our daddy buy ‘em for us when we was kids riding around on piece of shit hand-me-down bikes that our neighbors didn’t want anymore.” Daryl mocked, though his impression of his brother was quite a bit off the mark._

_Winding through twists and turns we eventually found our way near the top of the Blue Ridge Mountains. The sun was nearly set giving off a radiant show of pinks and purples, the sounds of the crickets and cicadas coming to life around us.  Even with the roar of the engine it was still so peaceful out here.  I was pulled from my moment of relaxation as the bike started slowing down, crawling to a stop and finally the engine shutting off._

_“Why’d we stop?”_

_“Came up here with our dad and Merle, one of the only times that son of a bitch was sober; we were on a hunting trip, granddaddy had a cabin not too far from here that we’d go to every year. Guess since you didn’t have a place in mind I kinda found my way back up here.  Guess you were right, ride around for a bit and see where the road takes us, just wasn’t expecting it to bring us up here.  I don’t remember it, but Merle swears that he’s never seen me happier than when I’m out here in the woods.”_

_“You do seem like a duck in water,” I remarked, “seems like the further out of town we got the more relaxed you started to become. After we passed the county line and you really opened this monster up you really started to let go then.  I know you probably don’t wanna hear it but I could feel the tension and everything just leave you.  Been feeling that for a little while now.”_

_What do you mean?”_

_“You’ll think I’m being stupid for even suggesting it.”_

_"Just fucking say it."_

_“Don’t get mad at me for suggesting it, just listen. Since you walked into the shop for your interview there’s been something about you that seems to relax when you’re around me.  Rather than getting pissed and flying off the handle like I’ve seen ya do you try and use that rational part of your brain telling you to think things through before reacting.  Since you started eating at my place you’ve put on a bit of weight; you look healthier.  You don’t look so scrawny, you’re actually filling out some and your clothes aren’t as baggy.  You may’ve been too tired to realize it but you actually fell asleep in my lap a few nights ago.  I know my dad’s been working ya hard lately but it is summer and we both know that with nice days there would be more and more people with bikes wanting to get ‘em tuned up for road trips.  You looked so peaceful when you were sleeping, like there wasn’t any place else in the world you’d rather be.”_

_I fell silent after that letting the wind breeze through my hair, wiping away a sheen of sweat that had gathered around my face and neck. My gaze had been focusing on the lowering sun, watching the orange orb sinking deeper into the horizon trying to memorize the landscape that was being painted before my eyes._

_“You’re right, it is fucking stupid. Don’t never wanna hear a bunch of bullshit like that again.  You don’t fucking know me and don’t try and act like ya do neither.  You think that just cause I defended ya bit back there it gives you the right to spout off some reverse psychological shit?”_

_“Ya know, you don’t have to get sore all the time. I don’t know you at all and I’m not trying to pull the wool over your eyes by shooting out some psychological bullshit.  I was only pointing out an observation, doesn’t mean you have to take any of it to heart.”_

_Patting his shoulder I swung my leg over and got off the bike walking towards the edge of the unguarded cliff we were parked on it. If he wanted to, it’d be very easy for him to come up quietly behind me and shove me off but something was telling me that he was actually thinking hard on what I said.  With the tiny sliver of light that remained I let my eyes roam carefully over the landscape taking in the last few residual details I could find._

_I wasn’t expecting Daryl to walk up behind me draping a small blanket over my shoulders. Having never been in the mountains before I didn’t know the temperature would drop as quickly as it did._

_“Never seen the stars so clearly before.” I muttered, pulling the blanket a bit tighter, glancing up at the velvet sky looking on as the tiny lights pulsated outward._

_“C’mon, need to get back. Know ya said you didn’t care what anyone else thought of you being seen with me but I don’t want anyone calling the cops thinking you’re out here against your will.”_

_“Can we stay just a little bit longer? It’s so quiet out here and I don’t think I’m ready to go back to all that noise.”_

_“Wish we could but I gotta work in the morning. Took on a side job doing some work on a condemned house and I need to be at the jobsite at 6:30.”_

_I could feel my shoulders slumping at the idea of having to go back sooner than what I wanted but if Daryl got himself a second job then I supposed we had to go back, even if it’s only 9:30 on a Friday night._

_Climbing back onto the bike we wove our way down through the blackness with a single headlight lighting our path. As soon as we reached the city limits the noise pollution hit my ears.  Almost everywhere I could hear the planes overhead, an occasional car honking, traffic whizzing past on both sides of the highway.  The relaxing feeling I had seemed like a dream and I was waking up to a noisy reality._

_What I wouldn’t give to live in silence._

_From the city limits to my apartment it was probably a half hour ride and much to Daryl’s relief there were no run-ins with the cops. Backing the bike up into a parking spot and shutting it off we sat there for a minute or two to allow the numbness that had developed to dissipate.  My hands seemed to have developed a mind of their own as they continued to linger on Daryl’s hips not wanting to let go, not wanting to be back here; still wanting to ease against him as the bike cruised at a comfortable speed, wanting to feel his breath catch in his chest when they would cling to him when our speed would increase._

_“I’m gonna get my stuff then I’ll be out of your hair for the night.”_

_"You don’t have to go, I’m not kicking you out.”_

_“Almost make it sound like you don’t want me to go.”_

_“I don’t. I don’t want you to sleep in your truck, I don’t want you to break and bail Merle out.  Don’t even think about lying to me; I felt your phone vibrating in your pocket when we were on our way back here.  We both know you’ll be back here early in the morning for coffee and breakfast, so don’t you think it makes sense to just stay here?  I know I said last night that I don’t like to share my bed unless I’m getting something out of it but I’m willing to put that aside.  I also know you don’t like to hear me talk about feelings and all that shit but something about you sleeping next to me just felt right.  It felt like it was where you belonged; it felt-”_

_“You know I only did what I did just so I could sleep in a real bed for a change, right? You used me to get yourself off, I used you to have a warm bed to sleep in for a night.  I used you to get a free meal and free beer a couple times a week.  Don’t you get it you stupid fucking bitch?_ I. USED.  YOU! _I’m getting my shit and I’m leaving.  You know what your problem is?  You’re too fucking trusting.”_

_With that, Daryl leapt from the front of the bike and stormed towards the door of my apartment building leaving me stunned and ashamed. I never should’ve let him get to me the way that he did, never should’ve let him get under my skin.  I knew everyone at work was right but I had to at least try.  I couldn’t make an outdoor cat an indoor one but at least I tried to give him everything an outdoor cat needs to survive.  I gave him food, I gave him a place to stay when the weather isn’t ideal, but if he wants to stay outside I have to respect that.  If he came crawling back I’d have some serious things to think about._

_Daryl came back out a few minutes later with a plastic grocery bag in one hand and the other angrily shooing me, shouting at me to get the fuck off the bike. I conceded and got up; standing next to it as he climbed on, turned the ignition over, and rode off into the night._

_Why do my decisions always lead to me getting hurt?_


	10. Chapter 10

** Chapter 10 **

****

As I awoke with the sun in my face I more than half expected Daryl to either already be out of bed or out of the cabin all together on his way back to Hilltop. However that was not the case.  Turning to my side I found Daryl fast asleep, his face buried in my hair, an arm draped across my waist, light snores escaping.  Aside from the dead walking the earth and living in a post-apocalyptic world it felt like nothing had changed.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Everything had changed.

Carefully extracting myself from the bed I grabbed the rubber band from the night stand, pulled my hair back and left room, quietly closing the door behind me. Since it was still early I figured I had enough time to whip up something for breakfast.  Knowing Daryl he probably set up some traps around the place as well as a few other precautions.

Opening the door, attached to the trees I found what looked to be a very primitive looking type of alarm system. Although I don’t think cans on a string can be considered an alarm system.  Feeling a childlike sensation come over me I fought the urge to pick a section of it up and hold it up to my ear.  If Daryl heard the cans shaking he’d be out here in a heartbeat and angry as a hornet knowing it was a false alarm.

Carefully stepping over the system I made my way through the woods, making sure to keep the sun on my right shoulder. The first trap I came to was a simple piece of rope tied to a fallen limb.  A rabbit had gotten hung around the neck, seems like it had been chased down and ran head first through the noose and, well, bit the dust.  Loosening it out of the trap and resetting it I worked my way around the perimeter of the house stringing three rabbits.  If I only had a bow I’m sure I could’ve gotten a few of the squirrels I had seen.

Returning to the cabin with my small catch I placed what I had on the counter, fishing through the drawers for my fillet knife my attention was drawn to the stairs creaking under the weight of footsteps. Glancing over my shoulder I saw Daryl making his way down, rubbing a bit of sleep from his eyes; his cowlick sticking up almost straight up.

“Morning.” He muttered, pressing a kiss to my cheek and grabbing the rabbits off the counter, taking the knife from my hand.

What the fuck just happened?

“You feeling okay?” I asked confused, turning to watch Daryl take a seat at the table.

“Yeah, why?”

“Um, you just kissed my cheek and took my bunnies.”

“I kissed ya the other night too and for the record these are mine. My traps, my rabbits; skin ‘em up and have some steaks for breakfast.  Got potatoes under the house, clean some of those up and we got a meal.”

“What are you gonna do with the skins?”

“Maggie’s pregnant, figured I could dry ‘em out and you could stitch ‘em together for me. Lil blanket or something to keep the baby warm when winter sets in.”

“And what makes you think I’m gonna be the one sewing skins together?”

“Fine I’ll get Sasha or someone else to do it. Why does everything have to turn into an argument with you?”

“Because you always give me a reason to argue. Your friend Carol told me yesterday that you turned over a new leaf and that you don’t take anyone’s life for granted anymore.  Also said that you’ve done a lot of growing up since Merle’s death.  But I find that very hard to believe.  You told me yesterday that you had a dream, about the first time I let you stay the night at my apartment.  I had one myself last night, it was the day after the one you had, when we went out for a bar-b-que dinner, remember?”

“What’s your point, Claire?”

“My point, Daryl, is that you screamed it in my face that you used me. Used me to have a roof over your head for a night, used me for a free meal a few times a week.  You used me to your own benefit and I got the fucking shaft.  What makes you think that those thoughts aren’t racing through my head right now?  I get up early to do you a favor and check the traps but now you think you can give me orders and _suggest_ I do ‘woman’s work’ by cooking _your_ meal and sew _your_ skins for a baby blanket?  Cook your own fucking rabbits and sew your own fucking baby blanket.”

With that I stormed out of the cabin, hopping over the rusted cans and making a beeline back to the road. Fuck that shit and fuck his suggestions.  I cannot _wait_ to be the fuck out of Hilltop, the fuck out of Virginia, the fuck away from Negan, the fuck away from Daryl.  The paved road came as a shock as I didn’t think that I rushed out of the woods as quickly as I did.  Glancing around I found a barren green scape, clear blue skies, and the smell of rain on the wind.  It was going to be pouring either tonight or in the coming days.

Turning down the road to head back home I could feel the sun beating relentlessly against my neck; this sunburn was gonna be a bad one but it probably should’ve been the least of my worries as the sound of a small motorcade came rolling over out of nowhere with the lead car stopping next to me.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my favorite little pussy cat! Hope ya got some good news for me.”

Fucking Negan…

“Ya know, I don’t appreciate you sending your men in to follow me when I specifically remember telling you not to.”

“Shit, I know that, but I want my prisoner back; he _needs_ to _understand_ what he did wrong.  You can’t go around bashing my men’s skulls in and not expect me wanting retribution.  Look pussy cat, you got 15 days to bring this asshole to my doorstep and I want to hear some fucking progress when I visit Hilltop next week.”

Progress? You want progress?  How about I tell you…

No, if I tell him where Daryl is now I won’t have Maggie and the rest of Hilltop ready to fight.

“What if I tell you something now, will that keep you giddy as a schoolboy so I don’t have to see you next week?”

“Depends on what ya tell me sweetheart.”

God I wish I could punch every fucking tooth out of your fucking skull...

“Found his footprints about 10 miles back; he’s somewhere between Hilltop and the Kingdom. They’re about 12 to 24 hours old but it’s better than nothing.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a man to find.”

The grin Negan had plastered on his face began to widen as his arm disappeared inside the truck. The door opened as his leather-clad feet stepped out, his precious Lucille dangling towards the ground before he swung it skyward, carefully laying it across his shoulder.

“Pussy cat, that’s best news I’ve heard all week considering a couple of my guys were out here yesterday and one of ‘em didn’t make it back alive. Thought maybe that backwoods piece of shit might’ve had something to do with it.  Ya know, high jacked his bike and left him for dead.”

“Considering what you did to him and his people I can’t say I wouldn’t blame him.”

I turned away from the convoy intent on going back to Hilltop before Negan stopped me.

“Where’s his bike?”

“Daryl’s or what’s his name?”

“Simon, what was that kid’s name again?”

“Michael.”

“Where’s Michael’s bike?”

“No fucking clue, I was asked to track a redneck, not keep tabs on your men and their toys.”

Negan let out a barking laugh at that, dramatically throwing his head back as his face began to redden. As the laughter subsided he let his head down, bringing a hand up to wipe a stray tear from the corner of his left eye.

“Ya know I just _love_ a good tease!  Something none of my wives do, they just give me what I want and then it’s on to the next.  But you?  I bet you had a _line_ a fucking mile long with guys; their peckers standing straight up just _hoping_ you’d look in their direction.  Tell ya one thing though pussy cat you sure know how to work a crowd and you’re sure as _shit_ working me.  Ain’t had a hard on before noon in a _long_ time.”

Then how ‘bout I break it off and let Daryl fuck you up the ass with it?

“Are we done? I got a redneck to find.”

“Where’s Daryl’s bike?”

“I hid it in the brush, off the road someplace where he won’t find it. Unless he’s been following me as closely as I’ve been trying to follow him I don’t think he’ll find that hunk of junk any time soon and even if he does it’ll be hard not to hear that from a mile away.”

“So then why are you walking out here instead of in the woods?”

“Gotta get the ticks off my ass.”

I didn’t know his grin could get any wider, his eyes roaming over me a few times before bending at the waist to get a look at what could be seen of my backside.

“If you need any help I’ll be sure and keep a space for you open in between fucking my wives.”

Climbing back into the truck, he extended an arm out banging on the roof of the truck twice. The truck and the convoy were in motion once more, a few of his men leering at me as they passed.

Thank God those creepy fucks are gone.

“You can come out, they’re gone.”

The brush next to me rustled under heavy steps before Daryl emerged, his crossbow slung across his shoulder, the trio of rabbits attached to his hip, and my backpack dragging the ground.

“Could’ve told ‘em where I was, buy your freedom.”

“Oh no, the thought crossed my mind on more than one occasion.”

“What stopped ya?”

“I don’t have an army behind me to ambush those fuckers.”

Daryl disappeared for a minute, reemerging from the woods pushing the bike out that I had seen briefly while I was checking the traps.

“C’mon, climb on. We’ll get back to Hilltop, we get ‘em trained-”

“I’m not going anywhere with you. I got 15 days before month’s end and I fully intend on being out of Virginia before then.  Negan is expecting me to have you on his doorstep in that time, fifteen days is not near enough time to train a bunch of farmers with pitchforks to fight for their lives, to fight for their freedom, to fight to kill.”

“If you left, where would you go?”

There was only one place I would conceivably go that made sense. The only place where Negan and the Saviors wouldn’t dare to venture.

“Home. Maybe the walkers on my grandparent’s farm have dispersed, maybe I could rebuild it.”

With that I snatched my backpack from Daryl’s hand and started on my way again towards Hilltop so I could pack my stuff and leave. I hadn’t made it more than a few yards before I heard the engine turn over and Daryl appear on my right slowing down to a crawl as he worked to keep the bike steady.

“C’mon Claire, just get on. This ain’t the past; yeah I used you to get what I wanted but you used me just as much.  Okay, maybe not _as_ much, you had more than I ever did so I had more to gain but that’s not the point.  I said what I did because I was scared.  Merle had drilled it into my head that I was a man, and a Dixon at that, we don’t get scared.”

“Ya know, you could’ve just been straight with me five years ago. Because of your idea of what a man is and what a man isn’t you pushed me away.  Do you have _any_ idea how badly you fucked me up?  How close my dad came to firing your sorry ass just after that one night?  Because of me you got to keep your job but I made sure my dad worked your ass for eight hours straight and the only break you got was your hour for lunch.  Then you just come into my office one day out of nowhere thinking it was okay to kiss me and say you’re sorry; a kiss and two words don’t fix nothing Daryl!  It didn’t fix shit five years ago and it ain’t gonna fix shit now!”

“I know you’re pissed but-”

“Don’t you _dare_ tell me to keep my voice down motherfucker!  I will stand out here all fucking day tearing your ass apart until I’m red in the face and the walkers are ten feet away.  Don’t you think I won’t.”

“Just get on, we’ll go back to Hilltop and if you still wanna leave I won’t stop ya.”

Stopping in the middle of the road I turned to face Daryl head on, something about his demeanor is not right. This is not the same man I knew all those years ago.

“Why are you so hell-bent on getting me back to Hilltop? What’s in it for you by getting me there, huh?  You ask your buddy Carol to go ahead of us so she can tell Maggie and Sasha that I’m working for Negan and y’all can beat the truth out of me, is that it?  Is that what all that fucking boohooing was about last night?  Drop a few crocodile tears, ask me not to hate you all so you can stab me in the back again?”

“Ain’t like that Claire.”

“Then what the fuck is it?”

Before he could answer another rustling came from the trees followed by a putrid smell. We heard them before we saw them; without so much as a second thought I hopped onto the back of the bike and we were on our way back to Hilltop.  Looking behind me I saw about half a dozen walkers come out of the woods.  Their clouded eyes following us as we flew far past their outstretched arms; their feet shuffling beneath them as they tried to take strides to catch up to us.

We remained quiet during the short trip back to Hilltop, though the quiet was shrouded with a heavy tension. I was still angry as hell and I knew Daryl could feel it radiating.  We were just on the edge of Hilltop when I told Daryl to stop the bike.  At least he listened to me this one time.

“Where ya going?”

“Kal should be out here somewhere checking the nets. I’ll catch a ride back with him.  Got a few other things I need to get done.”

“You ain’t back by dark I’m coming after ya.”

I waved him off as I climbed off the back of the bike and made my way into the woods. Today we should be checking the fishing nets and some of the traps.  Taking the familiar, beaten path down to the stream I found Kal with his back to me knee deep trying to pull a net in as a walker on the other side was trying to make its way across.

“Thought Jesus was supposed to be out here today helping with the nets.”

“Goddamn Claire don’t you know how to make your presence known in some other way? Sneaking up on me like that I’ll be biter bait.”

“Thought for sure all the noise I was making moving the brush would’ve been enough.”

Toeing out of my shoes I waded into the water until I was standing next to Kal. Grasping the corner of the net we began to pull our catch towards the shore and away from the hungry grasp of the walker that continued to try and make its way to us.

“An apple, two oranges, a head of cabbage, and three daggers.”

“Throw in one of those deer steaks and you got yourself a bet.”

“Deal.”

I smirked a bit as we sat on the shore taking bets to see how long it would take for the walker to step into the current and be swept downstream. Since money was of no value anymore we used what food and supply rations we were allotted.  Kal had a nice sized trout in his hands preparing to string it when a subtle groan escaped.  Glancing to my left I saw him hang his head a bit at the knowledge that he had lost.

“One minute, thirty-seven seconds, gotta be a new record. I’ll get it to you when we get back.”

“I know you’re good for it. C’mon, let’s get these smelly fuckers strung up and back to town before the blowflies start coming.  If you wanna finish stringing these up I’ll check the traps and meet you back at the truck.”

“Didn’t bring the truck this time, Jesus and a few others went out on a run a few weeks ago and found an ATV. Got some gas in it and the oil changed; it’s got a small basket and uses less gas so I figured we could use that rather than taking the truck.”

“Good job, I’ll be back in a few. Hopefully we got something and it’s not all gnawed on.”

Leaving the bank I trekked back into the woods following the markings I had created to mark my traps. The first four yielded nothing however as I approached my fifth trap I saw the ground was far more disturbed than usual.  Squatting down I carefully brushed some of the debris away noticing that the footprints in the mud seemed to have a dragging pattern to them as opposed to a side by side.

Walker…at least one; hoof prints too, maybe an hour or two old at the most.

Removing my knife from my pocket I stood upright, checking my surroundings to make sure nothing had tried to sneak up on me during my distraction. Everything appeared to be clear but as a subtle breeze began to pick up a new smell danced across my nose.  Taking refuge behind a large oak tree I waited until the who (or what) I was smelling passed by.

“C’mon out, know you’re there.”

Fuck me…

“What the fuck are you doing out here? Thought you said-”

“Know what I said but we need to talk.”

“No we don’t. I need to finish checking my traps and helping Kal get these loaded and you need to go back and work on your sewing skills if you want Maggie’s baby to have a rabbit hide blanket before winter.”

Walking back out onto the path I continued down to check my fifth trap, shoving the knife into my back pocket. Much to my surprise I had a nine point buck on the end of it.  An even greater surprise was that nothing had come through and chewed on it just yet.  As I approached the fallen animal an arrow came whizzing past my head making its home in the side between the ribs.

“That’s _my_ deer.” I snarled, making a hasty approach to rip the arrow out.

“It wasn’t dead, now it is. How do ya think ya got this one?”

“See the tracks back there?”

Glancing over my shoulder I saw Daryl nod, leaning over to pull back and lock the string of his bow in place.

“Figured a walker came through here not too long ago and spooked it, deer ran and ended up running right into my trap; when the noose tightened around it’s hoof it got tripped up and broke it’s legs. Pretty fucking miserable way to die especially if it suffered for any length of time.  Wasn’t breathing though so there was no need to shoot it.”

“Can never be too careful, if it looks dead best to shoot it and make sure it stays dead. Surprised you even remembered anything I taught ya.”

“You’d be surprised how much I remember of those days.”

Stalking across the floor of the woods Daryl pulled a knife from its holster and cut the noose off the deer then set about arranging the animal so he could field dress it. Not to be outdone on my own deer I took my knife from my back pocket and started to strip the hide from the back.

“You’re doing it wrong ya know. Gonna ruin the hide that way.”

“Been on my own the last five years, there’s more than one way to skin a deer. If you’re looking to be making baby blankets from hides cutting it in half like this will make two.  Here, use this, your knife ain’t thick enough to cut through bone.”

Digging into my backpack I retrieved a hand bone saw from one of the side pockets. Daryl huffed out a laugh as I went back to work cutting the final section of hide off so I could start deboning the meat from the hind quarter.  Endless thoughts of the many meals this one animal could provide us ran rampant but we had to get rid of it before Negan came next week.  It’d be better if we could get rid of it in a couple of days just in case he came sooner.

“You just carry this with you everywhere ya go?”

“Never know what you’ll find out there, whether it’s man or beast.”

“You ever use it before? Other than carving up carcasses?”

“We’ve all had to do things to survive.”

We worked in relative quiet after that until the silence was broken by Daryl’s gruff voice asking if I was ready to flip the deer over so we could dress the other side. As we counted to three and turned the carcass a sound in the brush set off Daryl’s alarm.  Putting a finger to his lips he motioned for me to remain quiet, as if there was any need to remind me.  I watched as he got up from the ground, grabbing his crossbow from the tree it rested against and set off in the direction in which the noise came from.

I continued to push on, determined to finish dressing this deer so we could get back to Hilltop before dark. The sun had already started to set in the western sky and the air around me was growing colder as I worked as fast as I could.

Another rustling came from the trees just off to my left, thinking it was probably either Daryl or Kal working their way around the perimeter I paid no attention to it and kept working my blade through the shoulder.

“Daryl, if you’re trying to scare me it ain’t gonna work. Get out here and-”

My words were lost as a trio of walkers came out of the woods coming straight at me. Falling backwards I quickly tried to scurry away all while keeping my trembling voice from letting out a deafening scream.  Three on one is completely doable as long as…

_FUCK!_

Desperately reaching to my hip I found my holsters devoid of both my gun and my knife. My back landed with a thud against the trunk of a tree, glancing up I discovered the branches were far too high to easily reach them.  One walker dropped down to my level reaching out a broken arm to grab at me.  My knee against its chest was the only thing stopping it from chewing my face off but as it continued to press itself against my knee I could feel it impaling itself on me.

This walker was persistent; its teeth gnashed and clamped shut as it stuck its neck out to bite at its next meal. Instinctively I reached a hand out, grasping it around the throat to try and buy a little bit of time.  The other two were much slower; one was missing an arm making it a little less of a threat and the other appeared to have a shattered femur.  With my free hand I felt around on the ground until my fingers brushed against the roughened edge of a rock.  Wrapping the digits around the stone I lifted it and swung until it connected with the walker’s head.  Climbing on top of it I continued to swing the rock down until all movement ceased.

For a brief moment I had forgotten all about the other two walkers, it wasn’t until I felt something grip my shoulders and force me backwards. A pair of cataract eyes stared down at me, jaws wide opened as I prepared myself for the inevitable.

But it never came.

A spray of blackened blood propelled forward when the tip of an arrow brought the animated creature to a final end. The full weight of the walker came crashing down on top of me as I wondered about the demise of the third walker, though that should probably be the least of my worries.  As I lay on the ground, pinned underneath a walker, fighting to make sense of what just happened I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that I may have been robbed of an opportunity to finally be free of this world and everything in it.

My moment of darkness turned light once more when a grunt above me heaved the body away. I should be relieved but the look on Daryl’s face was nothing but fear; I couldn’t blame him though for seeing me in the state I was in.  Blackened blood covered my face and neck, yellow pus clung to my hair, bits of brain matter adhered to my clothes.

“You bit?”

“I’m alright,” looking up I could see that he didn’t believe a word I said, “if you want, after we finish dressing that deer and after I get a shower, you can give a once over.”

“Go down to the creek and get some of that shit off, ain’t going back ‘til you at least wash off. Last thing anyone needs is a walker scare, especially a pregnant woman.”

Taking a familiar red rag from his back pocket, Daryl extended a hand out, dropping the cloth across my neck. Sitting up I looked behind me, watching as Daryl went back to what was left of the deer, ripping an arrow from the forgotten third walker.  As I got back to my feet the world around me seemed to have shrunk just a little; the wide spaces I was used to had gotten smaller in such a short amount of time.

“Why didn’t you holler? Thought you could take on all those walkers on your own?”

“Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean you should discount my abilities. I’ll have you know that I’m more than capable of taking three walkers out on my own however I’ve yet to do it with my bare hands.  I didn’t holler or nothing because I know there could be more, you and Kal would’ve come running, sure, but it could’ve brought more walkers than the three of us can handle.”

Walking over to my backpack I crouched down to unzip it and pulled out one of my water bottles. Unscrewing the cap I poured the contents onto the rag to wipe some of the muck away.  Making myself look presentable was something I was completely unconcerned about, however Daryl did have a point.  With Maggie being pregnant the last thing she needed was a potential walker scare.

“How many walkers have you killed?”

“Huh?” I asked, raising a brow.

“Just answer the questions. How many walkers have you killed?” he asked again, stabbing his knife into the back fat of the deer.

“Too many to count, but if you want a number, I’d say from here to home I’ve probably killed about four or five dozen.”

“How many people have you killed?”

“Ten.”

“Why?”

“The first three raped me, they were living with us on my grandparents’ farm and they were the ones who murdered my family. Two had been at Woodbury; one of them beat me when I told him no and the other tortured me at the Governor’s request.  The last five have all been Saviors.  When Jesus found me and was trying to convince me to come back to Hilltop with him we got stopped on the highway by a small brigade just outside one of the outposts.  They had told Jesus to go on back and to leave me with them; they threw my ass onto the back of a bike and took me back to the outpost.  They held me captive until Negan showed up and gave me an ultimatum: join the Saviors, be one of his wives, or be a slave.  He gave me three days to decide; that night I broke out of my cell and slit five throats.  Probably would’ve killed ‘em all if I had the chance.”

Screwing the cap back onto the water bottle, I put it back into the backpack, zipping it closed. Daryl looked at with hardened eyes; even I was unable to read him in this moment.

“I’m not sorry I did it. I would rather be a slave to a tyrant then a soldier in his army.  They may be living the good life walking on us but history has a habit of repeating itself.  Slaves rise up, slaves fight, slaves win their freedom.”

“What if I told you that Alexandria is full of people like you, like me, like us? People who will fight and rise up against those who threaten to take what we have.”

“I’d ask where Merle was and what drugs he’s been putting in your food but knowing that he’s gone I’d say that it sounds too good to be true.”

“Understandable but if we can get both the Kingdom and the Hilltop behind us we _can_ fight and we _can_ win.  Told ya as much that when this is over I don’t want ya to go; when this is over I want ya to come back to Alexandria.”

“If I went to Alexandria, what would I do?”

“Live.”


	11. Chapter 11

** Chapter 11 **

****

“You alright Claire? Look like-”

“I’m fine Kal, just a bit of a walker scare. Managed to bag us a deer so you can forget about that deer steak.  It’s gotta be gone no later than tomorrow though, ran into Negan on my way back here, said he was gonna be paying us a visit soon.”

Throwing the cuts of meat into the basket of the ATV that Kal had mentioned I stood back a little to allow him and Daryl to haul the nets in next, at least that way if anyone stopped us all they would see were nets, they wouldn’t be able to see the bags that held the deer.

“Wasn’t expecting you to bring a deer back to camp otherwise I would’ve brought a second basket. Think you take these smelly fuckers back?”

As I was about to agree Daryl scoffed, grabbing the trout from Kal’s hand and started moving the nets around to make room in the basket. There were easily 10 to 15 that were strung up and while I was in a silent agreement with Daryl that there was ample room in the basket for ‘em I was also in agreement with Kal about not wanting to have to smell dead fish on the ride home.

“We’ll see ya back there, save me a round eye.” Daryl muttered, turning back to his bike to stuff the deer skins into the saddlebags.

Kal nodded, climbed onto his ATV and took off down the path back to Hilltop leaving me with Daryl in very little light.

“Didn’t have to be such an asshole, ya know.”

“Didn’t like how he was looking at ya.”

“Would you prefer Negan undressing me with his eyes again? We’ve had this talk before, we’re not married anymore, there’s no need for you to stick around trying to protect me.  I’m not your concern; if you want someone to protect and be concerned about then focus on Maggie, focus on Sasha, focus on everyone back in Alexandria.”

“They hate me. Glenn, Abraham, and Denise are dead because of me.”

My feet carried me to the bike and before I realized what it was I was doing my hand was stinging and there was a red mark etched along Daryl’s cheek. He looked at me shocked, his hand holding his face as his eyes began to soften a little with the fading light.

“They do _not_ hate you, do you understand me?  This subject is not up for debate and if you ever say they hate you again I will not hesitate to kick your sorry redneck ass.  If you want to see the face of someone who hates you look at Negan, look at Simon. _They_ hate you.  I’m going back to Hilltop, you can come if you want.”

Stepping off to the right, I walked around the bike and down the path that Kal had taken leaving Daryl to stay with his thoughts. Besides that, I needed to be alone with mine.  The smack I had given him was a very liberating experience, one that I had been wanting to do for years.  The decades of abuse that Daryl had suffered at the hands of his father and brother were beginning to rear its ugly head once more.  His father had him believing that his mom’s death was his fault and Merle had him believing that he wasn’t good enough for me or anyone.  The more I thought on it the more I found it hard to believe that Daryl was still allowing his past to take this much of a toll on him.

This new world was supposed to be his chance to make a new life for himself, a new life where he could actually dictate what happens and who’s allowed to be a part of it.

“Get on, shouldn’t be out here after dark.”

“I’ll be fine out here on my own. Need some time to myself.  Besides if you want that round eye you should get back before Kal hands it out to someone else.”

“If he does, he does, just need you to come with me. Ain’t gonna leave ya out here on your own, not after you had three walkers on ya.”

“Just fucking go, Daryl. If I’m not inside the walls in 15 minutes then you can send the fucking search party after me, alright?  Jesus fucking Christ just leave me alone with my thoughts, can ya do that?  Can you give me fifteen minutes to myself?”

I watched as Daryl’s shoulders started to droop a bit, the shaggy head of hair give a small nod, the engine rev and away he went. Exhaling slowly I listened to engine slowly die off in the distance.

‘Alone at last.’ I thought to myself.

Adjusting the straps of my backpack I walked the road most travelled, following the familiar dips back to the main road that led to Hilltop. Crickets started chirping as the last remaining bits of light turned to black.  Looking up at the night sky I saw that it was clear for the time being, the rain I had smelled earlier in the day was still coming but for now I was enjoying looking at the stars as they came forth in silent procession.  The skies were absent of any planes that could block out the patterns, devoid of luminescent street lamps that made it impossible to see the falling stars that went shooting across the velvet backdrop.

This was the kind of peace I needed after the last few days, the kind of peace I desired to keep my mind from going off the deep end.

‘All I need now is a tent and s’mores.’

But this thought was interrupted by a rustling in the brush just off to my right. No sense in dilly-dallying when there’s walkers all over the place.  The last thing I need is to show up at home with a bite and scaring the shit out of everyone.

Picking up the pace I found myself out of the woods in almost no time. The rustling had died off not long after my feet began to quicken but as Daryl reminded me I didn’t need to be out here after dark.  Matter of fact, no one should be out here after dark.  As I exited the woods a thought hit me: to my right was Hilltop, a semi-familiar place to call home.  I had acquaintances there, no one I would actually call friends; the last fragment of my old life was there too.  To my left was the road that would eventually lead me back home to Georgia.

“Get your ass on the bike.”

I let out a half scream as I was jolted from my thoughts, my hand instantly covering my heart as I fought to keep it from leaping out of my chest.

“The fuck is wrong with you sneaking up on me like that?” I yelled, slapping Daryl’s shoulder repeatedly.

“I told ya that if you were inside those walls in 15 minutes I was coming to get ya. It’s been almost an hour, Claire.  You’re damn lucky nothing came stalking out of the woods.  I ain’t gonna say it again, get your ass on the bike.”

Daryl had that damned and determined look in his eyes, it was easier to just climb on than stand out here and argue.

“Well, well, well, look who decided to come back. I guess I have you to thank for that deer Chris but we still have need to deal with the issue of Darren being here.”

“Gregory, my name is Claire and his name is Daryl. As far as I can see there is no issue with him being here unless you go shooting your mouth off to the Saviors.  Just tell me this, how the fuck were you ever elected to be leader of this outfit?  You don’t do shit around here but sit in your ivory tower and drink.”

“That’s not really all that important, Claire. What is important is that since we’ve brought in all these refugees the trailers are filled beyond their capacity.  I’ve already spoken with Jesus about his being overcrowded what with Margie, Sarah, and Erin being in there.  Now I’ve got Darren on my hands and nowhere for him to sleep.  You’ve got a trailer to yourself maybe-”

“One, get their fucking names right Gregory; two, _Daryl_ is _not_ sleeping with me in my trailer.  There are other places for him to sleep.”

“It’s a bit late for that Claire, I already had him move his stuff in, but don’t worry I told him he’s sleeping on the floor.”

I scoffed at the comment as I climbed off the bike, muttering under my breath about getting a quick shower. I had been out in the woods longer than I have been in a while and I was more than certain I might’ve picked up a tick or two.  Walking back to my trailer to grab my towels and soap I found that Gregory was right, Daryl had moved his stuff in.  His crossbow was leaning up against a wall; the cut of meat he had requested was laid out on the table with a knife stabbed into the center of it.

“Check ya for ticks when ya get back.”

“Don’t bother, I can do it myself. Just have this deer off my table by the time I get back.”

With that I walked around Daryl with my things in hand and headed off to the showers. Stalking across the compound to my intended destination several people stopped me on the way thanking me for the deer.  Some had plates of it when they stopped me others were on their way over to the grill to get a plate, still others were seated at tables when they felt compelled to offer their appreciation.

When I reached the showers I checked the stalls making sure I was alone. Once I was able to confirm this I pulled the curtain back to one of the stalls, turning the faucets to the appropriate setting.  Holding my hand out to check the temperature I was ecstatic to discover that the water was pretty warm.  It must’ve been hot enough that the sun warmed the water up that was being held in the rain barrels.  I was quick to undress and drew the shower curtain hoping to retain as much of the heat as I could before it started to run cold.

I was in and out in less than twenty minutes. My hair was held up in a towel and my dirty clothes were thrown in a hamper that we kept by the door to make gathering the laundry a bit easier.  However in my haste to get in the shower I hadn’t realized that I left my robe in my trailer.  I knew I wouldn’t be the first person to scurry across the camp in a towel, hell I’ve done it before but with Daryl being here I didn’t want him to see me.

‘Suck it up, buttercup.’

Swallowing the lump in my throat I ventured out with nothing but two towels and a pair of sandals on my feet. Ignoring the cat calls and wolf whistles I scampered back to my trailer as quickly as I could hoping that my towel was doing a good enough job of keeping everything covered.  Pulling the door of my trailer open I was relieved to find it empty and my table cleared off of the cut of meat Daryl had there earlier.  Kicking my shoes off and letting the towel fall away I went over to the makeshift dresser to pull a clean set of clothes out.  I still had to check myself for ticks but at least I was alone.

Sitting on the sofa I pulled the lantern as close as possible without burning myself. Starting with my feet and working my way up my legs I inspected myself closely making sure I didn’t miss a single inch of skin.  Once I was certain that all of the visible places were checked I stood and grabbed a small compact mirror from my backpack.  This is the part I hated and I was dreading the moment should Daryl walk back in.  Much to my relief though I was left alone and didn’t find any ticks between my legs or on my ass.

As I stood dressing a faint knock came to the door. Before I could answer the door opened and closed; turning I found Maggie standing in the doorway looking distressed and disheartened.  The bravery she normally displayed was no longer present and she seemed to be a little more worried.

“Daryl told us you got a deer today, guess I have you to thank for that,” I nodded in response as I pulled my tank top over my head, “do you think you can talk to him? He’s avoiding all of us, me especially and he won’t talk to me either.”

“What was your husband’s name?” I asked, motioning for her to come in and take a seat somewhere.

“Glenn.”

“How did he die, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I don’t mind, it actually helps to talk about it. It was Negan.  I thought I was having a miscarriage so we were on our way here to see Dr. Carson.  We were in a clearing in the woods; they had Daryl, Rosita, and Glenn in the back of a van.  Negan killed Abraham first and started mocking Rick, Daryl wasn’t having it; he got up and punched him right in the jaw.  He was ready to die for us but Negan saw things differently.  When he killed Abraham we were told the first one was just to set an example, anyone who stepped a toe out of line after that or moved would suffer the consequences.  Rather than killing Daryl he went after Glenn.”

As Maggie finished her recounting of the events that brought her here and the demise of her husband and friend it all started making sense to me now why Daryl felt that he was to blame for Glenn’s death.

“Daryl thinks you hate him. He thinks that he’s responsible for your husband’s death; he thinks I should just take him back to the Sanctuary and let Negan do with him what he will.  Daryl needs to hear it straight from you what it is you really feel.  Regardless though, Daryl’s gonna keep beating himself up over it until you tell him otherwise.”

“I try but every time I get close enough he stalks off. He was sitting outside our trailer just a little bit ago sharpening a stick, I bring him a plate and he just completely ignores me; I touch his arm and he hangs his head.  How do I get him to just listen to me for a change?”

“You tell me, I can only tell ya how he used to be.”

“How was he before all this?”

“Used to have to confront him head on but he needs reassurance, needs to know it wasn’t his fault. He may drop a few crocodile tears and if he does hug it out.  He’ll never admit it but when we were married, if he’d come home after a bad day at work I’d come up from behind and just hug him.  Sometimes he’d cry, sometimes he’d hug me back, on the rare occasion he’d tell me he loved me.  I can’t speak for the person that he is now, can only say how it used to be.”

Just as Maggie was opening her mouth to say something further the door to my trailer flew open, smacking against the handrail. Daryl appeared moments later with a plate in hand, pulling the door shut with the other.  Upon seeing Maggie, Daryl was quick to try and exit the room; but he wasn’t quick enough.

“I’ll see ya tomorrow, thanks for listening. You two have a good night.”

Maggie stood from the table, rubbing her hands along the front of her jeans and slid past Daryl, her hand reaching out to squeeze his arm. The door shut quietly behind her as he stood next to it shifting on his feet trying to determine whether he should stay or go.

“Sit down and eat, ya look like you need it.” I told him, motioning to the table as I turned my back to root around in my things for my brush.

“Brought it for you.”

Though his voice was barely above a whisper I could hear his feet shuffling along the thin carpeting on the floor. A chair scrapped along the fibers then a second time as he took a seat and brought the chair up to the table.

“No, Maggie brought it out to you; your guilt over Glenn is making you say that you got it for me.”

I watched him flinch from the corner of my eye at the mentioning of Glenn’s name but he continued to sit in the chair staring at the plate.

“Seriously Daryl, you need to eat something and you need to stop beating yourself up over something that wasn’t your fault. It is not your fault that Glenn’s dead and if you don’t believe me you can ask Maggie for yourself.  I swear if you say ‘she hates me’ one more time I will beat the shit out of you, do you hear me?  If you think she was in here talking about how much she hates you, you are dead wrong.  She’s worried about you, ya know.  She knows you blame yourself but she’s trying to talk to you and all you’re doing is blowing her off.  What the fuck do you think you’re doing?  Get your fucking hands off of me!”

The chair Daryl was seated in went crashing to the floor, the plate of food long forgotten; I was pinned with my back against the wall with Daryl’s hands lifting my shirt up and over my head.

“Checking for ticks.”

“I checked, there’s no need for you to come in behind me to look again! Ow!  You son of a bitch, the fuck was that for?!”

“Didn’t check yourself good enough.” He muttered, waving a little creepy crawly in front of my face. “Got a pair of tweezers?”

Fuck me…

“Dresser… top drawer… zebra print case.”

“Don’t move.”

With that Daryl released the hold he had on me, walked over to my dresser and began rooting around for the case.

“This it?” he asked, waving a case over his shoulder that was clearly marked with a zebra print.

“That’s the one.”

“Hold still.”

From the waist up Daryl pulled an additional three ticks off my front and back. It wasn’t until he told me to drop my pants that the real panic started to set in.  It wasn’t so much that I was afraid to be completely naked in front of him, he’s seen my naked ass on more than one occasion.  I just didn’t want him seeing the scars that resulted from my imprisonment at both the Sanctuary and Woodbury.  Merle did what he could to save me from what happened at Woodbury, it was the only decent thing he ever did for me.  But it was Negan’s right-hand woman, Arat, that did the most damage.

“You got two choices Claire, either you take your pants off or I will. You ain’t got nothing I haven’t seen before; ain’t gonna let ya get Lyme disease on account of you being a stubborn bitch.”

“Promise you won’t laugh?” I asked, taking up the drawstring.

“You’ve seen what that rat bastard done to my back, can’t be no worse than what I got. Now drop ‘em and take a seat on the couch.  I’m through arguing with your dumbass.”

“No need to be brash.”

“Why Claire? Why do you need to make everything so fucking difficult?  Ya weren’t like this before.”

“I’ve been hurt in the worse possible ways, if you were me you’d be making things difficult too.”

“You got raped two years ago, big fucking deal.”

“Raped, beaten, mutilated, stabbed, shot.”

He regarded me for a second before sliding my pants from my feet. Starting with my toes Daryl worked quickly, sweeping the lantern over my skin and removing the ticks that he found.  The only time I hesitated that required him to ask again was when I initially refused to let him look between my legs.

“Gotta lose the underwear, don’t make me ask again.”

Any resistance I tried to put up crumbled as I shed the last remaining bit of clean clothing I had on. I shut my eyes, willing the tears back when I started to feel Daryl’s hands tremble against my thigh.  I knew he was looking at the burn marks, I knew he saw the name the scorch patterns formed.

“Hurry up so I can get dressed.” It was more a demand than it was a request.

Before he could utter the word ‘done’ I had my clothes back on, synching the drawstring shut. Sitting on the sofa with my arms folded across my chest I waited for the questions I knew he was thinking about asking, forming answers to them in my head.

“Just cause they burned his name into ya doesn’t mean you’re his.”

“We all belong to Negan. Even when we die and turn, we still belong to Negan.”

“Why’d they do it?”

“I refused to tell them who I was. Negan doesn’t like to put his hands on women or kids, doesn’t like his men to do it either, that doesn’t mean he won’t let another woman do what he feels needs to be done.  She didn’t like it none when I refused to scream, found it funny as shit when I pissed myself after the third letter.”

“That why you wanna go back to Georgia? To get away from them?”

“Negan’s hand doesn’t stretch as far south as Georgia, and at least I know what dangers there are in going back.”

Getting up from the sofa I tore the cushions off so I could get my bed ready for the evening. As much as I loved sleeping on something that resembled an actual bed I always have a bitch of a time getting the bed to pull out.  Grasping the handle and anchoring a foot on the edge I started pulling.  Had I not been so focused on getting the sofa to transform into a bed I could’ve sworn I heard Daryl chuckle a bit at my struggle.  The sweat on my hand loosened my grip on the handle and I went flying backwards, stumbling over my own feet until I landed on my ass.

Without saying a word Daryl crossed the room, gripped the handle and had the apparatus set-up in a matter of seconds. Getting up from the floor I grabbed the blankets that I had folded up in a corner of the room to make the bed up.  Daryl said nothing as I threw a fitted sheet out, taking one corner of it and tucking it under the end of the mattress.  It didn’t dawn on me until after the bed was made just how domesticated Daryl had become since the last time I had seen him.  Five years ago he never would’ve offered to help make the bed let alone make baby blankets out of animal hides.

Turning the lantern down I climbed into the bed and got myself as comfortable as I could but let’s face it, nothing is more comfortable than being in your own bed. The only comfort I had remaining from home were my pillows.  That and my cats; where they were though I couldn’t be sure but since neither of us ate that slab of deer meat I’m sure they’d be out in a little bit to enjoy their feast.

“You don’t belong to him, none of us do.”

Daryl’s gravel-filled voice was next to my ear as he wound his arms around me. How he managed to get in this bed without making a sound was beyond me.

“Even _if_ we could fight our way out of this we don’t have the numbers.  Even _if_ we could systematically take down the outposts one by one, we could get the weapons but we’d still be lacking the numbers.  We could have an entire arsenal of weapons at our disposal and we wouldn’t be able to begin to put a dent in his army.”

“We can win, we don’t need numbers. We need fighters, Rick’s got a plan just need to get the Kingdom behind us.”

“Easier said than done, Ezekiel won’t fight. He’s a man of peace and all he wants is for his people to be safe.”

“He said as much when they dropped me off yesterday, I have a feeling though he’ll change his mind once something happens to one of his people. Let’s just try and forget about it all for tonight.”

Pulling me in closer I could feel his breath passing over my neck, for a brief second I could’ve sworn I felt his lips touch my shoulder…ok so maybe I didn’t…now I _know_ I didn’t imagine that hand sneaking past the waistband.

“What’re you doing?”

“’Member I told you ya didn’t belong to him?”

“Yeah…”

“You’re still mine”

“What are you saying?” I asked, turning onto my back so I could see his face.

“Never should’ve let ya go, never should’ve let Merle get inside my head. I should’ve gone back for ya when we lost the farm, should’ve followed those footprints I found when we were at the prison, should’ve pushed Merle to tell me where you were.  Hell, I should’ve gone looking for ya when this all started.  I was always yours to have, you were always mine.”

“We have loved each other in and out of time. When did you start reading Maya Angelou?”

“Prison had a library, found some of your favorite books there. Remembered that you studied a bit of poetry when you were in school and she was one of your favorites; remember when you came up to the shop saying you were gonna be home late cause you were gonna go see her.  Something about her publishing a new work and she was gonna be speaking.”

“She did that piece when I saw her, funny how I always thought she wrote it about us. The third stanza about me and the fourth about you.”

“How does the fourth go again?”

Closing my eyes I saw the letters appear across my lids, the words came just the same as they did when I saw them scrawled across the page.

“You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance, lost, injured, hurt by chance. I screamed to the heavens…loudly screamed…trying to change our nightmares into dreams...”

“The one before that?”

“When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor I had always loved you more. You freed your braids…gave your hair to the breeze.  It hummed like a hive of honey bees.  I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there…Mmmm…God-”

“How I love your hair. I still love your hair, but I’ve always loved you more.  Should’ve told you that every day.”

“There’s always time to make up for what was lost; might I suggest you do it now before this impending war kills one or both of us.”

“You suggesting what I think you are?”

“I mean your hand _is_ down the front of my pants and if that bulge in yours is any indication…”

“Been a long time.”

“How long?”

“Last time we were together, ‘bout a month before the judge signed off on the divorce.”

“Never been with anyone since then? Not even an occasional one night stand?  No one after the world fell apart?”

“No, not to say there weren’t a few that caught my eye.”

“Why?”

“Didn’t feel right, knew I’d be thinking of you the whole time.”

“I’m here now.”

Turning fully to my other side I brought a hand out to brush the overgrown hair from his face. I smiled to myself a bit as the thought that he looked a little like Chewbacca entered my mind.  The hardened look in his eyes seemed to soften some as he leaned into my touch; his lids drifting shut at the same time he brought a hand of his own out from the depths of the blanket, encasing mine in a warm embrace.

After a few minutes Daryl slowly opened his eyes, his pupils dilating as I watched them go from a serene, tranquil blue to a feral, lust-filled blackness. He’s had his moment of calm and now he was searching for something to tame a raging beast that he’d been ignoring.  Taking his hand from mine, he cradled the side of my face, drawing me in until our lips just barely touched; his breath ghosting over my skin as I pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Moving his head a little he captured my mouth in a rough, almost biting kiss. His teeth sank into my bottom lip hard enough to cause a slight whimper to escape but not hard enough to make it bleed.  I soon found my senses to be completely overwhelmed as Daryl poured every fiber of his being into that kiss.  Without thinking, my hands found their way to his shoulders and began pulling at him until my body was blanketed by his.  Carefully Daryl broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against mine, searching me for any hint of doubt that could cause this train to come to a crashing halt.

Having found no indication of backing down on my part, Daryl placed a surprisingly gentle on my lips while he pulled his hand from my pants; his fingers trapping and tugging on the strings until they were completely untied. Nudging the tip of my nose with his I could see the wheels in his mind turning as his face began to disappear from view.  I couldn’t stop myself from jumping just a little when I felt the hairs on his chin tickle the side of my neck and his voice in my ear whispering unintelligible words into my drunken mind.

While I was unable to make out what he was saying I could feel his hand slip back into my pants, his thumb rubbing over my clit and two fingers making their entrance. His other hand was pulling my shirt up over my breasts, exposing them to the humid air that was trapped in the trailer.  Once more I heard his voice in my ear, but this time I was able to make out the word ‘relax.’  Soon after I felt his tongue trace a path along my collarbone until he reached that small dip where the clavicle ended and the sternum began.

Again, I could not stop myself from jumping a bit when his tongue found one of my nipples and pulled it between his teeth. As much as this was turning me on and causing a knot to form in my lower stomach, this was not the Daryl I used to know; he was never into foreplay, never really all that interested in taking his time.

“What are you doing?” I asked when a small slap to the breast he had been sucking on brought me out of my head.

“Making up for everything I should’ve done,” he answered throwing the blankets from the bed, leaving just the thin sheets to cover us. “Want me to stop?”

“No, don’t stop. Not until my legs are shaking and the neighbors know your name, even then I don’t want you to stop.”

He smirked a bit as he lowered his head to attack my other breast, repeating the same actions of using his tongue to draw my nipple in until it was trapped firmly between his teeth. He tugged on it until my back began to arch in response and my hips were threatening to come off the mattress.  Again he gave my breast a small slap and my back fell down against the bed.  Swallowing a little I lifted my head off the pillow to watch him trace a line with his tongue down to the hem of my pants.  Removing his hand from the depths of the fabric, Daryl latched on to the last remaining bits of clothing I had on and freed the skin underneath.

While he was busy removing my pants and underwear I took the opportunity to take my shirt off. Once I was completely naked I lay in the bed wondering what Daryl had planned next; with the sheet covering him I had to rely on my other senses.  The tips of his fingers skirted along the sides of my legs, gently pushing my thighs apart when they clamped shut.  His nails raked against my flesh causing a rash of goosebumps to spring up in their wake.  My eyes shut when his tongue flashed out, licking a path from my entrance to my clit, sending a shudder up my spine and a heated pool of wetness to rush out.  Again he ran the flat of his tongue through me; two fingers sliding inside as he turned his focus to my clit.

One of my hands gripped the fitted sheet on the mattress and the other found the shaggy mane of hair as I was brought closer and closer to the precipice. When his crooked fingers found my G-spot my walls clamped down as the knot that had been forming earlier began to untangle itself.  Daryl kept his focus on my clit, using the tip of his tongue to pull the small bundle into his mouth.  All rational thought left me as I reached my end.  The hand in Daryl’s hair tightened, my hips left the mattress to grind against his face, my voice went hoarse as his name filled the quiet of the room.

My hips fell back onto the bed while I fought to catch my breath, a sheen of sweat forming on my skin with the force my orgasm had ripped through me. Daryl’s head came up from between the sheets not long after, his hair sticking up in different places from where my hand had been.  Crawling to the head of the bed he pressed his mouth to mine, his tongue sweeping along the seam of my lips.  Opening my mouth to him a new sensation began flooding my senses.  It took a moment for my brain to catch up to realize that I was tasting myself; that Daryl had taken a page from my book by gathering enough of my juices in his mouth and wanted me to know what exactly what he was tasting.  To say that I wasn’t turned on further by this would be a lie.

“Don’t move.”

Confused by his choice of words I waited for some sort of unseen danger to make itself known. But my confusion was put to rest as his hips fell into alignment with mine, his hardened member sliding through the wetness his mouth and fingers had created earlier.  My mouth fell open in silent exultation as the void he had made was filled once again.  Once my body adjusted this welcomed intrusion I asked, practically begged for him to move.

When Daryl did finally begin to move against me he created a rhythm that was unlike anything I had felt before. He rested the bulk of his weight against his arms, his shoulders pushing forward in time with his thrusts.  After so much pushing of his hips against mine he would dip his head down, capturing my lips in a kiss.  Had I known any better my guess would be that this is what love feels like.

“Faster, please.” The knot was beginning to form in my stomach once again.

Daryl obliged much to my relief. Redistributing his weight to one arm, he reached around and pulled my leg to his hip.  I didn’t think he could go any deeper than what he was but this new angle had his tip touching my cervix.  A hiss of pain escaped and as it reached his ears he all but stopped, a look of concern appearing across his features as he tried to figure out what he had done wrong.

“I’m okay, keep going; not so deep though.”

Daryl nodded and started moving once more, picking the pace up where he left off but did as I had requested and kept himself from thrusting too deep. The knot that had been forming began to tighten up the more Daryl moved.  Despite his order to not move my hands flew to his back, my nails piercing his skin as my second orgasm of the night tore through me.  A third, unexpected one came out of left field when Daryl dropped his head down, biting my shoulder as he thrusted into me with everything he had.

“How was that for making up for lost time?” he asked, rolling off of me after several minutes.

“You tell me, how was it to sleep with someone after five years?”

Daryl said nothing but instead glanced sideways at me. I suddenly felt my throat growing dry as I hoped that I had not said the wrong thing.  My doubts soon left me when I felt his strong arms wrap around me, pulling my sweaty body close to his.  He placed a kiss on my forehead, then rested his chin on the top of my head; a light snore began escaping while I got myself comfortable.  It came as no surprise that Daryl ignored my question, he was never one to talk after sex.  He would prefer to cuddle and fall asleep for a little bit before getting up to take a piss.  He’d make a decision of whether to stay or go after that.

“Good night, Daryl. Love you.”

“I’ve always loved you more.”


	12. Chapter 12

** Chapter 12 **

_**** _

_“Claire, it’s gotta be pushing 100 in the shop, think you could turn the air on?”_

_“Get out of my office and get back to work, you only got a half hour left in the day. And shut my damn door, you’re letting the cold air out.”_

_It had been about three weeks since Daryl screamed his confession of using me and in this town word travels quick especially when a Dixon is involved. My dad had found out most of what happened, the only thing he did not know about was Daryl spending the night at my place the night before.  He was more than ready to fire his ass on the spot but I pointed out that if he did that then we’d have to spend more time and money trying to hire someone else.  Reluctantly my dad let him stay on the payroll but made sure of two things: one, he stays away from me; and two, if he wants to keep his job he does the work with no complaints and no arguments._

_It may seem cruel but in addition to being put back on a 90-day probation I made sure that when I was in the shop that the air conditioning was turned off after my dad left for the evening. It was also my idea that his keys to the shop be taken so he could no longer open or close as well as to limit his breaks to lunch only.  There wasn’t going to be any down time for Daryl._

_“Daryl, get your ass back to work, this ain’t a stand around and do nothing job.”_

_My dad stood just outside the door of my office eyeing Daryl suspiciously. With the sweat pouring down the sides of his face Daryl reluctantly left the room that I kept a cool 72 degrees.  The only stop he made on his way back into the garage was at the fridge to get a bottle of water out, it was one of the few privileges he had remaining until he was off probation, that and bathroom breaks but he had to time those with his lunch break if he didn’t want to get himself into any further trouble._

_“I’ll see you this weekend Claire, dinner’s on the table around 4:30 and don’t forget the tamales. Don’t wanna see him in here again, you understand?”_

_“I didn’t let him in here in the first place, came in asking me to turn the AC on in the shop, told him he’s got another half hour left so he could just get back to work.”_

_“Think you’re being too hard on him for what happened? Thermometer in the shop is reading 110.”_

_“He’s got water in the fridge, he’ll live. Besides that with the bay doors open all that cold air will just escape anyway and we’ll be wasting money.  If he wants to cool himself down he can do it the same way you and mom did to me when I was kid: buy a kiddie pool, grab the hose, and a bag of ice.  I’ll see you tomorrow, let mom know I’m bringing tamales and the enchiladas.  I’m also bringing a case of beer so you don’t need to stop off at the store tonight.”_

_My dad nodded his head and left my office shortly after that to leave me with the remaining paperwork that needed to be done before I closed the shop up for the night. Tomorrow was Saturday and also my birthday, rather than going out for drinks and a fancy dinner I had asked my dad if he wouldn’t mind firing up the grill.  My birthday was usually a big deal for my family considering that I was an only child as well as one of only a few grandchildren.  My grandparents on my mom’s side owned a farm and offered to host it but backed out at the last minute when my grandpa got thrown off a neighbor’s horse.  The neighbor tried to make light of the situation by saying they call her Nelly for a reason._

_A knock on my door and the knob turning a short time later had me lifting my gaze up from the order form I was working on. Daryl stood on the other side with his head sticking waiting for me to acknowledge him._

_“What?”_

_“I’m going now, happy birthday.”_

_Looking at the clock on my computer I saw the digital numbers call out 6:00 pm exactly. I waved him off and went back to filling out the form I was working on writing out the series of letters and numbers that were scrawled across the screen for the part we needed.  The door latched shut but I had the feeling I wasn’t alone.  Glancing up from my work I watched as Daryl took a seat in the chair across from me._

_“I thought you were going.”_

_“Feels good in here, air in the truck went out and Merle sold the window unit we had in the trailer for drugs.”_

_“Well boo fucking hoo, get out.”_

_“Still mad at me for what I said?”_

_The look I shot him from across the desk was all the confirmation he needed to know I was still pissed at the fact that he used me._

_“Didn’t mean what I said-”_

_“You did, actually. Look just get the fuck out of here, alright?  You’re off the clock go and enjoy your weekend.  I need to finish these forms and get payroll done for next week, that is of course you want to get paid.”_

_“Got plans for tonight after work? Know your dad wouldn’t want me hanging around the house tomorrow.”_

_“What I’m doing later tonight is none of your fucking business. Get out of my office and go home.  I don’t want to see you.”_

_Finally taking the hint that he’d done more than enough damage Daryl got up from the chair and headed for the door but for some odd reason he stopped dead in his tracks, turned on his heel and made a beeline straight for my desk. Getting up from my chair to tell him once again to get out I found my back slammed against the wall, a pair of hands on either side of my face, and a pair of lips pressed to mine._

_“What the fuck are you doing?!” I screamed once I was finally able to push him off of me._

_“I’m sorry.” He muttered, dropping his head on my shoulder._

_“Sorry doesn’t take back what you did, just go.”_

_Lifting his head from my shoulder Daryl nodded a little and left my office. Going back to my desk I finished what paperwork I had left and the payroll, logged out of my computer, and locked the shop up for the night.  Double checking that the deadbolt to the front door was locked I turned and got in my car; starting it up I turned out of the parking lot and headed down the gravel road to the stop light.  Once I came to a full stop I pulled my phone out to check messages and to call Katie, she was the only person I could think of who would even begin to help me make sense of what just happened in my office._

_“Do you mind if I stop by? Need to talk to you about something important.”_

_“Actually me and Mike are on our way to Handlebars for a little bit, you can meet us up there if you need talk tonight.”_

_“I can be there in about twenty minutes; I just left the shop and was on my way home to change and get something to eat. Maybe Mike can offer some insight too.”_

_“Guy problems?”_

_“Katie, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’ll see you guys in a little bit.”_

_Once my light turned green I crossed the intersection and went straight home. When the car was parked I took a quick look at my surroundings and thought I had spotted a familiar looking blue truck.  My eyes must’ve been playing tricks on me though because the next second the truck I thought I was seeing was gone and the only sounds reaching my ears were the jet engines of a 757 overhead._

_Climbing the three flights of stairs to my apartment I was greeted at the door by my cats as well as the mess they had made while I was gone, thankfully there were no puke piles to clean up tonight. Going to the kitchen I pulled a box of day old Chinese out and dumped it into a bowl, throwing it in the microwave for the next minute and a half, then went into the bedroom to change into something comfortable but also appropriate for meeting my friends at the bar._

_“Okay babies, mama’s gonna go meet your Aunt Katie and Uncle Mike for a little bit. Mama will be back soon; mama loves you, you both be good.”_

_Closing the door behind me and locking it up I made my way back down the stairs and out the door to my car. I thought I caught sight of the blue truck again but I shook it off and climbed into the car, backing out of the parking spot and making the familiar trip down to the bar._

_I quickly found Mike and Katie’s car parked in the middle of the parking lot under a street lamp and pulled into the space next to them. Getting out of the car and slamming the door shut I was a bit surprised that it wasn’t as crowded as it usually was for a Friday night._

_“Can I get a Long Island and a shot of Jack?” I called out over the music to the bartender._

_Laying my money down on the bar and grabbing my drinks I found my friends over by the pool table locked in a pretty heated battle of stripes versus solids._

_“Think you got enough to get you started Claire?”_

_“Hey Mike, it’ll be enough to get me buzzed for the next ten or fifteen minutes.”_

_“So what’s up? What’s so important that it may require Mike’s advice?” Katie asked, leaning against her pool cue while she waited for her husband to take his shot._

_“Daryl.”_

_“Oh God, you’re still stuck on what he did? Claire, just forget about him; he’s not worth your time!  Guys like him are a dime a dozen!”_

_“He kissed me just before he left the shop tonight then asked if I had plans for tonight. Then when I got home I thought I saw his truck past my building and I thought I saw it again when I was on my way here.  I know I’m crazy but I don’t know if it’s possible to go any crazier.”_

_"Did he say anything?”_

_“Said he was sorry.”_

_“Claire, if he said he was sorry chances are he didn’t really mean it; Mike tells me sorry all the time for the stuff he does but that doesn’t stop him from doing it again.”_

_“Katie, let’s be fair here, we’re married and you know the difference between me saying I’m sorry over a joke and I’m sorry over something that hurts you. I may be an asshole with asshole tendencies but you know I wouldn’t intentionally cause you pain.  That being said what did he say he was sorry for?”_

_Before I could answer Mike’s question the door opened and a stream of light poured in from the overhead lamp outside. I could feel my shoulders slump when I caught sight of who had walked through the door.  I swear I can’t escape him today.  I did the best I could to hide myself from the light that poured in but it was too late, he saw me and was making himself at home on a stool close enough to the pool table my friends and I were at but kept enough of a distance to where he wouldn’t be eavesdropping on our conversation._

_“Claire, snap out of it!” Mike started clapping his hands in front of my face to bring me back to reality, “did he say what he was sorry for or did he just say sorry?”_

_“He backed me up against the wall of my office, kissed me, put his head on my shoulder, and said ‘I’m sorry.’ I don’t know if he was saying sorry for what happened a few weeks ago or what.  I mean I assume that’s what he’s sorry for but he’s a Dixon and I’ve never met a Dixon who was actually sorry for anything they ever did.”_

_Mike and Katie looked at each other with a knowing look that I guess married couples or people who have been together for a long time could understand. I stood looking between the two more than confused as Mike handed his pool cue off to me and walked past going straight to the bar where Daryl had parked himself._

_“Katie, what’s Mike doing? What’s going on?”_

_“No offense I love how stupid you are when it comes to guys. Neither of us like what he did to you, hell anyone in this town that knows you doesn’t like what he did.  We all know that Daryl is a very reserved person, he rarely goes out by himself; where he goes Merle is bound to follow or is it the other way around?  Anyway that’s not the point, the point is is that with Daryl being a reserved person he has his areas of comfort and will not push himself outside his comfort zone unless there’s something he wants.  If he’s willing to step outside of his comfort zone and actually say ‘I’m sorry’ and we’re assuming he’s saying it about what he did a few weeks ago, then I think it’s safe to say that he means it.  The kiss though, we’ll have to save that for another day.”_

_“Remind me again why you’re not putting your psych degree to good use?”_

_“Oh hush you, let’s rack ‘em up and break. I have a feeling those two are gonna be talking for a while.  We can talk more about it tomorrow if you want when you’ve had time to calm down a little bit.”_

_“Are you guys coming over to the house tomorrow night? We’re having Mexican for dinner, my dad’s gonna grill the steak and chicken for the fajitas, I’m bringing the tamales and the enchiladas, and my mom’s making the beans, rice, pico de gallo, and the guacamole.  Oh yeah, and I’m bringing a case of beer.”_

_“Yeah, we’ll be there. Want us to bring anything?”_

_“Not unless you want too, if you wanna bring stuff for margaritas that’ll work.”_

_Katie and I settled into silence as I broke and sunk the orange strip ball. I don’t play pool as often as these two did so I never really paid that much attention to what numbers were printed on the balls; all I knew was the black ball was the eight ball and you had to sink all of yours first before you could sink the eight ball._

_“Oh c’mon, are you freaking kidding me? Claire you haven’t played in months and you still manage to get all but two sunk in one turn!  Woman you must’ve been hustling games or something in another town-”_

_“Play ya next game.”_

_Shutting my eyes and tightening my lips I fought the urge to whirl around and crack his skull in with the cue I was holding._

_“Claire Bear, need you to calm down otherwise your blood pressure is gonna go through the roof and you’re gonna do something you’ll regret later. C’mon talk to me outside, it’ll take two minutes.”_

_“Mike I swear I’m gonna cut your fucking sack off.”_

_“Um, I’m just gonna go use the bathroom real quick.”_

_As Katie laid her stick across the felt I let Mike take me outside to cool down for a minute. The three of us left Daryl to stand by the table we were playing at in an awkward silence with nothing but a few drunks and some John Denver playing over the PA system.  Once we were outside I took a much needed deep breath._

_“I’ve had a long talk with him and there’s some stuff you need to know. I’m not trying to piss you off more than you already are; you’re one of my best friends and I don’t wanna see you get hurt but at the same time this is for your own good.”_

_“Mike, just start talking; I don’t wanna leave Katie in there with him for too long, she doesn’t do well in awkward situations.”_

_“First thing’s first, I asked him what he was sorry about and he told me that he was sorry for what he did a few weeks ago. Not only with what he screamed at you but for making you pissed at him.  Said something along the lines of you being the only person to ever treat him like a person instead of a piece of shit and you didn’t deserve to be torn down to their level.  Said that he misses having someone he could hang out with that wasn’t Merle and wasn’t on drugs.”_

_I listened intently to each of the reasons Mike listed off that Daryl supposedly had for wanting to make amends. While he was giving me plenty to think about at the same time I couldn’t help but feel my blood boiling.  Some of the reasons Mike was telling me about dealt heavily with Daryl being selfish and just plain stupid.  Still other reasons dealt with not wanting to be so lonely anymore and wanting to try and be his own person free of Merle and the imminent life of drugs that loomed overhead._

_“Sorry Mike but I need to hear it straight from the ass’s mouth.”_

_“Um, it’s horse’s mouth.”_

_“I know but he’s not a horse, he’s an ass. Let’s get back inside before Katie comes out here looking for us.”_

_Pulling the door open and walking back in Mike and I headed straight for the table where Katie was leaning against trying to hold a conversation with Daryl. However he stood about a good two or three feet away from her, shifting on his feet, and chewing on the side of his thumb as he kept his eyes trained on the floor._

_“Gotta finish this game up and then I gotta get home to the babies.”_

_“You sure that’s a good idea, Claire? You’ve had three Long Islands and six shot of Jack since you got here.”_

_“I ate before I came-”_

_“I’ll take ya home, no sense in driving home drunk.”_

_“Thanks but as I was saying I ate before I got here, I’ll be fine. You’re turn Katie.”_

_I leaned patiently against a nearby pillar waiting for Katie to take her turn at the pool table to try and sink as many of the solid colored balls as she could. I completely ignored Daryl the entire rest of the game only talking with Mike and Katie when we’d get on a topic we could all agree on; right now the topic of discussion was the housing market.  My lease was coming due in about six months and I was thinking of buying a house.  My argument had been that the amount of rent I was paying each month was about the same as a mortgage payment plus a house was investment that I could do whatever I wanted with; I didn’t have worry about putting holes in the wall, I could update the appliances, I could do whatever I wanted._

_“It’d be a lot of upkeep and a lot of responsibility; you’d have to pay more for other utilities. Right now your rent covers water, trash, and sewage but if you get your own place you’ll have to pay all of those on your own plus any other expenses that come up.  Would you mow your own grass or would you pay someone to do it for you?” Katie asked focusing her attention on trying to sink the red ball in a side pocket._

_“I figure I could mow my own lawn, no need to shell out money for a company to do it; my dad has already offered to help out where he can even if it means letting me borrow stuff out of the shed. As far as the utilities go I figure if I can get my credit card paid off before closing then I can put a couple hundred towards each utility company as a credit that way I don’t have to pay for a month or two.  Plus when I move out of the apartment I’m getting my deposit back, that’s an extra $750 in the bank to either make a mortgage payment or put it towards something else.”_

_“Used to work for a landscape company before I worked at the shop, I could come over and do the yard work for ya. Wouldn’t charge ya for it neither.  Could also clean the gutters out and trim the trees back if they need to be.”_

_“Be nice.” Mike mouthed when he saw me getting agitated again._

_“Thanks for the offer Daryl, but I’m more than capable of doing it on my own. Mike could you finish this one for me?  Gotta take a piss then I’m going home.”_

_True to my word I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. As I was heading for the front door I found my path blocked but it wasn’t Daryl that kept me from leaving._

_“Heard my baby brother’s been shacking up with you lately Claire Bear. Wanna tell ole Merle what’s really been going on?  You two bumping uglies?”_

_“You heard wrong Merle, he stayed the night one time and that was when you got locked up last. I made him sleep on the couch.  Look I need to get going but if you wanna stop by the shop Wednesday night I’ll have a list of parts I need from the junkyard.  It’ll be two hundred bucks cash if you’re interested.”_

_“Merle, get your ugly ass away from her!”_

_“I ain’t doing nothing, we’re just talking, ain’t that right girly? Go on now, tell him; I ain’t being a bother.”_

_“I’ll see ya Wednesday night if you want that extra money.”_

_Sliding past Merle I walked out the front door and left the two Dixon brothers to argue. Daryl’s voice carried into the parking lot screaming accusations at Merle about making propositions towards me while Merle’s yelled right back denying any wrongdoing.  Taking a second to look at my surroundings before getting in the car I noticed Daryl’s truck parked directly in front of my car and Merle’s bike parked a few spaces down towards the back end of the lot.  Guess I wasn’t going crazy afterall._

_The door of the bar slamming against the concrete wall brought my attention to Daryl’s figure rushing out, stopping short of where I stood._

_He said nothing as he snatched the keys from my hand and grabbed my wrist, dragging me the short distance to where his truck was parked. Opening the door he shoved me in, slammed the door shut, crossed in front of the truck, opened his side, climbed in, and started the engine up.  Laying an arm across the back of the seat he backed out of the spot and headed to where the lot met the street._

_“I said I was alright to drive home.”_

_Halfway between the bar and my apartment Daryl pulled over and put the truck in park. Not knowing what his intentions were I slid my right hand from my hip to the door handle just in case I needed to make a run for it._

_“What did he say to you?”_

_“Heard about you staying the night at my place, wanted to know if we were fucking.”_

_“What’d you tell him?”_

_“You slept on the couch.”_

_“Anything else?”_

_“Told him to come up to the shop on Wednesday if he wanted to make some quick money. Need some parts from the junkyard to get a side project done.”_

_“That’s it? He didn’t try to do nothing?_

_“He knows my dad better than you do, he knows better than to make any kind of sexual advance on me. He tried it one time not long after I turned 18 and my dad pulled a gun on him.  Told him if he ever did it again he’d gladly shoot his ass and would have no problem going to prison over it.”_

_Daryl sat there for a moment mulling over what I told him. When he finally did speak his words were whispered and his voice was cracked._

_“I really am sorry for what I said to ya, you were just trying-”_

_“I wasn’t trying to do anything but keep you from having to sleep in your truck. I know you have and when the cops have been knocking on your window telling ya to move you’d go a few blocks over.  I told you that night it wasn’t a problem for you to sleep on my couch until you had enough to pay the back rent that’s owed.  Also told you that your landlord is a friend of my dad’s and maybe if the three of you had a pow wow you could work something out.  But what do I know?  No one ever listens to me anyway.”_

_“How do ya know all that?”_

_“This town loves to gossip and with everyone virtually knowing each other it’s kinda hard to not know what’s going on when your dad is friends with all the cops. Plus they take all their cars to the shop and make no bones about what you and your brother have been up too.  If it’s not Merle getting busted for drugs it’s you getting multiple warnings about loitering.  Yeah, sleeping in a parked truck is what they consider loitering.  Plus no one likes either of you so they’re always looking for a reason to lock the pair of ya up.  Captain Matthews is just looking for an excuse to nail your ass to the cross; he still finds it hard to believe that you don’t have a record.”_

_“Just don’t wanna end up like Merle or my old man. I’ll take ya back to your car so you can go home.  Just needed you to know that I really am sorry and if anyone asks-”_

_“I wasn’t kidnapped, you just needed to get something off your chest and thought that I may be able to offer some better insight than your brother would. You wanted whatever it was you had to say be in private where Merle couldn’t eavesdrop or make some snide remark about being a pussy.”_

_As soon as Daryl was about to turn the engine over to start the truck up a set of flashing red and blue lights came up behind us and almost as if on cue Captain Matthews stepped out of the passenger side of the police car with his flashlight in one hand and the other ready to make a grab for either his gun or taser._

_“I got this. Just don’t lose your temper on me.”_

_Rolling down the passenger side window I was greeted with a shining ray of light in my face. Putting my hand in front of my face to shield my eyes I waited for Roger to say something, hoping it was the usual line of ‘do you know why we stopped you,’ but then I realized we were already stopped._

_“Claire, what are you doing out here? Thought your daddy made it clear he didn’t want you hanging around the Dixon boys.”_

_“Roger I don’t live with my parents so what my dad says doesn’t necessarily go. His rules may apply at the shop but we’re just sitting on the side of the road.  Truck broke down, Daryl got it fixed, and he was just taking me home.”_

_“You’re not driving?”_

_“We were hanging out with Mike and Katie at the bar, I’ve had a few drinks too many; didn’t wanna be pulled over for drunk driving.”_

_Captain Matthews pulled my door open asking me to step out. To lend credit to my story I drunkenly stumbled out of the truck and added a few laughs in at my inability to stand up straight.  Deputy Walsh opened Daryl’s side of the truck and told him to get out as well.  While I knew I could pass a field sobriety test with flying colors in my current condition I intentionally failed it hoping that Roger would just let me go, after all I hadn’t done anything wrong.  I wasn’t sitting behind the wheel and being in the truck with Daryl wasn’t a crime._

_“Shane, I promise he’s plenty sober to be driving. He had half a beer at the bar, Merle came in and he left.  He was sitting in the parking lot trying to cool off when Mike, Katie, and I were leaving.  They were trying to get me in their car and Daryl offered to take me home instead.”_

_“Claire you stay out of this. Got witnesses saying they saw this piece of shit force you in the truck.  By my recollection that constitutes as kidnapping which is a felony in this state.  You got any weapons on ya boy?”_

_“Shane, Roger, this really isn’t necessary! Daryl did nothing wrong, he didn’t kidnap me!  I wanna know who those witnesses are that said otherwise.”_

_“Ah, can’t tell ya that Claire, not while there’s an official on-going investigation. Captain, got a knife and, oh what’s this we got here?  A gun?  What’d ya do Dixon?  Shove her in the truck at gun point?  I suggest you get yourself a damn good lawyer before you start shooting your mouth off.  Hands behind your back.”_

_“Shane! He didn’t kidnap me!  This is Georgia everyone carries something whether it’s a gun, a knife, or both.  Roger, c’mon you gotta work with me here.  You know I wouldn’t lie about something as serious as this.  I know you’re always looking for a reason to crucify Merle and Daryl but we both know neither one of them would do anything to this scale.  Merle’s record is nothing but drug charges and Daryl hasn’t done anything and if he has they were just slaps on the wrist that got taken care of before it ever got to the point where the judge would issue a warrant.  Those supposed witnesses are probably drunk and only seeing what they want to see.”_

_“Walsh! Let him go.”_

_“But Rog-”_

_“Don’t argue, just do it,” scrubbing a hand over his face Roger pointed a thick sausage of a finger in my face adding, “the only reason I’m letting the both of you go right now is because you’re right about those witnesses and if this ever went to trial there’s a high probability that those witness testimonies would be all over the place. But let me make this perfectly clear right now, if I find out you’re lying to me I’ll have you arrested and charged with obstruction, do you understand me?  I won’t tell your father about this incident but if I get a call that something similar to this happens again I’m going to do everything in my power to get that scumbag locked up.”_

_I nodded as Captain Matthews helped me back into the truck watching as Shane took the cuffs off of Daryl and shoving him into the opened door. I had to call out Daryl’s name and tell him to get in the truck before his temper took over and he ended up hitting Shane with a well-deserved punch to the face._

_“I’ll only be a minute Rog.” I heard Shane say as he crossed behind the truck to where I stood. “Hang on to these, just in case he tries anything.  I’ll see ya tomorrow night when ya get home, got something for your birthday I think you’re gonna like.” He whispered, trying to push an extra set of cuffs into my hand._

_“Is it your dick wrapped in a little red bow?”_

_“How’d ya guess?”_

_“It’s what ya gave me last year. That and a pregnancy scare.”_

_“Is he gonna be there tomorrow night when I show up?”_

_“No, I’m gonna get something worked out with James so he can go home.”_

_“Good, don’t want him anywhere near ya. Need ya know that I’m leaving the department after next week, got a job as a Sheriff’s Deputy with King County.  You remember my buddy Rick, right?  You met at the Christmas party a few years ago, anyway he got me a job there and with the new job comes new opportunities.  Got a place to live out there all set-up and ready to move in but I want ya to come with me.  Claire, come with me?”_

_“Give me until tomorrow night to think about it?”_

_Shane let out a sigh, running his hand over the top of his head a few times as he nodded. “Alright, tomorrow night.  See ya then.  You call me if you need anything and I mean it.  That piece of shit tries to do anything you call me.”_

_I didn’t know I was holding my breath until Daryl nudged my elbow and the squad car had gone around us, pulled a U-turn and headed back into the city center._

_“What was that all about?”_

_“He’s coming over tomorrow to give me something for my birthday. It’s just a bunch of meaningless sex so don’t think on it too much.  If I’m being honest the sex is terrible and Shane’s a much bigger asshole than Merle.  After next week you won’t have to worry about him anymore.  Got a job as a sheriff’s deputy with the county and he’s moving out of town.”_

_“You gonna go with him?”_

_“Fuck no.  He’s screwing me and three other women what makes you think I’m gonna move in him while he’s doing all that?  Not to mention one of the other women he’s screwing around with is supposed to be his best friend’s wife.  Tell ya what, the only reason he took that job with King County was so he could be closer to screwing that bitch.  To make matters worse they have a kid and if the rumors are true then that kid is his and not his buddy’s.”_

_“So then why stick around when you’re one of four women?”_

_“He’s been teaching me some survivalist skills, my dad thought it’d be a good idea to learn something from someone else. Most of what my dad has taught was guns, cars and fishing.  I never got into hunting, just can’t kill Bambi or Thumper.”_

_“What’s he been teaching ya?”_

_“Lately it’s been tracking but he’s a terrible teacher. He can’t tell the difference between a squirrel track and chipmunk track, can’t tell the difference between a cottonmouth and copperhead.  Damn near stepped on a snake last weekend and he brushed it off as a rat snake, the other person we were with said no it was a big, fat cottonmouth.  I jumped about a foot in the air and called it quits after that day.”_

_“I know sorry doesn’t it cut but let me make it up to ya. If your dad wants you to learn how to fend for yourself out in the woods let me teach ya.  I’m not gonna go and get ya killed out there like that idiot.”_

_“I’ll think about it, but for now I just wanna go home and get some sleep. I’ve had just a bit too much to drink and not enough to eat.”_

_“I’ll take ya to go and get your car in the morning.”_

_I offered him a small half smile as I slammed the door shut, laying the spare pair of cuffs on the seat between us. Glancing up Daryl gave me a look of curiosity and confusion._

_“Playtime tomorrow night.” I laughed, moving my hand back into my lap._

_“Whatever.” He muttered, putting the truck in gear and taking off down the road to my apartment building._

_We pulled into the lot about five minutes later; he backed the truck up into a spot where he could easily get out in the morning. After shutting the ignition off he reached into his pocket and produced my keys, dangling them in front of my face as an offering.  As I stretched my hand out to retrieve them he yanked his hand back, waggling a finger on his other hand in front of my face._

_“Don’t get ‘em back until you pay for the ride.”_

_“Didn’t know there was a charge for Daryl’s Taxi Company.”_

_I wasn’t sure what kind of game he was playing but what’s the harm in going along with it?_

_“Not an actual charge, make a deal with ya.”_

_“I’m listening.”_

_“Ditch Dudley Doo-right tomorrow night and I’ll take ya out on the bike again.”_

_“You’re not jealous of Shane, are you?” I asked, quirking a brow._

_“Didn’t like how he was looking at ya, ‘sides if ya damn near got bit by a cottonmouth on account of him not being able to tell one snake from another then you don’t need to be hanging around a douchebag like that.”_

_“Suppose you could do better?”_

_“Raised up there in them mountains, know ‘em like the back of my hand. Could teach ya to track, hunt; you’re sure as hell learning the difference between snakes.  While we’re on it, you’re learning the difference between poison ivy and poison oak.”_

_I regarded him for a minute, it was certainly not the kind of proposal I was expecting but if he could guarantee that I’d be learning something valuable instead of getting bit then I’d be willing to blow Shane off any day._

_“We got a deal or not?”_

_“Sure, as long as I don’t get bit by nothing that could kill me.”_

_Daryl relinquished my keys and got out of the truck, slamming the door shut and headed for the steps that led into my building. I sat there in the truck for a little longer wondering how I was gonna turn Shane down tomorrow night.  I could always say that I was on my period but he’s been pestering me the last couple of months for sex saying he’s never screwed anyone while they were on the rag but I knew it was a lie.  Then again he did ask if Daryl was gonna be here tomorrow night…_

_“Hey, ya comin’ or not?”_

_A knock on the glass jarred me from my thoughts, looking around I had to do a double-take before I realized I was still sitting in the truck just outside my apartment._

_“Sorry, just thinking of a way to get rid of Shane and I think I have it figured out.”_

_“How ya gonna do it?”_

_Together we left the parking lot and walked up the three flights of stairs to the second floor, Daryl walked behind me to make sure I didn’t topple over or trip up the stairs, though I think the latter would be more something I would do._

_“He was asking me if you were gonna be there when he came over, initially I told him no but seeing as how James is gonna be out of town until Monday I figure if he saw you over here tomorrow night he won’t push so much and if he does he’ll be off duty anyway so he won’t be able to arrest you if you kick his teeth in. I just hope it doesn’t boil down to the two of you tearing my place apart.”_

_“Long as you’re around I won’t do nothing.”_

_“I appreciate that.”_

_Opening the door we were greeted by the cats however once they caught a glimpse of Daryl they tore a path for the living room and scampered underneath the couch. Daryl closed the door behind us and kicked his boots off while I struggled a little to get my sandals off.  I wasn’t sure what happened or how but my inability to get the sandal off my left foot caused me to topple over but my back never hit the plaster of the wall behind me._

_“Hi!” I giggled, feeling my cheeks grow bright red when I looked up to see Daryl holding me up._

_“You’re drunk.”_

_“I’m happy!”_

_“Why can’t ya be more like this when you’re sober?”_

_“That’s a damn good question and I don’t know the answer. Could you let me go though?  I gotta pee and then I gotta get some homework done.”_

_“Homework?”_

_“Uh-huh, I’ll be right back. If you hear a loud noise I just fell.” I called out as the door shut behind me._

_As I had predicted, a loud noise did come from the bathroom and as I had also predicted I fell but it wasn’t head first into the wall, rather I fell backwards into the tub laughing as my head smacked against the tile wall. At least I was smart enough to leave the door unlocked otherwise I think Daryl would’ve broken it off its hinges when he came barreling in._

_“No homework for you tonight, c’mon lets get you out of the tub and in bed.”_

_Grabbing my hand I was swiftly pulled from the bathtub, my pants pulled halfway up and still a laughing mess._

_“I don’t wanna go to bed, I’m not tired.” I yawned, pulling my jeans up the rest of the way over my hips, “where did you learn to be so patient with drunk women?”_

_“Wouldn’t believe me if I told ya.”_

_“I’m liable to believe just about anything at this point.”_

_“Just remember you asked. Some of the whores Merle fucked around with would come over drunk as shit and when he was done fucking ‘em they’d try to leave and I’d sometimes have to help ‘em out the door.”_

_Daryl continued to go into some detail about Merle’s adventurous nights and his janitorial duties when it came to getting these poor women on their feet again. It ran the gambit from women like me who laughed and sometimes need help righting their clothes to angry broads pissed about not getting paid and trying to stab the brothers with a shank they had hidden in their purses._

_“Sounds like you’ve had quite an exciting life,” I yawned, “hey, where ya going?”_

_“Got ya out something more comfortable to sleep in, gonna go sleep on the couch. Holler if ya need anything.”_

_“Wait, please?” I paused until Daryl turned back around to face me, “stay with me, please? It sounds stupid but when I’m drunk I always have an easier time falling asleep if someone’s in bed next to me.  I’m not asking you to cuddle or anything, I know it’s not in your nature but just lay next to me until I fall asleep.  Please?”_

_“Merle put ya up to this?” he asked, his voice finely laced with anger._

_“No, I just want you to lay next to me until I fall asleep, you can go sleep on the couch after that or you can stay in bed but I’ll warn you now, if you do stay in the bed you’ll probably wake up at some point during the night with my head on your chest. Sorry for the drunken confession but I love the sound of someone’s heart beating, next to the sounds of a thunderstorm there’s nothing else like it on the planet.”_

_“Alright, but once you’re sleeping I’m on the couch.”_

_Crossing the room Daryl grabbed the clothes he had gotten out from the dresser, how did those get there? Did he do that while I was in the bathroom or did he do it after he helped carry me to the bedroom?  Matter of fact, how in the hell did I get in here in the first place?  Oh God, I hope Daryl didn’t have to carry or drag my ass in here._

_“C’mon, arms up,” he started grabbing the hem of my shirt and lifting up and over my head, “gimme your right arm…no Claire, your right arm…now your left...put your head down. Pants next, lay back on the bed.”_

_Doing as instructed I laid back on the mattress and allowed Daryl to un-dress and re-dress me. Since when did I let alcohol impair me this much? Last time I was this drunk I had downed almost three-quarters of a bottle of whiskey and still managed to get myself inside my apartment with no issue and got a thirty page mid-term done._

_“Alright under the covers, I’m gonna get your fan turned on.”_

_Again I did as I was told and got under the blankets, listening intently for the familiar sound of the fan clicking on. When it did and the first wave of cool air hit my face I nestled down and prepared myself for some of the best sleep I could hope for.  The mattress squeaked and sank as Daryl climbed in; folding his arms behind the back of his head he lay on top of all the blankets still fully clothed._

_I spent several minutes tossing and turning trying to find a position to get comfortable in before Daryl let out an audible sigh, clearly getting annoyed by my lack of quiet. After the last time I turned on my side Daryl lifted his arms from behind his head and pulled me into him, hugging me close; one hand pressed my head down on his chest, the other rubbed small circles on my back lulling me into a comforting sleep.  For a fleeting second I thought I heard him whispering something into my drunken mind; if I think about in the morning I’ll have to ask him what it was._

_I wasn’t sure what time it was but knew without looking at the clock that it was still the early morning hours since it was still dark outside. My brain was still pretty fogged up from the amount of alcohol I drank earlier but that fog was slowly dissipating.  Sitting up in the bed to stretch out a little a loud snore broke the quiet.  Glancing over to my left I saw Daryl still lying in the bed next to me, still on his back but his hands and arms had moved; one was covering his eyes and the other draped across his stomach.  From the waist down he was covered by the blankets but from the waist up he was bare.  A tattoo etched into the left side of his chest and a smattering of hair was all I could make out in the darkness._

_Leaning over I did the best I could to place a small kiss on his cheek without waking him and surprisingly found myself to be successful in my venture. Not wanting to risk waking him I slid from the bed as quietly as I could, grabbed my computer and my books from the desk then headed out to the living room to get a little bit of homework done._

_Again I must’ve lost track of the time because one minute it’s pitch black outside and the next I’m roused from a nap I didn’t know I had taken by the smell of coffee and bacon. Looking around I discovered that I was still right where I had planted myself but I was no longer sitting up, rather I was lying down with the sun shining brightly through the blinds and directly into my face.  If I didn’t know any better, and if I were a betting woman, I’d put my money on Daryl getting up and laying me down against the couch cushions.  But that still wouldn’t explain why my hair was undone when I clearly remembered pulling it back while I was waiting for my laptop to boot up.  It also wouldn’t explain why there was a blanket draped over one half of the couch and the other lain carefully over me._

_“’Bout time you got up, been sleeping there the last four hours.”_

_“What time is it?” I groused, grimacing a bit when my back popped._

_“8:30.” Daryl answered, his gruff voice almost like music to my ears._

_“The fuck were you doing up at 4:30 then?”_

_“Had to take a piss, came out and found ya nodding off. The hell you come out here for anyway?  Told ya I’d sleep on the couch.”_

_“Wanted to get some homework done, no idea what time it was when I got up but you were dead to the world and I didn’t wanna wake ya. Speaking of homework, what’d ya do with my stuff?”_

_“Set it on the table in here. C’mon birthday girl, time to get up; you get breakfast in bed that’s all you get from me and don’t get used to it neither.”_

_Daryl walked into the living room holding a plate in one hand and a glass of juice in the other. I struggled to get up from the position I was in only for a minute or two before I let the blanket fall away from me and took the items from his hands.  Plopping down on the couch next to me he scooped up the remote to turn the t.v. on, switching the channel over to what was left of the morning weather._

_“Can I ask you a question?”_

_Rather than answer he grunted so I assumed that it was okay._

_“The tattoo on your chest, what is it?”_

_“Dead family member’s name. How’d ya know it was there?”_

_“Got up last night to get my stuff so I could do some homework and I saw it when you were still sleeping. Kinda interested in seeing what else ya got.”_

_The sideways glance he was giving me had me swallowing down any other questions I wanted to ask. The anger was more than evident and I was mentally preparing myself for an early morning temper tantrum.  The anger was rolling off of him in waves, a storm brewing behind those blue eyes._

_“What else did you see?” his voice was low, his tone more than threatening._

_“Nothing, just that one tattoo and that’s it.”_

_Daryl continued to eye me suspiciously, his stare freezing me in place as I waited for him to react. However nothing ever happened, he only snorted and returned his attention to the conclusion of the five-day weather forecast muttering something about how this summer was gonna be hotter than hell._

_After finishing my breakfast I got up from the couch and walked my dishes into the kitchen. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was not a mess like I thought it would be; rather it was pretty well cleaned up.  The dishes I had in there from dinner last night were laying in the dish rack drying, the pan I assume Daryl used for the bacon was in the sink soaking, the stove was wiped clean of any grease that might’ve popped out, and there was a big pot of coffee sitting on the counter._

_“You swear on your life you didn’t see nothing else last night?”_

_My back was turned to him as I was stretched up trying to retrieve a cup from the cabinet when his voice came out of nowhere, startling me just enough that the cup I was holding nearly fell from my hand._

_“I swear Daryl, I didn’t see anything.”_

_A chair from the table scraped along the floor, an audible sigh escaped and in that moment I knew that something was deeply troubling him. Most people probably wouldn’t care if another person saw something on their body whether it be a tattoo, some type of scar, or maybe even a piercing.  But for Daryl whatever it was that was bothering him had a deep impact on him to the point that he didn’t want people to see him without clothes on._

_What is it that he’s hiding?_

_“Are you really sorry about what you said to me a few weeks ago?” I asked trying to change the subject and get his mind to focus on something else._

_There was a moment of silence, turning around to face him with a freshly poured cup of coffee in hand I caught what was left of him nodding his head._

_“Use your words.”_

_“Yeah, I guess so.”_

_“No, Daryl, there is no ‘I guess so.’ You either are or you’re not.”_

_“Don’t like ya being pissed at me,” he murmured. I was straining a bit to hear him but he continued despite that, “don’t like getting close to people or them getting close to me.  It’s always been me and Merle against the world.”_

_“Is that why you’re sorry then? You don’t want me mad at you anymore?  Or are you just putting on an act so I’ll forgive you and give you basic human necessities like food and a solid roof over your head?”_

_Daryl visibly flinched at my words, an indication to me that I probably just hit the nail on the head._

_“Daryl, I need you to be straight with me.” When he dropped his head and refused to answer I set my coffee on the counter and closed the gap between us.  Squatting, I pulled his face up to meet mine and saw years of hurt etched into his features.  “I’m not saying shit to beat you up; I want you to be sorry for what you said and mean it.  I’ll freely admit that I sometimes put too much trust in people I barely know, that’s just part of my nature.  I put entirely too much of it in Merle but I know he won’t fuck up when there’s money on the line.  I went out on a limb and invested that same trust in you hoping that you could prove to me and everyone in this town that you are worth something more than a bad reputation.  The way you were last night, driving me home from the bar, taking care of me after the alcohol started kicking in, it makes me want to forgive you but I need more than random acts of kindness.”_

_After a moment Daryl nodded. Pushing my hands away from his face he stood, pulling me up with him.  His arms encircling me, bringing me into a tight hug left me a little confused but I kept my mouth shut.  He was working through something that had left its mark on him and all I could do was remain as supportive as I could since I knew nothing._

_“I’m sorry,” he started as something wet slid onto my neck._

_His voice was lost to him in hiccups and chocking, his body shook violently as he hugged me closer. Naturally I found my arms wrapped around his neck, one hand in his hair scratching the back of his head and the other rubbing his back.  Despite the shirt being a barrier protecting his back from my hand I could feel something, something that didn’t feel like a smooth expanse of skin that I expected to find.  Knitting my brow I chose to ignore it, he was visibly upset about something and I didn’t want to push him anymore than I already have._

_“Didn’t like being away from ya, didn’t feel right.”_

_“How did you feel?”_

_“If you tell Merle, I’ll deny everything; he always says real men don’t talk about that kinda shit.”_

_“Well, Merle is full of shit. Men talk about feelings when they’re comfortable and it can be kept private.”_

_“Felt like there was a void. I regretted it as soon as it happened; Merle said I was just being a damn pussy, forget it and move on.  Saw ya driving around to different places, work, store, the bar; I’d try to get up the nerve but I’d get pissed and drive off.  Think you’re just about the only person to exercise any patience or trust with both me and Merle.”_

_“That would not surprise me. Even an alley cat needs a kind hand and an even kinder heart to bring them around.  If you show trust and patience who knows what you’ll receive; sometimes you get rewarded but more often than not you get stabbed in the back.  I’ll forgive you today but don’t stab me in the back.”_

_Sniffling, Daryl nodded against my neck; lifting his head I carefully brought my hands up from to face, my thumbs sweeping the remnants of the tears from under his eyes._

_“Enough of this sappy shit, get changed we’re going for a ride then you’re getting your first tracking lesson. Wear boots, you’ll tear your feet up wearing tennis shoes.”_

_Grabbing my books and computer off the table I did as Daryl instructed. As we were walking out the door he said we could pick my car up on our way back into town.  I stood on the passenger side of the truck, pulling the door open when I realized that if Daryl said we’re taking the bike that it meant he’d have to drop his truck off elsewhere to get the bike from Merle._

_“Only way Merle would let me use the bike is if he could tag along.” He finally admitted once we pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store._

_Merle was parked a little ways down, swinging his leg over he climbed off the bike and strode over to where we were parked. Daryl and I got out of the truck just as Merle reached the driver’s side door.  Dropping the key to the bike in his brother’s hand Merle eyed him for a minute._

_“Go stand by the bike and wait for me.”_

_I wasn’t sure what was going on between them but Merle was exhibiting quite a bit of concern for his brother. Merle Dixon didn’t give two shits about hardly anyone or anything but where Daryl was concerned he’d do just about anything to make sure his brother was safe.  I stood by the bike like Daryl said and watched as they carried on; Merle stood in front of his brother shouting obscenities left and right, his hands and arms wildly animated.  Whatever it was they were arguing about had Merle in an uproar._

_Daryl finally had enough and pushed him away shouting at him to get in the fucking truck and to just go with him on this one._

_“Get your ass on the bike before I change my mind.”_

_We rode hard and fast for what seemed like hours before we reached our final destination. The sun was beating on my neck and with the humidity in the air the sweat was pouring down the sides of my face.  Daryl killed the engine and got off, stalking into the woods as Merle pulled up next to us._

_“Look here little lady, I don’t like you getting in my baby brother’s head the way you have, he don’t need your damn charity.”_

_Slamming the door of the truck shut, Merle stalked off into the woods following closely behind Daryl leaving me to stand on a deserted gravel road next to an abandoned bike and a beat-up blue pickup truck. It wasn’t long before Daryl came back out, but it wasn’t from the same place that he went in._

_“Don’t pay him no mind, he’s just being an asshole. C’mon first lesson in tracking, be quiet.  We go in there we ain’t talking unless we need to, ya understand?  Lesson two, try not to give away your position; snake starts moving over your foot don’t scream and don’t fucking move.  You may be wearing boots but you don’t know if it’s poisonous or not, it can still strike.  Lesson three, watch where you walk; don’t want ya muddying up the ground and stepping on a track that could mean the difference between a meal and a lost kid.”_

_I followed Daryl into the woods, going in the same way he came out of bearing in mind my first three lessons knowing that there would a continuation of these lessons as we pushed further into the dense overgrowth. I fell into step behind him, watching the way his feet moved along the ground trying to copy and learn his movements.  Holding a hand up he dropped down, I followed suit and waited.  His hand brushed away some of the leaves before it came up, beckoning me to come forward._

_“Human or animal?” he asked whispering into my hair._

_“Human?” I asked looking at the print that looked like it could pass for a boot print._

_“Good, just a few minutes old. Which direction do you think it went in?”_

_Studying the ground for a moment, looking behind me to see the pattern of the previous direction of travel I made a determination that they were headed off to the east, perhaps circling back around to a previous location or maybe following us._

_“Officer douchebag teach ya that?”_

_I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing, “no but I’m not a complete idiot. You went in and Merle followed, you came out and he didn’t.  He’s in these woods somewhere and I bet he’s pissed about being used as a test dummy for your lessons.”_

_“Let’s keep going, you lead.”_

_Taking point I continued to bear in mind my first three lessons hoping I didn’t fuck this up too bad. I could feel the anxiety coming off of Daryl as I did the best I could to follow the tracks until they disappeared.  I did as I had seen him do and dropped down, running my hand over the brush pushing it away to see if the prints had been stamped into the ground despite a thick layer of leaves.  A hand flashed out like lighting, halting my movements immediately._

_“Don’t fucking move a muscle.”_

_Daryl kept a tight grip on my wrist and reached over with the other carefully picking something up off the ground. An angry hiss a few seconds later had my heart leaping out of my chest.  When it was safely lifted from the ground Daryl released my wrist and stood.  Standing next to him I couldn’t stop myself from recoiling in fear as the snake’s body twisted around his arm._

_“Copperhead.” He finally said after turning it and studying it for a minute or two. “You’re on the right trail though, Merle did come through here; had it not been for this guy you’d have found his prints under them leaves.”_

_“Please get rid of it.”_

_Taking off further into the woods Daryl came back a few minutes later empty-handed. Laying a hand between my shoulders he pushed me forward so we could finish today’s lesson.  After one or two wrong turns we ended up exiting the woods and finding Merle parked on the tailgate of the truck._

_“Darylina get ya lost in there sweet cheeks?”_

_“Couple of copperheads on the trail.”_

_“Safety first, right baby brother? Other than that, how’d the squirt do on her first time out?”_

_“She ain’t us but didn’t do too bad. Did good enough to earn one of them beers ya brought.”_

_“Drink up baby girl, if Daryl says ya earned then ya did.”_

_Hopping up onto the tailgate next to him, I took the beer Merle offered, popping the top and letting the pale amber liquid cool my scorching insides. The three of us stayed out there for a few hours, after about two Daryl took off into the woods again and Merle stayed behind.  I prepared myself for another outburst in that stern voice I had received earlier but it never came.  Instead Merle dragged me with him through the brush, it seems that I was about to get another set of lessons in tracking courtesy of Merle Dixon and our target was Daryl._

_As Merle was shuffling around behind a tree to take a piss I started getting an inexplicable feeling that I had never felt before. Like there was some kind of pull forcing my feet to move in an unknown direction to an unknown location that was far off the beaten path.  Some would refer to it as following their instinct but I wasn’t sure this could be chalked up to that.  I allowed my feet to carry me to destination unknown and came to a stop at the door of a cabin that looked like it had been standing for the better part of 50 years._

_“How’d ya find me all the way out here?”_

_Daryl appeared from behind the building, a knife in hand and a squirrel impaled on the tip of it._

_“I don’t know, Merle stopped off to take a piss and something just told me to keep walking.”_

_“Not safe to be wandering around in places you ain’t familiar with, anything could’ve happened.”_

_I nodded, agreeing that anything could’ve happened but I kept my mouth shut knowing that had I told him that I knew the trail I walked along was clear of any apparent danger it would’ve likely set him off._

_We made our way through the woods back to where I left Merle and followed his prints back to the where we had parked only to find that the truck was gone. Merle knew that Daryl was capable of taking care of himself out there but who knows the thoughts going through his head knowing that I had been with them and taken off on my own.  Hopefully he didn’t go back to town and raise the alarm that I was lost._

_“Lemme borrow your phone,” Daryl sighed holding his hand out. Handing the device over I watched him punch in the seven digits that I assumed was Merle’s number.  “She’s with me…no she didn’t get lost…no she ain’t bit…I don’t fucking know…something about just knowing where to find me…meet ya at the bar later.  Let’s go, need to go get your car then get yourself cleaned up so you can go to your parent’s house.  I’ll be by later tonight, need to talk about your lil adventure in there.”_

_I’m in trouble…_


	13. Chapter 13

** Chapter 13 **

****

“’Bout time you got your lazy ass outta bed.”

“Fuck off, I was having a damn good dream and you making all that noise woke me up. Hell after all the shit you’ve put me through the last few days I deserve it.”

“I ain’t put ya through shit, you did that on your own.”

“And I suppose getting taken by Negan and having a gun shoved in my face is my fault too, huh?”

“The fuck did you just say?”

“That stunt you pulled by killing his guy and running off? When they came by and took me?  Yeah Negan shoved a fucking gun in my face and told me in not so many words that I was gonna be the one to bring you in and if I tried to say no then it was lights out.  So the next time you think someone is undeserving of something just remember their hardships may be greater than your own.”

Tossing the blankets back from the bed I sat up, stretching my back out until it let out an audible pop. Daryl had himself parked in a chair at the table working on sharpening a knife while the sounds of the Hilltop filtered through the walls.  The familiar noise of a hammer striking an anvil outside let me know that at least one our blacksmiths was working on spear points.

“What’d ya dream about?”

“It doesn’t matter, just a dead memory that got dragged up with you being around.”

“What was it?”

Getting up I looked out the window to see the gates opening to allow a single person inside; she was wearing some dark colored clothing, had a cap on her head, and looked like she was carrying a backpack. That was all I could make out at this distance considering I still had crusts in my eyes that I hadn’t taken care of just yet.  Daryl came up quietly from behind, his arm stretching out to cage me in.

“Rosita.” He said, pulling away then going back to sharpening his knife, “what’d ya dream about?”

“Not gonna let it go, are you?”

“What do you think?”

“Take that as a ‘no.’ When you said you were sorry for screaming in my face that first time, next day was my birthday, you and Merle took me out to the mountains for my first tracking lessons.  I took off from Merle and found you at your grandpa’s cabin with a squirrel on your knife.  You can’t say you didn’t feel it that day too.  Somehow or other we both knew that if I didn’t find you, you would’ve found me and not just because you were giving lessons.  There was something in those woods that day that drew us together, that inevitably allowed us to feel each other out even with such huge distances between us.  You can’t just sit there and say you haven’t fought the urge to come find me because we both know I fought those same urges as well.  We both knew the other was close by before Hershel’s barn went up in flames, we both knew the other was close when you were at the prison and I was in Woodbury, shit we fought it for weeks with me being here and you in Alexandria.  We were bound to find each other eventually no matter how much we fought it.”

Daryl’s hands stilled, the knife coming to rest on the sharpening stone as he sat there just listening. His back and shoulders stiffened the more I spoke lending credit to how right I really was.  Finally he put his things down on the table, speaking low and carefully.  It soon became clear just how much the thoughts and things I had been feeling were the same for Daryl.

“It didn’t start until I saw that douchebag, Shane Walsh, at the quarry just outside of Atlanta that I started wondering where you were, knew you were alright but not where you were. Merle went on a run with a few members of the group, I went hunting; managed to bag a deer and was tracking it for at least half a day before I found it.  It was all gnawed on by some disease bearing, motherless, poxy bastard.  That was the day I met Rick.  Him, Glenn, and T-Dog went with me into Atlanta go get Merle but by the time we got there he cut his own hand off and was gone.”

“You and Merle were with Shane?”

I knew I visibly paled at hearing that name and I could only imagine the trouble that the Dixons caused him. They made no bones about their hatred for him or his inability to do his job without getting physical.  On more than one occasion he had gotten written up for using chokeholds to subdue the men he was trying to arrest.

“Rick told me about Merle being left behind and I lost my shit, went after him with a knife, this one actually, Shane came up from behind and put a chokehold on me. Son of a bitch was lucky I had an arrow in my hand instead of something sharper when he called my brother a douchebag.  Merle’s a lot of things but when it came to our group’s safety he wouldn’t jeopardize it.

“Quarry got overrun that night by walkers, we packed up and left the next day. CDC was a dead end, we tried for Fort Benning but one of the cars broke down; ended up with a herd coming down on us while we were getting it fixed and scavenging the highway.  Carol had a daughter that got chased down by a couple of walkers, T got a cut on his arm and ended up with a blood infection, Carl got shot.  That was how we ended up on the farm.  I was with Rick and Shane looking for that lil girl when she didn’t come back.  Rick told her to keep the sun on her left shoulder and keep walking till she got back to the highway.  Of all the things that could trigger whatever it is we have it had to be a lost kid in the woods.”

“Maggie came over to our farm not long after Atlanta fell, she was trying to convince us to go over to their place and pool our resources together. Hershel didn’t see any sense in dividing resources and people.  Patricia and Otis were already over there; Patricia had some medical training, Otis had a shotgun.  My grandparents didn’t see any point in leaving the farm they built only to go to one a few miles down the road.  My grandpa said he’d rather die on his property then leave.  I went out into the woods one day to get what I could, came across a bush filled with wild blackberries, found some wild strawberries too.  Heard the bells going off at the church my grandparents went to then a gunshot going off not long after that.  I took off further into the woods after that to find where the shot came from and found the church instead.  We both know how I feel on the subject of religion but I went in there anyway, saw a couple of walkers on the floor, no one I recognized though.  Hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up when the wind blew in through the door.  I knew you were there less than an hour before.  That was when I started hoping, even praying, that you would just move on.”

“Why do we do this? Why do we keep going around in circles like this trying to avoid each other?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. I’m gonna go grab something for breakfast, you want anything?”

“Already ate what was left of that deer steak from last night. You still got those fucking fur balls, don’t ya?  When I catch ‘em, I’m gonna skin ‘em alive.”

“Yes I still have my cats and if you even think about touching a hair anywhere on them I’ll cut your fucking hand off.”

“Wouldn’t put it past ya to do it neither.”

“At least you remembered that I’m still willing to trade body parts for the safety of my cats. I’ll see ya later, stay out of trouble.”

Walking away from the window I grabbed some cleaner clothes from the dresser and got myself changed for the day. Shoving my feet into my boots, I laced them up, grabbed my gun and knife and was out the door to leave Daryl to do whatever it was he did these days.  No doubt with Maggie being pregnant he’d want to keep a watchful eye on her even if he still has it in his head that she hates him.  He’s not gonna stop thinking that until she tells him herself.

While I didn’t have any pressing chores that needed to be done I found myself in the fields picking up a hand shovel digging and pulling up weeds, getting rid of the stuff that had rotted in the sun, and just other minor maintenance work. I was completely enthralled with what I was doing until a bell from the gates rang out and a faint voice heard of the din shouting something about the Saviors.

“Son of a bitch!” I muttered to myself, throwing down everything I had in my hands and running towards the gates.

When I reached the edge of the manor I spotted Simon climbing out his truck as well as at least a dozen or men getting out of a couple more vehicles. Two of them were carrying a large crate and making their way towards the manor.  Rather than pressing myself to the wall I marched right over to where Simon was standing barking orders.

“Long time no see pussy cat! Got some more good news for me about Daryl I hope.”

“The fuck are you doing here? I told ya what I knew and Negan said ya’ll weren’t coming around until next week.”

“And we _will_ be back next week sweetheart, just need to borrow Gregory for a little bit.  Now why don’t you make yourself useful and let him know we’re here.”

“I ain’t the fucking maid, go do it your damn self.”

“Why don’t we just take you back with us instead and let you keep Dr. Carson? I’m sure Negan would trade a doctor for a spitfire like you keeping his bed warm at night.  Hell, I’d trade every bottle of tequila I have back home for even one night with you.  Bet you’d just love being handcuffed, wouldn’t ya?”

“Try it and I’ll break your dick off.”

“That’s a shame pussy cat that you feel that way. Well, c’mon boys we got a package to deliver.  See ya around sweetheart.  You think about my offer, got a pair of cuffs with your name written all over ‘em if you change your mind.”

With that Simon and his men headed for the manor, some of them broke away from the main group, making themselves useful by looking through our stocks, taking what they wanted.

What the hell does Enid think she’s doing? Poor girl’s a little bit of a klutz; I’ll have to remember to get her a new knife when I go out on another run later today.

“Here, let me help you get those loaded into the truck, it’ll cut down on what we owe them for next week’s payment.” I offered, taking one end of the basket.

“Maggie and Daryl are in the cellar, I tried to get him to take these but-”

“If Daryl’s down there he’ll be quiet about it, Simon and a bunch of Saviors went into the manor so I’m sure he’s more than aware that they’re cornered if they make any sound. I’m going on a run this afternoon, I’ll get you another knife while I’m out.”

“Where are you going? Maybe I could come along too?”

“Can’t risk it. If I tell you Daryl will find out, and trust me he would find us and bring hell with him.  Even if you did stay behind there’s no escape from that glare, you know the one I mean, you’ll cave in less than thirty seconds.  It’s better if I do this alone.  Besides you need to lookout for Maggie and make sure she’s alright.  I know she’s not a fragile flower or anything but being pregnant puts her at risk for having another episode like she did.”

“So why are the Saviors here then if it’s not for another pickup?”

“Trading whatever’s in that box for Dr. Carson. I’ll do what I can to focus on doctor’s offices and other small medical buildings but I doubt I’ll be able to find another OB/GYN to replace him.”

Enid’s face paled at the knowledge that we will now be operating our community without a doctor. Together we managed to get the basket into the truck and I took a tally of everything that was in there that way Simon, or whoever, wasn’t able to say that our payment was short this week.  While our backs were turned I had a sneaky suspicion that the Savior Enid had encountered wasn’t finished.  An audible inhale sounded from behind us and I watched as Enid stiffened and froze in place.  While I don’t agree with being a slave for Negan there are some things I will agree with him on and one of those is kids.

“Get your fucking hands off of her.” Slipping my knife out I yanked the Savior’s head back, holding the serrated edges of the blade to his throat.

Slowly his hands released Enid’s hair, bringing them up in surrender.

“Claire Bear, I thought we had this talk before about threatening my men? Get Dr. Carson in the truck.”

“And I thought we agreed that this wouldn’t happen anymore as long as your men kept their hands to themselves. What’s Negan rule about making sexual advances on kids?  He’s damn lucky you came around because in my book it’s a death sentence.  I’d kill him once then I’d let the kid put him down for good once he turned.”

It was difficult to tell from the growth of Simon’s mustache whether or not he was sucking his lip in or if his lips were tightening up but the look in his eyes held a promise for punishment in the near future for this dumb bastard.

“C’mon Simon you know me, you know I wouldn’t do that to a kid.”

Simon held a hand up silencing his man instantly, waving Enid over. She looked at me with uncertainty in her eyes but reluctantly went to where Simon stood.  I kept the blade of my knife pressed to the Savior’s throat just in case Simon did deem his crime worthy enough of death.  But I doubted he would let me, it was more likely that he’d let Negan make an example out of him.

“Is Claire telling the truth? Did Mark try to make a move on you?” Simon asked, getting down to Enid’s level to making reading her a little easier.

She looked back at the man, fear still evident in her eyes and a small shutter going through her body. Turning back to Simon I saw the back of her head nod, affirming the truth of what I had said.

“What’s your name kid?”

“Enid.”

“Enid, how old are you?”

“Fifteen.” She replied hesitantly.

“I need you to tell me exactly what Mark did to you Enid. Don’t leave out any details, you understand?”

If it weren’t for the fact that Simon was an asshole and working for Negan I would’ve sworn that he had worked with kids before the dead started walking. Or maybe he’s one of the few people who still uphold some of the values of the old world where kids are concerned.

Enid took a breath and began telling Simon everything that had happened from the beginning. She told him about trying to get Mark to help her get the basket loaded in the truck, about him taking her knife, about Mark’s suggestions, and finally about his fingers going through her hair.  Poor girl probably didn’t realize that this sick fuck brought it up to his nose and started smelling it.  God only knows what might’ve happened had I not been there to put an end to this.

“What would you like to see happen to Mark?” Simon finally asked once Enid concluded her story. Surprisingly he let her get through the whole re-telling without interruption.

“I don’t know.” She answered quietly.

“Just think about it for a minute. Do you want Claire Bear to rip his beating heart out and let you have the satisfaction of the final kill or do you want me to take him back to the Sanctuary and let Negan deal with him accordingly?”

“What would Negan do?”

“Well, Enid, that’s a tough one to answer. We’ve never had an incident like this before, at least not with kids.  We’ve had creepers that have raped women and they died, we’ve had thieves that thought they could get away with stealing and they got their limbs cut off, we’ve had-”

“Negan actually adopted Babylonian law to re-write the rules and impose his will? That motherfucker, I should’ve known!” I interrupted, shocked as Simon started rattling off punishments that fit various crimes.

“Now Claire, it’s rude to interrupt, let’s let Enid decide for herself how we should deal with Mark.”

After a pause Enid finally gave an answer though it was not the one I was hoping for.

“Take him back and let Negan decide what to do with him. If we let Claire kill him, she’ll drag it out just to make him suffer and then we’d have to wait for him to turn.”

Simon nodded his head, slapped his knees, and stood to his full height. Hands on his hips he looked down at Enid to make sure it was what she wanted.  She had a point, had she let me kill him now I would make him suffer and I’d drag it out for as long as possible.  I’d also make a spectacle of it but Enid was using her brain, she was thinking of Maggie and the rest of the residents that call Hilltop home.

“Alright, I’ll let Negan take care of him. Claire Bear, pussy cat, you gotta let the shithead go.  Don’t you worry your pretty little head off I’ll make sure that this goes straight to Papa Bear and it gets sorted out accordingly.”

Reluctantly I let the piece of shit go, shoving him into the tailgate of the truck; a smirk of satisfaction smeared across my face as he let out a sound similar to an ‘oof’. Re-sheathing my knife I had my arm out to Enid just in case she needed to seek out a little bit of comfort from someone who wasn’t quite so menacing.  Playing up her role as the victim Enid hugged herself around my middle, my arm dropping to her shoulder.  Simon nodded his head, climbed into his truck, leaving us to go back to what we were doing and taking our only doctor with him.

“What was that all about?”

Turning I found Daryl closing the distance between us, Maggie was in tow visibly shaken by Mark making himself known to them while they were trapped in the cellar. Despite his hair growing down to his neck and damn near covering the entire front of his face I could tell that he had been crying about something.  Hopefully he and Maggie finally had that heart to heart they needed over her husband’s death; hopefully Daryl will finally believe that he wasn’t responsible for his death and will stop beating himself up over it.

“They took Dr. Carson.”

“Why would they do that? Why would they leave us without a doctor?” Maggie questioned, her voice shaking as she tried to wrap her head around just how dire our situation had gotten.

I refused to answer her questions since there was no explanation I could offer. Instead I turned back and headed towards my trailer.  I had told Enid that I was going on a run and while Simon and the rest of the Saviors were out of my hair for the time being I needed to get out of this place before they decided to make a return trip.  Opening the door and stepping inside I greeted by a blast of semi-cool air and my cats knocking something of Daryl’s off the table so they could lay down.

“I swear you two need to be more careful, one of these days I’m gonna come in here and find that you impaled yourselves on one of these knives. C’mon baby boy, you need to get up off of mama’s bag; mama’s gotta go bye-bye for a little bit.”

“Where the fuck are you going? You just got back last night, ya can’t stay put for a day?”

“I think we’ve started taking on each other’s former personalities; I’d always ask you stay for more than a day and you were always too restless to stay put for more than a few hours.” I remarked, twisting my head around to watch Daryl pull the door of the trailer shut behind him. “I’m going on a run, probably be gone more than half the day, may not be back until tonight, tomorrow morning at the latest.”

“Ain’t gonna let ya go alone, not with them Saviors out and about.”

“That’s exactly why you’re gonna let me go at this alone. Be logical about this Daryl, the roads are crawling with Saviors and Walkers alike, if I get stopped by a Savior or a group of ‘em and you’re with me they’re gonna stop us both and bring us straight back to the Sanctuary.  The thanks I’ll get for bringing you in will be watching you get your skull bashed in.  I don’t wanna see that happen; as much as it hurts me to say it I still love you and I don’t wanna see you dead.”

“Least tell me where you’re going.”

“Can’t do that, you’ll follow me. You worry about you and this impending war, let me worry about me and making sure my people stay fed for another day.  Who knows, maybe I’ll find another doctor while I’m out.  Highly doubtful, but stranger things have happened.”

Shooing one of the cats off my backpack, I heaved it onto my shoulders and tried to leave. Should’ve known though that Daryl wouldn’t make leaving easy.  His body easily blocked all access points to the door, his arms pressed tight to the frame so I couldn’t shove him from one side or the other.

“Daryl, don’t do this, please.”

“Ain’t letting ya outta my sight. We’ll head back to Alexandria tonight, start getting a plan hammered out.  Don’t start on me with that ‘we ain’t married anymore, you don’t tell me what to do’ bullshit,” he mocked, “ain’t doing it cause I want too, doing it to keep you alive.”

Removing his arms from the frame of the door, Daryl placed his hands on my shoulders gently pushing me back into the trailer. The backs of my knees hit against the chair causing me to fall backwards into the seat, looking up I saw his features arranged in a look that could pass for concern.  Just as he was opening his mouth to say something a knock came to the door, the person on the other side never hesitating to seek entrance.

“Have you seen Sasha?”

Peering over Daryl’s shoulder I was just in time to see Maggie enter the room with Enid in tow before Daryl blocked my view.

“Earlier, ain’t seen her since those fucks cleared out.”

“Don’t look at me, I was getting ready to leave; if I see her-”

I was cut off by a small voice clearing their throat at the back of the room.

“She left.” Enid answered timidly.

“The hell do you mean ‘she left?’ Where’d she go?”

Daryl’s attitude needed a serious adjustment and had it not been for the fact that he was within arm’s reach he may have gotten away from me and had the poor kid backed up against the wall and Maggie in his ear telling him to back off.

“She and Rosita got out when the Saviors showed up, they were going to the Sanctuary to take Negan out. They want to try and prevent a war by doing it themselves.”

“Rosita was here? We have to go after them, we have to stop them.  If they get caught they’re dead.” Maggie reasoned, looking around the room to try and garner support.

“We can’t, if they’re caught they’re dead but if we go after them we’ll all end up dead. Maggie, you don’t know what it’s like in there, you don’t know what they’re capable of when they’re on home turf.  You ever see a man get half of his face burnt off?  How about living off of a point system where the value of food is so outrageous that you have to choose between an apple and a cup of water?”

“Daryl, you know that place, you know the layout, you can-”

“Claire’s right, can’t go after ‘em. Best thing to do now is head home and re-group.  Never should’ve given her that layout of the place; should’ve known she would try and do something like this.” Daryl sighed, hanging his head in defeat.

“Daryl it’s not your fault, you didn’t know that she was gonna go and try to take care of the problem herself, you didn’t know that Rosita was gonna go with her.”

“We’ll meet you at the gates after sunset, we’ll go to Alexandria, fill Rick and the others in, and try to work something out.” Getting up from the chair I loosened my backpack from my shoulders, letting it drop to the floor with a clatter and approached the end of the trailer where Maggie and Enid stood, “I’ll walk you out, gotta talk to you a minute.”

Holding the door open I waited for the pair to make their exit, eyeing Daryl as he stood in the middle of the room shaking his head not being able to believe he allowed himself to be fooled so easily.

He’s gonna be beating himself up over this one for a while, especially if anything happens to either of them.

“What’s up?”

“Need you to keep an eye on him until I get back, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid or fly off the handle. I should be back an hour before sunset and before you ask, I’m going on a run.  I _was_ gonna try to find us another doctor but seeing as how I’m going on a road trip across town later tonight I’ll have to cut my run short and bring back whatever I can get my hands on.  If he asks you know nothing.”

“You got it, and Claire? If you can, see if you can find some pre-natal vitamins.”

“There’s a pharmacy a few miles away, it’s pretty much empty but I’ll see what I can scrounge up. Since it seems that war in eminent I’ll see what I can come up with as far as weapons go.  If anyone goes outside the walls start looking for brass, and lots of it; bullets are going to be a very hot commodity.”

I turned my back on Maggie and Enid before they could ask any further questions. The bikes were parked by the gate and with Daryl distracted with his thoughts I took the small window of opportunity I had to climb onto one of them; his voice was barely audible over the roar of the engine when I saw him running out of the trailer from the corner of my eye.

The gates opened and shut behind me, walkers were going to be drawn to the sound of the motor and they’d be banging at the doors in the next thirty minutes or so. At least I was alone for the time being and I could focus what little attention I had remaining on getting what I could from the pharmacy.  I started making a mental checklist as I saw the aisles flash before my eyes: hair care, dental, first aid, feminine products, vitamins and supplements.  The good stuff was long gone by now; anything that could temporarily take the pain away or clear up an infection would be near impossible to come by.  Maybe I’ll get lucky and find some laxatives in there; slip some of those in Gregory’s drink and see what happens.  It’ll certainly get him off his ass.

I laughed quietly to myself at the image of Gregory holding audience with Simon and the sudden urge to go interrupting their talk of whiskey versus tequila or whatever the hell else they drank these days.

Unfortunately my ride didn’t last as long as I wanted it to; the pharmacy was on the edge of town just before reaching the D.C. limits, a few doors down from that was a gun shop that had been cleared out in the beginning. I knew the chances of finding a gun or bullets were slim to none, even if I had looked in some place unusual.  But I knew this particular shop specialized in reloading so while I may not be able to find a bullet I could find shell casings, gunpowder, and all the equipment I would need to make a bullet in at least four different calibers.

Climbing off the bike I waited patiently outside the pharmacy for the next five or ten minutes, I could feel that Daryl was tearing a path across the countryside and would be coming to a stop at any minute. We could split up and grab twice as much stuff as opposed to me doing it alone.

Bringing a hand to my forehead to shield my eyes from the sun I saw a tiny blur in the distance, a groaning in the distance that seemed to grow louder the closer it got. I kept an eye out for any sign of walkers or Saviors that could put a damper on my plans as I waited for Daryl to park alongside me.

“’Bout time you showed up, took ya long enough. You take the gun shop, grab anything and everything you can.  I’ll be in the pharmacy getting-”

“The fuck were you thinking taking off like that, huh? Told ya you ain’t fucking leaving and what do ya do?  Ya fucking take off and go on a fucking run anyway.  Should’ve tied your ass to the chair when I had the fucking chance.”

“Well, now that you got that out of your system, the gun shop is a few doors down; need gunpowder, casings, calipers, just grab as much as you can.”

Turning to go inside the building I was brought to a sudden stop, Daryl’s hand wrapped around my arm pulling me flush against his chest. The fire in his eyes was evident yet despite the apparent anger behind them they began to soften as his chest heaved and his nostrils flared while he tried to calm himself down.

“Alright,” I relented, “we’ll go in together and then we’ll head over to the gun shop. You get the pre-natal vitamins for Maggie and I’ll get whatever else I can grab, okay?”

“How do ya know this place will still have anything?” he asked, releasing the grip on my arm and following me inside.

“I don’t but people must realize by now that we all carry whatever this is, infection, I guess. If it’s an airborne contagion anyone stupid enough to get knocked up will have to realize their baby is infected with its first breath.  If they have that much figured out they’ll probably be smart about how they go about getting their fucks in to avoid pregnancy.  Less babies being born means there’s a good chance no one went after anything baby related.  If that theory holds true then I know a few places not far from here that may be a treasure trove of baby stuff.  I mean we’re talking clothes, cribs, bottles, formula.  Oh, vitamins are in that last aisle just before you get to the desk; pre-natal should be somewhere around women’s.”

Grabbing a basket off the floor I pointed out to Daryl the aisle I was referring to and went on my way picking through anything that remained. The first aisle I went down had quite a few boxes of hair dye but only a couple of bottles of shampoo and conditioner as well as a few bars of soap; the aisle containing all of the pads and tampons was pretty well stocked, unfortunately the same could not be said for what used to be the first aid supplies.  It was a barren wasteland of discarded boxes and scraps of gauze.  We’ll have to push into D.C. eventually if we want to survive any longer; have to find some sort of warehouse or…

“Daryl, how do you feel about going to a storage facility one of these days?”

“Why the fuck would we go to a storage site? Place would be crawling with walkers and people alike fighting to keep their shit.”

“Those places have gates so I don’t think the walkers would be that big of an issue but maybe we could find a storage site, set a few of our people on a hill to watch for any activity. If there is anyone there we could easily take care of that problem, but if no one’s there think of all the stuff we could find.  We’d have to get a pair of bolt cutters and go through each unit one by one but just think of the wealth of stuff we could find in there.  What was that one show we used to watch together on Thursday nights?  You know the one I mean, they’d auction off storage units and people would find rare coins and guns in there.  Even if we don’t find guns we’ll have clothes for everyone and enough to spare to hand out to the other communities.”

“You’d be willing to risk lives for clothes?”

“I didn’t say that; just roll it around for bit, for me? There are plenty of storage sites scattered all over the place people can’t occupy all of them and worst case scenario, if we have to abandon Hilltop for any reason at least having one of those facilities cleared out could be a temporary home until we have something more permanent.  We’d have fences and we’d have shelter.  No doubt it’d be hot as hell in the summer and freezing ass cold in the winter but we could make it work.”

“You’ve really put some thought into this, haven’t ya?”

“Not really, it just popped in there a few minutes ago. C’mon let’s check behind the counter before we leave and see there’s anything worth bringing back.”

Walking past the aisle Daryl was picking through I set my basket on the counter, hopped up, and went over on the other side. I started with the shelves towards the back of the store that were out of sight and looked for anything that remained.

“So what made ya think of raiding a storage shed?”

“Look around, you don’t see much do you? Was thinking that we may need to push into the city sooner or later and try to find some type of warehouse.  There has to be some kind of distribution center around here somewhere that carried everything.  A place like Wal-Mart would need to stock its shelves nationwide.  I don’t just mean clothes neither; I’m talking everything you would need to stock a pharmacy twice this size, bedding, towels, food, water.  If we can’t find something like that right away then we can start on a smaller scale with something like a storage facility.”

“Knew there was a reason why I married ya.”

I huffed out a laugh at that but stopped short when the bell above the door rang out. Someone must’ve seen our bikes parked out front.

How can this day get any worse?

Being behind the counter I knew they couldn’t see me and I had grabbed my basket off the counter when I went to the shelves so I knew nothing looked out of place. I just hope Daryl doesn’t get himself caught if it’s a Savior that just walked through the door.

All was silent for what seemed like hours until a muffled scream and gurgle reached my ears. I remained quiet until I caught sight of Daryl hopping over the countertop, crouching low to the ground, a finger pressed to his lips telling me to keep quiet.  He had the look of a hunter in his face and I knew that there was probably more than one person here in town with us.

“Savior?” I asked, mouthing the word so as not to draw attention to where we hid.

“Someone wanting our stuff.” He whispered in my hair, “gotta keep quiet though. Anyone comes in you don’t say a fucking word, you let me handle it, got it?”

“Andrew, you in here?” a voice called out, the bell above the door ringing again.

When he received no answer the stranger cautiously pulled something from a sheath on his person; his footsteps were loud as they crawled along the floor looking for his fallen comrade. The gurgling continued but it came and went in broken intervals, whatever it was Daryl did this Andrew guy was bleeding to death; probably had a nice sized gash from one ear to the other.

“Alright you fucks, show yourselves! There’s only one way out of this place and that’s through the front door, now you can come out quietly and I’ll kill you quick or we can drag this out.  Any way you look at it you aren’t leaving here alive.  We don’t take too kindly to those who kill his men.”

The first thought that popped into my head was that these were Saviors and they were refusing to let on who it was they worked for. Turning my head I found Daryl crouched low under the overhang of the counter, his knife was poised and ready to strike if and when he needed to use it.  The second thought I had was to call him on his bluff; there was more than one way out of this place.  If he knew that then chances are there was already a guard on the other side just waiting for one us to fuck up.

Our best bet was to stay put until he got enough balls to look over the counter.

One thing Daryl taught me when we were still together was a bunch of different hand signals, most of them he had picked up from Merle and others he just made up. I was more than glad that I paid enough attention to memorize all of them.  He carefully laid his knife across his lap and waved me over; through a combination of angry glares and mixed hand signals we came up with a somewhat solid plan to get out of there in one piece.  Picking his knife up he began tearing my shirts to shreds as well as putting a few well-placed holes in my pants.  I took my hair down and after that Daryl put a few shallow cuts on me; some were on my face and neck, others were put in different places where the fabric had been cut.

“Please, don’t hurt me, I didn’t mean to kill anyone. I thought he was one of them, coming to take me back.”  I started, popping up from behind the counter hoping to pass for some sort of victim.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, little lady, I ain’t gonna hurt ya but I can’t let ya get away with killing my boy. If you got away from the Saviors I’m gonna have to take you back, you won’t like how Negan punishes you but you need to learn a lesson about killing innocent people.  Now c’mon, don’t be shy.  You can either get over here on your own or I can drag your ass over.”

The stranger grabbed my arm, pulling me into the edge of the countertop. When I refused to climb over at his request he placed both hands on me in an effort to break the barrier that kept us separated.  Once the knife he was holding was laid across the counter I signaled for Daryl to make himself known and to get rid of this fucker as quickly and quietly as possible.

“Getting slow old man.” I teased as Daryl struggled to free his knife from the skull of my would-be captor.

“Your fucking tits were in the way. We’ll have to cut our run short; just take what we have and go before anyone else has a chance to come in.”

I agreed and placed my basket on the counter before leaping over. Daryl was already ahead of me at the door drawing the blinds back just enough to peer outside to make sure the coast was clear.  Waving me forward I walked to the door, placing my hand on the knob and waited for him to give the okay.

“Three more out there, unless you got some kinda bright idea we’re stuck here for a while.”

Moving away from the door I nudged Daryl out of the way to get a glimpse of our situation for myself. Across the street were three men, one was heavily armed with a .60 caliber perched atop of a jeep and two were standing around with AR-15’s.  Our situation hasn’t improved much but it has not gotten that much worse; we were on the losing end of an uphill battle but at least our chances of coming out alive were better.  Three on two versus five on two is quite an improvement.

“Wait here a second, I’ll be right back.”

Setting my basket on the ground I rushed down the center of the store, before Daryl had a chance to try and stop me I leapt over the counter and was rounding the corner to the back office where the door leading to the alley was tucked away. Carefully pushing the door open I checked to make sure the alley was clear; there was half of a walker propped up against a long forgotten trash bin but other than that it was pretty empty.  Stepping out I let the door close quietly behind me making sure to keep an eye out on the mouth of the alley to make sure I didn’t draw any unwanted attention.

Once I was sure that the coast was clear I quickly rounded the trash container and worked my way around to the back of the building. I had cased this place many times previously and knew there was a ladder not too far away that led to the roof of the building.  If I could get up to the roof I’d have a better view of the area plus taking the high ground could mean I could take those other three guys out that were blocking our escape route.  Then again I’d never been on the roof before so who knows what I would find up there (if anything.)

Only one way to find out…

Once I located the ladder I made my ascent being careful that my weight wouldn’t cause the ladder to tear away from the brick and bring about my demise. My eyes were level with the edge of the roof, looking around I couldn’t see anything that would cause immediate concern and ventured to climb up even further.  Pulling myself up I walked around and discovered that the years of wear and tear coupled with the weather had really done a number on this roof; there were soft spots all over the place and if I wasn’t careful I’d be crashing through the roof.

Making my way to the front of the building I crouched down beside one of the large letters that spelled out the name of the pharmacy and confirmed Daryl’s earlier report of three men guarding the outside. My hand went to my hip and easily found the revolver I kept there; taking the clip out I made sure the magazine was fully loaded and replaced it, next I checked to make sure there was a round in the chamber.  The sun was on my back thankfully, taking aim at the closest man I drew a breath, exhaled, and squeezed the trigger watching through the sights as the bullet found its mark between his eyes.  With one man down and two others shooting their guns in my general direction I had to wait until their clips emptied out before I could take another shot at either of them.

Shots rang out just under me and I caught sight of Daryl rushing out of the store front with a rifle in hand mowing down the other two. I disappeared from sight and made a run for the ladder, throwing one leg over the other I slid down the ladder rails just before it fell completely quiet again.  Running through the alley and on to the street I found Daryl stalking towards the jeep they formally occupied searching for anything he could bring back with us.  While he was busy with that I flung the door of the pharmacy open and made a grab for the basket that I had left by the door.

“The hell were you thinking going out there like that? Huh?  Ya trying to get yourself killed, you got a death sentence I don’t know about?”

“Don’t be mad that my balls are bigger than yours. Besides you would’ve tried to stop me if I told you what I had brewing in the old noggin.  C’mon get your shit and lets go, we got walkers coming and I don’t want to be here when they show up.”

Shoving one thing after another into the saddlebags I tossed the basket to the ground and climbed onto my bike; the engine roared to life and I was on the road home, leaving Daryl behind once again. But the moment I had to myself didn’t last long, Daryl seemed to have come from nowhere, pulling up beside me then pulling far enough ahead of me to stop in the middle of the road forcing me to a stop.

He climbed off of his bike leaving it to idle in the middle of the street as he stalked over, placing his hands on the bars to keep himself from lunging at me.

“The fuck are you trying to prove out there, huh? You think that cause your name _used_ to be Dixon that you’re still one of us?  One of these days you’re gonna find yourself in a situation you can’t get yourself out of.  Use your fucking head for once in your goddamn life!”

“Are you done?” I asked when he was done shouting. When I received no answer I continued, “I’m not trying to prove anything, I’m just trying to live my life the way I always have since I got here.  I’m a runner Daryl, my job is to go on runs and bring back what I can; I can’t let you being at Hilltop be a hindrance.  And just so you know, when the judge signed off on our divorce I couldn’t afford to change my name back, whether you like it or not my name is still Dixon.  I resented that for years but I’ve come to embrace it.”

I watched as his face changed, reaching over the bars he shut my bike off. Despite being in the middle of the road we had each other’s backs should anything go wrong.

“You’re keeping something from me, ain’t ya?”

Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. “When Merle found me and brought me back to Woodbury with him he had little to no faith in me that I could stand on my own two feet.  Even with the divorce he made sure everyone within earshot knew I was his baby sister, everywhere I went he would follow just to make sure I didn’t get myself into something I couldn’t get out of.  I think he was trying to make it up to you in a way; with you being gone I was the only link he had left to the past.  But that’s not important.  We were out hunting early one morning, he had a squirrel in his sights but I saw something much bigger; a couple of fat fucking turkeys roosting in the trees.  I managed to take two out before Merle started causing a ruckus and scared the rest of ‘em off.  Anyway he said that I earned the name Dixon that day, it lifted such a huge weight off my shoulders hearing him say that.  He knew that I paid attention to everything both of you taught me and he knew that if anything happened to him that I’d be able to make it on my own.”

Movement in the tree lines cut our little moment short. Nodding my head towards the walkers that were staggering forward I turned the ignition key and maneuvered around Daryl, leading the way back to Hilltop.  I pulled up in almost no time at all, the sun was already beginning to set and Maggie and Enid were by the gates with Rick and a few of the other Alexandrians.  I parked my bike next to the rest and climbed off, opening the flaps of the saddlebags just as Jesus came over with a basket in hand ready to receive whatever it was I pulled out.  The gates opened a second time and Daryl came through, parking his bike next to mine and receiving a warm greeting from those he called family.

‘I wish I could have that again,’ I thought turning my back to give them all a moment.

“How’d it go?” I heard Maggie ask.

“Was only able to hit the pharmacy, Saviors were in town.”

I could feel their eyes on me, a mix of hatred, loathing, and angry poured out of them. Before I could turn around to defend myself Daryl jumped in, drawing their attention back to him.  He never would’ve done this before, don’t know why he would start doing it now.

“Ain’t her fault, they weren’t there when we went in; they must’ve been passing through and saw our bikes. I saved her neck and she saved mine so we’re even.  Besides, she came up with a pretty decent idea if either of our communities fell.”

“You’re my brother and I trust you, I don’t trust her. She nearly got you caught by the Saviors and if they had brought you back to the Sanctuary you’d be dead right now.”

“She ain’t like that Rick, you don’t know her like I do. She’s one of us.  I know it’s hard for us to bring in new people especially in times like this but she’s done right by me, by Maggie, by all of us.  She had every opportunity to give me over to those fucks but she didn’t; Negan wants her back but not as much as he wants me.  He’s willing to wipe her slate clean if she brings me in.”

“What’s stopping her then?”

“She wants Negan dead just as much as we do, she doesn’t like living like this.”

“How do you know she’s good, what makes you think she’s one of us.”

“I asked, remember back at the prison we agreed if we were gonna take anyone in we’d ask.”

“Claire!” looking over my shoulder I saw Rick raise a hand and wave me over.

That shit don’t work around here buddy.

“You wanna talk to me you bring your ass over here, I’m not some fucking dog that comes when it’s called.” Turning back to my task I finished unloading the saddlebags and took a seat on the bike waiting for the question crew to make their way over.

“How many walkers have you killed?”

“Rick, I’m not answering what I’ve already been asked before. I’ve got shit to do so either you take your happy ass back home where you belong and take Daryl with you or you tell me what it is you want.  Either way you’re getting the fuck out of my sight sooner or later.”

“You sure she married into the Dixon clan and wasn’t born into it? Sounds a bit more like Merle every day.” Maggie teased, bringing a hand to her mouth to suppress a laugh.

“Claire…” Daryl started in warning until Rick laid a hand on his shoulder, the other scratching at the growth on his face.

“Daryl says he trusts you not to turn him in, says that you’re a good person and you’re one of us. He’s my brother and I trust him, he’s never steered us wrong but-”

“Cut the bullshit Rick, I’m not gonna turn anyone in. If I did that I’d be signing off on my own death certificate.  I got away from Negan and he says he’s willing to put that behind him if I brought Daryl back to him.  Negan is not an idiot, he’ll make an example out of Daryl to show everyone what happens when you escape from solitary, and he’ll make an example out of me to show everyone what happens when you kill half his men at an outpost on your own.  I don’t know how this impending war is going to affect everyone but I’ll tell you this much, if Daryl gets hurt you get hurt, if Daryl breaks a bone I’ll break every single bone in your body, if he dies I’ll kill you and make your son watch.  Do I make myself clear?”

“Any particular reason why you’d come after me?”

“I know it’s your idea to do this, Daryl was never one to vocalize how he feels about being put in certain situations. Hell he’d follow Merle to the ends of the earth, what makes you think he wouldn’t do that for you?  He’s loyal to a fault, sorry but it’s true, you are.  Look we got some time to kill before sunset, why don’t you all go get some grub and relax for a little bit.  I’m gonna go catch a quick nap; don’t wake me until after the sun goes down.”

I left the group after that so they could all converge around their fearless leader, I need to do a little bit of inventory and grab a bag of jerky out of the pantry. What I _really_ need right now is bottle of whiskey, but this isn’t Tennessee and I don’t know where the storehouse is at otherwise I’d roll a couple of casks onto a truck and get shitfaced for weeks to come.

“How was it out there, is what Daryl said true? You ran into some Saviors?”

“I really don’t wanna talk about it right now Paul, maybe later. Daryl’s a little hell bent about having me go with them back to Alexandria tonight so I may be a little more receptive to answering questions then.  Are you coming too?”

“I’ll be there, they need me just as much as they need you. Just remember this isn’t just their war, it’s ours too; we can win, just need to have faith.”

“Ya know, I think people call you Jesus for reasons other than your looks. I’ll see you later tonight.  Oh, before I forget I had a little bit of everything in my bike and I had Daryl grab all the pre-natal and other vitamins he could grab.  Don’t know if it’ll make any difference but I’ll try for that other pharmacy to the west next week.  May have to start looking in the city soon if it turns out to be a dead end.”

“What are you thinking like big name stores or something?”

“More like finding a distribution center, I’ll explain later tonight after we get to Alexandria.”

“I’ll take care of the inventory, you just go to bed; you’ve done more than your fair share today.”

I smirked at that and took the bag of jerky that Jesus was offering, leaving him in the store room to do the inventory count hoping that Daryl was able to grab enough pre-natal vitamins for Maggie to get by for a couple of months. They’re probably expired by now but who knows, maybe they’ll still have some positive effect on her.

Opening the door to my trailer I welcomed by a burst of cold air courtesy of the fan I had plugged in and left running throughout the day. The cats were perched in the window without a care in the world and my bed was just as I had left it: a rumpled mess with the sheets and blankets tossed all over the place.  Walking to the bed I flopped down face first into the pillow, reaching around blindly for the edge of the blanket and pulling it up to my neck when I finally found it.  I was just starting to get settled in to a comfortable state of semi-sleep when one of the cats jumped onto the bed and curled up next to my hip.  The sound of the trailer door opening and shutting kept me from enjoying my blissful moment.

“Thought for sure you’d wanna stay out there with your friends.” I asked, not bothering to lift my head from the depths of my pillow.

“I’ll be going back out there in a few minutes but you should know that it’s never a good idea to threaten my dad.”

“What are you doing in here you little shit? Didn’t your dad ever teach you not to walk into a stranger’s home or did that lesson slip his fucking mind?”  Lifting my head I found Rick’s kid standing in the middle of my trailer.

“I don’t care how you manipulated Daryl into vouching for you but you’ll never be one of us. Stay away from him and stay away from us, I’ll shoot you myself if you don’t.”

“Give me a break kid, I didn’t do anything to trick Daryl; he’s a grown man and can make his own decisions. Besides that he’s gotta be at least twice your age so what makes you think he’s gonna listen to a snot-nosed little brat like you?  This may be the apocalypse but you’re no fucking John Connor, you’re not gonna be the one who brings mankind back from the brink so just drop the tough guy bravado.”

“Carl, get outta here, go make yourself useful.” An irritated huff filled the room for a brief second before the kid left, the door slamming shut behind him.  “Last person to threaten Rick ended up dead.”

“Does it seem like I give a rat’s ass what happened the last time someone threatened Rick? Daryl, all I want is to be left the fuck alone; I didn’t ask to be dragged into this mess you guys started.  The fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“What’s it look like?” he asked walking to the bed and sitting on the edge, his boots thumping to the floor as he pulled his feet in and draped the blanket over him. “C’mere, we both had a long day-”

“Daryl Dixon, are looking for someone to cuddle up next to?” I asked laughing a bit, “you were never the kind to cuddle before so what changed?”

“Promise you won’t laugh?”

“I make no promises or guarantees.”

“Just wanna spend as much time with ya as I can, didn’t do enough of that when we were together before.”

“I guess that’s a good enough reason. Is that why you want me to go to Alexandria with you guys tonight?  Just wanna spend time with me?”

“Partly; I want Rick and the others to see what I see, want them to see that you’re a good person and wouldn’t stab us in the back when shit starts going down with the Saviors.”

“Time to nut up or shut up, huh? If we’re gonna catch some z’s before heading over there we better do it now while we can because I have a feeling we’re gonna be in for a long night.  Maybe we’ll meet up with Sasha and Rosita somewhere along the way.”

With that I turned my back to Daryl to get a little more comfortable, my cat was now sleeping soundly against my other hip and had somehow managed to scoot himself more towards my stomach and his brother finally decided to join us during our discussion sleeping just as peacefully on my head.

It felt like I had my old life back for just a moment.

Daryl wrapped his arm around me carefully so as not to disturb the cats and for once I could say that I found true happiness once again where there hadn’t been any in years.

Night fell quickly; we were roused from our sleep when a knock came to the door. Picking my head up from the pillow the cats jumped from the bed and dove underneath as Rick stepped inside without being granted permission.  With his hands on his hips I could see a look of bemusement spread across his face trying to keep it from becoming a full on grin at the sight that was before him.

“What?” I heard Daryl mutter, his face buried somewhere in my hair.

“Time to go home but from the looks of it you may be a bit too comfortable to go anywhere.”

“Least we kept our clothes on unlike you and Michonne that night we brought Jesus back with us.”

“One day we’ll come bursting through the door to find you with naked as a jay bird and probably her next to ya.” Rick teased, finding this predicament to be more than entertaining.

“Not very likely, he don’t take his clothes off for just anyone unless they get taken by force.” I replied rolling onto my back.

“How exactly do you know that?”

“I was married to this guy for a little bit, he won’t take his clothes off for hardly anything except to shower and the occasional fuck. You’re more likely to find him stuffing his dick back in his pants after a good blowjob or handjob.”

“Enough Claire, Rick we’re up we’ll meet you out there in a few.” He waited until he knew for sure Rick had left and was no longer within earshot before he pulled me in tighter, my back to his chest and his right hand venturing to slip past the waistline of my pants.

“Daryl, don’t be starting nothing you can’t finish. Maybe we’ll have time for that later tonight but for now we’ve gotta go.”  Pulling his hand from my pants I climbed out of bed and shoved my feet into my boots, “I’ll meet you by the gates, don’t be too long.”

Walking across the room I pulled the door open and quickly shut it behind me. I was greeted by the cool night air and a cacophony of hoots and hollers.  Clearly Rick doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut and I have a feeling the reception for Daryl will be much grander.  Shaking my head I walked along the grounds until I reached the place where my bike was parked, taking a seat I waited, listening for the cheering section to start up again and die down so we could be on our way.  We had the cover of night on our side for the moment but those Saviors are known for being sneaky fucks that can appear from out of nowhere.

Looking up at the sky I made out a few of constellations but my concentration was broken as the Alexandrians started their cheers once more. I could barely make Daryl out in the dim lighting but I could see his face was flushed from embarrassment; he was trying to shake them off of him and go about his business but they were making it difficult for him.

“How are we gonna do this? Drive the whole way or drive and then park the vehicles somewhere off the road where they can’t be easily spotted?”

“Rick wants to walk the whole way, says it’ll take longer but we’ll be able to stay quiet and if we come across any walkers we take them out quietly. If there are any Saviors hidden in the woods they won’t be able to find us as easily as they would if we took the cars.”

I couldn’t make their faces out in the darkness but I knew all of the Alexandrians that came this afternoon were headed for home and they were finally taking Daryl off our hands here at Hilltop. As we neared the gates the guards opened them enough to let us through and we were on our way for a long road ahead of us.  Six miles by foot wasn’t that bad if you were running but walking meant it would take two or three times as long.

It was well past midnight when we finally reached the gates of Alexandria. My first impression of the town was that it was well built and well maintained.  They had a sign posted on the fence though I couldn’t make out what it read, however it really wasn’t all that important.  They had a double gate, one with a mesh type covering over it and the other was like something out of a dream.  They were actually one of those gated communities from before, no military fences standing between us just a large gate that probably used to run on electricity that would admit and discharge residents with the press of a button.

Rich, snobby bastards…

“Rosita?”


	14. Chapter 14

** Chapter 14 **

****

_“What do you mean you’ve never seen_ Rocky Horror Picture Show _?”_

_"Just exactly what I mean, ain’t never seen it, what’s so fucking special about it anyway?”_

_"It’s a cult classic! I’m sorry Daryl but if you’re going to be in my house you’re watching it whether you like it or not.”  Setting my glass down I got up from the couch and marched towards the entertainment center to find the movie._

_“What are ya gonna do? Kick me out until I do watch it?”_

_“That’s a damn good idea, I’m sure Merle will be more than thrilled to have you back.”_

_“Ain’t fucking going back to that dump so ya may as well put the fucking movie in.”_

_Last week Daryl showed up on my doorstep at three in the morning sporting a black eye, a fat lip, bloody nose, and some rather interesting tears in his shirt. At least he had shown up over the weekend instead of the work week; had it been any of those five days he would’ve been sporting a second black eye for waking me before the alarm went off.  The mottled mess of black and purple has since healed over turning into a smattering of green, blue, and yellow.  While we were in the bathroom getting him cleaned up a bit I had asked him what happened, long story short Merle was hitting on another married woman and her husband didn’t like it none.  Naturally she was drunk and inadvertently had pointed to the wrong Dixon.  To make matters worse Merle didn’t do a damn thing to break the fight up or defend his brother._

_“I’m not saying you have to like it or even laugh at it, though it’s kinda hard not too, all I’m saying is that if you’re going to be staying here this is required viewing.”_

_While I was putting the movie in there was a knock on the door, before I could even think to ask Daryl muttered that he’d answer it; we had decided to order in for dinner and had come to the conclusion that Chinese food would hit the spot._

_“Food’s here.”_

_“I’ll get mine in a sec, gotta get through the damn commercials. Ya know, I really should get a new dvd player; fucking remote doesn’t work for one and certain movies freeze up when I try to watch ‘em.”_

_“Which place do you get this from?”_

_“Why, you don’t like it?”_

_“Just the opposite, some of the best I ever had.”_

_I had just hit the ‘play’ button the dvd player and was turning around when I was presented with a plate filled with food and a newly opened bottle of beer. I couldn’t stop the look of confusion that spread across my face but decided it was probably best to just take the items offered._

_"I would’ve gotten it.”_

_“You took me in when no one else would, just trying to pay ya back.”_

_“I would’ve taken you in even if there wasn’t anything wrong. I know you probably don’t want to hear it because you don’t think it’s true but just hear me out.  Daryl, you deserve to have the same opportunities as everyone else no matter your name or reputation.  If I could I would make it to where no one would say shit about you or Merle but that’s not the world we live in.  The only thing I can offer is a roof over your head and a full stomach.  That being said, I bought a house and I’m going to be moving out in about two months.  You can either stay here and keep paying the rent or you can take the spare room and pay rent.”_

_"What’s the difference?”_

_“Rent here is about $600 a month and includes water, trash, and sewage. If you decide to move into my house and take the spare bedroom you’ll be paying about half that and includes full use of the entire house.  If you take option two though I will not tolerate drugs anywhere on or near my property; I know you have no control over your brother but if you want to have him over for a visit I have no issue with it.  If he brings even a quarter of a gram of any kind of drug in or near my house I’ll have him locked up for years to come.”_

_“I’ll think about it.” He muttered casting his eyes towards the ground and sliding a finger over his chin, retreating towards the kitchen._

_I dropped the subject after that and had taken my seat on the couch while the opening credits were playing. Glancing over to my left I watched as Daryl returned with a plate of food in hand and his brow cocked at the pair of painted red lips on the screen._

_“Ain’t gonna start singing are ya?”_

_“Michael Rennie was ill the Day the Earth Stood Still but he told us where to stand. And Flash Gordon was there in silver underwear, Claude Raines was the Invisible Man.  Then something went wrong for Fay Wray and King Kong, they got caught in a celluloid jam.  Then at a deadly pace It Came From Outer Space and this is how the message ran…”_

_A groan emanated next to me and I couldn’t stop smiling as Daryl shook his head, shoving a fork full of fried rice into his mouth._

_“I knew Leo G. Carroll was over a barrel when Tarantula took to the hills. And I really got hot when I saw Janette Scott fight a Triffid that spits poison and kills.  Dana Andrews said prunes gave him the runes and passing them used lots of skills.  But When Worlds Collide said George Pal to his bride I’m gonna give you some terrible thrills like a…”_

_“You’ve seen this too many times.”_

_“This is only the home movie experience, I’m taking you with me to The Fox on Halloween to see it with the shadow cast. I’ll rat your virgin ass out-”_

_“Ain’t no fucking virgin!”_

_“Calm your ass down and don’t be raising your voice to me. I didn’t mean that you’ve never gotten your dick wet, I only meant that you’ve never seen this in the theater; they call you a virgin until you’ve seen it in theaters.  I saw it last year and they made a joke that watching it at home versus watching it in the theater is the equivalent to masturbation versus sex.  If you do it at home it doesn’t count.”_

_As the next song started my callbacks of ‘slut’ and ‘asshole’ were heard throughout, I had to shush Daryl until the song was over before I could explain that it was part of what the shadow cast did when you see it in the theater._

_“Janet is a slut, she’s a virgin right now but you’ll see why she’s a slut later on. Kind of the same thing with Brad, his asshole tendencies come out later too.”_

_Daryl started to relax and ease into the movie after that. That was until Janet screamed and Dr. Frank turned around in the elevator.  I did my best to hold the laughs back as the cloak flew from his shoulders and landed on the ground revealing the corset, fishnet stockings, heels, and…_

_“Is he wearing women’s underwear?”_

_“You tell me.” I mused as I kept my attention trained on Daryl’s face, the smile playing across my lips the longer the song continued._

_“So come up to the lab and see what’s on the slab. I see you shiver with antici-“_

_“Say it!”_

_“-pation. But maybe the rain is really to blame.  So I’ll remove the cause, but not the symptom.”_

_“What do you think so far?”_

_“Interesting that’s for sure, sure as fuck wasn’t expecting to see Tim Curry all dressed up like that when I saw his name on the screen. What’s the point of this anyway?  Want any more while I’m up?”_

_“Just an egg roll if you don’t mind. I know you probably never read Frankenstein but this is very loosely based off that. Mad scientist builds a creature that gets loose and eventually the norms of society have to be restored.  You can’t play God and expect things continue to stay the course; creating life should be kept out of the laboratories.”_

_“What about all that in vitro crap they talk about? Is that playing God?”_

_“Depends on your views.”_

_“So back to the whole Frankenstein thing, why does Meatloaf’s head got a bloody scar across his forehead?”_

_"In the book Dr. Frankenstein built his monster using body parts he dug up from different graves, if I remember right I think he cut the head open on one body and stole the brain. They’ll touch on this later on but Eddie was lured there and had half of his brain removed, half of it went into Rocky’s head.”_

_“That’s a nice bike he’s got, wouldn’t mind having one like it.”_

_“I think you’re more like Eddie than you realize.”_

_“How do ya mean?”_

_“When Columbia was singing her bit during The Time Warp she was talking about Eddie. He had a pick-up truck and the devil’s eye.  Don’t go getting your panties in a wad over it, all I’m saying is that you’re like Eddie. You walk around with a bit of a chip on your shoulders, you’ve got a truck, and you do get the devil’s eye either when you’re pissed or really focused on something.  I remember the first time I saw it I was at the bar with Mike and Katie, we were playing pool, you and Merle came in like you owned the place.  What’s her name was glued to your side the minute you sat down, I was laughing at something Mike said while trying to line up my shot.  Just so happened to look up and the look you gave me sent chills down my spine.”_

_“Devil’s eye?”_

_I nodded in confirmation as I turned my attention back to the t.v., taking the egg roll that Daryl offered. Riff Raff had just spilled candle wax on Rocky’s back and he had broken his chains.  Janet was being a dramatic slut and Frank was having a ball (or two) with Brad._

_“Now I see why they call her a slut and him an asshole.”_

_We sat comfortably after Janet and Rocky were caught in the tank together; I laughed throughout the remainder of the movie and on occasion I would catch Daryl let out a howl of a laugh. He would quickly clear his throat and pretend that whatever he had just laughed at wasn’t the least bit funny._

_“Let me know when the end credits are playing? I’m gonna go put the food away real quick.”_

_Patting his knee I grabbed the few dishes we had out and brought them with me into the kitchen. I should’ve known though that Daryl wouldn’t sit still by himself very long.  He had snuck up next to me and started putting the food back in the paper sack it arrived in and stuffing it into the fridge.  After that he pulled the door of the dishwasher down and started loading it up with the dishes I had just placed in the drainer._

_“Goes faster with two people, you’ve done a lot for me lately, just trying to pay ya back.”_

_“Thank you.”_

_I offered a small smile and hoped that the gratitude I was trying to express was something that he could see._

_“I paused the movie so you can watch the end.”_

_I nearly let out a squeal of delight that Daryl thought enough of me to take the course of action that he did. And much to his credit the kitchen did get done much faster with the two of us doing it together instead of just me doing it myself._

_“Science fiction, double-feature, Frank has built and lost his creature. Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet, the servants gone to a distant planet.”_

_“I gotta job to do in the morning, need to turn in early.”_

_“You kicking me off my own couch?” I teased as I got up so Daryl could stretch out, pulling the blanket I kept there for him off the back._

_“That’s exactly what I’m doing.”_

_“Get me up when you do? I’ve got some errands I need to run and I may as well get them done early before it gets too hot out.”_

_I turned and left the living room before Daryl could answer, retreating to my bedroom as I had some homework I needed to finish as well as to cram some studying in since finals were coming up in a week or so. Grabbing my computer from its resting place and the books I needed from the bookcase I turned my lamp on and spread everything out across the bed and got myself as comfortable as possible._

_It was until I glanced over at the clock that sat next to the bed that I realized it was 2:33 in the morning and I should probably get some sleep. On the other hand I really needed to get this homework done and submitted since it was due at 8 am on Monday morning.  Yawning I returned to my studies but was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door.  It opened slightly as the hinges creaked; Daryl popping his head inside and both of the cats running in, diving under the bed to seek refuge._

_“They were running and jumping all over the fucking place, little shits woke me up. What are you doing up?”_

_“C’mon in, you’re not being a bother. Sorry they woke you, guess I was too engrossed with all this homework to realize it.  If you want you can sleep in here where it’s more quiet and I’ll just go in the kitchen and finish this up.”_

_“What are ya working on?” he asked, coming inside the room and closing the door behind him. He crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed, turning one of the books I had closed just a little bit ago to read the cover._

_“It’s a research paper I’ve gotta finish as part of my final; this is about 80% of my final grade and it’s due on Monday morning. The class is on Irish history but the topic could be one anything that we covered during the semester.  I’m doing mine on the events of Bloody Sunday.”_

_“What was that?”_

_“Long story short a group of protesters in Ireland were doing a peaceful march and some British soldiers shot 28 unarmed civilians killing fourteen. I have to research what the protests were about and ultimately why the shootings occurred in the first place.  I also have to say what the outcome was a result of the shooting and how it affected both Ireland and Britain.”_

_“Why were the British in Ireland? They’re two separate countries.”_

_“They are but they aren’t. Ireland is a split country; there are 32 individual counties, of those counties six are still under British control because I guess that’s what the majority wanted.  Those six counties are commonly referred to as Northern Ireland; the other 26 counties form what’s called the Republic of Ireland.  Not to bore you with too much but the Bloody Sunday shootings took place in Derry which is part of Northern Ireland-”_

_“Under British rule, right?”_

_“Right, so the presence of British soldiers there was I guess expected since both sides probably wanted this to be as peaceful as possible but the results of a new inquiry that was done a few years ago found that the shootings were unjustified. The initial reports claimed that people were throwing bombs so the soldiers began firing.”_

_“What were they protesting for?”_

_“It was called Internment, basically about four or five months before this more than 300 people were arrested and put in prison without a trial under the suspicion of being members of the IRA, which stands for the Irish Republican Army. That’s a whole other beast to tackle when I’m more awake.”_

_“Sounds like you know you’re stuff. I’ll leave ya-”_

_“No I can finish this later, I’ve got like 95% of this done anyway; just need to put the finishing touches on. Who knew I could knock out forty pages in one night?” I joked, closing my laptop and throwing random pieces of paper into the books I was using so I didn’t lose my place._

_“Procrastinate much?”_

_“Always; if you want you’re more than welcome to stay in here until you need to get up to leave. Just set the alarm and shut it off when you get up.”_

_“You sure it’s not gonna be a problem? There’s no catch to it this time?”_

_“No, no catch and it’s not a problem. Let me just put these away and turn the fan on.”_

_Gathering my stuff off the bed I slid to the side of the mattress and set about putting my things away; the computer went back on the charger and the books were put back on the bookcase. Turning I stretched my back a bit and went to the dresser to turn the fan on.  The light that glowed from the lamp cast an eerie shadow about the room.  Daryl had his back to me and in the light I could see the marred skin that lay hidden beneath the shirt he usually always wore._

_“Know what you’re thinking, no need to say nothing. ‘Member I said I wanted to pay ya back?  Didn’t just mean for taking me in like ya did, wanted to pay ya back for trusting me like ya have.  You invested a lot of trust in me when you hired me off the streets, I’m investing that same trust in you with this.  Don’t make me regret it.”_

_He climbed into the bed after that, pulling the blankets up over his waist as he reached over to set the alarm on the clock that was next to him. Walking from the dresser to the other side of the bed I shut the lamp off and climbed in, pulling my half of the blankets up to my neck allowing sleep to take over rather quickly._

“You knew that piece of shit was coming here tonight, didn’t ya?”

“Dwight? Why the fuck would I know who comes and goes from the Sanctuary?  Look we need to get our shit straight before this war comes so let’s just get the air cleared out tonight, right now.”

“Sounds like a damn good idea, c’mon.”

Daryl dragged me from the basement of the house that contained the holding cell Dwight was locked in. He had just come back in from being outside with Rick; I was standing in the middle of the cell wondering what the hell a contraption like this was doing in a basement.  It came as a shock to all of us that he was in Alexandria to begin with, even more shocking when he said he never wanted to be a part of this; he was only doing this for his wife and she was gone.  Daryl’s rage when he lunged at him remained palpable as he stalked across the paved streets towards another house that he called home.

“Get your ass up them stairs and keep your voice down, don’t want ya waking the baby.”

I didn’t question him as he tried to quietly close the front door behind him, pointing to the staircase that was somewhere off to my right. He followed close behind and grasped my hand, dragging me along until we reached a bedroom that was filled with the accoutrements a normal bedroom would have but the bed was devoid of a mattress.

“Saviors came and took everything we had when I was still a prisoner for ‘em; took all of our mattresses and burned ‘em. Start talking, I want to hear everything from beginning to end; from when Atlanta fell to the day I showed up with Jesus at Hilltop.”

“I was at work when it all started, someone came in thinking they just had a cold bug or something; Katie and I were sitting in the breakroom when someone started screaming for help. We cracked the door open to find out what was going on and saw that the person we thought was just sick was making a meal out of Erin.  We quickly shut the door, locked it and shut the lights off trying to stay as quiet as possible.  Katie was texting Mike and I was texting my parents.  Guess the good thing about being stuck in the office was the fact we were in the large breakroom with the fridges and the vending machines.  We didn’t leave the office until a week later; we armed ourselves with the knives from the dishwasher, filled our bags with as much food and drinks as we could and hauled ass out of there.  It sucked having to kill our friends but then again it was kind of satisfying being able to kill the people we hated.”

“Sure you had a blast taking out your boss.”

“More pleasurable than it probably should’ve been. We got to our cars no problem, took as many side streets and back roads as we could until Katie got home.  I tried calling my parents to at least let them know where I was at but the phone lines were down.  They let me borrow a gas can and I started syphoning out some of the cars in their neighborhood before I left again.  It was the last time I saw either of them and I wish I knew if they’re alright or if something happened.

“It took two more days before I was finally able to get to my parent’s house; it took one to get back to my house and pack enough stuff up to load the car up with, it took another to navigate through all the road blocks and military outposts.”

“You and your damn fucking cats, couldn’t just leave ‘em could ya?”

“Fuck no I ain’t leaving my cats! Anyway, we waited a week or so before we left to go to my grandparent’s farm.  I already told you what happened on the farm, already told you what happened after my family was killed, how I ended up in Woodbury.  What’s there really left to tell?”

“I wanna know about the Sanctuary, how you ended up there, how you got out; everything.”

Sighing I ran a hand through my hair, taking a seat on the floor to try and alleviate some of the pain in my back as well as to rest my sore feet.

“After I left Georgia I was on my own for a long time, being in a group led to nothing but trouble. Yes you can take out small herds of walkers more easily in a group but if you’re on your own you can escape both the living and the dead much faster.  I ran into Jesus while on a run with a group I was with; he was telling us about Hilltop, Negan, the Sanctuary.  Pretty much said that we were in foreign territory and that if we had a much larger group then we’re bound to be subject to Negan’s rule sooner or later.  None of us believed him until it was too late.

“We got stopped on the road by a group of Saviors on bikes; they pulled their guns on us and told us that our stuff belonged to Negan. We tried to fight to keep our stuff and lost miserably.  Three of our people were killed on the spot, myself and two others were taken hostage, and the Saviors drove off with all of our stuff.  The three of us that remained were put onto the backs of their bikes and taken to an outpost about six miles out from where we were.  The one I was stuck with radioed ahead to let the others know what was going on and had requested that ‘the big man’ come and make the formal introductions.”

“They wanted Negan to be there, explain how shit worked, make an example out of at least one of ya?”

“You got it; I was taken hostage with another woman named Margaret along with her husband, don’t remember his name off the top of my head but I think it was Steven or something close to that. Negan shows up that night, baseball bat slung over his shoulder, clad in leather looking like he’s the coolest guy on the block; we didn’t know the bat was wrapped in barbed wire until it came crashing down on Steven’s head.  He gave us a choice after that, Margaret decided right there on the spot to be one of them.”

“You delayed it for as long as possible, wanted to weigh your options?”

“He gave me three days to decide and loaded Margaret into the truck with him and left. That night after it quieted down I broke out of the cell they were keeping me in and started killing them off one by one; unfortunately one of them caught me leaving one of the rooms two of them slept in and sounded the alarm.  They were on the PA system shouting out codes.  I was caught about a half hour later trying to get outside but not before I took out another five or six Saviors.  By the time they finally caught me Negan was pulling up to the gates.  They put me on my knees with a gun to the back of my head.”

“What’d he do?” The anger in his voice was steadily rising as I caught a glimpse of him clenching and releasing his fists.

“Threatened to end me right there but told me that on second thought he liked my tenacity. Told Simon to get me loaded into the truck and make sure that I didn’t try to do any further damage; they tied my hands together, blindfolded me, and all but threw me into the back of a truck like I was some fucking ragdoll.  When we got back to the Sanctuary they took the blindfold off and paraded me through the halls.  Margaret was there and stripped me naked, shoved me into a cell and shut the door behind me.  The only light I had was from the crack between the door and the floor.  I was given just enough to survive and was locked in there for three weeks before they decided that I had been in there long enough to earn my clothes back and work in the laundry room.

“Negan came in my first day out, everyone around him dropped to one knee and I remained standing, continued to work. He didn’t like it none so he took his bat from his shoulder and brought me to my knees with force, said that next time he better not have to do that again otherwise I may not live to see another day.”

“How’d ya get out? How’d ya wind up at Hilltop?”

“I waited until everyone was asleep one night and snuck out, I didn’t take anything because I knew that stealing from them probably would’ve landed me with a death sentence if they ever got me back. I started remembering everything you and Merle ever taught me and just used that to get me out of there.  I really had no destination in mind it was just sheer dumb luck that Jesus found me and offered me safe harbor.”

“You told me earlier that you killed the entire party he sent out to look for you.”

“I wasn’t lying, Jesus told me to stay behind the walls but I wanted to get out for a while. I must’ve been half-way between the two places; I was in the woods picking blackberries when I heard them coming.  I killed all of them but one, let them turn and killed them again.  The one I spared, I followed him all the way back to the Sanctuary and hid in one of the nearby abandoned buildings just outside of their fences.  I took their guns off of them after I killed them, one was a rifle with a scope; I watched through the scope as the lone survivor delivered my message to Negan before I blew the fucker’s brains out.  It was a pretty satisfying feeling watching his brain bits cover Negan’s face, a chunk of it even flew into his gapping mouth.  I high-tailed it out of there after that and went back to Hilltop; the Saviors came almost every day after that looking for me.”

“Never did find ya, did they?”

“Not until recently, Negan, Simon, and a few others were on their way back to the Sanctuary after leaving another one of the communities he took over and their convoy was pulled over on the side of the road so their fearless leader could take a whiz. I snuck out of the woods and pulled a knife on him, held it to his throat until he swore on his life that he would stop sending his men to track me down.  He told me he was busy frying bigger fish but that if I wanted to willingly come back with them he’d be willing to forgive my prior transgressions in exchange for favors of the sexual kind.  Apparently he gets off pretty good with women who threaten him and his well-being.”

“You think he was talking about us?”

“Probably, you guys took out the bikers that started my trouble with them when I first got here, you took out almost an entire outpost on your own; actually I think it was more like two outposts in a matter of hours. Negan was pretty pissed that you were taking out his guys and was killing even more of them when he sent larger numbers to take you out.”

It grew silent after that but it didn’t last long, the baby that Daryl had eluded too began to fuss and cry. A voice called out somewhere down the hall that they were coming and for her to just be patient.

“How bad was it for you while you were there?”

“They saw my back, they know I’m a freak.” Daryl finally answered once the baby had finally settled down and the house grew quiet once more. “He made me into a mockery; used my misery to make me feel like everything that happened to us was my fault.  Had I killed Dwight when I first met him maybe we wouldn’t be in this; maybe Denise would still be alive if I had killed that son of a bitch when I had the chance.”

“C’mere,” I patted the spot next to me and waited until he was on the floor next to me, “Daryl, there’s no point in singing your shoulda, coulda, woulda; it’s not going to change the past. I get that you want Dwight dead and I don’t blame you one bit but you can’t let him get inside your head like that.  No matter how this turns out I want to see him dead too and not just because of what he did to you.”

“Told Rick, no matter how this turned out I was gonna kill him.”

“Let’s just try and get a little sleep before sun up; we’ll try to figure something out and go from there.” A yawn escaped as I fought the urge to fall asleep against the wall I was leaning against.

“Wait here, going downstairs to see if I can find some extra pillows or something in the basement.”

Another yawn got loose and I nodded as my head fell back against the wall. I didn’t realize I had dozed off until Daryl came back with a couple of pillows under one arm and a large blanket under the other.

“Where did you find these? Thought you said Negan took everything when they raided the place?”

“Had a few hiding places carved out long before they ever showed up on our doorstep. Deanna and her husband used to run this place before they took us in, Rick told her what it was like out there, about how no matter how tall the walls were people would always try to get in and take what we have.  We showed ‘em how to hide stuff, how to carve out voids in cinderblock.  We built a hidden room in the basement after we moved in and hid stuff in there; food, clothes, water-”

“Pillows and blankets?”

Getting up from the floor I took the pillows from Daryl’s arm and dropped them on the floor then took part of the blanket and opened it up to lay across the floor mapping out my half of where I’d be sleeping for the remainder of the night.

“Just so you know Daryl, you don’t have to keep your shirt on when you’re in here with me. I still maintain the same level of trust I had for you when I first met you all those years ago.  I just hope you still trust me enough to know that even after all this time I never told anyone about what you showed me that night.”

“Appreciate that; no one knows I have these and I’d like to keep it that way. Only other person who knows is Negan but I have a feeling that if he gets his hands on the both of us and we’re taken back there then he’ll try to add to the collection.”

“Then we do everything we can to keep from being taken again. Good night Daryl.”

“Remember when you had me watch that stupid ass movie?”

“Which one?”

“The one with Tim Curry dressed in drag.”

“What about it?” I asked turning onto my back to see him a little better.

“Kinda always wanted to see you dressed like that.”

“The whole get-up with the corset, fishnets, and heels? Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Figured you’d say no.”

“I wish you would’ve said something when we were together, I would’ve tried to pull it off for you. It’s too late for that now though.”

“Figured as much, just thought you should know in case we both make it out of this alive.”

“Keeping the dream alive?”

“Let’s just get some sleep.”

“I think you’re a little too keyed up to try and sleep; you’ve got too much on your mind with all this business with Dwight being here and I know me telling about everything from Atlanta to now doesn’t help matters either.”

“Wouldn’t be fair for me to ask.”

“It’s not asking if I’m offering. We’ll have to be quiet since there’s a baby down the hall but-”

“Ain’t gonna risk it with Judith and Carl in the house. We’ll find another place to stay in tomorrow night and christen every room there just like we did before.”

“Getting a little bold there, aren’t ya?” I quipped, feeling his hips press into me slightly, “how about for tonight though you get rid of that shirt and lay down on your stomach? You look like you’ve been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

“Offering one of your world famous back rubs?”

“Sure am, now strip.”

Daryl did a bit of grumbling but nonetheless complied with my request. Sitting up on the make-shift bed he unbuttoned the flannel shirt and peeled the sweat-drenched cloth from his upper body.  What lay underneath was more than a surprise; the last time I saw him without a shirt on he was a bit on the scrawny side and had a bit of pudge in the stomach area.  That was all gone now and replaced with nothing but muscle.  Carefully he turned until his back was to me and laid down on his stomach as I had requested.

Sitting up I got to my knees and leaned over his frame, my fingers skimming over the surface of his skin, feeling the shudder that ran through him. Carefully I laid my hands over his shoulders, feeling where the tension was the most intense; it soon became apparent that his entire body was racked with stiffness and it was going to take more than an hour or two just to get the muscles in his neck, shoulders, and arms to leave him.

“Sorry if I hurt you.” I whispered into his ear as I moved to straddle him.

“That bad, huh? Gotta climb on top of me like ya used to?”

“Do you remember the last time I had to do this?”

“Merle got himself locked up again, I went and bailed him out, brought him home. After he passed out on the couch I came to bed, you were up doing homework and pretty fucking pissed that I went and got him rather than let him sit and stew.  Still got the look you gave me burned into my head.  Told ya I didn’t know how much more of it I could take, he was bleeding us dry; any money we made I spent bailing Merle out.  You took out a second mortgage on your house just to be able to pay the bills on time, you took on a second and third job to make the payments on the second mortgage.  You needed me to stand behind ya just one time but instead you closed your books, told me to strip, and said that whatever I did concerning Merle you’d stand and support me.”

“And you finally decided that enough was enough, you put your foot down the next morning and told Merle that he either needed to leave or contribute; get a job and stay clean or get the fuck out. He then accused you of being pussy whipped, said I was the reason he was being kicked out, grabbed his shit and left but not before planting the idea in your head that I only married you because you had a dick between your legs and I’d never love you like he did.

“I know your problems with Merle are only scratching the surface of why you’re carrying this much tension, I also know that you’re concerned about the welfare of everyone here in Alexandria and that you want this war to be over as quickly as possible with few casualties.”

A groan filled the room as I started applying just the right amount of pressure to a particular spot in the middle of his back.

“Little further down…to the right a bit…right there! Jesus fucking Christ!”

A loud ‘pop’ echoed in the empty space and Daryl’s cries were loud enough he not only managed to wake the baby but also alerted Rick and everyone else in the house that something was happening. The door of the room flew open, Rick stood in the doorway with his gun drawn; others were filing into the room and before I knew it I was being pulled away from my perch and slung across the room.

“Daryl, you alright?” Rick asked, pointing his gun in my direction though I couldn’t be sure as I could barely see anything.

Daryl was scrambling to cover himself to make sure his newfound family didn’t see his father’s handiwork. With the blanket drawn up to this neck and his back to the wall he got to his feet and explained to Rick and everyone else in the room that he was “fucking fine” and to get the hell out.

“She’s getting some of the kinks outta my back, hit a sore spot that’s been bugging me last year or so and got it out; best fucking feeling in the world, just didn’t mean to wake everyone.”

“Just keep it down, everyone back to bed, got a lot of things to discuss in the morning.”

“Maybe we should just call it a night,” I started when the door clicked shut, “we can try again another night when there isn’t a baby down the hall sleeping.”

“Guess you’re right, no matter what Rick has to say tomorrow need ya to stay here and help the others hold down the fort while we’re gone. People here have been sheltered for too long, we’ve been trying to train ‘em but I got a feeling we’ll be gone for more than a couple of hours.”

“How much training have they had? Do they know anything about guns or hand to hand?”

“Guns make too much noise, draws walkers in and if any of those fucking Saviors are within earshot they’ll come running to try and take ‘em from us. Rosita was teaching a small group on how to use machetes and Morgan was teaching ‘em something with that stick he’s always carrying around.”

“Damn shame there’s not a prison close by; we could raid it for the riot gear and bullet-proof vests. Simply telling everyone to stay inside and barricade themselves inside isn’t gonna do anyone any good.”

I started to let my mind drift after that, not paying the least bit attention to what (if anything) Daryl was saying. The clouds had just cleared up enough that I could make out a sliver of the moon and countless stars.

“Oh shit!” I cried, trying to keep my voice down, “don’t laugh, it’s not funny.”

I was so deeply absorbed in my thoughts that I hadn’t notice Daryl come up behind me, his fingers running along the lengths of my arms and drawing me into his chest.

“Just missed hearing you sing, what was it you were humming?” his chin came to rest on my shoulder as I searched my memory for what he was talking about.

“Was I humming or singing?”

“Both, started humming something then started singing. Ain’t heard nobody sing since before we lost Maggie’s sister.” 

“Do you remember what I was singing?”

“Something about the Hunter’s Moon.”

“I kissed you under the Hunter’s Moon. Not sure where that one came from but it doesn’t really matter anyway.  C’mon, we need to get some sleep before Rick comes in here again telling you it’s time to get up.”

“Sing me a song before you go to sleep?”

“I hate it when you do that.”

“What?”

“Being all nice for no apparent reason just to get your way on something.”

“I just wanna hear ya sing again; you still remember my favorite one.”

“Seven Drunken Nights?”

“Nah, that was Merle’s. C’mon, you remember.”

“Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses, come down from your fences, open the gate. It may be raining but there’s a rainbow above you, you better let somebody love you.  You better let somebody love you before it’s too late.”

“Bed time.” Daryl announced, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek and dragging me back to the make-shift bed.

We both fell asleep rather quickly after that and neither of were too happy when Carl came bursting through the door shouting at the both of us to get our lazy asses up. After mumbling a mild threat in the kid’s direction Daryl got up, grabbed him by the collar and all but tossed him out of the room; slamming the door shut behind him he came back to bed, the both of us quickly falling back asleep until our moment of bliss was interrupted once again.

“If I only had a camera.”

“The hell are you doing in here? Can’t ya leave me the fuck alone and let me sleep?”

“C’mon Daryl, up and at ‘em; Rick wants to meet with everyone in thirty minutes.”

“Aaron, I swear to fucking God-”

“Both of you knock it off or you will feel my wrath. Whatever the fuck your name is get out and leave us alone.”

“No can do buckaroo, Daryl’s gotta get up and if he doesn’t we’ll be sending the posse in to get him up.”

The pillow that was between us was ripped from my arms and tossed blindly towards the door as it slammed shut; the mystery man could be heard cackling through the halls and all the way down the stairs. An eruption of laughter a few minutes later had the both of fully roused from our slumber and more than a little pissed off.

“What’s his name? He’s going on the shit list for waking me up.”

“Aaron, he’s going on my list too and so are the rest of ‘em downstairs. C’mon let’s get the walk of shame over with, hand me my shirt.”

“When you get back you owe me. I want to know everything that has happened in the last five years.” I told him, reluctantly handing over his shirt.

He only nodded his head as he took the shirt from my hand, shoving his arms through the holes and buttoning it shut. Combing a hand through his stringy hair he turned around and headed for the door without saying a word.  I took the moment of solidarity that I had to fall back asleep for a little bit; it’s the first time in years that I slept in an actual house.  I had four walls and a proper roof over my head, a comfortable pillow to lay my head on, and warm blankets to sleep under that were free of holes.

What is wrong with me? Why would I want to give this up just to wind up on the road again heading for some place that probably doesn’t exist anymore?  Was this what Daryl wanted me to see when he asked me to come back with him after he asked those three questions?

“Claire, Claire it’s time to get up. We’re going out for a bit and we need you to start training people.”

“I don’t wanna get up.” I whined, burying my face in the recesses of the pillow.

“Don’t make me get you up, you slept through the meeting now it’s time to get up.”

“Fine, but I’m going back to bed when you get back.”

Sitting up I let the blanket fall away, rubbing some of the sleep from my eyes I looked up to see Daryl with his hand out almost as if he wanted to help me up from my spot on the floor.

“Thanks,” I muttered as I took his hand, “it’s gonna seem like a strange question but did you ever sleep in here before last night?”

“Leave it to you to ask strange questions first thing in the morning. No, never slept in here, why do you ask?”

“It didn’t smell like you; it didn’t have that woodsy smell to it.”

“I usually sleep downstairs close to the window just in case. Bathroom’s down the hall on the right, breakfast is on the counter; you got 15 minutes before Tobin comes knocking on the door to get ya.”

“Where are you guys going this morning?”

“Tara told us about a group she came across when Heath up and left her; Saviors killed all their men and boys, women and the rest of the kids took off into the woods, been hiding from ‘em ever since. Tara says they got weapons and numbers, we’re gonna try and get them to fight with us.”

“And if they don’t?”

“We take their guns anyway. Don’t give me that look, Tara says they won’t be completely defenseless if it comes down to that.”

I had resorted to giving him a look he had come recognize all too well over the years and it should not have come as a surprise that he remembered it. As I shook my head at his words I stared out of the window at the world below.  At night this place seemed like a dream, but in the daylight it was hard to believe what I had been told: that these people here have lived sheltered and free of the terrors that lie just on the other side of the walls.  In the two years since the world collapsed these people have only experienced a handful of events including an eighteen-wheeler barreling into their walls and having a hoard of walkers come down on them.

“Food’s getting cold, I’ll see ya downstairs before we head out.”

Daryl left the room closing the door behind him but leaving it opened just enough that a soft knock came not long after. Turning I saw Rick’s kid come inside, a fussing baby on his hip.

“You shouldn’t be here, you don’t belong here.”

“Tell it to someone who’ll listen.”

Walking from my spot at the window I passed by the kid and headed down the hall towards the bathroom hoping that the plumbing had remained intact and was still in working order. I didn’t want to walk in there and see a bucket in place of a toilet.  Much to my relief I saw a toilet and even more exciting was the sound it made when the handle went down.  The icing on the cake was the hot water that came out when I went to wash my hands.

“Glad to see you didn’t fall in, was about to send the search party to come pull ya out.”

“While you’re gone today I’m gonna spoil myself with a hot shower.”

Coming down the stairs I found Daryl sitting at the breakfast bar playing with a bowl of food that sat in front of him; a bowl and spoon sat in front of a stool next to him. Assuming that it was mine I took a seat next to him, waiting for someone to pop up from the other side of the granite countertop and take the bowl that was in front of me.

“How about holding off on that shower ‘til I get back tonight?”

“I suppose I could, just be careful while you’re out there today.”

“Yes ma’am. Put your stuff in the dishwasher when you’re done.”

Getting up from his seat he walked the short distance around the counter to the sink where he not only rinsed his dishes out but fully washed them before putting them in the dishwasher. Coming back around he pressed a quick kiss to my cheek and was out the door.  Picking up the spoon I made quick work of the bowl of oatmeal that sat in front of me thankful that it was still warm despite the fact that I had taken my time in getting ready this morning.

“Knock, knock,” a voice called out as a head appeared around the corner, “are you Claire? I’m Tobin, did Daryl-”

“Yeah, he said something about you coming to get me to start training.”

“I’ve already gotten the machetes out and a group is already out there practicing what Rosita taught ‘em last time.”

Tobin and I walked out of the house towards the fields that they were being trained in. Not too far off in the distance I could see a box truck and another group gathered around making plans; Daryl was pretty easy to spot but as I stared around at the unfamiliar faces gathered around him I realized how much this place and these people meant to him.  Lifting his head up for a second he caught my eye as I walked with Tobin across the compound but his attention was quickly drawn away as Rick began sporting a lop-sided grin.  Even though I couldn’t hear what was being said I could see that Rick and a few of the others were laughing at Daryl when his face began turning a bright shade of red.

“You’ll see him tonight, c’mon let me introduce you to everyone.”

‘Please don’t get caught,’ was the last thought I had when the truck’s engine roared to life and passed through the gates.


	15. Chapter 15

** Chapter 15 **

****

The box truck had just pulled through the gates, several people were beginning to gather around waiting for Rick and the others to inform them of how their run went with this group that Tara had mentioned. I saw no point in joining the masses as I had just finished an intense day of training the troops.  We had spent the morning working on what Rosita had been teaching them with the machete, after that I had decided (against Tobin’s advice) that the only way they were really going to learn something was by putting everything they had learned into practice.

Those willing to venture outside of the gates followed me for more than a mile on foot until I spotted a decent looking herd; one that was large enough everyone could put down at least one walker but not so overwhelming it would result in our collective demise.

We had just gotten back not even thirty minutes prior to the others returning, I was putting the machetes back when I felt Daryl’s presence entering the room just before that intoxicating aroma filled my nostrils.

“So how’d it go?”

“About as well as it could, they didn’t wanna fight.”

“So…”

“We took all their guns, like I told ya before we weren’t gonna leave ‘em completely defenseless; they got spears, knives.”

“Well if you wanna win this war it certainly seems like you have the weapons now all you need are the numbers. We know that with Maggie taking the helm at Hilltop that you have their support but you need the Kingdom and you need the other communities that are in the network.  Negan’s army is easily a few hundred men strong.”

“You know that for a fact?”

“I do,” I answered turning around to lean against the shelf, “the way he’s able to control so much is by recruiting these people that are stupid and scared enough to blindly follow him into the unknown. Those who are so willing to call themselves Negan are the ones he sends out to do what needs to be done; the men at that outpost you killed for example, every single one of them called themselves Negan.  He’s been building his army and this empire since the beginning, he’s been preparing himself for the day when someone like Rick would come along to try and take all of it away from him.  He’s been craving this moment and now that it’s finally coming he can’t wait to show everyone what he’s capable of.”

“You say all this like you him personally.”

“For fuck’s sake Daryl you know I spent that one summer interning for the FBI, part of my job was building psychological profiles. All that time I spent in the Sanctuary I had to do something when I was locked in the cells.”

“Should’ve been one of those criminal psychologists.”

“But forensic pathology was more fun, the dead had more secrets to tell than the living; until the dead started rising. It still really sucks that I wasn’t able to finish my degree before the world ended.”

“C’mon, got someplace we gotta be.”

Taking my hand he pulled me along across parts of the community I had yet to explore. The part of town we were in now started to become a little more familiar when I realized we weren’t too far away from the house we slept in last night.  Pulling me up the small staircase he dropped my hand and rang the bell waiting for the occupants on the other side to answer.

“Daryl, it’s good to see you again, come by for dinner?” A string bean of a man asked answering the door.

Daryl said nothing, only nodding; it was like he was ashamed to acknowledge that he came here for a specific purpose. However it did come as a surprise to me when he gave some semblance of an answer.

“Aaron invited us, said ya’ll were having spaghetti and meatballs.”

“Us? Oh, he invited your…erm…friend over for dinner as well?”

The door opened a bit further before anyone could speak further; Aaron, aka the shit disturber who woke me up this morning, stood in the doorframe behind his roommate motioning for the both of us to come inside. Upon entering the house and with door closed behind us we were shown to a dining room complete with a table and four chairs, the food laid out, and all of the dishes set in their proper place.

“Everyone have a seat and dig in,” Aaron announced taking his place at the head of the table, “forgive me Claire but when Eric told me he what it was he was making for dinner tonight I had to invite Daryl over; never seen a man scarf down meatballs that fast before.”

“I hope you can forgive my ignorance but if Daryl was the one invited then why am I here?” I asked, taking the bowl of spaghetti from him and passing it off to my left leaving my plate barren.

“Want ya to start getting to know folks around here.” Daryl replied shoving a meatball into his mouth.

“When I brought Rick, Daryl, and the rest of them here Deanna decided to throw them a welcoming party; Daryl never made it very far though. Eric and I were having this very meal that night and invited him inside.”

“You were a bit of a slob with your manners but it was the first real meal you had in what seemed like months.”

“His manners _still_ need a lot of work if you ask me.” I muttered.

An awkward silence befell the room, the only sounds filling the space were the clanking of metal on china and the occasional slurping Daryl made while the pasta noodles slid between his lips.

“Are you sure you’re not hungry Claire? Can I get you anything to drink maybe?” Aaron offered finally breaking the tension.

“I’m fine thank you, I’ve gotten used to barely eating.”

“Anything to drink perhaps?”

“I’m fine. I’m gonna get going, get out of your hair and let ya’ll do whatever it is you do these days.”

“What is it you think we do?” Daryl asked, shoving another meatball in his mouth

“The fuck if I know, maybe something happened today while you were out that you don’t want me to know about. Aaron you got a nice size shiner there, no doubt courtesy of Negan and the Saviors, maybe there’s some kind of plan you were working out before I got here last night that involves getting revenge.”

Pushing my chair away from the table I got up and made a beeline for the door, quickly opening and shutting it behind me before Daryl could think to get up from the table to stop me. Taking off down the stairs I began wandering the streets of Alexandria aimlessly.  Despite Daryl wanting me to get know the people around here it was just the opposite of what I wanted.  Even though I have no idea what it is that I want I do know that I want to be left alone.  I want this war over with and I want my job-

“Figured I’d find ya here. You always did like to hang around the cemeteries a little too much.”

“Just my morbid nature I guess. I didn’t mean to walk out of there like that or embarrass you in front of those people, I know they’re your family and all but-”

“Didn’t embarrass me, yeah they’re my family but you’re my family too. You’re all I got left from before.”

“And we fucked it up before, who’s to say that with me being here that it won’t get fucked up again?”

“You make it sound like it’s inevitable.”

I simply shrugged and started walking away but was stopped in my tracks when Daryl caught my arm, pulling me into his chest. His eyes were boring holes into my head but I refused to look into those pools of cerulean and black.

“We got a house to ourselves, proper bed to sleep in for the night.”

“What are you getting at?”

“Asked ya to hold off on taking that hot shower this morning.”

“You said ‘a house,’ which one did ya have in mind? How do you know there’s a proper bed and that we’ll have the place to ourselves?”

“When we got here Deanna gave us two houses, we always slept in the one we were in last night; we still only sleep in that house. When the Saviors came and took all our stuff, they took our mattresses and burned ‘em.”

“You told me that already.”

“Before we took those houses a bunch of kids used to use the one we’ll be in tonight as a hangout, found a couple of mattresses stuck in the attic this morning after our meeting; Rick helped me drag ‘em down and put ‘em on the bed. He promised to keep everyone out of there for the night.  Ya gonna look at me or just keep your head down?”

“All of this just seems too good to be true; it’s like a paradise compared to Hilltop.”

“C’mon, got ya something today I think you’re gonna like. Got a lot of shit today because of it so don’t laugh.”

Taking my hand we walked from the make-shift cemetery towards the house that Daryl had alluded to. On our way to the house someone started heckling Daryl about something, it got to him enough that he went so far as to threaten to remove the critic’s tongue from their mouth.  The argument that ensued following the threat caused a small group of people to gather around the two men waiting to see what would happen next.  It almost felt like being in high school again; the jock squaring off with the loner, a girl stuck in the middle, then the principle comes and breaks it up before the first punch could be thrown.  In this case it was Rick that came and broke the potential fight up, at his word the crowd began to disperse until only the protagonist and the antagonist remained.

“Daryl, what’s going on? I thought you two were gonna spend the night in the other house?”

“Was on our way there till this asshole started giving me shit.”

“Claire, why didn’t you stop him?”

“You expect me to stop Daryl when he’s about ready to start a rampage? Buddy you must be outta your fucking mind if you think I can stop a freight train like Daryl Dixon once he gets going.  Daryl if you still wanna show me whatever this surprise is that you picked up before you got back here then you better do it now, time’s ticking and I want my shower.”

The distraction was enough that the heckler left leaving me to stand next to Daryl as his face began turning various shades of pink and red; Rick’s scrutinizing glare turned its focus on Daryl. His eyes began to lighten up a little and a knowing grin began to grow across his features, eventually reaching the corners of his eyes.

“Don’t keep him up too late, still gotta be up early in the morning to help reinforce the walls.”

With that Rick left, his hand absently going to his hip and his fingers drumming against the butt of his gun. As he retreated to wherever it was he was going to I thought I heard a small chuckle escape past his lips while his head shook almost in disbelief.  It soon became apparent to me that I was a key player in some grand scheme that Daryl had been devising and Rick must’ve either planted the seed or just knew that tonight was bound to happen sooner or later.

“What are you fucking five years old again and old man Rick is assigning you a bedtime?”

“Shut up and lets just go. Anyone else tries to stop us I’m gonna kick their fucking teeth in.”

“You’re not gonna do nothing to nobody. Look Daryl, I want my shower so you have thirty seconds, or less, to decide whether or not you want to join me.”

My attempt to pull away from Daryl was thwarted when he pulled me flush against his chest and started getting a look in his eye that told me nothing but trouble was in my near future. Nearly a dozen or more dirty thoughts started flooding my mind as his gaze cemented me in place and I fought to keep a straight face.

Dear God it’s been years since he looked at me like that and it still had the same effect on me.

“Move your ass, you better be in that shower by the time I get there or else you’re really gonna get it by the time I get my hands on ya.”

“You gonna tell me where it is I’m going?”

“Next door to where we were last night, the one on the right. Now start walking.” His order was followed by a sharp smack to the ass, giving me a slight idea of what he had in mind as I recalled his previous statement of what was going to happen when he got his hands on me.

For a change I did as I was told without putting up a fuss, walking in the general direction of the house I looked back over my shoulder to find Daryl taking off in the opposite direction curious as to where it was he was going but I maintained a small glimmer of hope that he’d be able to join me for my shower. As I approached the house it dawned on me that I had failed to ask about a key.  Shrugging I reached my hand out and took ahold of the handle; I held my breath as I pressed down on the latch more than relieved when it fell under the weight of my thumb and allowed me entry inside.

I think it was more out habit that I turned the porch light on when I went inside. I knew Daryl didn’t need it to find his way around and I also knew he didn’t need all of the lights on inside the house to figure out where the stairs were or the bathroom.  It wasn’t until I turned the light on above the stove that I started recalling Shane’s words the one time I stayed the night at his place.

_“You mean to tell me that you’ve been hearing this your entire life and you are still too damn stupid to learn how to turn off a switch?”_

It wasn’t that I was too stupid to learn how to turn a fucking light switch off; I grew up in a single story house and if I needed to get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night I didn’t want to accidentally trip over something and hurt myself. Shane failed to see my logic and continued to belittle me even after he had moved to King County.  I hope to God he never told anyone else about that but I’m more than certain that he did.

Shaking the memories from my mind I climbed the stairs, peaking into each room to figure out where the bathroom was. I should’ve been paying more attention to the layout of the other house since it was almost identical with a few subtle differences such as the placement of the bedrooms and the stove in the kitchen.  I probably should’ve also paid attention to the fact that the mattress Daryl had eluded to earlier was in the master bedroom and not one of the others as well as to the fact that the master bedroom also contained a master bathroom.

Once I located the bathroom and had the light above the sink turned on I walked to the bathtub to turn the faucets. I was once again amazed to find water sputtering out and finally hot water filling the tub.  Peeling my shirt off as I waited for the water to get to the right temperature I heard the faint clicking of the door latch opening and shutting.  My shirt was caught in mid-air, my arms raised above my head, and a husky voice in my ear.

“Thought I told ya you better be in the shower when I got here.”

“Didn’t say which one.” I murmured, feeling his hands skate down my arms as the shirt was discarded landing carelessly on the floor.

“Should’ve been obvious since the mattress is in the master,” he started dipping his head, his lips brushing against my shoulder, “’Sides that what I got ya is in there. Looks like if you want it you’re gonna parade your wet, naked ass through the house till I say you can get dressed.”

“In case you haven’t noticed I’m already wet.” I teased while his hands continued past my stomach. “But if you want wet and naked you better get these pants off and soon.”

“Even after all this you still ain’t learned patience. The hell am I gonna do with you?”

“Teach me patience and fuck the holy hell out of me. I had the sweet man I lusted after all those years ago now I want the rough man I fell in love with.”

No other words were needed; Daryl shoved my pants from hips and pushed me towards the tub. Stepping in behind me he pulled the plunger up that would send the water spraying from the showerhead and immersing us in a mixture of steam and raw emotion.  My head fell back into the spray and I swore that the hot water coming down was heaven and that Daryl’s hands in my hair helping to wash away the day’s blood and guts was bliss.

As the soap cascaded down my face I couldn’t help but start to reminisce about how we used to do this every night. It began shortly after Daryl moved into the house, taking the guest room.  The house I bought only had one bathroom and the one I was building in the basement was still in the beginning phases of being built; the trenches had been dug for the plumbing and the pipes were being installed the next day.  Daryl had just gotten home from working some oddball job, I was already in the shower and had failed to hear the door open and shut.  Neither of us were aware of the other until the curtain was pulled back.  Rather than screaming at him to get out I invited him in.

_"It’ll save on the water bill, besides you’ve seen me naked before and I know about your scars. What else do we have to hide from each other?”_

“My turn.” I whispered, turning our bodies so that Daryl was now directly under the water’s spray. “I have to say I’m a bit disappointed in you, you never used to let yourself get this filthy even after you’d come home from a weekend hunting trip.”

“Didn’t seem all that important, only kept myself clean cause of you. Knew you didn’t mind some dirt but after a couple of days you’d be telling me to wash my hair.”

Picking up the bottle of shampoo from its resting place I scrubbed my fingers through his hair feeling just how long it had gotten over the last few years. Chancing it I glanced up and watched a sigh escape into the steam as Daryl leaned into my touch, my nails were scratching and working the product over the entirety of his head.  I was lost in the motions of our old routine and failed to notice his hands grasping my hips to draw me closer.

“Think you missed a spot.”

“You think? Just gonna get dirty again”

“Always did good cleaning up when we were done.”

“You’re terrible,” I laughed picking up the discarded washcloth.

“I’m worse than what you remember.” His voice dropped to a deep, husky tone that reached the pit of my stomach and sent my libido into overdrive.

“Show me.”

With that I was pushed against the tiles, my leg lifted from the floor of the tub and hooked around his hip. Daryl slid into me with no resistance and I couldn’t help but dig my nails into his back as his thrusts sent one of the most powerful orgasms ripping through me.

“C’mon, not done with you yet,” pulling out he backed away to give me a small bit of breathing room, “what, can’t stand on your two feet?”

A lopsided grin spread across my face as I grabbed the towel bar and tried to get my legs to work however I forgot the tub was lacking a shower mat and I lost my footing. Falling forward, I braced myself for impact but it never came.  Looking backwards I saw Daryl looking a bit amused as well as perturbed by my clumsiness.

“Some things never change.” He mused, shaking his head and hoisting me up.

“Shouldn’t have fucked me that good the first time. You used to take your time and-”

“Know what I used to do, hell I had blue balls the last five years before the other night. Don’t see your ass complaining.”

“Never saw a reason to and I still don’t see one now. Still want to show me that surprise?  I promise I’ll parade around the house wet and naked if you show me.”

Dropping his arm from my waist he held a tight grip on my hand until I was safely out of the tub and standing on the towel that I had laid on the floor when I turned the faucets on. Removing the towel from the rack I pitched my head forward and wrapped my hair up in it to prevent the droplets that fell from hitting the ground.  Daryl remained under the stream of water for another minute or so turning the faucets off and releasing the plunger.

“Get your hair outta that towel and get your ass in the bedroom.”

Taking my hair down I handed the towel over to Daryl so he could use it if he chose but that part of him probably never changed either after all this time. He’d rather drip dry and come to bed sopping wet instead of toweling off and coming to bed slightly wet.  The crack of the wet towel slapping the backs of my thighs had me putting a little extra pep in my step.  Opening the door and stepping into the hall I was greeted with a cooling sensation as the steam from the bathroom escaped.  Turning down the hall I located the master bedroom with ease this time; flipping the light on I saw a simple bed sitting in the middle of the room complete with a mattress.  The bed was even made and the pillows arranged like I remembered.  But what sat in the middle of the mattress had conjured up some rather exciting ideas.

“Ya like it?”

Turning I saw Daryl standing behind me with his head down, his eyes cast towards the ground, and his thumb trapped between his teeth.

“The corset is nice but I like the rope better.”

Picking his head up he dropped his thumb and stalked his way over to where I stood, a glint of danger in his eyes. His chest was touching mine as he backed me into the side of the bed, he didn’t need to use words to tell me where he wanted me to be.  Climbing into the middle of the bed I waited as he slung the corset across the room and picked the rope up.  Motioning with a nod of his head I went to one corner of the bed, Daryl followed close behind until his chest was pressed to my back.  Bringing the length of rope around I held a loose grip on the small bed post while Daryl tied my hands to the wood.  I knew it was always a fantasy he wanted to carry out when we were together but he was never able to act it out because of Merle.

“Best hold on if ya know what’s good for ya.”

Bracing myself for the inevitable I waited with anticipation as I felt Daryl line himself up with my entrance, one hand on my shoulder so he could steady himself. Without warning he slammed himself home and began a rhythm that spelled out his determination to make tonight satisfying for the both of us.  With one hand remaining on my shoulder the other slid up the center of my spine and wound itself in my still wet hair, pulling my head back and exposing my neck.

“Faster.” I managed to squeak out as the hand on my shoulder moved to my neck, squeezing with just enough pressure that I was teetering on the edge just waiting for that one thrust-

“Jesus fucking Christ! Again, do it again.”

And he did, my God did he ever! The crack of skin on skin followed by the soothing rub of his calloused hand over my right butt cheek had my walls clamping around him in vice grip as he did it for a third time, this time my orgasm ripping through me.

“Don’t tell me that wore ya out.” He chuckled darkly untying my hands from the bed post.

“You’re not the only one who hasn’t had a good fuck in five years.” I sighed, falling backwards into his chest. “Just give me about ten minutes and I’ll be good to go.”

“Don’t wanna wait.”

Before I knew what was happening Daryl was laying on his back holding me tight in one arm while his fingers attached to the hand of the other arm travelled down my stomach teasing my already sensitive clit until he had me writhing in his grip.

“Don’t even think about holding back.” He muttered in my ear moving his hand up to grab my breast and pinch my nipple.

Despite my best efforts my mouth fell open as Daryl’s name came out in praise, his fingers continued to run over me even as my body convulsed with the aftershocks of another orgasm.

As the night wore on Daryl was relentless in his venture for complete and total satisfaction. True to his word from the night before we christened every room in the house and I even paraded around the house wet and naked.  Yet despite our escapades through the house I still found it difficult to believe that the man I was romping around with still had the capability to surprise me.  There were times he’d have me pinned against the countertop of the breakfast bar with my leg hiked up on a stool fucking me hard enough from behind I ended up with bruises on my hips but then there were times he’d have me laying on the couch, his body blanketing mine as he took his time to make sure it was everything he wanted and everything I needed.

“Wear ya out?” he asked, a plume of smoke blowing through his lips as he laid the cigarette in the tray.

Humming my contentment I yawned and made myself comfortable on his chest, listening to his heart hammering away inside his chest as he calmed down from his exhaustive efforts.

“Promise me something Daryl?” he grunted as I felt his eyes boring into me, “no matter what happens with this impending war promise me that you’ll never change.”

“We all change and whatever’s gonna happen with Negan and the Saviors is gonna change all of us. Get some sleep while ya still can, gonna need it when I wake you up.”


	16. Chapter 16

** Chapter 16 **

****

_“You busy today?” I asked, setting a bowl of cereal on the counter in front of Daryl. He had just gotten up and appeared to be hungover as shit._

_“Got another job to do for that old hag up there off of Spring, should be done before six unless she ends up with more shit on her damn list. Why?  Need help picking out curtains or something?”_

_“What side of the fucking bed did you wake up on this morning? Ain’t ever seen ya this damn salty first thing in the morning.”_

_“The hell do ya want?”_

_“I was gonna ask if you’d be up for a tracking lesson this evening but clearly you’re not so just forget about it. Go on and get going, dinner’s on the table at six if you get hungry but I’m sure you’re just gonna be too busy after leaving Mrs. Allerton’s.”_

_Grabbing my first cup of coffee off of the counter I turned to head into the living room but stopped momentarily, turning to face Daryl once more who had finally started to dig into his breakfast, his head resting on his left hand and the occasional groan escaping in between bites._

_“By the way, if I ever find another bag of shrooms or any other drug in my house again I will not hesitate to turn your ass in, do you understand me? Thought we agreed you could live here as long as you kept the drugs out.”_

_“Those are Merle’s.”_

_“Don’t care who they belong too, they were in your room.”_

_“The hell you going into my room for anyway?” The cereal bowl went sliding across the breakfast bar and landed on the floor is a mess of milk, cereal, and broken pieces as he stood from his stool, stalking his way over to where I stood._

_“Laundry, ain’t gonna let ya live here and have you smelling like a damn goat.”_

_A snarl escaped as Daryl turned on his heel and headed out, the door slamming shut behind him. Seconds later his truck came to life and I watched it go past the window of the dining room, making a sharp right turn and disappear out of sight._

_Walking back into the kitchen I set my cup down on the counter and went about cleaning up the mess Daryl had left me in the wake of his anger. Normally I could handle his outbursts, hell the times I’ve blown up at him my temper could revival his and on the rare occurrence it could put his to shame.  But what I just witnessed a little bit ago, there were no words that came to mind.  It was more than evident that he was hungover but last night he had gone out with Merle and some of his friends and judging by the way he smelled Daryl did more than drink._

_After I got the mess cleaned up and my kitchen back in order I grabbed my (now) lukewarm coffee from the counter and walked into the living room to watch what was left of the morning news. Not that there was anything of great importance that I missed; three overnight homicides, a couple of drunks here and there, the Braves losing yet another game, another day with temps in excess of 100 degrees.  But then something did catch my eye just as the broadcast was coming to an end.  A brief story about Habitat for Humanity in need of volunteers and standing there in background of the camera was Daryl and a couple of other guys getting a piece of framing in place and Mrs. Allerton on camera talking about their efforts in getting her home to a state of habitation that would pass inspection.  She talked about how if it wasn’t for the kindness of one person then she wouldn’t have had all the volunteers she did trying to help.  When asked who that one person was Mrs. Allerton latched on to Daryl’s arm and pulled him to her side, making him face the camera and proudly proclaimed that it was him that started the effort._

_“I put an ad in the paper asking for help getting the ceiling of my kitchen fixed because all of the companies I had called wanted too much money and the insurance company refused to come out to do an estimate after I had my neighbor’s tree fall on the house. Daryl answered my ad and said he’d do it for whatever I’d be willing to pay him.  It wasn’t until after I had asked him to do a few other minor repairs for me that we realized how bad it was.  A few days later I had the city inspector out and they had me removed from my own house.  I had been living with my grandson for almost six months before I got a phone call saying a group of volunteers wanted to help get my house back in order.”_

_“Is there anything you’d like to tell Daryl?” the reporter asked, shoving the microphone back into the face of the elderly woman._

_She managed to choke out a ‘thank you’ and pulled Daryl into a tight hug. I couldn’t help but laugh at how uncomfortable the entire thing made him look, not only did his face say it all but the way he brought his hand up to pat the old woman on the back made it all the more funny.  As the broadcast came to an end I wiped a stray tear from my eye and shut the t.v. off so I could put my empty cup in the dishwasher and get dressed so I could get my grocery shopping done for the week.  Watching Daryl do something nice for someone else gave me the idea of making one of his favorites for dinner tonight.  For the last couple of weeks he hadn’t been coming home until almost 8 at night and on the weekends it wasn’t until six or seven._

_I was brought out of my thoughts by a loud banging on the back door, looking through the window of the dining room I could barely make out a single black tire and what could’ve been saddlebags._

_“C’mon girly open up, sweating my balls off out here!”_

_“Daryl ain’t here.” I told Merle as I opened the door._

_“Where’s his pansy ass gone too now? Still working on that old bitch’s house?”_

_“That’s what he told me before he stormed out of here. While you’re here I want you to get all your drugs out of my house; I want the shrooms gone, the pot, the ecstasy, all of it.  I want all of it out of my house, I don’t care if Daryl was holding it for you or not but get it out.”_

_“Yes ma’am. Ya know, he was always the sweet one, my brother.  ‘Fore our ma died she told us she wanted us to do right and not be like our pa.  He was a real son of a bitch if I ever saw one, after she died I went off and started doing my own thing and I guess Daryl did what our ma asked us to do.  Ya making dinner tonight or do I gotta spend my hard earned money on greasy slop?”_

_“I’m making dinner, besides it may be best if you came over anyway.”_

_“He ain’t hauled off and hit ya, did he?”_

_“Fuck no, if he did I’d be burying a body right now. He got pissed cause I went into his room to get the laundry and I told him that I found the shrooms, that I wanted them out of my house otherwise I’d call the cops.  I didn’t care who the belonged too, I just wanted them out.  I’m not saying I can’t handle him when he’s pissed off but when he starts breaking my dishes and getting in my face to where we’re nose to nose then yeah, I am going to get a little fearful of him.”_

_“He did all that this morning?”_

_“Yeah, any idea why he’s being so damn salty this morning? I know you guys all went out last night to the bar-”_

_“Ya know, if I didn’t know any better I’d have thought you two were married and not just roommates.” Merle stated as a deep laugh filled the kitchen._

_“I just worry about him from time to time. My dad’s got him working on more cars since winter’s coming and everyone’s starting to put their bikes up and all this work he’s doing at Mrs. Allerton’s, I just don’t want him to keel over and die.”_

_“He’ll be fine, he’s a tough little shit. I’ll go and get my shit outta his room that way you ain’t gotta call the cops and boot his ass out.  When’s dinner?”_

_“I told Daryl six but who knows if he’ll even be done at Mrs. Allerton’s by then.”_

_“He ain’t here I’ll go bring his scrawny ass home. If he gets back before I do, let him know I got my shit.”_

_“Need a bag or something to put it all in?”_

_“Couldn’t hurt.”_

_Crossing the kitchen I dug around in the pantry for a minute or so before producing a gallon sized bag, handing it over while undergoing another one of Merle’s visual un-dressings. I couldn’t stop myself from rolling my eyes as his tongue swept across his bottom lip._

_“Go on and get your shit, ain’t got all damn day.”_

_For a few minutes I had the kitchen to myself and in that time I was only able to get a pound of deer meat out of the freezer and put in the fridge to thaw out before Merle re-emerged with the bag filled to the brim with various orange prescription bottles and a few baggies of whatever the hell the white stuff was._

_“How come we never hooked up? You’re grown now; you ain’t living under your daddy’s roof no more.”_

_“You’ve gotten the clap so many times the whole town may as well put up a sign and keep track of how often you get it. Not to mention anytime I go out to the bar and you’re there you make it a habit to grab my ass, make obscene gestures, and say some of the crudest things I’ve ever heard.  The whores you manage to hook-up with may enjoy that kind of behavior because of the drugs they get from you in the end but if you wanna hook-up with someone with a little more class you need to clean up your act.”_

_“Nah, I’ll tell ya why. It’s cause you’d rather have someone like my baby brother,” the confused look on my face must’ve been enough for him to press on with his explanation because at that moment Merle hopped up on the counter and began fishing around in his shirt pocket for the pack of cigarettes he kept there along with the lighter.  “You asked why Daryl was acting all different this morning, you still wanna know my opinion on the matter, don’t ya?”_

_“Some perspective would be nice.”_

_“Trying to get off the drugs again, said he was quitting cold turkey.”_

_“Any idea what I should be expecting in the coming days?”_

_“Pretty much the same as what ya dealt with this morning but if you can handle his pissy mood swings then good for you.”_

_"That why he’s been keeping himself so busy these last few weeks? Doing something constructive with his time to keep his mind from thinking about that next hit?”_

_“Never took you for being an addict.” He mused, sticking a cigarette between his lips and shoving the pack back into his shirt pocket._

_“If I tell you something, will you swear on your life to never tell your brother? I don’t want him finding out until I’m ready to tell him.”_

_“Can’t make no guarantees, it was always hard to get one past Daryl. He’ll find out eventually, you know that as well as I do.  But I won’t tell him nothing if that’s what you want.”_

_“I’ve never done drugs, that much should be obvious but I know what it’s like to battle an addiction and just quit cold turkey. When I quit cutting myself about six months ago I quit cold turkey, my mood swings were erratic; it’s why I let my dad talk me into taking tracking lessons from Shane.  I needed something to keep my mind from wandering into those dark places that are almost impossible to come back from.  Sometimes you get a second chance and you get to come back, other times your luck runs out and you never get to come back.  You’re probably gonna laugh your ass right off that counter but I think with Daryl around it’s my second chance at redemption; my second chance to start over.”_

_“I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wanted to laugh at your revelation but you only get so many chances at redemption before they run out. Daryl’s only tried quitting a handful of times that I can remember.  Between you and me, if you wanna talk about second chances I think you’re my baby brother’s second chance and he’s scared shitless right now cause he doesn’t quite know how to handle it.  He got on the drugs cause of me, he’s getting off ‘em now cause of you.  Think about that and I’ll see ya at dinner tonight.”_

“Wake up, got a run this morning, you’re coming with us.” Slowly, Daryl’s gravel-filled voice brought me out of my dreams once again before they could become nightmares.  “You been crying in your sleep again, haven’t ya?”

“Yeah, that obvious?”

“Your brows start to come together before the tears start. You thinking about your family again?”

“Merle.”

“Only time I ever cried for Merle was when I had to be the one to put him down. He never did nothing but harass you since the day you turned eighteen.  Is he really worth your tears?”

“He was today,” I started allowing my mind drift as I sat up on the bed wondering how I got there when I knew I had passed out in the living room after an earth shattering orgasm had been ripped from me the night before.

“How do ya figure?”

“Do you remember when you were working on Mrs. Allerton’s house you got real snide with me one morning and ended up breaking one of my bowls when I told you I had been going through your room to pick-up the laundry? I found Merle’s shrooms.”

“Vaguely, I was real messed up trying to get off the shit I had been hooked on. I wasn’t in my right mind at that time.”

“Merle came over not long after you left and got his shit. He was on his way out and stopped for a few minutes to tell me that the reason you were being so unpleasant was because you had quit everything cold turkey and if I could get past that first day then everything after that would get easier.  He was right, it did get easier after that first day.  It made sense to me that you were staying out so late working on Mrs. Allerton’s house so that you could keep your mind off when you’d be getting that next fix.”

“I quit for you; I was still using when you and your dad hired me at the shop. That night at your apartment, that night you saw all those scars on my back, the next day was the day that I stopped using ecstasy.  You were trusting me in your home, with your things, and your cats; I didn’t wanna let ya down.  C’mon, we got a run to do this morning, need to get up and get dressed.”

Throwing the blankets back I climbed out of the bed and started searching through the closets and drawers for something that would fit me since what I had on the previous day was now sitting in a laundry basket marked ‘to be washed.’ With the fall setting in and the temperatures fluctuating I chose to layer my clothes that way I could peel off what I didn’t want to wear anymore or put more back on if I got too cold.

“I wasn’t crying just because I miss Merle, it was more because of something he told me that we never told you; we didn’t know how you’d react and after the divorce it just became irrelevant.”

“What’d he say?”

“He thought that the reason you quit all the drugs was because of me; he said that I was your second chance.”

“If either of ya had told me that while I was quitting I’d have told the both of ya off and walked out of there, probably would’ve gone back to the trailer park where I belonged. I wasn’t in my right mind then, but Merle would’ve been right; like I said, I did quit because of you and I got a second chance because of you; I blew it when we split, made an even bigger mess of it all when the judge ordered us to go to counseling.  Got a third chance though to make things right when the world went to shit.  We gotta get going before they leave without us.”

Picking my gun up off of the nightstand I tucked it into my waistband and followed Daryl out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the living room where I had left my shoes at the night before. He was already out the door by time I had gotten my shoes on and when I finally left the house to go find him he was standing by the cars ready to go, although he did look completely naked without his crossbow and I know watching Dwight leave with it last night didn’t sit well with him.

“Where are we going today?”

“Glenn found an old phonebook when we first got here, managed to dig it out of its hiding place. Daryl said you were thinking about short-term solutions if we lost this place, said you were talking about storage units.  Figured with winter coming it wouldn’t be a bad idea to start looking there for clothes, blankets, and anything else we can find.” Rick replied, glancing up from his gun.

“We’re not gonna find any food there but we may find an old car locked up in one of those units. If we can find an old Impala or something we could use that as Negan’s tribute in lieu of food and medicine.  Even if it doesn’t run he may take the car instead of food out of your daughter’s mouth.”

“You sure about that?”

“No, but it’s worth a shot. Negan’s the kinda guy that likes having things, if it’s not supplies then it’s anything to show that he’s the one in charge.  If he can ride around in the apocalypse in an Impala instead of a ratty old diesel truck I can almost guarantee he’d rather show up here in the Impala with Lucille sitting shotgun.  But if this run is about food then we may have to push in towards D.C. and find a distribution center or something like that where they would’ve kept pallets upon pallets of food and supplies stored.”

“Can’t risk going into D.C. unless we have the numbers and the weapons, we can’t spare either of those right now, not with this war coming. We need to get going, we’re burning daylight.”

With that Rick closed the cylinder of his gun and climbed into the driver’s seat; Daryl took the front passenger, I took the seat behind him and next to me was Michonne. I couldn’t stop myself from snorting a laugh as the thought of this being some sort of weird double-date came to mind even if the seating arrangement was a bit off.

I wasn’t sure how far out we drove but knew it must’ve been a good while because I had dozed off and didn’t wake up until Michonne was shaking my shoulder to let me know we had gotten there. Climbing out of the car I saw that the padlock on the gate had already been cut as evidenced by the bolt cutters in Rick’s hands; my heart almost started to beat with joy in the hopes that perhaps we might find something valuable enough that we all get to live for another day.

While the others started working their way towards the first row of storage units I decided to check the small office for anything I could find, even if it was something small like a first aid kit; we could use all of the medical supplies we could get at this point. Rasping my knuckles on the glass of the door I waited patiently for any signs of walkers but keeping the rest of the group within sight just in case I needed one or all of them.  The door shook a bit as one came from the recesses of the darkened room; the growling grew louder as I opened the mail slot on the side.  Once its head was within sight I withdrew my knife from its holster to make the kill shot.

When I was sure that there were no other walkers inside I picked the lock and made my way inside to make a quick sweep of the place. With a flashlight in hand I checked the drawers and much to my own surprise found a small first aid kit, two handguns, and a map of the layout that indicated which units were filled and which ones empty.  A brief look through the file cabinet revealed the applications people had filled out and one question in particular stood out to me: what will you be storing? (i.e. household items, car, misc.)

“Thought I told ya to stay within my sight. What’d ya find?”

“You know I was never one to listen to the rules, Daryl. Found a couple of guns, half empty first aid kit, and I think I just hit the jackpot.  Get the others and meet me at the car, if we’re gonna do this we need to do it right.”  Walking around the counter and past Daryl I waited for him to find Rick and Michonne so we could get this short meeting out of the way and down to business.

“Daryl said you may have hit the jackpot, what the hell does that mean?” Michonne asked, placing her hands on the hood of the car as I produced the layout of the facility.

“Found the applications too so we know which units are taken; we don’t have to cut the locks off one by one to find out which units are empty and which ones aren’t. I say we sort these applications first and determine what the greatest needs are right now.  Anything that says household items, apartment, or anything similar is what we get first since those units will most likely have the blankets, clothes, and anything else we need for this winter, after that we look at the units that say they have a vehicle, and finally we’ll look at the miscellaneous units last.  There could be any number of things in those units and we don’t know if we’d be able to use it.”

“Good plan, but how do you expect us to haul it all back? We didn’t bring the box truck-” Rick started, dropping his head and placing his hands on his hips.

“There’s one in the back, you can drive it back and if we find a car someone else can either drive it back to Alexandria or we can find a trailer to load it up on and haul it back there. Keys to the box truck are in the office but I suggest that if we intend on using the truck we make sure it starts now otherwise we’ll have to drive all the way back and risk losing this place before we can open the first unit.”

“Sounds like you’ve already thought this through, I’ll grab the keys and check to make sure the truck still runs. Michonne, you, Daryl, and Claire start looking through the first unit.  If you find anything haul it out and leave it next to the door.  If I can get the truck started we’ll drop the ramp and start loading the truck up; we’ll leave it running so we can just leave when it’s full.”

Our small meeting ended as Rick walked towards the office to retrieve the keys for the truck, Michonne grabbed the bolt cutters and headed towards the first unit; I stayed behind with Daryl sensing that something was not quite right with him, but I couldn’t tell if he found my plan to be unsettling or if there was something else that unnerved him. Rick emerged from the office a few seconds later jangling the keys in front of him and dashed off to where the box truck was safely tucked away in the back of the facility.  The sound of a metal door being raised let us know that Michonne had broken through the lock of the first unit and was about to start rummaging through it.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, looking around to see if there were any visible signs of impending danger.

“Thinking about what you said earlier, about second chances and all that. Did you get a second chance when we got together?  Is the world we live in now your third chance?”

“I was on my fourth or fifth chance when we got together; this is more like my sixth chance at life. But maybe I’m on my ninth and final life and after this I won’t get any more chances.”

“What’d ya do?”

“Tell ya about later, I’d rather not say especially with Michonne being within earshot. C’mon, we got work to do if we wanna be back before sunset.”

Much to our collective relief the box truck was operational and true to his word Rick backed the truck up to the row of units we had started to clear out. Everything that we had dragged out of the units we had picked through was strategically loaded into the truck so we could make the best use of the space.  Together the four of us cleared out about 20 units and among our haul we managed to find a new crib for the baby along with the mattress that went with it and a 1967 Chevy Impala that was in near perfect condition.  Daryl did a quick check under the hood and somehow managed to get it to turn over on the first try.  In another unit, one that had been marked as miscellaneous, I had found a large collection of books that included many of my favorites.

“I’ll drive the truck back; Michonne, you take the Impala; Daryl, you and Claire take the car we came in back. Negan will be coming by any day now and if we can get this car cleaned up we may be able to keep everything we found today.” Rick stated, closing the door of the truck and making his way around to the driver’s side.

“C’mon, gotta finish that talk from this morning.”

Reluctantly I followed Daryl back to the car we arrived in this morning not the least bit ready for whatever questions came to mind or the answers that would come with them. Taking a deep breath I lifted the door handle and climbed into the passenger seat.

“Why do you think you’re on your last life?”

“Nothing lasts forever, I’ve taken one chance too many. Every chance I’ve taken always leads me back down into the rabbit hole of destruction.  I was in a dark place when we first got together; I hurt myself every chance I got.  I tried to hide it hoping you’d never catch me with the razorblade in my hand but then I would hope you would catch me, try to talk me out of putting another mark on myself.  After we got together I started getting better, I quit cutting myself.  That was my second chance but then it started all over again when I got served with the divorce papers.  I blamed myself these last five years for the way things ended between us, I still blame myself.”

“So these last five years?”

“Starting and stopping; every time I’d find some place that I thought was safe I’d stop then when it all fell apart I’d start again and every time I’d blame myself thinking it was my fault it all ended so I started all over again.”

“When’d ya stop again?”

“How do you know I’ve stopped?”

“Didn’t have any fresh marks on your legs last night, nothing scabbed over; marks ya do have are healed up and just scars.”

“After I got out of the Sanctuary and got to Hilltop is when I stopped this last time. It’s not gonna last forever, you know that.  Negan is going to slaughter all of us in this war and when it’s your turn he’ll leave me to watch you die, he’ll make me watch you turn, and when you do you’ll come after me.  Either that or it’ll be the other way around.  Any way you look at this Daryl, he won’t let us live; he’s gotta know by now that I’ve found you and I have no intention on bringing you back there.  The thought had crossed my mind, bring you back to the Sanctuary and take the fight right to his front door.”

“Do you wanna live?”

“I don’t know. Some days I do, most days I don’t.”

“Would it make a difference if I said I wanted you to?”

“I’ll think about it. Keep your eyes on the road, we’ll talk about it more when we get back if you want, although I don’t really see any point in keeping up with a conversation that I’m not all that invested in.”

“Won’t talk about it anymore if you don’t want too but when you’re ready you know where to find me. We’ll go out in the morning if you’re up for it and see what we can scare up for breakfast.  Maybe we’ll get lucky and find us a deer.”

“Just because I’m not sure I want to live doesn’t mean I’m not looking for a reason to keep going. If the reason is good enough maybe the will, the want to live may grow stronger.  Or maybe I’m just grasping at straws again.”

“You ain’t the only one looking for a reason to keep going these days. I’ll always blame myself for Glenn’s death, always blame myself for Beth getting taken.  Can’t fix the past, you just keep going.”

“One day at a time, right?”

It was well past nightfall when we arrived back in Alexandria. The box truck was taken to a row of houses near the back-end of the community that was neatly tucked away in the corner where the contents could be sorted amongst the residents, the Impala was left near the front gate to be washed, waxed, and covered in the morning.  When Daryl finally parked the car I got out and stood in the middle of the street trying to decide where it was that I wanted to go from here.  Do I walk out the front gate into the blackness that welcomed me and my demons like old friends or do I stay put and try to work them out?

“Hey,” there was that voice again to keep the thoughts away, “I’m on watch tonight, why don’t you come with me, keep me company?”

“Aren’t you exhausted? A run today, watch tonight, and hunting in the morning?”

“It’s worth it in the end, we do all of this we’ll be off for two days.”

“That’s not the only reason you want me to keep watch with you tonight.”

“I want my second chance with ya, wanna give ya a reason to keep going.”


	17. Chapter 17

** Chapter 17 **

****

“The fuck is this?”

“Some piece of shit Dwight was carving, look at the back.”

“Didn’t know. Didn’t know what?  About Sasha turning?  About showing up fucking early?  About Rick’s new garbage pals or the fact they switched sides?”

“Who knows, I ever get my hands on that fucker I’m gonna find out. You hurt?”

“Got a few bumps and bruises but no worse for wear. You got anything that needs patching up?”

Daryl shook his head looking around at the destruction that had befallen us. None of us really knew Negan and the Saviors were coming today despite Dwight’s best efforts to warn us ahead of time.  The smile that graced Negan’s face as he spotted Daryl through the bars of the gate that separated us had my blood boiling; in that moment I knew that he would anything and everything in his power to get Daryl back to the Sanctuary and he would kill anyone who stood in the way, even me regardless of what his rules about women are.  When Negan has his mind set to take something he will, damn the consequences.

Sasha staggering out of the casket as a walker was a shock to all of us and the war that ensued was nothing short of chaotic. The look on Rick’s face when these strangers betrayed him was enough to make us all feel like our backs were to the wall, that we were utterly alone in our crusade for freedom of tyranny.

I was just glad that while Daryl kept fighting he never saw me on my knees, a Savior pointing a gun to the back of my head and his companion standing next to us with a Polaroid camera in hand ready to take a picture of Carl after Negan finished crashing Lucille into his skull.

“We gotta get this place cleaned up, your people don’t deserve to be left lying on the streets like this and none of them deserve to turn.”

“ _Our_ people; you’re one of us now,” a voice stated from somewhere behind me.  Turning I watched as Rick staggered over to us, holding his side.  “Carl’s with Michonne, she’s pretty banged up but she’s gonna be alright.  You fought with us, not against us; you’re one of us.  Can’t say the same for Eugene, that coward was always out to save himself.”

“Rick, you can be mad at Eugene all you want but at the end of the day he made his choice. If you want to take this fight straight to Negan’s doorstep we’ll stand behind you but it’s up to all of us if we want to offer Eugene asylum and take him back when the Sanctuary falls.”

“You and Daryl both know the way to the Sanctuary, we’re not gonna give them any breathing room, not gonna give them time to recover and build their army up. We get this place cleaned up, we get the bodies buried, tomorrow we’ll make a plan with Maggie and Ezekiel to take down the Sanctuary.  We’ve already got an alliance with the Hilltop and the Kingdom-”

“Rick, go get some rest, you’ve done enough today. We’ll get everything back in order and we’ll talk in the morning.”

Rick nodded his head absently, turned and limped off in another direction still holding his side. Occasionally he’d lift a hand and bring it down on someone’s shoulder still other times he’d stop and exchange words with a few others until he finally disappeared from sight.  Feeling the weight of Daryl’s stare at the destruction that surrounded us I reached back to grasp his hand but instead found a mop of hair tickling my fingertips and a few stray tears running down my wrist.

“I know what you’re thinking, it’s not your fault; none of this is your fault. None of us could’ve known Sasha would end up a walker and this war would’ve happened regardless of whether or not you escaped from the Sanctuary.  Rick’s a good man and he wouldn’t be putting all of this on the line if he wasn’t willing to fight to keep what you already have.  I can see it in his face that he’d fight to get you out of the Sanctuary if you were still there; he’d kill every last one of those fuckers if it meant you came out of there alive.”

“Not just that, maybe if I had gone with that sick fuck we could’ve done an even exchange: me for Sasha. Maybe-”

“I wouldn’t have let you go and I wouldn’t have let him take you.”

“Makes it sound like ya still give a rat’s ass about me.” He sniffled, his hair disappearing from my fingers. Turning I caught him just in time to watch him run his sleeve across his face and sniffle again as he got back to his feet.

“The world may never know.”

Walking past him I started down the street to survey the destruction for myself. The gutters were lined with bodies of Alexandrians and Saviors alike.  Some of the deceased wore chest plates that were indicative of them being from the Kingdom, still others were faces I had recognized as being from the Hilltop.  Weapons were ceased and knives were plunged into the skulls of all to ensure they remained dead.  During my walk of the streets I spied Ezekiel kneeling next to the body of a boy who was no more than fifteen or sixteen, his hand came up and passed over the child’s face pausing momentarily on his eyes.  Sensing my presence Ezekiel returned to his feet and stood with a small smile on his face.

“I do not smile because young Daniel is among our dearly departed; I smile because I know that his death is not in vain. We will win this war against the Saviors, we will no longer be held down by a tyrant.  By standing our ground against this foe we have already given hope to future generations.”

“Let me not then die ingloriously and without a struggle, but let me first do some great thing that shall be told among men hereafter.”

“You’ve studied _The Iliad_ I see and how right you are Claire, Daniel and our fallen comrades have all done great things and their great deeds will be told among men, women, and children hereafter.  Come, we must ensure that these great men and women receive the rights they deserve.”

“Has anyone ever told you that sometimes this all seems a little bit too much like a fantasy?”

“To lead is a great responsibility, one must instill in others confidence, knowledge, and understanding. I did not ask to lead The Kingdom-”

“I get it, you didn’t ask to lead, the people just looked to you and saw a natural born leader. I got that same feeling with Rick; I can see it written all over his face.  He didn’t ask to be in the position he’s in but he stepped up and accepted it.  His legacy will be that he helped to shape the future leaders of these communities.  Carl’s got a good head on his shoulders if he can shed the focus of killing Negan and the Saviors; Maggie’s a good choice for the Hilltop.  I heard about her negotiating skills from Jesus after Gregory got shanked.”

“You are a bright woman Claire yet it troubles me to see you struggle. These last few days and weeks have been testing you; there is an obstacle that you were not prepared for.  Tell me, if you can see future leaders in Carl and Maggie, why do you not see the same in Daryl?  He’s a very determined man yet he requires guidance at times and seeks counsel as needed.  In my time as King I have learned that those who seek counsel and wisdom from others are also bound to be great leaders.”

“Ezekiel, what Daryl and I had is dead and gone. You couldn’t be more right about him being determined but he’s got a tendency to rush into things without thinking.  The Daryl you see today is not the same man I was married to all those years ago; the man I married was angry at the world, always had a chip on his shoulder, and the only person he cared about other than himself was his brother.  The person I see now is a stranger to me.  Daryl never wanted to hold on to someone or something, never protected me if I was in a situation where I needed his help.  Not even three weeks had gone by when we first got married, I was in a roll-over car accident; some fucking idiot cut across four lanes of traffic on the highway going at least 75, sideswiped me and sent me rolling into the guardrail and down an embankment with a 30 foot drop.  Daryl never came to the hospital and never bothered to try and find me until two days had gone by and I hadn’t been home.  When he did find out, he came up and asked when I was coming home because he was out of clean clothes.”

“People change,” a voice called out. Glancing over my shoulder for yet the second time today I watched Carol approach wearing armor similar to that of Daniel’s and carrying a rifle.  “Daryl’s a different person then what he used to be.  I met him and Merle not long after Atlanta fell and he was like you said he was, always angry, always had a chip on shoulder but he started coming around after I lost my little girl.  He doesn’t take people for granted anymore and I think you should try to get to know the new Daryl.  You may be surprised.”

“I’ll think about it. If anyone asks I ducked out for a bit and if Daryl asks don’t tell him anything no matter how much he presses you for an answer.  If he really wants to find me that bad he’s got the skillset to do it.”

I needed to get out that place and find out for myself what it was that Dwight didn’t know about otherwise it was going to turn into one of those things bugged me until I found out the answer. But knowing Negan the Sanctuary was going to be heavily guarded and if I showed up at that place there was only a few ways this thing could play out and more likely than not all the scenarios I was running in my head would end up with me dead because I didn’t do the job I was given.

On their way out Rick’s garbage pals somehow locked us inside the gates of Alexandria and when Daryl went to jump the wall to go after them they had all just seemingly vanished into thin air. Whatever it was though that they used to lock us in had since been discarded leaving the gates free to operate on their old familiar tracks.  Once I passed through the gates I waited until I heard the metal clank against the plates before taking off into the woods in search of something to keep my mind from dwelling on the number of lives we had lost today and however many more we are bound to lose in the future.

It felt like I had been out wandering around for hours before that old familiar sensation began to stir; that feeling you get when you know you’re being watched, the same one you get when you know someone familiar is so close that it no longer startles you when you turn to find them staring at you. How I wish sometimes that feeling would stop altogether and I could go back to a boring routine of going on runs or doing mundane work without having to worry about Daryl showing up at any given moment to interrupt my thoughts.

“May as well come on out, I know you’re there.”

“Ain’t safe to be out here alone, not no more. You’re not gonna ask how I found ya?”

“The trail of walkers should’ve been obvious enough, besides you know as well as I do those inexplicable forces that keep pulling us together gets weaker the further apart we are. All we ever had to do was follow our instincts and we’d find one another again eventually.  You’re not gonna asked why I’m out here, are ya?” I quipped listening to the leaves crunch under his boots as he weaved a path towards the ledge I stood on.

“Know you don’t handle losing folks all that well, figured you needed some time to yourself. Funny you found your way this far out; Rick and Morgan found this place when they went to bury some bastard who was beating on his wife and kids.  His boy followed ‘em out here and got chased down by a couple of walkers.  Found the quarry, it was full of walkers, easily a thousand; Rick said if they ever got loose they’d come straight towards Alexandria.”

“Kinda makes you wish you still had a quarry full of walkers to bring to Negan, huh? Bullets only last for so long before you run out and if this pit was filled to the brim with walkers Negan’s army would’ve been outnumbered easily.”

It’s not unusual for Daryl to remain quiet and almost pensive when I’ve got something to say, he may not agree with my point of view but at least what I do say offers a different perspective on things. But what _is_ unusual for Daryl are those times when I’d say something and he’d agree with me.  I caught sight of him nodding his head a little and saw the wheels turning in his mind.  He was either thinking of something crazy, stupid, or-

“Heard that after they dropped me off at the Kingdom that the group ran into a road block on the highway that was rigged with explosives. Pretty sure it was meant for us but supposedly there was a huge herd of walkers that came up on ‘em while they were getting the dynamite.  Gotta be another herd that big that we can lead to the Sanctuary and then while the walkers are invading that place we can start taking down an outpost or two.”

“And how exactly would you go about carrying out this plan? The truck Rosita rigged with the dynamite didn’t go off, remember?”

“We’ll talk to Rick about it in the morning but since we know the way there we can set-up six or seven sticks to go off. Set a decent sized one up on the highway and the closer they get to the Sanctuary we’ll blow ‘em one by one until we bring ‘em straight to the front door.”

“How do you propose we do all of this? The road’s gonna be crawling with lookouts with orders to take us out if we’re spotted.”

“Much as I hate to say it we need that fucker Dwight to tell us where the lookout points are.”

Hanging my head I tried to think of all the ways this can go wrong but at the same time Daryl made one good point after another and there wasn’t much room to say that this crazy idea couldn’t possibly work. As much as I hated to admit it, Ezekiel was right: Daryl would be a great leader.  He took a random comment and turned it into an idea that may work if Rick and the others were willing to go along with it.

“Alright, I’m in. You can talk to Rick about it in the morning and see if you can’t convince him.  But if he does agree then we can’t just waltz right up to Negan’s doorstep and ring the bell.  If everyone that fought today is going to be there we need a wall or something they can get behind and-”

“The metal we were using to build the walls back up; we can weld it to the cars.”

“Like a tank?”

“Cut out windows for the guns, leave it hanging it low enough to protect the tires.”

“Crazy enough it may just work. You remember how to use the welder?”

“Yeah but you ain’t going.”

“And why the fuck not? The ‘I said so’ reason ain’t gonna fucking work on me.”

Before Daryl could answer a rustling of branches broke our concentration. A few walkers came fumbling out of the woods and approached us, their rasping and guttural moans filled the air and the sudden feeling of kill or be killed was upon us.  But even with the odds being six against two it didn’t seem as dangerous as it probably should have been though I think the danger may have presented itself quite differently if there was even one Savior pulling up the rear of that small army.

“We should get back before nightfall, don’t wanna be out here in case there are any of those fucking Saviors around, dead or alive. Reason I don’t want ya to go ain’t because I said so, it’s cause I need something to come back to.  I fucked up real bad with ya the first time and I still want a chance to make things right again.”

“Carol told me you turned over a new leaf and you don’t take people for granted anymore. Is that why you’ve been coming after me every time I try to be on my own for a little while?”  I waited for answer but only received a shameful nod instead.  “I appreciate you being concerned about my safety but I can’t see you as being the kind of person who no longer takes advantage of people.  You used me and fucked me anyway you could and I let you because I had hoped you would be the kind of alley cat who would let me love you and you turned me away.  C’mon we need to get back before dark.”

Daryl never said another word to me, instead he turned his back and head into the woods, carving a path going back to the main road. Following in his footsteps I made my way through the vast trees taking care to dispatch any walkers that tried to make me into a dinner or bedtime snack.  Once we were finally out of the barren forest I watched as Daryl wheeled his bike out from a thick covering of branches and leaves made to look like overgrowth.  He patted the seat silently telling me to get on while he kept a keen eye open for anything may appear in the seconds it would take for me to get on.

We had arrived back at Alexandria not long after the sun had set, plunging everything into darkness. The single headlight on the bike was our only guidance through the night and we became increasingly aware that a Savior or Negan himself could pop out of the woods at any given time but thankfully it never happened.  At the most it was an occasional walker and in that case Daryl would increase our speed to ensure the danger that presented itself stayed at bay.  However I couldn’t stop myself from gripping his waist as the notion that he did it on purpose began to take shape in the back of my mind.

The amount of noise the bike produced gave our position away and as the gates of Alexandria came into view the gate quickly opened to allow us entry and was swiftly shut as we were well on our way to the row of homes that Rick, Carl, and the others occupied.

“Gonna prove that I ain’t the same person I was.” He finally said, climbing off the bike and shutting it down.


	18. Chapter 18

** Chapter 18 **

****

_“Just because you’re living with me doesn’t mean you’re obligated to marry me, ya know that, right? You still got time to back out if you want and no one is gonna say anything.”_

_“I ain’t backing out, already got the ring. You ever decide on where we’re doing this?  Ain’t gonna be some big, fancy shin-dig, is it?”_

_“Neither of us are the kinda people who get dressed up so I figured my grandparent’s farm would be big enough. Have the ceremony in the barn then get folks inside the house and we’ll have the reception in there.  I mean there’s only gonna be about 20 people there including Merle, that is of course he can keep himself outta jail between now and the next three days.”_

_“He’ll be there, gotta get to work though before your old man chews my ass out again about being late. You comin’ in tonight or are ya going out dress shopping again?”_

_“I’ll be in, been doing some thinkin’ lately and I don’t think I’m gonna get a dress. I’m only gonna wear it once and I can’t see spending that much money on something where it can be better spent on something more practical or useful.”_

_“Like what?”_

_Turning from the kitchen counter I found Daryl standing impossibly close to me, his breath ghosting over my face. Lifting my left hand slightly he played with ring on my finger and I could see it written all over his features as he wondered to himself if it was really enough: a silver band with a small, blue sapphire in the center._

_“Thinking of getting ya a new toy for when you go out hunting this fall.” He grunted a bit but kept staring and playing the band, watching it as it moved on my hand. “Daryl, you asked me, remember?  I’d be perfectly okay if you didn’t get anything.  I know for you this was a lot of money and I know you think I deserve more or better, but you need to stop beating yourself up over this.”_

_"You do deserve more than I can give ya.”_

_“If that’s really what you think we can call the whole thing off and I’ll go find where Shane’s living, go shack up with him for a few days until you come to your senses.”_

_“Like hell you’re goin’ anywhere near that fucker, I’ll hogtie your ass and throw ya in the truck you do something that damn stupid.”_

_“Good to know you still care. But seriously you need to stop questioning yourself.  If you want to call it off I’m okay with it and everyone will understand.  We’re not gonna cast you out, you’ll still be invited to family get-togethers, and more importantly I’m not gonna kick you out of the house.”_

_He grunted again and let my hand drop from his; even though he may never say it out loud I knew bringing Shane’s name up would cause his temper to flare up. Daryl never did like how Shane treated me and when he caught wind that Daryl was not only living with me but had, in not so many words, asked me to marry him he drove up from King County to try and put a stop to all of it._

_“Woman, you must be outta your damn mind, saying ‘yes’ to a Dixon. He ain’t no good for ya and ya know it.  You deserve more than backwoods, redneck, trailer trash.  You know he’s a drug addict and every bit as bad as his brother; those two fuckers will rob ya blind when ya least expect it.  Ditch this piece of shit and move down to King County with me.”_

_The fatal mistake Shane made that day in his failed attempt to change my mind was that everything he said was in my dad’s shop while I sat behind my desk finishing some paperwork for the payroll and Daryl was standing in the doorway wiping his hands on a grease stained red rag that he usually kept in his back pocket._

_“He’s better for me than you ever were. Yeah ya fucked me good and hard but that’s about it.”_

_“You forget about all those tracking and shooting lessons I gave ya?”_

_"I remember you couldn’t tell the difference between a cottonmouth and a garter snake. At least when I go out with Daryl I know he won’t let nothing happen to me.  And I know that he wouldn’t point a loaded gun at me neither.  Yeah, I remember that too…the clip was empty but there was one in the chamber.  I got work I need to do and you need to leave.”_

_“And if I don’t?”_

_I watched as Daryl quietly pushed himself off the door frame, tucking the rag back into his pocket. His hands came up and clapped down on the material of Shane’s shirt, bunching it in his fingers.  Shane did a fair amount of squawking while he was being unceremoniously thrown out of my dad’s shop and quite a bit of cursing at Daryl for being a manipulative piece of shit but that came to an abrupt end when I saw fists swinging from the window of my office._

“What’s so funny?”

“Just remember you defending my honor when Shane started calling me names that day he drove up from King to try and talk me out of marrying you. If Negan or anyone else for that matter ever called me those terrible names, would you still defend me like you did before?”

“You been doin’ some thinkin’ drinkin’ again?”

I shrugged not sure if it was the alcohol I had consumed after dinner or if it was the set of wedding rings that I found when I was sorting the laundry this morning that started me on a journey of reminiscing. Both my engagement ring and wedding band were on a silver chain wrapped in a paper towel and stuffed inside the pocket of a pair of Daryl’s discarded pants sitting in the laundry basket.  I had carefully re-wrapped the jewelry and placed it on top of the dresser and set about my chores like it was any other day.

“Maybe just a bit. Not very often you come across alcohol anymore these days and I guess I indulged myself a bit more than I should’ve.  If you want the rest you’re more than welcome to it.” Holding out the half empty bottle I waited for Daryl to take it but he never did.

“Shouldn’t be drinking on an empty stomach; don’t think I didn’t notice. You barely touched anything on your plate.  Know how you get when you lose people close to ya but you shouldn’t drown it in whiskey.”

I let my arm drop and allowed the bottle to rest against my leg. The field I was sitting in had the perfect view of the stars and if I wasn’t so paranoid about having a bird shit on my face I’d probably just lay back in the grass and try to figure out the constellations.

“Remember the week after we got married you took me up to your grandpa’s cabin to do some hunting? The night you got that seven point buck, after dinner we set-up the tent and just looked at the stars until we both fell asleep?  It’s still one of my favorite memories of you…of us.  Sometimes I wish we could have those days again.”

“Maybe one day when this war is over we can do that. Remember what you made for dinner that night?  Fixed up a couple of them steaks and ended up burning ‘em to a crisp.  You were ready to just throw ‘em out for the birds or whatever else came around but I convinced ya to lemme try one.  Had to scrape the burnt parts off with a knife but I sat there at the table and ate it anyway even though the looks on my face told ya how bad it was.”

“I asked you if it was that bad then why keep it eating it.”

“And I said it was because ya tried. May’ve tasted liked shit but at least ya tried.  We both know you can cook but sometimes ya have an off day and that first night in the woods was an off night.  You had never cooked on a wood-burning stove before.”

“I learned my lesson that night and from that night on anytime we stayed in the cabin I let you do all the cooking. Not to change the subject but how’d it go out there today?  Find the guns Dwight eluded to?”

“Fucking shitty day, they moved the guns yesterday; went to where Carol, Ezekiel, and the rest of the Kingdom had gone to check up on ‘em and spotted a jeep leaving. Me and Rick followed ‘em and got the guns.  Everyone that fought for the Kingdom was gone.”

“You think it was an ambush?”

“Probably. Lemme see that bottle.”

Daryl carefully lowered himself to the ground until he was sitting next to me. I handed the bottle over listening to the liquid slosh around inside its glass enclosure.  Before I knew it the bottle was sitting between us and Daryl had his head resting on my shoulder.  I had no idea how long we sat out there just listening to the sounds that surrounded us, both natural and unnatural.  Crickets and walkers; muffled conversations and groaning.

“Any idea what this was doing laying out on the dresser? Was looking all over for it before I left this morning, didn’t find it until we got back tonight.”  Leaning into me further he produced the same folded up paper towel I found earlier in the day.

“Found it when I was getting ready to do laundry this morning, it was in a pair of your pants in the basket. I opened it; don’t see why you kept it all these years.”

“Had it tucked away in some drawer after the divorce, never put much thought into why I wanted it back so bad. Never forget when we were standing in the courtroom and the judge asked if I wanted anything out of the house, told him you could keep it all but I wanted those rings back; you threw ‘em at me from across the courtroom and told me to rot in hell.  When everything fell apart I just threw a bunch of shit in my bag and me and Merle took off.  Wasn’t until we kinda settled in at the prison that I really started unpacking a few things and this was on the bottom of the bag.”

“I never wore them on a chain.” I listened intently as Daryl unwrapped the jewelry from the paper towel.  The rings clanked against one another as they zipped along the chain.

“Found it on a run, Glenn was trying to find a ring for Maggie; we’d go out a couple times a week for supplies and we’d stop if there was a jewelry store or something on our way back. He gave me some shit when I found it but didn’t really push me to talk about it.  When this is all over, I want you to stay, want us to work through everything like you wanted us to do when we were seeing the shrink.  Want us to-”

“Daryl, you’re trying too hard to fix something that’s broken and even if you do manage to find all the pieces to put it back together it’ll never be the same.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t try.”

“I think the alcohol’s getting to ya.”

“I think you’re too scared to try, that one’s on me; I was too scared to try and save what we had, my fears rubbed off on ya.”

Picking the bottle up from the ground I let the amber liquid burn my throat on the way down. With my head tilted back I was unaware of the movements Daryl was making around me.  Something cold and metallic slid around my neck, a hand lingering a little longer once the necklace was faceted in place.  Setting the bottle back down I picked up the rings and looked at them wishing there was enough light to see them properly.  My fingers scraped along the chiseled edges of the sapphire that was my engagement ring.

“You deserved more than what I could ever afford to get ya but it was the best I could do. Hell you should’ve told me ‘no’ when I asked.”

“Yeah, but if I did that I never would’ve gotten a chance to see you kick Shane’s ass. You ended up with quite a shiner but I couldn’t have been prouder.”

“You were proud of me?” he asked, confusion laced in his voice.

“I was proud of you on several occasions; when you beat Shane up, when you’d stand up to Merle, quit the drugs. The only time I wasn’t proud of you is when you let Merle get inside your head and made you think I was going around and sleeping with my cousin.  You knew I hadn’t seen him in years and all we were going to do was have lunch, talk, and look through a bunch of old photo albums.”

Just thinking about how angry he was when he came home that day from the shop had me getting angry all over again. Then to make matters worse was watching Merle stroll through the front door with that smirk plastered on his face while we fought with each other.  Remembering how he laid a hand on his brother’s shoulder and told him “see, told ya she was fucking around ‘hind ya back.  Can’t no one love ya like I do baby brother.”  What hurt the most was seeing Daryl shove past me, his strides carrying him to our room and watching him return with a duffle and his crossbow.  He slammed the door shut and it was the last I saw him until the first court date.

“Claire.”

“What?”

“Was gonna tell ya to slow down but you just bled that bottle dry. How bad was it when I left?”

“If you really wanna know I was fucking miserable. Started hitting the bottle every night, I never went out anymore; just work, school, home.  When I was sober enough I’d go up to the shop and try do some paperwork but then I’d end up so angry that there were times I’d destroy the place by throwing tools and machinery around like it weighed nothing.  I’d get it all cleaned up before I left.  There were times I’d be so drunk that I’d start breaking things in the garage; one time I broke a window and didn’t even know it until the cops showed up.  Neighbor thought someone was breaking in with all the ruckus I was making.  Ended up in a hospital for a week to fix my hand and undergo a psych evaluation.  You hurt me so bad and I don’t know if I can ever really forgive you.”

“What was wrong with your hand?”

“Embedded glass,” even though we barely had any moonlight I held my hand out to let Daryl feel where the scarring was. “Doc said there was a piece large enough it did some pretty significant damage to the nerves that required surgery to fix it.  Bet it felt like you won the lottery after you slammed that door in my face.”

I heard him scoff at my last remark then the familiar yet comfortable silence began to fill in. The crickets kept singing and the dead kept moaning.  Once more I began thinking about how I ended up in a place like Alexandria sitting next to a man that I once knew; thinking how he was so willing to move mountains for complete strangers when he refused to even move a molehill for me.

“Wasn’t no walk in the park for me either. Night I went with Merle it went back to the way it was before, like nothing had changed; went back to sleeping on the couch, back to being locked out when he’d bring random sleazes home, back to the locks being changed and eviction notices posted.  There were times I’d drive to the house and sit in the truck watching ya drink and cry, sometimes I’d get up enough courage to get out of the truck, on the rare occasion I’d stand on the porch ready to ring the doorbell.  Damn Dixon pride never let me though.  Can’t tell ya how many times I ended up sleeping in the truck.”

“Your fears _and_ your insecurities are what rubbed off on me.  You let Merle get inside your head, you let him unravel everything we worked hard for.  Your pride has nothing to do with your actions.  The reason you never knocked on the door or rang the bell was because you could hear Merle’s voice in the back of your head telling you how big of a pussy you’d be if went through with whatever it was you were intending to do.  You didn’t want Merle to find out that you came crawling back to me, you didn’t want him to see you begging.”

Again we fell quiet, Daryl knew I was right and there was no need for him to acknowledge that fact. Closing my eyes I let the alcohol that coursed through my veins take its hold on me.  If it wasn’t for it being the end of the world I’d probably be at home right now watching movies and eating Mexican food.  But it _is_ the end of the world and I’m not home so the only thing I could do was just go inside my head and find something to occupy my time.  Reverting back to childhood a bit I fell back into the grass, no longer caring if a bird shit on my face.  I immersed myself in the smells around me secretly wishing for the rains to come that were just too far west at the moment.

“We’re gonna win this war and when we do no one will have to be afraid to sleep at night anymore. The Hilltop, the Kingdom, Alexandria, we can open lines of trade-”

“What fucking dream world did you just fucking slip into?! This ain’t no cake walk Daryl, nothing can _ever_ go back to the way it was!  Don’t you fucking get it?  When this war with Negan and the Saviors is over we’ll still have walkers to deal with _every fucking day!_ Yeah we can work with the others but there will _always_ be a threat looming over us; there will _always_ be someone or some other group trying to get what we have!

Picking up the empty bottle I quickly stood on my drunken feet and hurled it into the unknown until I heard it crash and shatter. Being as inebriated as I was I fell backwards onto my ass and cried for the first time in what felt like years.  I could feel Daryl staring at me wondering if there was anything he could do to comfort my drunken ass; from the corner of my blurry vision I could barely make out his form as he’d bring his hand up, drop it to his side, bring his thumb to his mouth, drop it again.  Finally he made up his mind and laid a hand on my shoulder but I wasn’t having it.  I wanted to be drunk and just cry so naturally I shoved his hand from my body.

“I was always did invest too much in you; you were right though,” I sniffled, “what you said all those years ago…I’m too trusting, too naïve…I never should’ve said yes, never-”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what? Don’t finish what I was going to say?  Don’t say that I never should’ve gotten in the truck with you when my car broke down, that I never should’ve agreed to take tracking lessons from you, that I wish I never went looking for you that day in the woods when I wandered off from Merle?”

“You’re drunk, stop for a damn minute and think ab-”

“Fucking leave me alone! You got your fucking wish, you got rid of the dead weight that was holding you back, there’s no need to try and make me think things through.  I’ve been doing a lot of fucking thinking the last five goddamn years!  Take your fucking rings and your fucking chain and shove them up your ass!”  Ripping the chain from around my neck I threw it at Daryl not giving a damn in the least who was around to hear my screams and shrieks.

It was probably not my finest (or most graceful) hour but I didn’t care. I stumbled to my feet and drunkenly made my way down the streets of Alexandria not caring in the least who I bumped into or what I tripped over.  I had a gut feeling that if society never fell apart I’d be arrested for being drunk in public.  Guess that’s one good thing about the end of the world, no one’s around to arrest a drunk because everyone is too busy trying to kill each other in this unwinnable war.

“If you’re done hollering at your boyfriend, what do you say you and me have a little chit-chat?”

That voice, his tone, sent chills down my spine.


	19. Chapter 19

** Chapter 19 **

****

_“Listen to what you’re fucking saying! Why would I go around and fuck someone behind your back?  Even if I wanted to do that why would I go and fuck my own cousin?”_

_“You think I’m fucking stupid? Think you wouldn’t get caught, is that it?  Merle told me everything; think you’re being pretty fucking slick getting all cozied up in the diner then go back to the motel for a quick blow and go?  Got news for ya, I ain’t fucking blind!”_

_“Daryl I didn’t do anything! I told you this morning, I told you last night, been fucking telling you last two weeks my cousin was gonna be in town!  Who gives a shit what Merle saw?  Yeah we went to the diner for lunch and yeah we went back to the motel he was staying at but only so he could drop some stuff off back at his room.  I never got out of the fucking car!  For God’s sake call Evan; he saw me sitting in the car, hell he even stopped to talk to me for a few minutes about having you work on his bike this weekend!”_

_Our voices got louder the more we shouted at each other until finally the door swung open. Merle stood in the frame of the door with a look of satisfaction behind his eyes and that well known mischievous grin playing across his lips._

_“What did you fucking tell him you fucking piece of shit?!”_

_“Only told my baby brother the truth.”_

_“Nothing fucking happened and you know it! You’re only pissed at me because I won’t stand for you being in my house with a stash under my couch!  This is how you fucking pay me back for all those years I gave you work at the shop?  This is how you repay me for not turning you in?  You fucking Dixons are all the same!  Use people, manipulate them to your advantage-”_

_“You don’t know shit about us! You ain’t no fucking Dixon anyway, just some fucking slut I could drop a load in without having to use a damn rubber.  Outta my fucking way.”_

_I stood in the middle of the living room shaking and seething with anger as Daryl shoved past me, my head whipped around as he stormed off down the hall towards our room. The dresser drawers opened and slammed shut, the closet door hit the wall with a crack telling me it was now off its hinges.  A short time later he came back down the hall a duffle bag in one hand and his crossbow in the other._

_“Told ya she was fucking around ‘hind your back; can’t no one love ya like I do baby brother.”_

_“Should’ve listened to ya the first time when ya said she was no good for me. Consider this fucking sham over!”_

_The door slammed shut and not long thereafter the truck he drove roared to life and a flash of blue took off down the street followed by the thunderous echoes of Merle’s motorcycle. I plopped down in the middle of the couch still in shock that Daryl would think I’d go around sleeping with other people let alone my own cousin.  Nevermind that he just called me a cum dumpster but to think he would actually let Merle talk him into thinking I’d go around and spread my legs for just anyone was a slap in the face.  Especially when he knew my habits and who I hung around with; what is it about me that would scream slut when all I did was work a job I hate for mediocre pay?_

_As the shock began to wear off I picked up my keys off the coffee table and did the only logically thing I could think of: went to my parent’s house. If anything I knew my dad would fire Daryl in the morning and quite possibly shove a shotgun up his ass for making me cry.  I also knew my mom was the one constant I could count on to try and make me feel better.  She would listen as I recounted everything of my shit-tastic day, she would let me cry and ruin her shirt like I used to when I was little, more importantly she’d tell me everything happened for a reason and one day he’d wake up and realize what a big mistake he made._

_Once I was behind the wheel I sat in the car wondering if going to my parent’s was really the best idea. Sure Daryl would get fired in the morning and my mom would try to make me feel better but was it really a good idea to admit that they were right about everything?  Admit that our whole five month marriage was nothing but a sham like Daryl said, admit that they were right about the whole thing lasting less than a year, admit that even Shane was right about him being no good for me._

_Night was beginning to descend and I decided at the last minute to not go to my parent’s house. Instead I settled on a pitiful phone call to my dad explaining what happened and was assured that he would take care of everything in the morning…whatever that meant.  Pulling out of the driveway I made my way to the corner liquor store and decided to spend money on some much needed therapy.  If I told anyone else what just occurred the only thing I was going to get was a bunch of condescending assholes telling me ‘I told you so.’_

_I was too numb to care how much the final total was or what the cashier was saying; I completed my purchase and went straight home. At least the only consolation I had was that it was Friday night and I didn’t have to be back at work until Monday…even then I could walk (or rather stumble) up the stairs and work with a hangover.  The trip home was just as numbing, before I knew it I was seated on the couch with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a remote in the other trying to find a decent movie on.  I finally settled on some B-movie that strangely enough reminded me of The Birds._

“Fuck off, I ain’t got nothing to say to you.”

“Look Claire, need you to get a message to Rick and the others about those guns. Negan decided at the last minute to have the guns moved to another location after the ambush.  He has the workers clearing out the dead from the Sanctuary but we still got the upper hand on this.  If you don’t strike tomorrow we’ll be on an even playing field.”

“Dwight, I told you long before you got me out of there that I hate playing this game that you’re orchestrating. I know it wasn’t your intention for this many people to get killed but you’ve gotta count me out of this.  Daryl got out of the Sanctuary much earlier than you anticipated but I got him committed to this crusade like you wanted.  I did my part and now I want nothing more to do with this.”

“I’m not saying I don’t appreciate your contributions, I just need you for a little longer; keep Daryl motivated and when the time comes to put Negan on his knees I promise you’ll be first in line to bash his skull in with his own bat.”

Sighing, I let my shoulders sink and allowed Dwight to fill me in on more of his plan hoping that Daryl was planted where I left him and he didn’t come looking for me. The last thing I needed was for him to see Dwight and I talking and for him to figure out that he was a key figure in an elaborate plot that had been underway for months.  Neither Dwight nor I needed Daryl throwing a wrench into the works by moving things ahead of schedule.

“You mean after they killed Yago Daryl tried to take the dynamite and hit us again? Motherfucker doesn’t quit does he?  How’d you find that out?”

“After he got back here late this afternoon he started going off about how Rick wouldn’t let him diverge from the plan; that they needed to stick with the plan and see it through. Rick chucked the bag he had and I guess it wound up back in the truck.  Blew it all to hell a few seconds later.  Unless you got a back-up plan up your sleeve I’d say Alexandria, the Hilltop, and the Kingdom are all pretty fucked and right now we can’t afford anymore heavy casualties.”

“Don’t worry about what I’ve got planned, you just stick with what I told you and we’ll be fine. I’ll be back in a few days to let you know what’s going on with the outposts.”

“You better be right about this. I don’t feel like waltzing straight up to the doors of the Sanctuary and striking up a deal with Negan that I can’t get out of.  Starting to feel like the one I’ve got with him already will be the death of me.”

“Between you and me, he ain’t happy about you protecting that redneck. He’s got big plans for the two of you if he ever gets his hands on the pair of you.  I’ll try and set-up a road block on all the roads leading to Alexandria, try to buy you a bit of time, but I need you to keep Daryl in line.  No more of this jumping the gun shit.”

“Get out of here before someone sees us, don’t worry about Daryl. One more question, how the fuck did you get in here?  Rosita wouldn’t exactly open the gates and let you in with open arms.”

“These walls aren’t exactly as secure as you may think they are. Anyone can climb up and in with the right tools.”

With that I watched as Dwight moved stealthily into the night towards the nearest wall. In the dim light his shadow scaled the wall and disappeared over the top of it and into the night.  Now I was tasked with the challenge to sober up, apologize to Daryl for my outburst, and convince him to stay put for the next day or two to give Dwight time to get the road blocks in place.  No doubt Negan was going to be coming to tear our walls apart after what Rick and the others did today but we had to prepare.

As I meandered around the streets of Alexandria trying to figure out a way to keep Daryl here for the next few days a commotion of some kind captured my attention. I shouldn’t have been the least bit surprised to hear that at least one of the voices was Daryl’s and I shouldn’t have been all that shocked to find someone (I think Michonne) trying to talk him down or Tara egging him on.  I said nothing as I approached the house, reaching out to grab Daryl by the shirt and dragged him inside, up the stairs and to an empty bedroom.

He paced around the room much like I had seen Shiva do in her cage, I waited for that moment when he would either lash out or wear himself out. A time or two he’d stop dead in his tracks and try to approach the door but I never allowed him to get near the doorknob; when he tried I smacked his hand away and listened to him rant for what seemed like hours hoping he’d tire himself out.

“You just gonna stand there or ya gonna fucking say something?”

“I’m sorry, shouldn’t have yelled at ya the way I did.”

Daryl stopped suddenly in his tracks, almost stunned. It was clear by the look on his face that the last thing he was expecting was an apology on my part for what I had done earlier in the evening.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, shouldn’t have tried so hard to fix things,” he plopped down on the box spring and let his head fall to his chest, “shouldn’t have let Rick talk me into trying to patch things up with ya.”

“I’m not saying I don’t appreciate the effort to make amends but let’s face it, we can never have what we had before. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh but the reality is is that this war can tear us all apart.  I still care about you and I still care if you get hurt, but I don’t want feelings to interfere with what still has to be done.  Negan still needs to die and we need to keep our heads on straight.  After he’s dead then maybe we can take a little time for ourselves and figure out what it is we want.”

“Would you want to stay?”

“I don’t know, honestly I don’t. I just want this war done and over with so I can get at least one night’s worth of sleep without having to worry about if someone has to die because it just wasn’t enough to keep Negan satisfied.  I want one day where I don’t have to put on an act, one day where I’m free to just breathe.  But I know if I did that I’d end up dead.  Do you want me to stay?”

“Wouldn’t mind it. I get that you may never want Gabriel to perform a ceremony but we could at least work things out; I could work on my anger and you could work on your communication skills.  Maybe one day I could put these rings back on ya.” He said, pulling the jewelry from his pants pocket, “chain’s broken but I can always find another one.”

“How about I start working on my communication skills now: I need you to stay here for the next day or two. I know you know I haven’t been all that honest with you about just how involved I am with this whole uprising against Negan but I’m prepared to fill you in on everything.  What you do with this information is up to you.”

“How deep does this run? Who’s involved?”

“It runs deeper than you could ever imagine; there are at least a dozen of us involved that know the entire plan. Alexandria, Hilltop, and the Kingdom’s involvement were just the result of perfect timing.  We’ve been trying to bring Negan down long before you guys got here.  It’s me, Dwight, a few of the wives, some of the workers.  I was in the cells when the rumors started that a few guys blew Timmy and the asshole brigade to bits with a rocket launcher.  I broke out the week after and sought refuge at the Hilltop and had been there ever since.  Negan naturally sent men to look for me; I wasn’t lying when I said I killed them all but one.  If you want to get Negan’s attention you have to send him a message that you’re a force to be reckoned with.  Sniping the last one in the search party is a pretty damn good way of sending a message.  The message you, Rick, and the others sent by killing his guys says that you won’t go down without a fight.”

“Who broke you out?”

“Dwight; I was working in the laundry for a day or two before he and Sherry got me out. The two of them and Sherry’s sister were supposed to have left the next day.”

“I tried helping ‘em, sons of bitches pulled a gun on me, twice, took my bike, took my bow, and fucking left me. Never should’ve told ‘em about this place, maybe if I had kept my mouth shut we wouldn’t be in this.”

“No sense in wondering what could’ve been if your actions were different. You calmed down enough to lay down and do some listening?”

“Think it’d be best to tell everyone everything in the morning, including why that rat bastard was here talking to ya.”

“Is that why you were flying off the handle when I found you a little bit ago? You wanted to go after him, find out why he was here and why he didn’t know about the last minute change on the weapons location?  Find out more about the ambush on Ezekiel and the Kingdom?”

“I was gonna kill him real slow too after I got my answers. C’mon, let’s get some rest before sun up; gotta feeling we’re both gonna be needing it.  This bed is plenty big enough for the both of us.”

“Not doubting it, but the floor is a bit more comfortable. Besides, how do I know that after I fall asleep you won’t try and sneak out of here to go after Dwight?”

“Guess ya don’t, but Michonne would probably try and stop me; was saying my anger was gonna get me killed. She was telling me that if I really wanted to fix things with ya that I needed to keep a level head and not be so hell-bent on killing Dwight.  Don’t wanna end up dead before I know for sure you ain’t mad at me no more.”

I slid down the door until my butt landed on the carpet, I brought my knees up to my chest and let my head rest against the door. My eyes were growing heavy as the thought of sleep slowly encapsulated my mind; my breathing slowed to a peaceful cadence and I was just on the cusp of that blissful moment when my brain would completely shut off when I was jarred awake.  Lifting my head off the door I looked around the darkened room to find the source of my disturbance.  It took a bit for my brain to catch up but when it finally did I found Daryl seated between my legs, my arms crossed in front of his chest, and his head resting heavily against my shoulder.  A thin blanket covered our bodies and a pillow lay nearby in case sleeping upright got to be too much for either of us.

“Go back to sleep, promise I won’t go nowhere for the next day or two. Love ya.”

“First time I’ve heard those words from you in years.”

“Said ‘em last week.”

“Only after I said it first. Love ya too, good night Daryl.”

“Sorry.” I was just starting to fall back asleep again when he spoke up again.

“For what?”

Clearly he wasn’t gonna let me sleep tonight…

“Not believing you, was stupid to think you’d go around and fuck your cousin. Called ya some pretty bad names too.  Hell, you were the only person in that Podunk shit-hole that ever saw any worth in me.  Was fucking stupid to let Merle get to me like he did.”

His breathing started picking up as did the volume of his voice but just as quickly everything began to even out again. A soft knock sounded on the door followed by a muffled voice; as I tried to move away from the door Daryl refused to budge and instead bore more of his weight against me making it clear as my back bounced off the wood that he wanted us to be left alone for the night no matter what.

“It’s a shame it took all of this and Merle’s death for you to say just that one word. Or perhaps you’ve been sorry this whole time and it took a war and the realization that neither of us may not be here tomorrow for you to say it.”

“Bit of both,” a hint of shame was evident as his head dipped forward a bit. “Remember when I’d come home drunk and we’d stay up all night talking about our shitty days?  You’d bitch and gripe about how over-worked you were and how those fat bastards always took advantage of ya; I’d bitch about how your old man was trying to work me to death.”

“Some nights we’d end up fucking each other senseless, some nights we’d end up falling asleep on the couch. In the morning I’d get up and make breakfast but no matter how quiet I was I’d always end up waking you up too.”

“Those nights we’d fall asleep on the couch you’d hold me just like this, tell me you loved me, and no matter what anyone said I wasn’t worthless. You’d always tell me y-”

“You’re not Merle, you’re not Will; you’re Daryl. You may have the same last name but you are better than them.  You’re not a drug addict like Merle; you’re not an alcoholic like Will.  And even though it may not seem like it, you have more than you’ve had before and nothing either of them do can take that away from you unless you let them.  We may not be rolling in riches but we have a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, and the bills are paid on time.  Now get some sleep, we got a lot to discuss in the morning.”

“You making breakfast in the morning?”

“Depends on if you let me sleep or not. Not just you and me anymore; if I made breakfast it’d be for everyone in the house.”

“We could go downstairs and sleep on the couch like we used to that way we don’t have to worry about waking anyone walking down the stairs.”

“We could but first you have to tell me why you’re being such a chatty Cathy tonight.”

“Just want things to get better between us; you always wanted me to speak up when I had something on my mind. Merle always said talkin’ was for pussy whipped dipshits.  But you were just trying to get me to be more open.  Didn’t even dawn on me until after this shit started and Rick asked me to head up the search for Sophia.  Hell after Lori died Rick went insane; me and Glenn were the ones most everyone looked too.  C’mon let’s head downstairs.”

Daryl got up from the floor with a groan then held a hand out to help me up. I picked up the discarded blanket and pillow from the ground and turned just in time to see a light peeking out from under a door across the hall go dark.  The house steadily grew quiet as we exited the bedroom; whispers from Rick and Michonne’s room bled through the walls a little bit and the occasional coo from Judith’s came through as well.  Even for this being a newly constructed home the stairs creaked some as did some of the floorboards.

Once we reached the ground level we settled in on the couch. The single pillow was propped up against the arm of the couch, I was laying down with my back against the cushions and Daryl laid next to me, his face buried somewhere in the crook of my neck.  The thinning blanket draped over our bodies keeping us warm as a slight chill moved around the room.

It was just like old times, it felt like nothing had changed.


	20. Chapter 20

** Chapter 20 **

****

“Carl, have you seen Daryl?”

“Said something about wanting to get something done before you got up this morning, took off about twenty minutes ago.”

“I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch when he gets back,” I muttered under my breath. Sighing, I lifted a hand to my already aching head wondering where the hell he would’ve gone off to, “if you see him before I do let him know if I find out he’s been anywhere near the Sanctuary I’m cutting his sack off.”

The wide-eyed look Carl gave me was nothing short of comical as he slowly backed out of the kitchen and headed towards the front door. From upstairs Judith started to wail, alerting everyone in the house that it was time to get up whether they liked it or not.  Feet paced along the hallway and finally came bounding down the stairs; Rick stood at the bottom of the staircase with his daughter on his hip, his right hand going to her face to brush her hair back.  I couldn’t stop the smile that came across my lips as she shook her head causing those little blonde curls to end up back in her face all over again.

Michonne came down the stairs a few seconds later, her katana safely tucked over her shoulder as she prepared herself for the day’s events. The teapot I put on to boil began to whistle just as she was ready to say something; taking it off the burner I poured the hot water into a waiting coffee cup.  Funny how in a world that was mostly controlled by Negan and the Saviors it was nothing short of a miracle that our raid of the storage units turned up a few containers of unopened instant coffee.  Inhaling the steaming mug of hazelnut flavored liquid I couldn’t help but relish in the taste of that first sip, hoping that today would prove to be another productive day in breaking the chains that kept us bound to Negan.

“Got a problem, something happened yesterday.”

Well…shit…

“Who fucked up and how bad?”

“Do you really have to swear like that in front of the baby? She’s gonna have your mouth by the time she’s four.”

“Ain’t no point in sugarcoating it, so what happened?”

“Went to show those people the Sanctuary and all the walkers were gone, garbage truck was driven right through the front doors.”

“Yep, I’m gonna kill him when I see him…” I sighed, turning to dump the contents of my cup down the drain, leaving the dish in the sink to soak for the next few hours.

“What are you talking about Claire? Who are you gonna kill and why?”

“Daryl, him and Tara drove that damn truck through the front doors; they thought by letting the walkers in that they would take care of most of the problem.” The looks I got from Rick and Michonne were a mix of why and guilt, “Daryl sometimes talks in his sleep and he told me about it when I started asking questions. Just don’t let him know that I told you that.  Carl said he took off not too long ago and whenever he drags his butt home he’s gonna get it.”

“Always did hate when you’d give the ‘he’s gonna get it’ speech in that voice.” A gruff called out, the front door quietly closing shut as the feet shuffled along the floor. In came Daryl, his crossbow slung over his shoulder and a string of rabbits dangling from his left hand.  “Carl said you were looking for me, something about cutting my sack off when I got back.”

“Those rabbits better be breakfast and not just a way of covering your ass for the shit you and Tara pulled yesterday with the dump truck.”

I watched as his eyes danced around the room between Rick, Michonne, and myself. His shoulders slumped with the realization of what his actions may have done to all of us; the jeopardy that he and Tara put us in.  His head fell forward and the look in his eyes told me that he felt like a failure, that he feels like he let us all down when he was only trying to bring things to a quick end so we could all move on with our lives.

“Ain’t the only one to blame ya know, Michonne and Rosita went with us. Hell they tried to talk us out of it but-”

Daryl’s voice started to crack a little when the sniffle escaped. Walking around the counter I quietly ushered the others from the house knowing full well that tears were coming and that Daryl was already feeling bad enough, he didn’t want everyone else to pass judgment on him for letting his emotions show through.  Once the house was emptied, I locked the front door and returned to the place where Daryl stood frozen, taking the rabbits from his hand and placing them on the marble countertop.

“Spill it.”

Moving his feet along the floor he wrapped me in a surprisingly strong bear-like hug, allowing a few tears to fall on my shoulder. “Didn’t mean to fuck shit up, just wanted this done and over with.”

“I know but sometimes you just have to trust that everything will work out, you can’t just go rouge like that. I know you and Tara both had good intentions but what you did could ruin everything for everyone; what if they get out and they’re able to stop us from getting to the Kingdom and the Hilltop?  Or worse, what if they come here and destroy this place?  Where will we go?  I’m not trying to make you feel worse than you already do but you _have_ to think about the consequences before you take action.”

“You still gonna cut my sack off?” he asked after a while. We had been standing in the kitchen basking in silence for who knows how long before he spoke just listening to the sounds of our beating hearts as they thumped together in unison.

“We’ll see what the next few days hold; if the Saviors manage to stay locked up you keep it but if they get out you’ll have to decide whether to lose the left nut or the right. Help me get these bunnies cleaned up and I’ll make ‘em up for breakfast, I’m sure everyone’s sick of waiting outside for us to quit being all lovey dovey.”

“You always did have a strange sense of humor.”

“Yep, but would you have me any other way?”

“Guess not,” he answered the vice-like grip of his muscular arms easing their hold, allowing my lungs a little more expansion room.

Slowly, Daryl lifted his head from my shoulder, giving me a sideways glance to make sure nothing in my face reflected anger or disappointment. Lifting my hand up I gave him a small reassuring smile as I wiped away the remnants of the tears that had left his eyes.  While those soulful blue orbs still showed evidence of his hurt and were quite bloodshot (most likely from a lack of sleep) they weren’t quite as conflicted as they were before.

“Remember when we’d wake up in the mornings and we’d have our moments like this?”

“Then Merle would come banging on the door and tell us we’d better quit fucking on the countertop before he came in, ruining the moment entirely.”

Almost as if on cue a sound emanated from the front of the house and a voice called out asking why the door was locked; I was almost certain we were both expecting to hear Merle on the other side. A rare toothy grin spread across Daryl’s face as he made his way to the door, unlocking it for whoever wanted back in.  Taking the rabbits off the counter, I headed towards the backdoor to sit on a stump where Daryl did most of his cleanings.

“You gonna skin Thumper don’t ya think ya need something to do it with?”

“Your rabbits, your knife, why don’t you skin ‘em?”

Daryl plopped down on the ground next to me, unsheathing the knife he always kept on his hip he cut one of the rabbits off the string. I watched in fascination as he laid it out on its back then splayed it open in one fluid motion; he was careful to remove the meat from the hide so as not to damage it (no doubt saving it to add to the growing number of pelts that were already being salted).

“Got something to say, may as well say it.” He muttered, tossing the meat of the first rabbit in a nearby pot that I failed to notice was there before.

“If you and Tara drove that dump truck through the front doors of the Sanctuary yesterday and trapped ‘em in there, how do you suppose Dwight got out last night to come here?”

All at once his hands came to a complete standstill, the knife he was hold went slamming into the heart of the second rabbit he was working on and his shoulders rose and fell as his breathing increased. He brought his knees up and rested his hands atop of them, the blood from the rabbits dripped onto the green grass, coloring it red.  It was clear that he was in deep thought (and pissed) over what I had asked and knowing how Daryl used to be when he was mulling things over, I decided to get up from my stump and go back into the house to find something to do for the next few hours.

Gradually the hours passed, every now and then I’d check on Daryl to make sure he was still breathing and hadn’t keeled over from sun stroke. We never spoke a word to each other but I’d leave glasses of water outside for him and when I’d return with another the one I left previously was drained of its contents.

Finally he emerged from the backyard, the blood on his hands long since dried. He said not a word as he grabbed my hand and dragged me through the house and out the front door.  It was there that we found Michonne talking with Carl about something.  Daryl opened his mouth to say something for the first time in hours and it was in that moment we heard the crackle followed by the voice that sent a collective chill down our spines.

“They got out.”

The fear in Michonne’s voice and the confidence in Carl’s as he laid out a plan to save everyone that was behind these walls had us scattering about the streets following the instructions the kid laid out. Everything was a whirlwind of bodies running through the streets; Michonne, Tara, Rosita, and Daryl got everyone loaded into the dump trucks that were left behind and lined them up in front of a wall, ready to take off in a moment’s notice.

Negan’s voice on the other side of the wall belted out one threat after another, first it was demands for an apology, the one with the lamest would be the one to get kissed by Lucille and from there he promised we could move on. The sun started to dip in the western skies bringing with it a blanket of darkness and a smattering of stars.  Carl stood next to a ladder that leaned against the wall closest to the gates, ready to give the signal for us to move.

“Get in the truck!”

Over the loudspeaker I barely made out Daryl’s voice as it called for me to get in with him. The passenger side door was open, he sat behind the wheel of the driver’s side leaning over with his hand outstretched to help me in.  Somehow it made me think of our first meeting, the day that started it all, the day I got into that beat up, old blue pick-up truck of his.

Shaking my head, I slammed the door shut, running off in the opposite direction of the trucks, towards the church that was just barely standing. As I reached the steps I watched as Carl ascended the ladder in an attempt to talk with Negan, waiting for him to signal to the others to burst out of the compound before the gunfire began.  Disappearing inside the building I dashed up the stairs to the steeple to watch everything as it unfolded.  A six-shooter wasn’t going to be any match against grenades or anything else they had.  Knowing my luck I’d go down with the ship but at least I’d be going out with a clear conscious…

But then someone (hopefully not Carl) would have to explain to Daryl that I went on a suicide mission to try and end this once and for all.

Gunfire ensued and Negan went into a rage, I could hear him calling Carl a little asshole, the trucks breaking through the steel walls followed. The building around me shook, the glass shattered, the wood splintered and cracked yet somehow I was able to steady myself against the unstable infrastructure to pop off a couple of rounds before I had to escape the collapsing building.  Funny how a place that was supposed to provide safety for those who sought it was soon to be a crumbling mass of nothing.

A barrage of bullets went off all around me as I poked my head out of the doorway. Carl’s plan was to get into the sewers underneath Alexandria; Daryl and the others were supposed to get everyone out far enough that they could all backtrack through the tunnels and meet-up in the drain that led directly to the streets of town.  If I even made it that far there was no doubt in my mind Daryl would ask why I did something so stupid.  Truth is, Carl couldn’t be doing all of this on his own.

As the fires ignited around us and the explosions became more intense I caught sight of Carl trying to come down from the ladder, but instead missed a few steps and landed funny on his feet. At the very least he was going to end up with a sprained ankle.  A truck came bursting through the gates and made its way up the center of the street towards the row of homes we used to occupy.  One Savior after another poured in, going off in every direction under orders that were drowned out by a nearby explosion.  Once more I spotted Carl limping down the street towards a car that was supposed to be his getaway but he was knocked off his feet as it burst around him.

When I was sure that the Saviors were far enough away from the church I rushed across the compound to where Carl had fallen. As I reached him he started to get to his feet, the look he gave me was one of confusion as he was under impression that I was with the others trying to navigate the Alexandrians through the labyrinth of tunnels.

We staggered through the streets, Carl igniting the gas grenades to escape any Saviors we came across. When we finally reached the sewer grate that led to the tunnels we needed to be one I pulled my gun to keep an eye out for anyone that would try to stop us while Carl lifted the cover.  It slid against the concrete with a sound that reminded me of nails on a chalkboard.  I could barely hear him call for me to follow him over the gunfire that still ensued.

“Just get into the tunnels, keep Daryl down there and if he asks you anything, you know nothing, understand? Keep your sister safe, keep everyone else safe, I’ll be down there as soon as I can.”

“What’re you gonna do? Claire, I can’t not tell them something.”

“Gonna do what I should’ve done when I had the chance. Give me your gun, there are four rounds left in this one, don’t use it unless you have to, understand?  I promise I’ll be down there before you know it, just don’t let anyone come up.”

I took the automatic he had and roughly shoved the six-shooter I was using at him; I watched as he descended into the darkness and quickly replaced the cover of the grate before any Saviors could happen upon me and ruin everything by telling Negan that everyone had escaped using the tunnels. As I walked along the streets it gradually grew quiet, an occasional explosion here and there was all that remained; the voices of the Saviors could be heard more clearly.  One would bark out orders to find “those sorry sons of bitches,” another I heard saying they wanted the redneck alive.

As I rounded the corner of the home that used to belong to Tobin I discovered Negan coming out the house I temporarily laid my head at shouting for Rick to come back, he carried Lucille at his side and his voice dripped with hatred. It was difficult to tell in the darkness whether or not Rick had gotten any good hits in, but I should’ve been paying more careful attention to my surroundings rather than wondering if Rick managed to break Negan’s leg with his own bat.

“On your feet.” The voice commanded, the bolt action coming back and releasing as the barrel was pressed to the side of my head.

I was stripped of my gun and patted down for any other weapons then marched out into the open. Negan turned at the sound of my captor calling his name, a wide grin began to plaster itself across his face.  Lucille tapped against his leg, the familiar whistle escaping his lips as I was dropped to my knees.

“You disappoint me Claire, I thought we had a deal? An understanding?  You bring me Daryl and I let you go free with weapons of your choice and supplies.  This is how you repay my kindness?  Fucking answer me!”  The bat swung to life, biting viciously into my bare arm.

“Fuck you.” A fist to the jaw had me falling over, spitting blood onto the concrete.

“Should’ve killed you when I had the chance, never should’ve shown you _any_ goddamn mercy.”

I heard Negan muttering above me, his boots paced along the ground as he decided what his next move would be. Before I knew what was happening, his pacing came to an abrupt end and he stood in front of me once more.  A quick “fuck it” escaped his lips, then everything went black.


	21. Chapter 21

** Chapter 21 **

****

_“If the world ended tomorrow would you miss me? I know we said ‘til death do us part, but if the world ended tomorrow and I died, would you miss me?”_

_“Just full of random questions tonight, huh? Shouldn’t’ve told ya to pack that bottle of whiskey.”_

_“It’s just a question, don’t have to answer it. Can’t blame the alcohol for everything; I ask random questions all the time, just not as many.”_

_It’s only been a week since the wedding and I still haven’t gotten used to wearing the silver bands on my finger, I don’t think Daryl’s used to wearing his either. We both agreed that while he’s working he didn’t have to wear it, neither of us wanted it to get caught on something and possibly ripping his finger off.  Quite frankly neither of us could afford to pay for a trip to the ER since we sunk most of the money we had into fixing the windows Merle broke out as a result of a drug-induced rage._

_$10,000 for new windows for the entire house…_

_“We did say ‘til death do us part…guess I would kinda miss ya. I’d still have Merle but if I ever thought about getting laid probably have to pay for it, also have to go back to eating shitty half-cooked meals.  Would you miss me?”_

_“Yeah, I would.”_

_Silence descended on us, we’ve been camping out at his grandfather’s cabin all week as part of mini “honeymoon” getaway; tonight was the last night before we both had to go back to work on Monday and I wanted to camp out under the stars. Wind rustling through the trees just outside of the tent combined with Daryl’s heartbeat were lulling me into a peaceful slumber._

_“World ended tomorrow ain’t gonna let nothing happen to ya, you’re a Dixon now and Dixons stick together. You know enough to get ya by that even if something happened and we got split up we’d always find each other. If by the time I found ya, you turned into some ugly skank I’d have the decency to put ya out of your misery.”_

_“Would you turn into a lil bitch while you did it?” I teased._

_“Dunno, no one ever gave two shits about me before you came along. If I did it’d only be when no one else is around.  My turn; if we had never met that day in your dad’s shop would you even stop to think twice about me?  Would you still be fucking around with that douchebag Walsh?  Would you have moved with him over to King?”_

_“Kind of a tough one, don’t you think? If we had never met I’d probably let everyone fill my head with all the rumors that float around town about you and Merle; if your truck broke down I’d probably drive past you without so much as a second thought.  I’d probably still be fooling around with Shane but I don’t think I would’ve moved away from here.  Last I heard he’s developed a thing for messing around with married women, supposedly he’s fucking some hoe his partner’s married to.  What’s worse is that I hear they got a kid, you can only imagine how that’s gonna turn out if one of them files for divorce.  Would you have stopped to give me a ride home if we had never met that night at the shop?”_

_“Would’ve tried to pick ya up but not to take ya home.”_

_“At least not to my home, right?”_

_“Home to a cheap motel room for the night so you’d never have to see the shitty ass trailer me and Merle lived in.”_

_“If you could change one thing about your life so far what would it be?”_

_I didn’t even think about the words as they left my mouth before it was too late. The arm that was wrapped around my shoulders tightened up and his breathing picked up a little; his heart was beginning to race inside his chest, beating loudly against my ear._

_“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking, you d-”_

_“That I was never born a Dixon. You?”_

_“That I would’ve met you sooner, maybe when we were kids. I wish I could’ve been someone you came to after Will beat you with that fucking belt every night, that I could’ve been someone you came when you were hungry because your mom spent all the grocery money on cigarettes and booze, that I could’ve been someone that took care of you when Merle was locked up.  I hate that you can’t escape any of this, even in your sleep.  You woke me up last night mumbling in your sleep, begging Will not to beat you again over something; you kept saying it was an accident and that you were sorry, it’d never happen again.”_

_I started chocking up a little thinking about what happened last night. Normally I’m a pretty heavy sleeper but Daryl was thrashing around so much that it woke me up.  When I sat up in bed he was mumbling…apologizing for something that happened.  Daryl was too far gone in his nightmare that he never felt me pulling him closer to my body.  I let him ride out his terror induced dream brushing his hair away from his face and wiping away any tears that fell.  He finally fell quiet after about 20 minutes of screams and cries, pleading with his attacker to stop._

_“Not long after mom died I came home from school, fixed myself a sandwich and started on my homework. Didn’t know Will was sleeping off a hangover until he stumbled out of the bedroom.  I left the bread on the counter…son of a bitch beat me so bad I had to miss school the rest of the week.  Teachers knew what was going on but none of them did nothing to stop it from happening again._

_“Each year just before Christmas break they’d always do a food drive for the food pantry; I’d try and stay as late as I could after school so I could get a few cans to take home just so I could eat. Only time I ever showed up at the food pantry was the last; someone working there told Will about seeing me there.  He beat me with the belt that night and told me take back everything I got the next day.  ‘Dixons don’t take handouts.’  Worst beating I ever got was after Merle took off and joined the military, I was coming home from work and the bastard wanted me to give him all the money I had so he could buy more booze.  I told him he could rot in hell…he took his belt off and started in on my back, when I tried to stop him he got me in the face with the buckle and messed my eye up pretty bad.  It was the only time I ever called for an ambulance.”_

_“They put stitches in when you got to the hospital?”_

_“Rushed me off to surgery, that little hook got caught in my eye and he ripped it out. Of course he took off running with his tail between his legs after it happened.  They showed up and I was sitting at the table with a towel over my face trying to stop the bleeding.”_

_“I know you don’t mean to make me upset when you talk about what Will did to you but I can’t help but wonder how you managed to survive all of that and still come out on the other side. You’ve got your moments when I know you wanna haul off and hit me but you never act on ‘em.”_

_“Cause your dad would kill me and make sure no one ever found my entire body.”_

_“True, he would but despite your upbringing it’s just not in your nature to hit women.”_

_“You sure you’re in the right career field? Sounds to me like you should be a shrink or something.”_

_“And write an entire thesis based on your life? I don’t think so, I like knowing what I know about you gradually.  I want you to tell me things about your past when you feel comfortable, not when I ask a question and expect an answer in return.”_

_“Every year for Christmas, when I was a kid, I’d always ask for a new family and every year I got the same thing. A whole lot of nothing; closest thing we ever had to a Christmas tree was one of those tall lamps with some crap wrapped around it.  Kinda still hard to believe Christmas is next week and after all these years I’m finally getting my wish.  Got me a new family, got food on the table, got a real tree with a star on the top of it.  Stuff like this never happens to a Dixon.”_

_I let his words sink in and instantly felt regret for asking that stupid question. If I was Daryl’s fairy godmother I would’ve waved my wand and given him everything he ever wanted, but life isn’t a fairytale and Daryl was no Cinderfella.  I take that back, maybe (in a way) he was a bit like Cinderella but he never got to go to the ball and he had to wait his entire life for things to take a turn for the better._

_“Got an idea, how about we both take a week off in the spring and we’ll take a trip someplace where no one knows the Dixon name? We’ll pack up the truck and not say a fucking word about it to Merle, we’ll get your dad to look after the house.”_

_“Will there be advance tracking lessons, fishing, and fires every night?”_

_“Dunno about every night, wouldn’t you get kinda tired of doing the same thing every day? You already kinda got me in a routine and I fucking hate it.  Alarm goes off same time every morning, you always drink at least one cup of coffee when you get up, oatmeal for breakfast, dinner is either chicken, beef, or take-out.”_

_“You really do have me down to a science, don’t ya smart guy?”_

_I could feel him smirking as the grip he had on my shoulders started to relax. But perhaps it was time to change things up a little bit, if Daryl’s got this much of my routine memorized then who knows just how predictable I’ll become if our tracking lessons progress into the spring.  They say variety is the spice of life so maybe I’ll spice things up before we leave here in the morning._

_“You’re thinking up something, I know it.”_

_“But the question is what am I thinking?”_

_“Gonna tell me or make me wait to find out what it is?”_

_“I like making you wait.”_

_“Sex, ain’t it? Any time you get a dirty thought you always make me wait to find out what it is.  You may be a Dixon now but you can’t pull a fast on me like that.”_

_Damn…_

_“Spoil sport.” I grumbled feeling defeated that I’ve become so predictable._

_“Just cause I guessed it right don’t mean I know the rest of what you got planned. Could be way off the mark thinking you may wake me with a morning blowjob.”_

_“Well there goes my idea, just can’t get one past you, can I?”_

_“Guess not, just gotta be more creative if ya wanna surprise me is all.”_

_“You mean take a trip three towns over, go to the sex shop, and find a cheap strap-on then come home with a case of beer and hope I can talk your drunk ass into pegging?”_

_“Let’s not get carried away; trip to that place would be quite surprising but you ain’t fucking me in the ass with nothing. C’mon we gotta pack the truck up in the morning so lets get some sleep while we still can.”_

_“One last question, what’s your opinion on kids?”_

_“Snot-nosed lil bastards are more trouble than they’re worth; they don’t listen to what they’re told to do, they’re expensive as hell, and could you imagine the shit Merle would try teaching ‘em? If it happens, it happens but I’ll tell ya this much – I ain’t cut out to be a dad.  Look what my old man did to me, you think I wanna turn out like him?  Beat my brats so bad and so much they resent me the rest of their lives?”_

_“I see how you are with my god-kids, the boys love to rough house with Uncle Daryl and you’re really good with their baby sister; she starts fussing and she almost instantly quiets down when you take her. I’m not saying we should be parents, I just think you have a knack for ‘em.  I know there are times when the boys are really irritating you but it’s pretty easy to put them in the corner for five minutes.”_

_“You knocked up or something, that why you’re asking? Shit if you were trying to surprise me that’s one fucking way to do it.”_

_“Hell no, you know how people are after folks tie the knot, ‘when are you gonna have kids,’ ‘you’re pregnant, that’s why you got married, right.’ I don’t want kids if we can help it, just wanted your opinion.”_

_“Thank god for small mercies, huh? Maybe we can make a pit stop on the way home to that sex shop and find a few things, who knows maybe you’ll be able to surprise me after all.”_

_Our game of 21 questions came to an end when Daryl’s hand left my shoulders to reach for the edge of the sleeping bag, tugging at the corner of it and bringing it over our bodies. The temperatures were rapidly dropping now that winds had started to pick up.  I tucked myself impossibly closer into Daryl hoping that the heat that radiated off his body would help warm me up.  I fell into a quick sleep thanks to the wind that tore through the night and Daryl’s beating heart._

“Claire.”


	22. Chapter 22

** Chapter 22 **

****

_“Is he gonna be okay? He’s been talking to himself the last half hour or so.”_

_“He’ll be fine, ain’t the first time he’s gotten sun stroke and started talking to himself; hell should’ve seen how he was the first time he done meth and started talking to himself. Wouldn’t worry too much ‘bout Merle, he’ll come around eventually.”_

_What was supposed to be a weekend getaway to the lake was turning into a babysitting job as Merle sat on the bank under the blazing sun with a beer in each hand. His incoherent ramblings soon turned to shouts of ‘I’ll never beg you’ and the fish that I had been trying to hook the last five minutes or so took off in the direction it came from._

_Sighing I reeled my line in knowing that any fishing I was gonna try and do would produce a whole lot of nothing…there goes dinner for tonight…_

_“Make sure he doesn’t fry out here, I’m gonna make a quick run into town to see if I can’t get some last minute stuff for dinner tonight and tomorrow night.”_

_“Help me drag his ass outta the sun before ya go and pick up some more beer while you’re out. If Merle wants to get shit-faced drunk all weekend then let him, he can find his own way back Sunday night.”_

_I set my fishing pole down and walked over to where Merle had parked himself; we each took an arm and dragged him a good 45 yards before we laid his drunk ass under a cluster of oak trees that blocked out a good amount of light. Even in this scorching sun I was breaking into a sweat with just this minor chore._

_“How much we got to spend for this weekend?”_

_“We’re still paying for those new windows and I just made the mortgage payment with my last paycheck, you don’t get paid until next week so we’ve only got maybe $60 to spend on food and gas until then. We got a microwave and an oven so I’ll just get a bunch of shit outta the freezer section and we’ll make do until then.  Unless you have a better idea that doesn’t involve me putting any more on my credit cards.”_

_“Hopefully Merle’ll pass out soon enough then it’ll be quiet enough to do some fishing; if I catch anything we’ll just throw it in the freezer for a rainy day…if I don’t catch nothing then I brought the bow with me I could do some hunting and whatever I catch we’ll eat that too.”_

_“Knew there was a reason why I married you, so rugged and handsome,” I teased, rubbing my hand up and down his arm, flicking the sweat away. “Don’t give me that look, I know I’m slightly insane but I’m not drunk and if you can’t handle the truth that’s too damn bad.  I say you’re rugged and handsome and I mean it, fuck what everyone else says or thinks, they don’t see what I see.”_

_“Damaged goods?”_

_“I hate when you talk about yourself like that. Yeah, you had a fucked up childhood and no one should have to go through that, no one, but you’re not that little boy anymore Daryl.  Merle and everyone in that town can talk as much shit as they want but you are better than that.  You’re not Merle and you’re not Will, you’re Daryl.”_

_“Yeah, yeah, yeah I-”_

_“Don’t do that, please. Look I don’t wanna argue; I’m gonna make a quick run into town and then I’ll be back.  Let’s just enjoy the rest of our weekend out here and deal with reality when we get home.”_

_Turning from the grove of shaded trees I felt for the spare key to the truck in my pocket and hiked back to the cabin for my wallet hoping that Merle didn’t decide to take the last remaining bit of cash I had saved up for this trip. As I approached the cabin something compelled me to stop in my tracks, I couldn’t be sure if it was a noise or what but as I turned on my heel to look around I was confronted with a pair of familiar blue eyes and a set of large hands grasping either side of my face pulling me closer until our lips just barely grazed one another’s._

_The kiss was over before it even got started as Daryl released me and stuck the side of his finger between his teeth. A sheepish look on his face gave way to embarrassment and he took off back towards the lake where Merle was continuing to shout at nothing._

_God how I wish he would do that more often._

“Claire?”

_Wait a second, why am I hearing Rick’s voice? I never even met that asshole until just a few weeks ago._

_Why is everything around me starting to blur?_

“I think she’s starting to wake up.”

_No shit dumbass but why am I even asleep in the first place when there’s a war going on?_

“Negan got her pretty damn good with that bat, took a nice sized chunk out of her arm.”

“Least he didn’t do to her what he did to Glenn and Abraham.”

_I got a hole in arm now because of that fucker? Who are Glenn and Abraham?  What did Negan do to them?_

“No but he sure as shit fucking tried; son of a bitch is lucky he only got one good swing on her head with that bat. I ever get my hands on him I’m gonna kill him real slow.”

_Well, I guess that explains quite a bit…_

“Thought you two didn’t care about each other all that much. In all the time I’ve known you, you never even mentioned you were married let alone to someone like her.”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean, huh? You saying a dirty, backwoods redneck ain’t capable of finding someone?  I told her the whole time we was going out I wasn’t good enough for her but she stuck around anyway.”

“I see a lot of myself and Lori before things fell apart when I look at you two. You fight and bicker but I can see it in your face that you still care about what happens to her; I saw it four nights ago the way you tore after Negan when that bat came down on her head.”

_Have I really been out of it for four days?_

_Wait, Daryl stopped Negan from putting an end to me?_

“You still love her, don’t you? It’s okay to say it out loud, you’re my brother, I won’t judge you for saying it.”

“Never stopped.”

“I’ll leave you two alone, if you need anything just holler; we’ll be outside, let us know when she wakes up.”

_Hold the damn phone, Daryl still gives a rat’s ass about me? He’s the reason I’m still alive and breathing?  He’s the reason I’m not trying to chew chunks outta everyone else?_

“Fuck my head hurts.” I groaned.

The sound of clinking metal and turning locks made the pain in my head even more excruciating and when I attempted to move my hand to massage my temple the ache in my arm shot through me with such a force that if I could’ve shot up through the roof I probably would have.

“Ain’t a good idea to move around too much.”

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

The light of the room burned through my eyes, kinda like a giant strobe light. Once more I tried to lift my arm to my head but as I did so (gingerly) I could feel Daryl’s hand under my elbow ready to catch it should another stream of agony rip through me.

“How much ya hear?”

“A certain someone we both loath took a piece of my arm out, whacked me in the head, and I’ve been out for four days. Maybe it’s all in my scrambled brain but I thought I may have heard that a certain dirty, backwoods redneck never stopped caring about a certain mean-spirited, heartless bitch.”

“You’re brain ain’t scrambled and your hearing’s fine. Carl came down alone said you were gonna be right behind him; should’ve known you’d do something fucking stupid like this.”

“Just trying to end this was all, I was ready to die, I didn’t ask for anyone to save me.”

“Ya ever think about how I’d feel about this suicide mission?”

“Never crossed my mind, matter of fact I never knew Daryl Dixon was capable of having feelings. If memory serves me right when you walked out on me your exact words were that I was nothing more than a pussy to keep your dick warm at night.  If you really never stopped caring you never would’ve left in the first place!  You never would’ve let Merle feed you all that bullshit if you fucking cared!”

“Why ya gotta turn everything into an argument? Why ya gotta turn everything around and make me look like the bad guy?  I fucked up, what more ya want me to say?  I let Merle get in my head, I let him feed me bullshit.  I fucked up and I’m sorry, there ya happy?  Daryl fucking Dixon is sorry!  I said some fucked up shit when we were going through the divorce, I never fucking meant a damn word of it and if I could take it back I would!”

“All I ever wanted from you was an apology.”

The room gradually grew quiet until the only sound that could be heard was our collective breathing. God only knows how much time had passed before Daryl broke the silence.

“How much do you remember from that night?”

“Not a lot, saw Negan storming out of Rick’s house; was too happy to see him so pissed off that I didn’t check my surroundings, was spotted by a Savior and put on my knees. Negan was ranting and raving about how I took advantage of his ‘kindness’ and that he never should’ve let me live.  That was when he swung at my arm, after that everything went dark.”

“They know about Dwight being a traitor, he’s out doing some scouting at one of the outposts.”

“He’s fucked if Negan ever gets his hands on him. What happened while I was out?”

Carefully I sat up in the bed, watching as Daryl scrubbed his hands over his face. From the looks of it he’s probably been sitting in the bedside chair the entire time I was unconscious and barely moved except to maybe use the bathroom; plates and bowls were laying on the floor so he clearly ate what was brought to him but he didn’t finish the entire meal as only half the contents were eaten.  Perhaps he was saving it for me for when I woke up.

“I killed a few of the Saviors that were surrounding ya just as Negan was ready to swing on ya again. Saw that hit ya took to the head and thought for sure I was gonna find ya dead.  They all scattered and ran with their tails tucked between their legs.  Whole damn place was on fire but somehow the infirmary was still intact.  We carried ya here; me, Rick, Tobin.  There was so much blood Rosita wasn’t sure if she’d be able to stop it.  She worked on ya non-stop, must’ve been at least six hours she spent fixing ya up that first night.  Michonne would come in every couple of hours after that changing bandages.  It was Rick that cuffed ya to the bed, said that if you didn’t make it he didn’t want ya tearing my throat out if ya turned.”

Reaching a hand out I brushed Daryl’s hair away from his face, I needed to see how my actions actually took their toll on him. Once the greasy strands were away from his eyes I could see just how bloodshot they were; the usual blue was replaced by red and the bags underneath seemed to have sag past the bridge of his nose.  His cheeks were stained by the tears that had long since dried and his nose was a bright red from where he had been wiping away the snot that was dried and crusted over on the sleeve of his shirt.

“If you turned I wanted to be the one to put ya down. You were right, this war is gonna tear us apart.”

“You don’t have to put me down and thank you for taking the cuffs off. C’mon, get in the bed.  We both know you need this and we’re alone for the time being.”

Daryl carefully got up from his chair, pausing only momentarily to allow his back to crack. Once he climbed into the bed he laid his head on my shoulder, wrapping an arm around my waist to pull me in closer.  Almost instantly he fell asleep, soft snores escaping and the air moving between his lips caused my hair to flutter gently.  On instinct I ran my fingers through his hair not caring that the arm I was using was the one that was damaged.

After a while the door to the infirmary creaked open and Rick’s head poked inside. He carefully stepped inside, quietly closing the door and tiptoeing towards the bed, being mindful not to wake Daryl.  Lifting the chair and moving it to the other side of the bed, Rick took a seat, staring at me momentarily before he spoke.

“Carl’s gone, he wanted you to be there when we buried him but you weren’t awake yet. He got bit bringing someone back, he knew I wouldn’t let anyone in during this time; he tried to talk with me about how we need people but I wouldn’t listen.  I have you to thank for letting me see my boy one last time.  Carl didn’t trust you, just so you know.  He thought you were sneaking back to Negan and telling him things, letting him know where Daryl was.  He wanted me to tell you that he was sorry he ever doubted your loyalties, that you were one of us.”

“I’m sorry about Carl but you have to know Rick that I’m not one of you. Daryl’s in a pretty deep sleep right now which is why I can say this openly.  When this is all over with I’m leaving, Daryl won’t listen to reason and I’ve said it before: we’re not good for each other.  The only reason we’re getting along now is because we need each other to win this war.  Once this is over we’ll just go back to spewing hateful words to one another.  I appreciate that he still cares but he was never invested in the relationship we had.  Carol says he’s different, that he’s changed but I just don’t see it.  Maybe she’s right that the world ending was his second chance at redemption, at a new life and with Merle gone he’s taken full advantage of that but I don’t think I can ever get past all that hurt he caused me.

“I wish I could believe everything everyone is telling me about Daryl being a changed man but I can’t. It’s foolish of me that a very thin shred of my former self still wants to hold out hope that it’s all true, that he really is different, that he won’t treat me like the doormat that he used to.  But I can’t, Rick.  I have to leave; I don’t know where I’ll go from here but it’ll be to a place where we won’t be able to feel each other out.  He can track me all he wants but he won’t ever find me, not ever again.”

Turning my head I ensured that Daryl was still in fact asleep; his breathing remained steady, undisturbed despite his fingers digging into my side. If he was indeed awake he was doing a damn good job of faking it.

“If that’s what you want to do I won’t stop you but you’d have to do it at a time when Daryl’s out and about. If you don’t want him to be able to track you, I’ll give you a car and a gas can so you can get as far as you can in whatever direction you choose.  You said you want to believe that Daryl’s change and I can confirm that fact.  The day I met him he came out of the woods holding a crossbow shouting about how he had been tracking a deer for miles only to find that it was being eaten by a walker that was pretty close to camp.  We told him about how Merle was handcuffed to the roof of a department store our group was trying to scavenge and he tried to attack us with that knife he’s always got on his hip.”

“Yeah that sounds a lot like the man I married.” I chuckled, remembering a time when he pulled that same knife on me.

“He’s come a long way since that first day, he still has his outbursts but he’s a better person; he’s got regrets, he’s learned remorse, he can endure physical pain but he needs help healing what was done to him psychologically. When he’s with you I can see him relax, something he’s never done in all the time I’ve known him.  You have this thing about you that brings a sense of healing.  I have never seen him sleep let alone share a bed with another person.  I won’t try talking you into staying but Daryl needs you.”

“He needs someone better than me.”

“I’ll let everyone know that you’re awake but just think about staying for a little while.”

Laying a hand on my shoulder, Rick got up from the chair and placed it back on the other side of the bed. He also gathered up the half eaten plates of food from the floor and left, quietly closing the door behind him.  Risking a quick look at Daryl I caught sight of him quickly closing his eyes; he pulled me even closer to him, very much like a child grasping their favorite stuffed animal and holding it close throughout the night.

“Don’t want ya to go.” He murmured, nuzzling my neck before drifting back off to sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

** Chapter 23 **

****

“You’re absolutely sure this’ll work?” Rick asked, his hands on his hips as he nervously shifted his weight from foot to the other.

“Nothing in this world is guaranteed anymore but I’m more than 90% certain this’ll work and we won’t suffer as many casualties as the Saviors. As long as everyone sticks with the plan this time and no one goes rouge we’ll come out on top.  Negan will be on his knees staring down at the barbed wire end of his own bat.”

“Claire this plan is insane. There has to b-”

“Maggie there is no other way and you know it. We use the prisoners already at Hilltop for leverage; Negan so much as makes a threat on any of us Rosita flips the switch and it’s bye-bye Saviors.”

“I don’t think strapping homemade bombs to their chests is the best negotiating tool.”

“Probably not but we have to show that asshole that we’re serious, that we’re not gonna be pushed around anymore. You’re so keen on taking him out that you’ve lost sight of the fact that in order to get to him we need to take out those that are protecting him.  Hilltop probably has close to 30 men in that pen and if we take them out then his army is weakened.”

“You made it clear about where we’re all gonna be posted, where the hell you gonna be?”

“Making the negotiations. He knows I’m a tough egg to crack, hell it took pointing a gun in my face and pulling the hammer back to get me to go after you.  If I sent Rick it would get too personal, if I sent you it would get too personal, but if I go myself?  We can dance around each other for hours on end before one of us loses our head and draws first blood.  He does something I don’t like all I have to do is signal and Rosita detonates the explosives.  Maximum damage with the fewest loss of life to our side.”

“It’s suicide.”

Aaron muttered the words as we stood around Gregory’s former office inside the Hilltop’s lone mansion. Scanning the faces of those who were in the room I saw the realization hit them that regardless of how the negotiations turned out I wasn’t coming out of this alive.  I initially hatched the plan the day after I got out of the infirmary at Alexandria; we travelled to Hilltop to check on Maggie and the rest of the group there.  It was there that I pulled Rosita aside and told her that I needed something that would cause a bang but not a large blast radius.  After a few days she had her devices created, from there I brought everyone else in on the plan.

Although I intentionally left out the part about it being a suicide mission.

My gaze landed on Daryl, his face paled in horror after the full plan came to light. Yeah we were finally going to take out Negan and I was finally going to get the out that I’ve been wanting since this shit storm started.  Confliction was heavy in his eyes before he tore his gaze away from me and slid the pocket door open with a bang as it hit the interior jam.  He said it over and over again that he didn’t want me to leave but it was never his decision to make.  The room was stifling with the amount of tension that mounted.

“Get the devices ready, we’ll strap them to every fifth person. We march them out single file and wait on the main roads; Negan will have patrols out no matter where we go, we’ll send one back to the Sanctuary as messenger then we wait for the man of the hour to show.”

“What happens when he does show up? What happens if he doesn’t agree to our terms?”

“We already went over this part Tara; we start the negotiations, if Negan doesn’t agree to our demands we blow those assholes outside to pieces. The blast’ll kill all of those Saviors we got tied up in the front yard, more than likely take me out, but it’ll leave everyone else to scatter.  They’ll want to protect their leader so when the blast goes off y’all start shooting their tires out, making sure they won’t be able to get back home.  When the smoke clears you put that fucker on his knees.  If he still refuses to give in to our demands you take turns beating the holy fucking shit outta him until he agrees.  If one of you ends up killing the son of a bitch then so be it.”

“What about Daryl? You saw the way he left-” Carol started, her voice shaking with restrained emotion.

“What about him? He’s my ex-husband and I’m not his problem.” I stated sounding colder than I can ever remember being in my life.

The final details of the plan were laid out and once everyone was in agreement our meeting was adjourned. Everyone that was in the room was also in agreement that there had to be another way that didn’t result in my death but what none of them realized is that I made myself a promise that no matter how things turned out that this world had taken enough of a toll on me and I was ready to be back with my parents.  I’m the furthest thing from spiritual but for the first time in a long time I was of sound mind and body and this is what I wanted.

One way or another I was leaving this world and it was going to be on my terms. If the blast didn’t kill me then a walker sure as hell would do the trick.

The feeling in the air was somber; everyone I passed on my way back to the trailer I was occupying said not a word to me, only gave off looks of sadness or if they did stop me to say something they opened and closed their mouths like fishes gasping for air and offered a small pat on the shoulder before scurrying off.

“Never in my life have I met someone as selfish as you’re being. You truly are a Dixon, you know that?  Wh-what do we tell Daryl when we come back and all we have of you are either body parts that walkers haven’t eaten or worse we manage to bring back your body intact but you turned and one of us had to put you down?  Do you have any idea how worried he was about you that night back home?  How scared he was that you were gonna turn while lying that bed?  I wasn’t there when Alexandria was attacked but Rick told me everything.  Daryl doesn’t get worked up easily unless someone is threatening us, his family.  Whether you like it or not you’re part of this family.  For his sake, reconsider th-.”

“Told you earlier Carol, Daryl’s my ex-husband and I’m not his problem. If all you manage to find of me is sparse body parts then burn ‘em, no sense in wasting time to dig a hole.  If you manage to find me all in one piece, put me down before I turn or if I already turned let me remain in my flesh-rotten tomb.  Or you can run and tell Daryl where to find me so he can do what he wants, makes no difference to me.  If me sacrificing myself to keep everyone else, including Daryl, safe and breathing then I guess I am selfish.  In truth, I really do want to die and I’m ready for it.”

“I’m not.”

Almost as if on cue Daryl came sulking to the steps of my trailer and Carol took her leave. Rolling my eyes, knowing exactly where this conversation was about to go, I turned my back on Daryl and went inside my trailer for what was probably going to be the last time.  Almost at once I was greeted by my cats, I struggled to fight back the tears knowing I was going to be leaving them behind, knowing that they were never going to see me again.  I did the best I could to take care of my little fur children but this wasn’t a world I could live in anymore.  Maggie already agreed to look after them for me should anything happen long before today ever occurred.  They were just gonna have to get used to their new mama and the baby when he or she came.

“Doesn’t have to be this way. You keep trying to feed me that bullshit saying we ain’t good for each other, saying ya ain’t the same as ya were before the world went to shit, saying anything ya can under the sun to keep us apart.  Told ya so many damn times last few weeks how sorry I am for everything, told ya more times than I can remember that I love ya.  What the fuck is it gonna take to get ya to stay?  It don’t gotta be this way, Claire.”

 “It does, Daryl.  I appreciate the time we had together in all of this, every time you said you were sorry I know you meant it, every time you said you loved me I know it to be true, but this is just the way it has to be.  I’m not gonna stand here and ask if we could have sex one last time or anything like that, it’d be pointless to leave you with that kind of memory of me when surely the next and final memory of me would be of you carrying what little remains there are of my body back here to be burned or buried, however you see fit.  Daryl, regardless of whether or not you’re ready to let me go I need you to understand that this is what _I_ want and you have no reason to feel guilty over _my_ decision.  I want to be with my parents and my family.  I-”

“I ain’t family no more?”

“Not since the divorce became final if I’m being honest. Remember when we were going through counseling and the shrink kept pushing you to express your feelings, to tell me how you really felt about me?  Remember every session I kept asking you for just one thing?  If you were doing what you’re doing now five years ago we’d be okay.  Five years ago if you had told me once that you were sorry or told me you loved me without being ashamed of it I think we would’ve been okay and our paths wouldn’t have diverged the way they did.  All I ever wanted from you out of our marriage was a little effort.  You’re putting forth that effort now but now it’s too late.  I’ve made up my mind and there’s nothing you can do to change it.”

“Please-”

“You’re gonna be alright Daryl, I promise. You have the family you always wanted; they care about you more than you realize and they love you.  Carol is like the mom you never had and she has your back; Merle may have been your brother by blood but when I see you and Rick, he truly is your brother.  He’d do anything for you.  Everyone else at Alexandria, Hilltop, the Kingdom, those people are an extension of your family.  You can finally be happy Daryl.  All I ever did when we were together was try to make you see that you matter to people; you’re valuable and important to those around you.”

“But not to you.” He mumbled, sighing heavily.

“I never said you didn’t; you still matter to me and I still care about what happens to you. Which is why I’m doing this.  I don’t want to see you get taken back to the Sanctuary and be tortured with images of Glenn.  Maggie’s already told you countless times that what happened was not your fault.  I see it in your eyes and heard you talking in your sleep that you think it’s still your fault.  Regardless of whether or not you had done what you did, it was going to happen anyway.”

“Why do any of this then? You don’t wanna see me get taken back there that’s one thing but your life ain’t worth given up on account of Negan being an asshole that’s gotta die.”

Before I could answer a knock on the door interrupted our conversation, both of us turning our heads as it cracked open; Rick’s head peering the doorway informing us it was time. I thanked him and waited until he closed the door before turning my attention back to Daryl.  The desperate look in his eyes to sway my decision was clear.

“You’re going to be okay Daryl. C’mon we need to get going if we want this done before dark.”

The finality of my decision weighed heavily on Daryl as he followed me out of the trailer and bid my cats a final farewell, chocking back the tears that threatened to fall. As we walked towards the gates Rosita, Tara, and Aaron were strapping the explosive devices to the chests of every fifth man as instructed, loading them up like cattle into the truck until only Gregory was left in the pen with his solitude.  The cars and trucks were loaded with 3-4 passengers each until the only vehicle remaining with an empty seat for me was Daryl’s bike.

One last ride together.

Kal opened the gates at Maggie’s command allowing our caravan through along the dirt path that led out to the main roads. We hadn’t gone a full five miles out before Saviors forming a barricade was spotted.  Our convoy came to a halt, the prisoners were unloaded from the truck, and our fighters took to the woods to surround the Saviors on all sides to ensure that when Negan arrived he wouldn’t be able to leave.  Should he try to take to the woods everyone was given orders to shoot but not to kill.  Rick wanted the satisfaction of killing him the first time and Daryl wanted vengeance when he was killed the second and final time.

I climbed off the bike when it finally rolled to a stop. As I was swinging my leg over I had to use Daryl’s shoulders to steady myself; his hand appeared on my wrist and in that one gesture I knew there was one last thing he wanted to say before he watched me try to bring an end to this madness.  Walking around to the front of the bike I waited patiently for what was to come next.  I was expecting a last ditch effort to talk me out of this plan but instead what I got was him fishing around in the pocket of his shirt for something.

“Was hoping you’d change your mind by the time we got out here,” he started pulling the object he was searching for from his pocket, “never did find another chain for these. I know I bought ‘em but they were always yours.  Was looking in my bag for something while you were still laid up and found mine.”

His fumbling produced a trio of rings: the sapphire and diamond engagement ring he bought exactly one year after he first interviewed at my dad’s shop, the silver band engraved with my initials on it that we picked out when we finally had a date set, and the matching silver band I got for him when I finally had enough money saved up to afford it.

“I can’t make you change your mind but I can ask if you’d wear ‘em. I ain’t working on cars no more, no excuse for me to not wear mine.”

Nodding my head I held my hand out to receive the rings but was left a little shocked as he took my left hand from my side and placed the rings on my finger. When we first got together my ring size was an 8, now they were loose fitting with the engagement ring doing a complete 180 until the settings were sitting on the underside of my finger.  I laughed a little on the inside as I thought of Jamie Lee Curtis in _True Lies_ when she slapped that chick across the face, the diamond setting cutting into her cheek…may come in handy if Negan should require a slap to the face.

“Be safe Daryl Dixon.”

I watched as Daryl got off his bike, taking his crossbow with him and head off into the woods. The prisoners knew better than to try and run off to the woods or ahead of me, they had seen everyone take off and scatter.  As we approached the roadblock weapons were drawn and were at the ready in case they felt I was stupid enough to draw on them.

“I want to speak with Negan, now.”

“Already on his way doll face. You wanna tell me what you plan on doing with those men and why your party just up and left you?”

“If I did then I’d have to kill you. You’ll know soon enough once Negan brings his ass out here.”

We didn’t have to wait long before Negan and his convoy showed up; they easily had me outnumbered by at least one hundred to one. Simon’s truck was in the lead followed by several different trucks.  As everyone filed out an eerie whistle sounded out until finally Negan stepped out of one of the vehicles, Lucille swinging freely until she finally landed safely on her owner’s shoulder.

“When creepy Dave came running back home saying you had a bunch of my men out here suited up with bombs on their chests, I just had to come see it for myself. I sure hope you boys got your shittin’ pants on today cause I don’t think the lil lady’s playing games!” he shouted over my shoulder before returning his attention to me.  “Claire, I thought we were friends?  I mean there’s no hard feelings between us for those lumps ya took, right?”

“I got no hard feelings but Daryl’s still pretty pissed off over that whack to the skull ya gave me.”

“Really wasn’t expecting you to survive that hit.”

“Makes two of us.”

“Well Claire Bear, pussy cat, ya got my attention. What is it that you want?”

“You know what _we_ want. _We_ want you to leave _us_ the fuck alone.  No more of this ‘protection’ bullshit; you ain’t protecting or saving us from something that we can deal with on our own.  You’re not Al Capone, you’re not Lucky Luciano, you’re not Whitey Bulger, you’re just another asshole who thinks you can take whatever you want, when you want.  That shit ends today motherfucker.  You got two choices: either you let everyone and I do mean everyone out from under your thumb and let us live and thrive in peace or I blow every last one of you sorry fucks to Kingdom Come.”

“Boys, you shittin’ yourselves yet? Thought I might’ve seen Jared piss himself just a lil bit.” He chuckled, a wide grin breaking out across his face but I could see a hint of fear in his eyes as he contemplated whether or not I was serious about hitting the switch.  “Tell ya what, you got more guts than that lil fuck, what was his name again?”

“Spencer.” Simon answered as Negan glanced over his shoulder to his number one for assistance in recalling the name.

“Spencer!” he answered excitedly, “you got more guts than Spencer and that lil fuck wanted me to kill Rick and put _him_ in charge of Alexandria.  Yeah, the little shit tried to butter me up with whiskey and a few rounds of pool but you?” his grin got wider until he looked like a Cheshire Cat, his finger pointing in my direction, “you come here with your guns loaded, cocked, and ready to go!  I _like_ that!  What I don’t like is that you’re out here all by your lonesome when creepy Dave said he saw just about everyone from Alexandria, Hilltop, and the Kingdom out here and you getting off a bike.”

“Looks can be deceiving, you should know that better than anyone. I mean what with Dwight being a traitor and all.  Aw, did I hit a sore spot?”

“You fucking _knew_ that piece of shit was a traitor, didn’t you?!”  he hollered, the anger radiating through as Lucille fell from his shoulder.

“Course I knew, he and Sherry were the ones who let me out. Hell, Sherry’s the reason Daryl got out so I guess you had two foxes in the hen house you didn’t know about.”

“You really find all of this amusing, don’t you? I oughta smash your fucking skull in now and be done with these games.” The snarl that escaped told me that if I kept prodding the bull the way that I was that this would all be over with soon.

“What’s stopping you? You forget to put your shittin’ pants on before you left home?  Didn’t have time to put ‘em on while you were fucking one of your wives?”

A primal scream broke the tension as Negan lifted the bat into both hands and lunged towards me. Seconds later the explosives went off and a volley of gunfire erupted all around us.  Shrapnel from the devices ripped through me at such speed that my mind couldn’t fully process what just happened.  Falling to the concrete I could hear Saviors all around me shouting for their leader; bullets hit the vehicles from all directions, tires popping left and right told me that the others had stuck with the plan like I had asked.  More screams came from the woods, some screams were shouting instructions, some were battle cries that were no doubt from the Kingdom.

As the gunfire began to wane Rick’s voice took command stating that they needed Negan alive, anyone hit needed to be put down before they turned, and the final instruction was to keep an eye out for walkers. The smoke was still so thick that no one, not even Daryl knew that they were standing just mere feet from me; several times I caught sight of Daryl’s boot-clad feet dart past me as his voice shouted out my name.

But it was useless.

I could hear Rick’s voice over the din of screams and shouts, freezing Negan in his tracks. That commanding voice that held no fear instructing the man to get to his knees.  After that the voices began to fade in and out until finally a single gunshot rang out.  Joy started to fill my head at the thought that Negan was finally dead.

Sweet silence.

When the feet cleared the blacktop I crawled as best I could towards the woods. Growls from a herd of walkers were closing in; the sound of the blast must’ve drawn them in from miles around, which was the only downside to setting the explosives off but can’t argue when the plan worked.  Daryl’s voice called out to me for about the fourth or fifth time before it alerted everyone that walkers had been spotted.  My fingers were clawing for the dirt that rested on the edge of the road, a sigh washed over me when the cooling sensation passed over my sweat-clad skin.  Dirt collected under my nails as I fought to find a suitable tree to sit under until a walker (or two or three) came across to make a meal out of me, finishing me off.

Once more gunfire broke out as the walkers got closer. In all the melee I somehow managed to find a decent sized pine tree that was just barely wide enough to provide enough cover for me to assess the injuries sustained in the blast before the walkers finished me off.  From what I could tell there was shrapnel of varying sizes poking out from all directions in both legs, a ton of scrapes and bruises, but the most damaging injury came from a bullet hole the entered my right side (probably where my liver sat) and exited through my left shoulder.  The exit wound was a gaping hole that surely ripped my shoulder blade to shreds.  My best guess would be that the bullet bounced around for a bit before it finally sprang free, perhaps nicking a few vital arteries and possibly doing a lot of damage to a lung…which may explain why I’m having such a difficult time breathing and the blood path I created wasn’t a lot bigger.

The growling and snarls passed by until finally one walker lost its footing and slid down the embankment towards the road. As it moved to get up it latched onto my leg; realizing it had something soft and squishy in its grasp it moved its head in my direction.  The cataract covered eyes found mine and for a brief second the world fell silent before it sank its teeth into my flesh.  Try as I might to keep the scream at bay I couldn’t.  Within seconds another walker appeared on my other side its hands pushing my head to the side.  Teeth ripped the flesh in my neck, spurting blood in all directions, coloring everything around me in red.

As the shock of the bites began to wear off a pair of gunshots sounded on either side of me. Hands and a frantic voice were trying to call me, pull me away from the darkness that began to wrap around me like a blanket.  I could hear the voices of my parents telling me how long they’ve been waiting, I could see my grandma Lou standing next to my mom in her favorite white dress, smiling.  In the blink of an eye the darkness, the images, the voices were gone and before my blurred vision was Daryl cradling my nearly limp body in his arms, tears falling freely onto my cheeks.

“Daryl, what’s with the tears?”

“Can’t-” he started but he was getting too chocked up to even form words.

“Remember what I said Daryl, you’re gonna be okay. None of this is your fault.  If you so much as start blaming yourself for my decision I’ll come back and haunt your ass.  You hear me?”

He only managed a nod as more tears hit my face.

“You need to know that I never stopped loving you and I always will.”

Before I could continue my vision started to blur once more, the arms of darkness welcoming me once more, Daryl’s voice screaming for me to come back until it too faded into nothing. My parents and grandma Lou were back again, their voices welcoming me back to their outstretched arms.  Much to the surprise of my delusional mind, Merle was there too (with both hands).

Then Death was there to greet me like an old friend.


End file.
